Eleven Forty Seven

AN: Warnings: mention of rape, abuse, m/m slash

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Eleven Forty-Seven

Prologue

The lights above me seem to be flashing white, black, white, black; and I’m not quite sure what that horrible screeching sound is, but I want it to stop. it’s hurting my head, and I really don’t understand why my head hurts as much as it does, in fact, my entire body seems to be engulfed in a throbbing, hot, pain. I moan slightly and try to roll over. I think I’m tied down. What is that sound? “Ahh” I want to talk, my jaw. Fuck, it hurts. Why are the lights so fuzzy? Black, white… Stop that sound. beep… beep… beep… whoosh.

The sound hasn’t stopped, my head hurts. make it stop… What’s that, in my hand? It feels like there’s something scratching the bone, inside. Black. The only thing I can here is that beep; and my throat, it feels like I’m choking on something. What is that?

White.

There’s got to be four people around me. Am I still tied down? I want to move. The sounds, god. My hand hurts. My throat still hurts, at least I’m not choking anymore. I try to move, and it feels so heavy, I think my arm is in a cast… A cast? Wait.

Black.

“Sebastian? Sebastian, hunny. Mommy’s right here. just get better, mommy’s right here.” She’s holding my hand. What the hell? It still hurts. I moan, the sounds haven’t stopped. Tick-tick, beep, whoosh. Tick-tick, beep, whoosh. Five more minutes of this and I think I might scream, or cry. It hurts to breath, and my head is spinning. Black. I can hear sniffling, but opening my eyes hurts. God, this bed’s uncomfortable. “Mom?” I whisper. my throat feels raw. I think I’m bleeding.

“Go to sleep, Hun. I’m right here. Kyle and Christian are here too, baby. You just get better for us now.” She crying. Another hand slides on top of my other one. “Sleep and get better.” I can hear it in her voice… I’m in a hospital, aren’t I? I can’t even think right now.

I can hardly feel anything, more like I’m floating. But it still hurts. Those sounds are still there. “Mom?” I want to say more. Why does it hurt so bad? I’ve never been hurt this bad.

“We’re here for you, kid.”

Tick-tick… Beep… Whoosh…

I try to open my eyes, too bright, fuck… “Where’s Eric?” I whisper it. My throat still hurts. Everything still hurts. What’s going on? I want Eric.

“Their looking for him, Hun. They’ll find him. you don’t have to worry about that.” mom’s still crying. I think I can hear Christian sniffling too. What happened? I don’t remember, Why are they looking for Eric? Who are ‘they’? I wonder if he’s hurt too. God I hope not, this is too much.

It feels like I’m dying. I can’t lie in this bed forever. At least I’m awake, doesn’t help the pain much though. I remember now, why I’m here. Why was in that ally alone? I don’t remember that. I remember the hands, the feelings. The police are looking for Eric. They say it might have been him.

The police, and my case worker say that it was only a matter of time. They did a rape test, his DNA showed up. He’s my boyfriend, we have sex, they didn’t buy that. Why would I protect someone who raped me? This couldn’t have been Eric. It felt to foreign. Eric doesn’t touch me like that.

I tried. I tried to tell them Eric wasn’t abusive, he wouldn’t do this, not to me. Everybody fights though, right? It wouldn’t be normal not to. Oh shit, it never got bad enough to land either of us in the hospital. Never, no… I couldn’t have been him.

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The trial is over, I didn’t have a choice but to press charges.

The jury rises “We the jury, find Eric Isaac Smith, guilty on the charges of assault and battery with a deadly weapon, and sexual assault.”

I still don’t want to believe it. He couldn’t have. No, not my Eric. Better yet, there’s a restraining order, I can never see him again… Can’t even visit him in jail. When did things get so complicated? I just want Eric.

Nobody believes me when I say it wasn’t him, Not Kyle, not my mom, Christians too young to even understand. All he knows is I got hurt, and he believes whatever mom tells him. It wasn’t him, Couldn’t have been him. He loved me. He still loves me.

He doesn’t look at me as he is escorted from the court room. I think he’s crying though. It couldn’t have been him, rapists don’t cry.

How Am I supposed to do this? How to I figure things out now? My councillor says I need to learn to accept the fact that the relationship was abusive, She doesn’t understand either. I can’t talk to anybody, and it hurts, it still hurts. Even sleeping at night, I can’t do it. I just want this to end.

What’s supposed to happen now? Where am I supposed to go from here?