Dead Tears

Chapter 1
I Don't Remember (Edited)


I don't remember how this happened to me or even why. It makes no sense to my mind, my gray eyes watching the flesh people around me lower the casket into the open ground. Why is the ground swallowing my body when I'm standing right here? Tears are running down my mother's face, arm of one of her most beloved friends wrapped around her shoulders since my father had not even bothered to show up. I hate that man with a passion. But where is my sister and her boyfriend? Surely they would be here. They loved me.

Hands are tugging the white, purple, and black roses from the arrangement atop the polished wood. This didn't make sense! Those are my favorite colors.

"I'm right here people!" But my voice didn't reach any of their ears. I felt my eyes stinging and burning now. I'm not going to cry. "Why can't anyone hear me?" I whispered next, falling to my knees. My hands had made their home in my dark hair. My pale fingers contrasting greatly with the black strands that fell just below my chin. I'm so confused. This wasn't supposed to happen! I'm supposed to be home right now, with my boyfriend sneaking small touches and glances behind my mother's back. Doing my trig homework, a way that no one understood but me. I was supposed to be going to college in the fall, to become a famous civil engineer. This wasn't supposed to happen. My eyes were squeezed shut, trying so hard not to let the tears fall but they came. That one voice breaking through my reserve.

"Don't worry, Ms. Aki, Cayden's in a better place now. And he can do all the complicated math that he wants to." Its just like him to try to make a joke right now. I let a sob come from my lips. He wouldn't be making anymore with me. We could never stay up all night together and laugh our ass's off at a funny picture that we found of our friends. No more inside jokes that would make us laugh and give funny looks during class to make our teachers ask us what was wrong. Nothing.

"Oh, Mo." I whined out, my gray eyes opening to glance up to the sadly smiling face. He never did look good in suits. Blonde hair pulled back into a ponytail that rested along his shoulders, purple bangs framing his face, keeping out of his eyes by the black framed glasses that were always on his nose and hooked around his ears. His face was sharp angles, being of Italian descent on his dad's side of the family and German on the other. He almost looked like a zombie in the black suit he was wearing with his pale skin, plus his face was washed out, I guess he had been crying. I've never seen him cry before. He was the strong one that took care of everyone, he wasn't supposed to cry.

"Thank you Massimo." My mother offered a small smile of her own through her tears reaching up a trembling hand to caress the side of my boyfriend's face. The crowd was thinning now, seeing as my body was being covered with dirt. No one wanted to see their friend buried. But- Why am I being buried? I don't remember dieing. I don’t remember my heart stopping within my chest or my lungs coming to a stop since my lips no long drew in air. I don't remember it. Surely you would remember your death right? I didn't though.

They're walking away now. Massimo, my mother, her friend, and a few of my closer friends, Airen, Julian, Brooklyn. They were leaving me here! Leaving my body in the ground, and me sitting here on my knees.

"Take me with you." I whispered out, my eyes pleading with their backs. "Don't leave me here!" I screamed then. A pain filled sob coming from my lips. How can I cry when I'm dead? It doesn't make sense. I still feel the salty water fall from my eyes and run down my cheeks in streams. Mo turned around then, or looked over his shoulder. His light brown eyes looking to where my invisible form was hunched over and crying. Could he see me? Could he hear me? "Massimo?" I questioned trying to meet his eyes.

"What is it Mo?" Airen asked, his streak of red hair falling over one of his eyes looking back to where the blonde had stopped. My boyfriend shook his head then, turning back around.

"Nothing." He stated with his soft yet strong voice, jogging a little to meet back up with the other three friends, hands going into his pockets as he stood next to them. Julian reached out with his arm and rubbed the tallest one's back, his almost orange hair being combed back yet a few pieces hadn't shifted from their regular places.

"I know it's hard." The red head spoke as they continued on their journey away from me. Those three were the only ones that knew of our relationship. My mother was homophobic and would have kicked me out if she had found out. My sister wouldn't have cared but I didn't want her to know and neither did Mo. On his side, his father would have beaten him if he had even spoke about gay people. I could only imagine what would have happened if he had found out. Maybe he would have been the one currently being covered with dirt and I was the one walking away with my head bowed trying not to cry in front of everyone.

I shook my head then. I didn't want this for him. He deserved so much better. He had talked so many times about running away and taking me with him but I held him back. I said that everything would be better when we went off to college. We wouldn't have to worry about our parents finding out about us. We could be together anytime we wanted and show each other our affection anytime that we wanted. But we couldn't do that now. Maybe if I had agreed and we had left everything behind maybe I wouldn't be like this.


A/N: Alright, so this is the first chapter of something that I'm working on. I know it's short. I don't know if its any good or not but I thought I'd give it a shot. Please review and let me know what you think. Should I continue or not?