The one I love

You don't know how much I love her, and how much I cherish her smile.

I watch, silently as I hold my breath, not that my breathing will be of her interest as her interest is held else well but me. She has long brown hair and has beautiful eyes that never fixed on mine, which displeased and pains me so.

Yes, I am a unwanted lover, which I should call my self with out her consent. But the mere purpose of my exsistance has been erased by the one who I admire the most.

I only gaze from a distance for now, but action would be taken soon to come.

~


I sat as I did for the past ten years at my lecture hall, in front of new students storming in to my phycology class to obtain knowledge that only I could possess. What caught my eye was, a girl walking on her own with a pink cotton blouse. She was plumper than the usual teens of the days to come, but had a beautiful expression on her face as she walked down bettween the chairs to find her seat.

The expression was what really got to me, more than her facial structure or the size of her breast. Afterwards the love of her features came, but at the moment that snatched my attention was that expression she had. It is hard to explain one's expression, when it cannot be catagorized for it didn't belong to one. It wasn't content, or agony, angst or anger. What it was, will remain unknown.

She sat at the very front roll in the class room, alone. She gave me the full attention I never got from any other of my students which gave me the biggest thrill for the first time.

But her attention, soon that I noticed, was not giving exactly to me, but only the words I spoke was what she opened her ears for. My self wasn't an important subject as she found no amusement towards my character.

Her eyes were looking up to me like I was a traffic light, waiting for my signal so she and her classmates can be dismissed from class. I did felt like a traffic light, as I watched people go in and out of my class room through out the day.

Her name is Clare Swan, a beautiful name indeed. Though how much I wished to compliment her, my words would have resulted in a harassment suit, for she was still my student and I was her teacher.


I tried my best not to stare at her during class, or give her special attention. But there was the urge to single her out as I will tell every one else to leave, except for Miss Swan. I would wait until everyone is gone, and she would ask,
"˜What can I do for you professor?'
And I will take her right at the spot, on the desk that I sit every day. She will probably hesitate at first, but eventually let me in her, as well as in her life.

That is just my small fantasy that gets me through the lonely nights in my empty bed.

I knew as the days go by I grew very fond of this young girl, and I had to acknowlege that it wasn't healthy for a man to say nothing.

Why did I have to meet her in such circumstances? As a teacher out of all the possible ways that we could have met. At least I was not her father.

Teacher or not, I knew what I had to do. I will make a progress to make some difference between our relationship.

Yes, I will do that and see how it goes from there.