What if?

A/N: so this is the AU story to Silent, that I have wanted to write for a long time, probably it will be a long one too, not as long as Silent, but long.
Those unfamiliar with the story Silent, perfectly okay to read this! What I advice though, is to read the first five chapters of silent (the first chapters aren't that long), until the part where Michael calls to Ricky. After that the stories will apart to their own ways.

I hope you enjoy and if you do, please review ^.^

Warnings might change along the way.

Beta read: teeta

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Chapter 1


It was all he could think about; Michael and that kiss they had shared in his room all those weeks ago. He had kissed his best friend and he had enjoyed it, oh how he had enjoyed it.

Tony sat on his bed, staring at the Spanish book on his lap, trying to study for the next test, but failing. Michael’s brown eyes, how soft his lips were, what he had tasted like. When he closed his eyes, Michael was all he saw.

He remembered their last meeting at the school library. He remembered watching Michael as he had tried to study, he had looked so lonely then and Tony had wanted to go to him, to talk to him like they used to. He missed his friend and he hated himself for not having the courage to stand by his side. He hated to admit that he feared. He hated to admit; but Michael was right, he did want more, he did want to kiss him again, he did want to… What was it that he actually wanted? To have sex with Michael? Sex? And he thought about it, thought about the kiss and how beautiful Michael was. He wanted to touch him, he wanted. What would it feel like? To hold him close? To feel his naked skin against his own?

But Michael had said that he was leaving, he would leave with that man to somewhere, but where? And for how long? He felt torn inside, frustrated, he stood up throwing the book away. He wanted to scream.


Michael was leaving.


Tony walked into the bathroom, he washed his face and then lifted his gaze up to look at himself in the mirror. “How can you love a fool like me?” He asked with a whisper. And he thought about it, kept thinking about it. How would life be without Michael in it? How could he go on not seeing his face? Not hearing his voice? His laughter? A world without Michael? So empty, life without Michael; the thought of it was... unbearable.

Michael had always, always been there. And even now he already missed him. The man was too old, the man was not right for Michael, why didn’t he see that? Michael needed someone like… He needed… The man simply was not right.

‘Go to him? Could I-?’ He wondered again splashing the water on his face. Michael, the name constantly on his mind, the memory of his lips against his own and he knew… he knew that the kiss had been the best he had ever had. One single kiss was haunting him, stealing his every thought. He couldn’t stand the feeling he had; torn, agitated, nervous.

Michael was leaving.


He walked downstairs and took his coat.
“I’ll go out, to see a friend see you later mom!” He shouted, not listening to the reply. He walked into the cold, dark street, only few blocks, and then he stood. He was making a fool of himself, everyone would laugh at him. What did he think? That he could just take Michael’s hand and they could - what? Date? It was ridiculous, everyone would laugh and he was not gay. He wasn’t. It was just… Just Michael. He wanted Michael.

But everyone would laugh. They’d… They’d never understand. How could they? He stood there, not sure what to do, he turned, he would walk back home, let Michael go, he would do fine, they both would. He shoved his hands in his pockets. The air was chilly.


Michael would leave. The man was not right for him. Much too old. Michael was so young, so… so trusting, beautiful, sexy. He’d get hurt. Who would protect him? Again Tony stood. He took few deep breaths. He thought of everything that he had been through with Michael. To lose Michael, to never talk to him… To never have the chance to kiss him.

What did he care? What did he care about the others? Michael was more important to him than them. And so he turned around again, walked hurriedly the familiar way to his best friend’s house. There was light coming from his window.

Tony knelled to pick up few small rocks from the ground. He threw the first against the glass and waited. Then he threw the second. He saw Michael then, he looked down, hesitated, before he opened the window.
“What do you want?”
“I want to talk with you, please?”
“Why? What more there is to say? You want to tell me how disgusting I am?”
“Please Michael, will you please just come down? For a walk?” Michael was quiet for a while.
“Please?” Tony begged him.
“Alright, just this once, last time.” He finally agreed.

Tony smiled when seeing his friend stepping outside. Michael walked towards him warily.
“Don’t go.” Tony said looking into his eyes.
“What?”
“Don’t go, I don’t want you to go. Stay. I am asking you to stay.” Michael looked at him, shaking his head.
“You’ve ignored me for weeks and now you are asking me to stay?” He said then.
“Yes, I have been an idiot, I know. But…”
“But what?” Michael asked, Tony sighed.

“Let’s take a walk?” He asked, Michael nodded, but didn’t say a word.

“I miss you, alright?” Tony said after they had walked for some time. Michael glanced at him quickly.
“You have no idea how much it hurt, do you?… You kissed me Tony, what was I suppose to think? I thought that maybe… Well you know. But then you… You just turned your back on me, I expected that from most, but never from you. You are my best friend!” Michael said, looking at Tony again.
“I never wanted to hurt you. I know I have and I wish I could take it back.”

They walked over to the sports field and sat down. Michael stared at his hands.
“Everything has changed Tony, my whole life. I miss my grandma, she was the only one willing to accept me and-“
“I am willing, too. Please stay.” Tony asked.
“You say that now, but what about tomorrow? Ricky… He is a rich and successful man, he can give me so much, what is there left for me here? Why shouldn’t I go with him?”
“Since when have you cared about money?” Tony asked. Michael turned his head to look at him.
“He’s twice your age, say what you will, but I know he isn’t the man for you. It isn’t love and I know you… I know you, Michael and I know he can’t give you happiness. You’d be miserable, without your family, away from here and… And I’d be miserable without you.” Carefully Tony reached to take his hand in his

“I- I already promised him I would go.” Michael stammered.
“Then call him and tell him you changed your mind. He’s no good for you Mikey.” Tony whispered. His heart was beading madly, what he was getting himself into? What was happening? There would be no turning back if…


Michael swallowed.
“Then… then who is? Good for me?” He asked looking into Tony’s eyes and then his lips. “He- I like him Tony, he is…” He tried to explain.
“Do you really want to leave? Do you really want to leave your home behind? Stay Michael, stay… Please, for me?”
“You want me then?” Michael asked with part hope and fear mixing together.
“Aye.”

There was a silent moment between them.
“Then kiss me and I might believe you.” Tony glanced around and seeing no one he brought his lips on Michael’s. Hesitant, careful at first, deepening by the second. They were trembling, laughing nervously at the situation. Tony touched Michael’s cheek.

“What is this? Am I dreaming? Please don’t tell me that this is only a dream” Michael whispered his eyes close and Tony smiled. Quiet, nervous laughter, he planted a new kiss on Michael’s warm skin.
“I don’t know Michael, I feel like I might be dreaming too and I have no idea… I have no idea how it came to this, I have no idea why your lips feel so good against my own and…” He sighed. “All I know is that I do not want you to leave.” His fingers playing with the soft brown hair of his friends.
“I can’t promise you to just come out with you like that. I… I need more time Michael, can you give me that?” Tony asked then.
“So we’ll go on like we have since everyone found out?” Michael asked with a frown,
“No, I’ll be your friend at school, just like… before this fall… and… you know when we’re alone like this…” Tony gave him a meaning full look, leaned to kiss his cheek. “…We can do this and… other stuff?”


Michael bit his lip and nodded. Tony had kissed him, Tony was willing to…to try at least? So he would take what he offered, it was already more than what he could have ever hoped.

They walked back to Michael’s house.
“I’ll see you tomorrow then, at school?” Tony asked. “And maybe after school, you could… I don’t know… um come to our house, to…study?” Tony suggested nervously.
“To study Tony?” Michael laughed.
“Yeah,” and there was a blush on the other boy’s skin.
“My, my Tony; are you… blushing?” Michael teased. “Oh my God you are… that is so cute!”
“Shut up…”
“Make me.” Tony looked around and carefully kissed him.

Michael smiled, feeling like his smile could reach from ear to ear. Tony was kissing him! Tony wanted to kiss him!
“I have a dance practise tomorrow to witch I didn’t intend to go because I was suppose to leave with Ricky the day after tomorrow, but since I am not, I think I’ll go to the practice and come to your house after that, if it’s alright?”
“Of course,”
“So I’ll… we see each other tomorrow… Good night Tony.”
“Thousand times good night.” Tony grinned.
“Someone has been reading his Shakespeare.”
“Aye.” Michael kissed him, laughing with joy and finally drew himself away.
“Good night,” He said again.
“Good night Mikey, sleep well.” Tony repeated and he stayed and watched until Michael was safely inside. What was happening? He wondered when he finally turned and walked back home. There was no turning back now, was there?

**^^**^^**^^**^

Michael couldn’t believe his luck, he couldn’t believe that it had actually happened; Tony wanted him! And he felt like he would burst from joy. Then he realised that he would have to tell the man of his change of mind. He hated how it made him feel. He checked the time; 10pm. He took a deep breath and took his phone, dialing the number.
“Hello,” the familiar voice answered.
“Hi, this is Michael calling.” He started with hesitant voice.
“Sweetheart. I missed you, missed hearing your voice.” The man murmured. Michael bit his lip. This was harder than he had thought.
“I uhum… I think… I- I can’t go, I’m sorry.” He winched, it was silent for a moment.
“What do you mean?” The voice sounded calm and controlled.
“I mean that… I’m sorry, but… I realised that I can’t leave my home behind.”
“And you just realised this? When only couple hours ago you were determined to leave? I already got you a ticket sweetheart.”
“I know, I’m sorry, but… I just can’t go… I’m sure that you… I really like you Ricky, I do! But there’s… You remember that boy I told you about? My friend? Well he… He came to see me today and I… I love him, I want to stay with him. I’m sorry. I do like you though and…” He bit his lip again tasting the blood. Oh he truly hated this.
“I can’t say that I wouldn’t feel disappointed Michael, I care for you, you know that? Look, I’d like to at least see you once before I’ll go. Can you do that? Can you meet me one more time? Tomorrow?” Michael felt torn, he hated to hurt the man’s feelings.
“Well, I get home from my dance lesson at 6pm, maybe we could have a coffee or something after that?” He asked hesitantly.
“I’ll come and pick you up alright?”
“Alright, but I can’t stay long though, I’m… I have another meeting later.”
“I understand, I just want to see you one last time sweetheart.”
“Okay see you Ricky and again; I’m sorry.”
“Don’t worry about it, we’ll talk more tomorrow.”


**^^**^^**^^**^^**

The man was already waiting for him in his car when he walked out. Michael sighed, approaching. He opened the passenger side door.
“Get in, I’ll take you home.” Ricky said with a smile. Michael sat down. “You know you can just throw your bag on the back seat.” The man chuckled looking at him as he sat a bit uncomfortably holding the big spots back on his lap.
“Oh yeah, right.” Michael muttered, looked around, got up from the car and placed the bag on the back seat, he then sat back down in the front.

The man started the car, soon enough he placed his hand on Michael’s thigh, rubbing it. Michael felt slightly uneasy about it, it would have been okay yesterday, but now… Now that Tony and he were… Well, he wasn’t sure what he and Tony exactly were, but what ever it was, he thought that it wasn’t proper that Ricky was touching him like this.

“So anyway, Tony, my friend that is… I think him and I are now a couple.” Michael said finally.
“That was fast.” Ricky took note. “Yesterday, you were still quite eager to come with me.” The hand was removed.
“I know and I’m sorry but I… Had I know that Tony would…”
“So you never really cared for me?”
“No, please don’t think that. I like you, really I do, but I have everything here, my family, my school, and now Tony…” The man gave him a funny look.
“I have spent quite lot of money to you, you do realise that, don’t you?”
Michael was silent,
“I can pay you back?” he suggested then.
“Yes you will.” Ricky agreed.
“I don’t have money right now, but when I have, I promise to pay back every sent, I get a job for myself and I’ll…”
“We’re going to take care of this now.” The man interrupted him, staring at the dark road ahead of them. Michael looked out, realising only then that it was not the way to his house, the man was driving to a dark side road surrounded by forest.

“Where are you going? You promised to take me home.” His voice was shaky.
“And you promised me a lot of things, you promised to go with me, did you not?”
The man parked the car. Quiet and dark. Michael felt the panic rising as the man reached out to grasp him, pulling him close. He kissed him roughly.
“Stop!” Michael screamed, struggling against the man’s body.
“You promised me your virginity, you’ve been teasing me all this time I am taking what you promised me.”
“I haven’t promised you a thing!” Michael screamed. He scratched the man, slapped him as he tried to undress him, he heard the fabric of his jacket tear. He had to get out, he kept struggling, determined to get away. Somehow he managed to get the door open and scrambled out.

“Help!!” He screamed. Ricky grasped him fast, pulling him towards the car.
“You fucking little whore, I’ll show you. I’ll show a real man to you.” The man hissed, shoving him against the hood of the car. “Did you think you could just say no to me? Huh?” The man was fighting to get his jeans undone.
“Stop! Help!!” A slap on his face, Michael cried out. The man’s breathing against his neck, his laughter. “You’re going to get it sweetie, right in your tight ass, oh yes. You’ll make it up, all that teasing, all that trouble, you’ll make it up.” The man breathed out, a click of his belt. Michael brought his knee up, kicking him as hard as he could right where it mattered. Then he pushed the man off of him and started to run. He had to keep a hold of his jeans; the man had gotten the buttons to break. He was crying, running towards the forest, hearing as the man screamed after him.

He was going to kill him? The man would kill him if he were to catch him. He was out of breath, blood taste in his mouth, but he ran, not daring to look back. Had to keep running. He didn’t want to die, didn't want to die and he knew that the man was behind him. Had to get to the road, had to…

He stumbled, wept, had to get away.
“Stop Michael! Come back you fucking slut! Come back and I’ll fuck your brains out.” Laughter, sick, twisted. He didn’t look back, had to keep running.

He reached the road, few cars drove past without stopping, it was the familiar red one that did.
“Oh my God, little Michael? What on earth?” William, Tony’s elder brother asked looking at him. Michael collapsed against him, sobbing uncontrollably.
“He tried to… he tried to… Oh God!”
“Shh.. it’s okay, I’ll take you home? Or…?”
“No, no! I don’t want my parents to know, please?? I don’t want them to see me like this!”
“Shh, okay, okay, calm down.” William soothed him. Michael looked back to where he had run from, scared out of his mind. William looked at him worriedly.
“Come, let’s get you to my place then.” He said and helped the younger into the car.

William took another side way glance at the best friend of his younger brother. There was a bruise on his face, his clothes were torn, his jeans open. He squeezed the wheel, anger in him as he realised the situation from which he had probably just saved him.
“Who did his to you?” He asked. Michael shook his head.
“It was so close, so close… oh God…” and he started crying again.
“Maybe we should go to the police?”
“No!… I mean please, no police… I just…no police, don’t want my parents to know.” And William helplessly agreed, not wanting to push the already scared youth any further.


He took the boy in his apartment, not knowing where else to take him since Michael seemed so worried of his parents finding out. He led him to the living room and sat him down on the couch in front of the tv. Michael was trembling all over, and not used to handle a crying young man, William decided to place a blanket around him, just in case he was feeling cold.

“Tony… Tony will be worried, he’s expecting me.” Michael sobbed then, brown eyes looking up to him, his lips trembling.
“Don’t worry, I’ll call him.” William told him. “I tell him that you’re here, okay? Would you like a cup of tea or something?” The boy nodded.
“Shower, um could I? Please? I’m sorry William. I’m causing all this trouble.” And again the youth broke down in heavy tears.
“Hey, it’s alright, you’re almost like a little brother to me, no trouble. I’ll give you a towel, I’ll make you some tea and call Tony, okay? I’ll ask him here and then we’ll call your parents and tell them that you’re here and that they don’t need to worry about a thing.” William, soothed and smiled when seeing that Michal calmed down and even tried to smile. William knelled down, wiped the tears from under Michael’s eyes. “There now. Everything will be alright” He told him and stood back up.

He was already turning when the weak voice called him.
“William?”
“Yes?” He turned.
“You don’t hate me?” He sounded surprised, he could almost melt seeing the look in the warm brown eyes.
“Now why would I hate you Mikey?”
“Because… because I’m gay.” He explained softly, embarrassed. William smiled gently.
“That’s a silly reason to hate someone, don’t you think? Besides I’ve known it for sometime now and I know… I know you love my brother and I know he loves you back, even though he can be a big mule before he actually says it, but I know.” The surprise in the boys face was priceless. William shook his head with a small chuckle. “I’ll go and get you that towel now and you could tell me that man’s name so I know who I’ll have to kill!”


**^^**^^^**^^**^^**


“Who is he?! I’ll kill him, swear to God I will!” Tony was huffing and pacing back and forth.
“You can’t kill him Tony.” Michael said softly, he was sitting on the bed made for them in the living room.
“And why the hell can’t I? He can’t just- He almost- he… That bastard!”
“Because I don’t want you to end up in jail for a murder, nor do I want to see you dead, which I think… He’s a big, powerful man Tony. He’d get us in trouble, I know he would… so let’s just forget about it.”
“Forget about it?” Tony asked, walked to him and sat down. “How can we just forget about it?”
“I want to,” Michael said quietly.
“But can you?”
“I got away Tony…it was so close… Oh God I don’t even want to think what would have happened if I had left with him Tony!” Michael cried and Tony pulled him close. “I was so stupid, what if… Oh God…”
“You don’t have to think about it, you’re safe, I’ll protect you. I won’t ever let him get near you Michael, ever.” He stroked his friend’s hair. “It’s okay now.”
Michael looked in his eyes.
“I know, having you here, makes it all better.” He whispered and bit his lip. “You’re my hero.” Tony smiled hesitantly, looked to see if his brother was anywhere around and then kissed Michael gently on the lips.
“Am I?”
“Aye, always.” They lied down together.
“This feels so strange, holding you like this.” Tony murmured.
“Bad?” Michael asked and Tony shook his head.
“No, good, but just strange.”
“I know.” Michael admitted. They kissed again carefully, lying side by side, just looking at each other, gently touching, gently exploring what was a whole new intimacy between two best friends, careful not to rush it; not to ruin it.
“Thank God you came to me last night.” Michael whispered drawing circles on Tony’s hand. The other boy looked down, took his hand and kissed his palm.
“Thank God indeed.” He admitted and kissed his best froends lips once more.

TBC.