Lessons on Being Alone
folder
Romance › General
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
3
Views:
1,002
Reviews:
14
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Romance › General
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
3
Views:
1,002
Reviews:
14
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance of characters to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. The Author holds exclusive rights to this work. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited.
Lessons on Being Alone
Vivian pulled her winter coat closed as she stepped off the elevator door and out into the lobby. One brief glance out the elaborate glass sliding doors confirmed the weather reporters claim that the evening would be a snowy one for the entire city. Vivian grimaced to herself as she stopped to pull on her gloves and hat. Having to depend on the subway for transportation may be cheaper and easier then driving a car in the city but it sure made for a cold commute.
Murmuring a polite ‘thank-you’ to the doorman Vivian walked out into the snow. By now the route back to her apartment was so familiar that she rarely had to pay attention to where she was going. ‘I think that’s what I like best about the city, you can just get lost in the noise, the crowds and not have to pay attention or be someone else – you can just turn inward…’ She touched her metro card to the automatic card reader and the gates open with a metal whirl. Having made her way deep into the tunnels below the city provided shelter from the wind at least if not much in the way of warmth.
The doors to her train opened after a brief wait and Vivian selected a seat. Reaching into her bag she pulled out her latest book on her ‘must read’ list and picked up where she had left off this morning. Within moments the train was on its way up the Red Line and Vivian was immersed in a book of Plath’s poems. Despite her pleasure in the anonymity of city life Vivian was always aware of what was going on around her as well. The smells, sounds, and sights of a big city were fascinating and there was always something to stimulate her private conversation with herself. ‘Yeah, maybe that is what I like best about the city, it makes you aware; not just about everyone around you that you constantly have to avoid, sit next to, or walk beside but it makes you aware of yourself also – you feel alone, independent, connected, and alive all at once.’
Her several block walk to her apartment building saw that she was snow covered and wet by the time that she let herself in. Slipping off her shoes Vivian made her way to the bedroom. There was really only two rooms, three if you counted the small bathroom which she did not, there was the bedroom with a small window and then there was a tiny kitchen combination living room. Despite its size her apartment was well cared for and offered great benefits like washers and dyers, its own recreation center, and, best of all, it was very secure. The security personnel monitored the doors throughout their shifts and to be let on the elevators you had to get permission from the front desk who would check your name against a list of the persons you claimed to be visiting.
Taking off her classy slacks and warm pale gray sweater in favor of sweats Vivian was ready to make dinner. Trying to keep her heating bill low ensured that she ate a lot of soup in the winter and doubled up on socks when she went to bed. “Stupid student loans, she complained, it’s not as if I don’t make enough money but it seems like they will be around until I’m 40!” Vivian had received several scholarships for her musical talent but she had attended a well established private college and was not eligible for student aid. Her grades had remained high despite having to work a part-time job and she had gradated at the top of her class. Her mother had tried to help but there wasn’t much money to go around with Dave’s children in college also, Vivian’s needs had taken a back seat again. ‘Old news Viv, get over yourself.’ Her stern thoughts added an extra jolt to her system spurring her on to the rest of her nightly duties.
The modern electric keyboard was more expensive then her TV and all her other electronics combined but it was worth the expense. Her piano playing had been her one great passion since she was six and had picked an instrument to take lessons in. From even that early age she had loved it immediately and spent hours learning to play every song in her book for beginners. It wasn’t long before she had moved on to more advanced music and had got her piano teachers notice. From then on she had never looked back. Piano was all that she had wanted to do, the music was therapy to her mind and soul. After years of hard practices, countless teachers, recitals, and private lessons Vivian had managed to land some scholarships that would cover what student loans wouldn’t so that she could get into the small classic arts school that she had been dreaming of. With a dual major in music and literature Vivian had left college and taken the first decent paying job that she could find that would still allow her to play the piano on a regular basis – she was hired on with Lord and Taylors the upscale department store as their pianist. Every day from 10 until 4 she would walk into the second floor of the department store, near the women’s clothing and right next to the doors leading into the rest of the mall where a glossy black baby grand awaited her. With her music piped into the sound system she would lose herself in the music for her six hour shift stopping only to chat with customers who might stop and listen or request a song. For Vivian this job was pure bliss. Bliss that is until it came to her bank balance. They paid her very well – over $20 an hour but with such short shift she wasn’t really working very much. With her bills, apartment, student loans, and groceries Vivian wasn’t getting ahead merely holding steady.
After an hour workout in the downstairs gym, over an hour spent working on a new song that she wanted to add to her repertoire, catching her favorite TV show CSI, and taking a nice hot soak in the tub Vivian was ready to do what she had been dreading all night long. Pulling her thick robe a little tighter around her body she sunk down on the sofa and picked up the classifieds. ‘Please let me find a job that pays well that will still allow me to work at Lord and Taylor’s one that lets me have a lot of hours – please, please, please.’ Vivian’s desperate prayers continued as she read through column after column of day help jobs like waitresses, secretaries, child-workers, and sales jobs. ‘Doesn’t anyone offer night shift jobs anymore?’ After an hour more Vivian was ready to throw the paper away in disgust when her eyes hit an ad she must have overlooked in the Misc. category:
“Needed one evening musician to perform at a jazz lounge from 6pm to 2am TUES – SAT – applicant will be well trained in one of the following: saxophone, piano, trumpet, or harmonica and will have the ability to play numerous jazz/blues pieces as well as to take requests. Starting wage is competitive. Please apply within.”
‘There is a God,’ Vivian breathed as she re-read the ad. ‘I could do that! I would be great at a job like that – it is really just like the Lord and Taylor job only the music is different. And so many hours!’ Vivian had to stop and figure how she could work her schedule around this new possibility – ‘it could work, I don’t have to be at the mall until 10 every day so I could sleep late – even if they paid me less then Lord and Taylor’s with that many hours I know I could finally have more then enough – I could actually save, travel, pay off my debt – turn up my heat!’ Vivian was ecstatic. Quickly jotting down the street address and phone number she made plans to stop by before her shift tomorrow.
Sinking into her small bed she breathed a sigh of relief as the noise from the street below quickly turned into white noise that was familiar and comforting. As was always the case late at night Vivian grew restless.
‘I like my life, I have my music, countless books, a cozy apartment, a fabulous job (and maybe a second equally cool job) and an incredible city to explore – why, most people would envy my life. ‘But you don’t have any friends here.’ Another voice complained. ‘It takes time I’ve only been here since the summer,’ she responded. ‘Six months, six months and you don’t have a single friend!’
Vivian sighed and turned over – she was normally a shy quiet person, polite to a fault but extremely reserved and guarded around people she didn’t know. She had never made friends easily but since she had moved to the city she had been working a lot and then she wasn’t a big partier so where was she supposed to meet people her own age? At the mall most employees were elderly ladies or middle-aged moms with only a few people her age but they worked outside the department store and she never ran into any of them on break. College had made it easy to make friends and she had met people who shared her passion for music, she still kept in touch with a few of them on a regular basis but they lived in different states and it was hard to make do with a long distance friend when you needed someone.
‘You’ve always been a loner so its no time to start getting emotional over not having any friends – your better off without some of those losers at the mall.’ Vivian rolled over again.
It was true, when her dad had died when she was young her mother had to go to work and Vivian was left with a sitter until she was old enough to go to school. At school she never fit in with all the loud, popular kids because she was so quiet. As she got older she found a niche in the music department but outside those walls she was the plain, reserved girl that most people overlooked altogether. When she was in middle-school her mother had remarried Dave who had two children Vivian’s age, Tiffany and Tyler, who were twins and were just like the popular kids who had always ignored her at her old school. Tiffany and Tyler tried to help her fit into their school but most people had already found a group to hang with when Vivian transferred in mid-semester. Vivian had been stuck being odd-man out for the rest of the year. Her mom had been so wrapped up in Dave and the twins that she never noticed that Vivian was floundering. Vivian had learned to take care of herself and had gotten used to being alone.
‘But there is a difference between being alone and being lonely. I could enjoy being alone, I DO enjoy being alone most of the time but being lonely that is something else altogether. I just want to belong with someone, to finally fit in, to have someone to come home to or who cares where I am when I’m gone – I’ve never had that.’ Vivian rolled over one last time and brushed a lone tear away harshly. ‘Okay, I admit it I am alone and I am lonely.’
Murmuring a polite ‘thank-you’ to the doorman Vivian walked out into the snow. By now the route back to her apartment was so familiar that she rarely had to pay attention to where she was going. ‘I think that’s what I like best about the city, you can just get lost in the noise, the crowds and not have to pay attention or be someone else – you can just turn inward…’ She touched her metro card to the automatic card reader and the gates open with a metal whirl. Having made her way deep into the tunnels below the city provided shelter from the wind at least if not much in the way of warmth.
The doors to her train opened after a brief wait and Vivian selected a seat. Reaching into her bag she pulled out her latest book on her ‘must read’ list and picked up where she had left off this morning. Within moments the train was on its way up the Red Line and Vivian was immersed in a book of Plath’s poems. Despite her pleasure in the anonymity of city life Vivian was always aware of what was going on around her as well. The smells, sounds, and sights of a big city were fascinating and there was always something to stimulate her private conversation with herself. ‘Yeah, maybe that is what I like best about the city, it makes you aware; not just about everyone around you that you constantly have to avoid, sit next to, or walk beside but it makes you aware of yourself also – you feel alone, independent, connected, and alive all at once.’
Her several block walk to her apartment building saw that she was snow covered and wet by the time that she let herself in. Slipping off her shoes Vivian made her way to the bedroom. There was really only two rooms, three if you counted the small bathroom which she did not, there was the bedroom with a small window and then there was a tiny kitchen combination living room. Despite its size her apartment was well cared for and offered great benefits like washers and dyers, its own recreation center, and, best of all, it was very secure. The security personnel monitored the doors throughout their shifts and to be let on the elevators you had to get permission from the front desk who would check your name against a list of the persons you claimed to be visiting.
Taking off her classy slacks and warm pale gray sweater in favor of sweats Vivian was ready to make dinner. Trying to keep her heating bill low ensured that she ate a lot of soup in the winter and doubled up on socks when she went to bed. “Stupid student loans, she complained, it’s not as if I don’t make enough money but it seems like they will be around until I’m 40!” Vivian had received several scholarships for her musical talent but she had attended a well established private college and was not eligible for student aid. Her grades had remained high despite having to work a part-time job and she had gradated at the top of her class. Her mother had tried to help but there wasn’t much money to go around with Dave’s children in college also, Vivian’s needs had taken a back seat again. ‘Old news Viv, get over yourself.’ Her stern thoughts added an extra jolt to her system spurring her on to the rest of her nightly duties.
The modern electric keyboard was more expensive then her TV and all her other electronics combined but it was worth the expense. Her piano playing had been her one great passion since she was six and had picked an instrument to take lessons in. From even that early age she had loved it immediately and spent hours learning to play every song in her book for beginners. It wasn’t long before she had moved on to more advanced music and had got her piano teachers notice. From then on she had never looked back. Piano was all that she had wanted to do, the music was therapy to her mind and soul. After years of hard practices, countless teachers, recitals, and private lessons Vivian had managed to land some scholarships that would cover what student loans wouldn’t so that she could get into the small classic arts school that she had been dreaming of. With a dual major in music and literature Vivian had left college and taken the first decent paying job that she could find that would still allow her to play the piano on a regular basis – she was hired on with Lord and Taylors the upscale department store as their pianist. Every day from 10 until 4 she would walk into the second floor of the department store, near the women’s clothing and right next to the doors leading into the rest of the mall where a glossy black baby grand awaited her. With her music piped into the sound system she would lose herself in the music for her six hour shift stopping only to chat with customers who might stop and listen or request a song. For Vivian this job was pure bliss. Bliss that is until it came to her bank balance. They paid her very well – over $20 an hour but with such short shift she wasn’t really working very much. With her bills, apartment, student loans, and groceries Vivian wasn’t getting ahead merely holding steady.
After an hour workout in the downstairs gym, over an hour spent working on a new song that she wanted to add to her repertoire, catching her favorite TV show CSI, and taking a nice hot soak in the tub Vivian was ready to do what she had been dreading all night long. Pulling her thick robe a little tighter around her body she sunk down on the sofa and picked up the classifieds. ‘Please let me find a job that pays well that will still allow me to work at Lord and Taylor’s one that lets me have a lot of hours – please, please, please.’ Vivian’s desperate prayers continued as she read through column after column of day help jobs like waitresses, secretaries, child-workers, and sales jobs. ‘Doesn’t anyone offer night shift jobs anymore?’ After an hour more Vivian was ready to throw the paper away in disgust when her eyes hit an ad she must have overlooked in the Misc. category:
“Needed one evening musician to perform at a jazz lounge from 6pm to 2am TUES – SAT – applicant will be well trained in one of the following: saxophone, piano, trumpet, or harmonica and will have the ability to play numerous jazz/blues pieces as well as to take requests. Starting wage is competitive. Please apply within.”
‘There is a God,’ Vivian breathed as she re-read the ad. ‘I could do that! I would be great at a job like that – it is really just like the Lord and Taylor job only the music is different. And so many hours!’ Vivian had to stop and figure how she could work her schedule around this new possibility – ‘it could work, I don’t have to be at the mall until 10 every day so I could sleep late – even if they paid me less then Lord and Taylor’s with that many hours I know I could finally have more then enough – I could actually save, travel, pay off my debt – turn up my heat!’ Vivian was ecstatic. Quickly jotting down the street address and phone number she made plans to stop by before her shift tomorrow.
Sinking into her small bed she breathed a sigh of relief as the noise from the street below quickly turned into white noise that was familiar and comforting. As was always the case late at night Vivian grew restless.
‘I like my life, I have my music, countless books, a cozy apartment, a fabulous job (and maybe a second equally cool job) and an incredible city to explore – why, most people would envy my life. ‘But you don’t have any friends here.’ Another voice complained. ‘It takes time I’ve only been here since the summer,’ she responded. ‘Six months, six months and you don’t have a single friend!’
Vivian sighed and turned over – she was normally a shy quiet person, polite to a fault but extremely reserved and guarded around people she didn’t know. She had never made friends easily but since she had moved to the city she had been working a lot and then she wasn’t a big partier so where was she supposed to meet people her own age? At the mall most employees were elderly ladies or middle-aged moms with only a few people her age but they worked outside the department store and she never ran into any of them on break. College had made it easy to make friends and she had met people who shared her passion for music, she still kept in touch with a few of them on a regular basis but they lived in different states and it was hard to make do with a long distance friend when you needed someone.
‘You’ve always been a loner so its no time to start getting emotional over not having any friends – your better off without some of those losers at the mall.’ Vivian rolled over again.
It was true, when her dad had died when she was young her mother had to go to work and Vivian was left with a sitter until she was old enough to go to school. At school she never fit in with all the loud, popular kids because she was so quiet. As she got older she found a niche in the music department but outside those walls she was the plain, reserved girl that most people overlooked altogether. When she was in middle-school her mother had remarried Dave who had two children Vivian’s age, Tiffany and Tyler, who were twins and were just like the popular kids who had always ignored her at her old school. Tiffany and Tyler tried to help her fit into their school but most people had already found a group to hang with when Vivian transferred in mid-semester. Vivian had been stuck being odd-man out for the rest of the year. Her mom had been so wrapped up in Dave and the twins that she never noticed that Vivian was floundering. Vivian had learned to take care of herself and had gotten used to being alone.
‘But there is a difference between being alone and being lonely. I could enjoy being alone, I DO enjoy being alone most of the time but being lonely that is something else altogether. I just want to belong with someone, to finally fit in, to have someone to come home to or who cares where I am when I’m gone – I’ve never had that.’ Vivian rolled over one last time and brushed a lone tear away harshly. ‘Okay, I admit it I am alone and I am lonely.’