Broken Dreams,Tainted Wings

You are flying
I can see your wings
A Raven in the sky
Soon Falling
I am dying
Passing through burning rings
Darkness consuming
Dead ends
We are parted
Out of hate and more
A battle raging
Within us
You are hearted
With hate or
The deepest loathing
Ever seen
I am waiting
Love in my heart
Forever whispering
Your name
Never together
Never more
Never seen
Broken hearts

Like a flashback memory,he's there in my mind.Skimming up the stairs at school,his sloppy old T-shirt as big as a sail,red tie-dyed dragon T-shirt,who wears stuff like that?No one.Jinsen.Head turned and laughing at something someone had said,to him?at him?I don't know. Once Devin called him a human lint ball,and he laughed about it all day.
Him going up,me down below,he saw me and waved and "Later," he called down,"I'll tell you everything."And he did,but by then I already knew.
Karma,it was all Karma.Just don't ask me what that really means.
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"What is that?" from Morgan in her usual drama-queen way:but it was a sight,really,this skinny,twig sized,bald-headed kid in a size million T-shirt,backpack slumped and lumpy as a turtle's shell,making his way across the cafeteria like a rabbit crossing the freeway:this way,that way,looking all around."An exchange student?From Mars?"
"No,they only come in the fall,"said Corey,taking one of my fries."Like last year,that one girl,where was she from?Latvia?Estonia?" "You mean the one with the braids,"Morgan
said,mock shuddering."Once in gym class,she was doing these bachflips,and her braids got caught on the----James,what are you staring at?" "I'm trying to figure out what he's doing,"because I was,because it didn't make any sense:going from table to table,asking for something?but wherever he went people stared at him,laughed at him,one of Devin's friends threw something at him,a pencil?a straw?and the whole table howled when he stooped to pick it up and bring it back.For a second I wondered if he was a Special Needs kid,but they don't have the same lunch hour as we do,and anyway almost nobody picks on them. Then he got closer and I got a look at his face,I saw that he wasn't Special Needs at all,he looked perfectly normal,beautiful even.Except he was smiling.Not a nervous smile,or that tight bottled-up grin you get when you're really humiliated and trying not to show it;no,it was a real sunny regular all's right with the world smile,which meant he was either high,or crazy.Or--- Closer now,coming right up to our table,big ears and tilted green eyes that were so sharp I felt like I was being stabbed by glass,not bald but shaved,you could see the blong stubble poking up on his scalp. But you could tell he wasn't a skin head, or anything sick like that, just---just Strange,the way a platypus is strange,or one of those deep sea plants,waving waxy fingers on the ocean floor."Excuse me,"his voice was cold,very polite,with the slightest touch of mocking.He was staring at me hard."Do you have any change?" "What???"said Morgan in spite of herself,then looked away,mortified that she'd said anything at all,that she'd even acknowledged this kid standing there with his hand out,even the biggest moochers didn't go about it as blatantly as this."What's the matter?"I asked trying to keep my voice from squeaking."Forget your lunch money?"His smile went wider still;he was still staring at me as though I were actually interesting.As though he was in pain,trying to memorize my every feature.It was like I was being put through an X-ray machine."Oh no,"he said,and I must have been imagining the slight cruelty to those words."I'm begging.Like a monk,you know?" "Like a what?"but Morgan gave me a glare you could have used to cut metal,Don't talk to the weirdo because people were staring at us now,staring and snickering,I just couldn't bring myself to care,when there was an Angel in front of me."Here"I said digging in my pocket,handing him a dollar and my hand brushed his and the only thought that went through my mind was How could something so cold feel so hot.And "thanks,"he said,and moved off to the next table,where one of the basketball jocks was waiting with a can of Mountain Dew.He must have shaken it up first because as soon as the glass eyed angel put out his hand Jocko sprayed him,wet spurt all over his shirt,big laughs but not from me because I didn't think it was funny,all Jocko had to do was say no."What an asshole"I said,but"Exactly,"Morgan nodded,folding her arms."Everyone was looking.Don't do that again."Before the lunch bell rang I left to hustle up to Econ,needing to finish yesterday's worksheet on the Federal Reserve---is there anything more boring than worksheets?or economics?Maybe watching dust form.People started filing in,I was almost done,and "Hey"from the kid who sat behind me,Tim something,he always smells like menthol cigarettes."Here comes the alien,man.You see what he did at lunch?" And sure enough it was the monk-boy,bald head,drenched T-shirt and all,talking to Ms.Keller,who handed him a book,pointed him toward a seat as the bell went off,and as he passed me he gave the cold glass eyes and he smiled, just a little,not the way you smile at someone you don't know but kind of do---like the mailman---but the way you catch the eye of a friend you didn't expect to see:Hey,hi,I didn't think you'd be here.Intimate.And I felt myself-why?-smiling back,lightly.
And tried to keep myself from thinking about him till school ended."hey!"Corey said,sunglasses on,inching out of the student parking lot in his dad's gray minivan;it was his turn to drive today."There's your friend,James.Buddha Boy."Tramping through the slush,hands in pockets,backpack even bigger than he was,as if his whole life were crammed inside,and "Look at him"Morgan said,as if this were the best evidence yet of his weirdness."It's like 20 degrees out,and he's not even wearing a coat." "Buddha Boy?"I asked simply."That's what Devin is calling him.As we passed I looked at him,not so he could see,but he wasn't looking at me anyway,and instead of relief,a flash of discomfort passed over my heart.He was focused on where he was going,straight ahead."Maybe monks don't need coats,"I said."He is not a monk,"Morgan said,clearly enunciating each word for my benefit.Angels don't need coats either.I had the sudden violent urge to his myself."He is a feeb.A bald feeb.----Go to Joe's Place,"To Corey as we pulled into trafic."I absolutely have to get a cappuccino."