Abandon (Poem)

Now I know what Abandon feels like...

We were damaged strangers who met in the raging river called Life.
There was a spark but we abstained,we did not feed.
If we were going to do this at all...Still wary of heart was I.
Til' I decided to wait to find a place of our own.
A place to begin and sustain our need...

How full of hope and stirring was that memory.
We searched with intensity until one saccaryne Day we found It.
In a forest far away,no people in that place away from time...
That place was as dark as the day was light.
It was a Place where we could heal and abandon ourselves in one incandescent moment...
That place was poisoned by Time's rip.
That Place was Bit.
That place was Abandon...

We abandoned our selves,our defences in Abandon.
We had communion with the animals you killed each day.
We ripped each other in half and savagely fed on each other's hearts for a while...until we knew what was in those rotted chambers.
Then we glutted our lust,those razor-savage beasts...
Until every surface of our Abandon was soaked thoroughly...babtised in our cloying,desirous smell and sharp, passion liquids.
How desperately we tasted...

Then We raced like animals to our souls, to the soul of Abandon...
And dived headfirst into that eternal,beautiful whirlpool.
The deadly swirl that always threatened to drown us if we didn't swim straight down to the light...
The light of understanding.

I swam and plumbed the depths of You.
Blindly,the more I knew of you the more I fell.
Until I gleaned too late that what I was feeling was Love for you.
And then I saw the light...the key to your soul.
I moved closer so that I could pick up that perfect pearl of light.
When suddenly the Light went out in your soul and The Wall was there.

Then my mind was trip wired from the addictiveness that was us.
I was drowning,I needed to come up for air,I had to see you.
When I woke, You laughed ...!,and the sound was off...in a way I couldn't see.
Then I realised,crazily,That you had my key,my pearl,the knowledge of MY Soul.
She asked what was wrong? He said nothing was....that He loved Her.

I again blinded my mind when I heard those much needed words...
And I again fell into the rapturous dream that was Us.
We talked,we laughed,we loved.
Until I was convinced that "the wall" was you not wanting me to see your Love...
Until you were ready to tell me.
And something was unfolding in our beasts.
A secret I wasn't sure was real...

A few weeks? later I was definite.
We sustained our bodies that morning,and You were about to gently? passionately? kiss me....
When I said, "I have a secret,my Love....and I'm ready to tell you!"
"Our Love for each other has bore fruit.My loins,my body,is going to have a baby,my Love!"

Never did I guess what You would do...
You picked me up and devoured my mouth raw.
Then you made love to me as gently,reverently? as you've ever did.
You paid homage to my flushed,pretty face.
You worshipped my voluptuous bosom.
You Fed softly on where I'm ultimately a Woman.
We danced slow,smoothly,and rythmically to the edge of Heaven...
Peace? shining in your eyes as we drifted like a feather down to earth...
You breathed into me,until I felt overflowed with happiness...

You said that you were going to get some presents for this blessing...
And I said, "Be careful. I'll be here when You come back..."
I was deluded for a week... just thinking you were searching hard for the ultimate present for our baby.
Reality sledgehammered me in the face...when I got the Letter.
Then I finally realized that I was raked across the coals...
That I was ripped to pieces across the rack.

According to what you said in the letter...
This was a search and destroy mission.
Of which you enjoyed implicitly.
You searched out your prey and captured her swiftly...
And this is where you destroy her utterly.
The newspaper article fell out of the envelope...

Then I saw you looking like the opposite of what you are.
Dressed in a tux?looking well-groomed and darkly hansome.
*But then...you always were beautiful*.
Not a hair out of place.
Passionately kissing the antithesis of me in a white Wedding gown...
Perfect platinum blond hair,*Wild reddish-brown curly hair*,kissable pink bow mouth,*ravishable red wide-full mouth*,cameo face,*beautiful fae heart-shaped visage*,cloudless blue sky eyes,*storm filled crystal-grey eyes*,slim coltish figure,*Slightly voluptuous hourglass figure*,
Haughty,royal,cold expression;*Welcoming,sensual,warm expression...*.
Then I saw you had the same expression...as Her.

My Soul ripped in half,at the same,my uterus followed suit...
As I screamed in utter agony as I babtized Abandon with my blood...
With my baby of a Love that wasn't whole...
Then I gave all my tears,grief,sorrow and hate to Abandon.
I have nothing more to give...except my death which will be soon.
The blood is the testimony of that...
This is my story.

If you come to Abandon and you dare to go inside...
You might see my bones and the blood stained wooden boards.
Take my advice...don't stay.
Even out of morbid curiosity...this place is cursed.
If you stay you will know what i've known...

You will know what Abandon feels like.