Killing You Softly

Disclaimer: This story contains voilence, non-contentual sex (aka rape), drug use, cutting and explicit sex. The story is mine and the characters and situations within the story are mine as well. Any resemblence to real people is purely by chance.


Killing you Softly
chapter 1


\"He\'s not the same. He isn\'t the same guy you left stranded in the middle of your relationship,\" the guitarist pleaded with their younger friend. His dark brown eyes stared hard at the singer, \"I\'m telling you Mikael, the guy has changed and not in a good way either.\"

\"What do you mean \'not in a good way\'? I don\'t get what you\'re trying to say here.\"

The larger man looked upward biting the sarcastic retort his mind formulated. Finally, having calmed down and his instincts no longer threatened he spoke. \"I\'m saying that… he\'s been hanging around with a different crowd.\" John shrugged his shoulders, \"Getting into things that he shouldn\'t be.\"

Mikael shook his head defiantly. \"John, just because Tristan doesn\'t hang out with you much doesn\'t mean that he\'s changed or is any different than before.\"

John stood up and walked around the couch opening the blinds. \"Right. Of course, I nearly forgot, you\'d know everything about Tristan. I mean you talk to him all the time don\'t you.\" The guitarist placed his forefinger over his lips and whispered around them, \"Oh that\'s right you haven\'t spoken to him since you broke up with him nearly six months ago.\" John scowled at the naïve blond, \"What was I thinking?\" The brunette slapped his forehead, \"It\'s not like I\'ve talked to him or anything. Or …\"

\"Okay, John I get your point,\" the blue eyed singer mumbled.

\"Do you Mikael? Do you really get my point?\"

\"Yeah, John.\" Mikael looked away from the older man and picked at the lint on his shirt.

\"Good.\" The brunette folded his arms over his chest staring out the window, \"Now shut your mouth and listen to what we\'re trying to tell you, please. You\'re the only one, we think, who can get him out of there.\"

\"Me?\" Mikael pointed at himself. \"You think he\'ll listen to me? I was kind of hoping you guys would call him for me and set something up.\" The younger blond slumped his shoulders and exhaled deeply, \"I\'m the one that broke up with him, remember?\"

Chris leaned forward in his chair and clasped his hands together. He turned his head toward Mikael and licked his lips. \"Mikael. You\'ve gotta try.\" The eldest member of the band slid off his perch and knelt in front of the defeated man, placing a reassuring hand on his wobbly knee. \"You\'re all he has, Mikael.\"

Mikael huffed, \"Pressure much.\"

Chris gaze turned from sympathetic to angry. \"Fucker, you\'re the reason he\'s there in the first place, the reason he\'s fucked up. You owe him a chance. So I suggest you get over this… this whatever it is and help your friend.\"

\"You\'re still in love with him aren\'t you Mikael?\"

\"Yeah, John. I am.\"

\"Then if you love him half as much as we think you do, call him first.\"

Mikael ran nervous fingers over his scalp and gave a small smile. \"Yeah, okay. I\'ll call him.\" The blond turned his gaze at John, \"What\'s he been doing?\"

\"He\'s been acting weird, well, weirder than normal.\"

\"Who\'s he hanging with?\"

\"He was partying with Carlos and that bunch. Now he\'s hanging all over some blond that I really don\'t know.\"

\"Some blond?\"

\"Yeah, I guess Tristan worked with him an a couple of the dude\'s songs.\"

Mikael rubbed his chin and bounced his knee nervously, \"Really.\"

The shorter brown haired man moved from his kneeling position and sat next to Mikael on the large leather sofa, \"He\'s been working hard on his music Mikael. You\'d be so proud of the music he\'s creating.\" Chris placed his hand on the young blonde\'s back in a comforting effort. \"What do you plan on doing about it?\"

Mikael placed his face into his hands. \"I don\'t know.\" He lifted his head up and looked at Chris\'s deep brown eyes. \"I haven\'t figured that part out yet. I said I\'d call.\"

\"Mikael, I think you should either go see for yourself or leave him alone in his misery. I don\'t think a phone call will be enough,\" Chris stated. \"Personally, I\'d love for you to go over there and pound some sense into him.\" John chuckled, \"John, I meant beating him up, not fucking him.\"

\"Sorry, Chris. I couldn\'t help it.\"

\"It was a pretty good visual, Chris.\"

\"Mikael.\" The blond lifted his hands up and smiled. \"Anyway, he\'s been partying pretty hard, getting into things I don\'t think he can handle on his own. I guess his been doing some hard shit but that\'s only rumor.\"

\"Is it that bad, Chris?\"

\"Yeah, Mikael, it is. If you had your life ripped out from under you, don\'t you think you would fall a little bit too?\"

\"Chris,\" Mikael said softly.

\"But, hey, if you don\'t believe us, like I said before, go see for yourself.\"

**

The guys had said he changed, but Mikael, not wanting to believe them, decided to take Chris\'s advice and see for himself. John told him that he would be disappointed in his findings, in Tristan, but Mikael needed to know. Needed to know what affect their breakup had on his one time lover. The young artist parked his car and maneuvered his lanky frame from its confines. The tall muscular man sauntered down the walk leading to his ex boyfriend\'s front door. Mikael shivered slightly as a brisk chilly wind harassed his exposed skin. He gathered his nerves and lifted a hand toward the door, rapping his knuckles against the mahogany entrance. When no one opened the door, he knocked harder.

\"I\'ll get it…\" a raspy voice screamed, nearly incoherently. Mikael waited patiently, hearing a familiar giggle and smiling.

When the large door opened the blonde\'s azure eyes met cloudy pale green ones. The man in the doorway gasped and leaned heavily against the wooden door frame. The emerald orbs squinted, \"Mik…Mikael,\" the slender man stammered. \"Wha…what are you…doing here?\" Mikael, stunned by the other man\'s appearance, barely registered the sound of his name. He gazed at Tristan\'s lithe frame quietly observing how the dark haired man\'s cloths hung on his thinned body. The ashen hue of Tristan\'s complexion was an appalling sight in comparison to his normal milky skin tone, and the blond shuddered at the ghostly appearance it gave the his ex. The slender fingers wrapping around the door\'s edge were shaking and nervously rapping on the wood. They were right, the blond thought, Mikael noticed the change instantly within his old lover. Tristan was fallen apart.

\"Hey, Tristan.\" Mikael spoke softly and peered behind the willowy man, \"Can I come in?\" Tristan pulled the heavy door closer to his body shielding Mikael\'s view of the inside foyer.

\"Um…\" Tristan swayed, closing his eyes, \"Ummm…let me… let me go check,\" he slurred.

The blond stepped back from the door and leaned to one side, finding the address blocks he mouthed the numbers silently. He pointed to the address and said, \"Isn\'t this your house?\" A small breeze skirted between the two men wafting a pungent odor into the blonde\'s face. Mikael cringed internally at the smell that radiated from Tristan and the slightly ajar passage. The stench of alcohol and sex permeated from the dark haired man, his nose flared angrily. \"Tristan what\'s that smell? What\'re you up too?\"

Tristan apprehensively glanced over his shoulder and then back at Mikael, slowly blinking his eyes desperately wanting to focus them. He licked his parched lips and worried his teeth over the bottom one, thinking about what he should do, or say. Finally, he turned his redden eyes back at Mikael, \"Things… are…\" he paused to concentrate. \"Things are different now.\"

\"Things? Tris, what are you talking about?\" Mikael stepped closer to the shaking man. The blond watched Tristan fight the effects of whatever hindered his ability to stand straight and communicate adequately.

Tristan sniffed and wiped his nose with the back of his shaking hand, \"Yeah.\"

\"Yeah, what?\" The dark dilated pupils stared into space, just over Mikael\'s shoulder. The blond waved his hand in front of Tristan\'s face, \"Hello?\" The young singer snapped his fingers watching the slow reaction of his friend. \"What the hell is wrong with you, Tris?\" Mikael moved right up next to his old boyfriend and grabbed Tristan\'s shoulders, \"You\'re high? You\'re fucked up aren\'t you?\"

Tristan giggled and carelessly wiped his nose again, \"Questions, questions to many questions,\" Tristan laughed at himself. \"Oh, as a kite.\" He laughed loudly at his own joke no longer caring that Mikael knew his secret.

\"As a kite? Tristan what are you talking about?\"

\"See,\" he rubbed his nose, \"another question.\" Tristan paused and glared at the other man who so rudely interrupted his fun, \"I\'m high as a fucking kite,\" he laughed. \"Well, not a fucking kite, cuz, well, kites can\'t re..reprod... whatever.\"

\"Tristan this isn\'t funny.\" He stared at his friend closely making Tristan uncomfortable with his scrutiny causing the crashing bass player to shyly turn away from him. \"Whatever you\'re doing, the shit is dangerous.\"

Their reunion was suddenly terminated by an irate voice. \"What the hell is going on out there Tristan?\"

\"Nothing,\" he lied unexpectedly composing himself. \"Mik…Mikael you need to leave.\" He pushed the younger man away from him and gasped when Mikael\'s fingers lightly encircled his wrist. Tristan tried pulling it from his friend but he was too late.

\"What is this?\" Mikael looked up from the red marks on Tristan\'s wrists.

\"Na…nothing.\" Tristan slipped out onto the porch and silently shut the door behind him. \"Look,\" he swayed again, \"you just need to leave right now?\"

\"Why?\"

Tristan pierced Mikael\'s soul with his steel stare, \"Things…are different. Please, I\'ll talk to you later, okay.\" Tristan pulled his entrapped wrist from Mikael\'s gentle touch and opened the door. Stepping slowly inside, never releasing Mikael\'s gaze, he whispered, \"I promise, I\'ll call.\" He closed the door leaving a stunned and confused ex-boyfriend on his porch.

Mikael turned from the doorway and dejectedly made his way back down the cemented pathway. When he reached his vehicle he looked over his shoulder one last time and caught Tristan watching him from the large picture window. As their eyes met, a shadowy figure slithered behind Tristan and wrapped his arms possessively around him. The dark haired man slowly drew the curtains closed stealing the view from the singer\'s eyes. Mikael had no choice but to leave. He opened his car and sat behind the wheel. He placed the key in the ignition and threw his body against the seat. \"I don\'t like this,\" he said. \"I don\'t like this at all.\"

**

Tristan stared out the large window watching Mikael\'s defeated frame maneuver down the pathway. His green eyes glistened with joy and sadness. He felt joy at seeing Mikael almost elated that things could be the way they were before. The bass player saw the gleam in Mikael\'s eyes when he first opened the door. He witnessed the hardened look take over his features when he observed the lack of care he was receiving. Tristan sighed. He only wished he could be with Mikael again, prayed the blond would come back for him.

He had left him though and with that fact weighing heavy on Tristan\'s heart and soul his brief moment of happiness turned to sadness. The memories of that week flooded his mind and depressed any thoughts of rejoicing. Tristan bit his bottom lip and allowed the feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness fill his soul and his shoulders slumped. The brunette thought, If he didn\'t want you then, he doesn\'t want you now. Quit filling you mind with ambiguous thoughts. You\'ve got someone else. He unconsciously rubbed at his itching nose and internally reconciled his false hope. Mikael won\'t ever come back for me. I \'m not worth it. As Tristan looked out the window one last time at his ex-lover, Mikael\'s saddened azure eyes captured his own, catching the older man\'s fixated stare. Tristan saw it, recognized it. He saw painful guilt spiraling within those orbs.


Tristan\'s body tensed when he felt the presence of his new lover looming over him, he closed the curtains.

\"Who was that?\" a gruff voice questioned.

\"Nobody,\" Tristan answered.

\"Nobody, huh.\" The other man grabbed a fistful of hair and forced Tristan\'s head around. \"Well, nobody sounded a lot like Mikael Fucking Summers. Didn\'t he?\" Tristan didn\'t answer. \"Didn\'t he?\" the man yelled.

\"Yes,\" Tristan responded in a hushed voice.

\"I don\'t want him around you. You hear me.\" Tristan nodded quickly. \"He gave up on you remember. I\'m the one who put you back together, not him. Me. Remember,\" he screamed into Tristan\'s ear and again he tipped his head up and down, \"You\'ll do good to remember that.\" He wrapped the crashing dark haired man into his arms and flattened his lips against Tristan\'s. The man pulled his timid lover toward the couch and forced him to sit. \"Now, I was nice enough to cut you some lines,\" he pointed at the coffee table, \" I suggest you do them.\"

Tristan hesitated slightly. He knew he had already done what he could handle, but he was too afraid of the consequences if he didn\'t do the lines in front of him. He slowly lifted the straw that rested next to the piece of glass and stuck it inside his nasal passage. His head swam and he swayed slightly before leaning down and inhaling the powdery substance laid out in front of him, relieving himself of the hurtful memories.

\"Good boy,\" the man praised. \"Let\'s go to bed.\"

**

The blond drove the short distance from Tristan\'s house to his and clambered out of his car. He entered his house and quickly withdrew his cell phone from his coat pocket, dialing a familiar number. The blond exhaled impatiently while fidgeting with his shirt\'s hem. \"Come on, come on. Pick up.\"

\"Hello.\"

\"Thomas?\" Mikael asked removing his coat and tossing it onto his couch.

\"Yeah, who else would be answering my phone?\" Thomas remarked in sleep heavy words. \"What\'s up? Why the hell are you calling me at his time of night?\" The sleeping blond stole a glance at his alarm clock. \"You do know what time it is, don\'t you?\"

\"Um…\"

\"It\'s fucking 3:3…\" he looked hazily at the clock again, \"8, Mikael. What\'s so important that you\'ve gotta interrupt my sleep time.\"

Mikael took a deep breath, \" I just got back from Tristan\'s.\"

\"What?\" Thomas sat up in his bed, sheets pooling around his hips. \"Why were you there? What happened?\" he ran his hand through his sleep mused hair, wide awake.

\"I talked to John and Chris yesterday afternoon.\"

\"What for?\"

Mikael glanced down at the floor tiling and whispered guiltily, \"I wanted one of them to set something up with Tris. I wanted to meet with him and I knew he wouldn\'t come out just for me.\"

\"And?\"

\"Well, they told me that Tristan was acting different, changed. I didn\'t believe them. Chris suggested that I should go and see for myself.\" Mikael milled through his house, \"So I did.\"

\"And?\"

Mikael sighed heavily, \"And they were right. He has changed and I don\'t like it.\" The blond maneuvered dexterously throughout his house and ascended the stairs toward his bedroom.

\"That makes four of us.\" Thomas paused and listened to Mikael\'s breathing. When the younger blond didn\'t speak Thomas asked, \"What are we gonna do about it?\"

\"I don\'t know yet, but something.\" Mikael sat down on his bed and pondered the situation for a moment. \"He\'s doing drugs,\" he simply stated.

\"I know.\"

\"He wouldn\'t let me in . I asked and he said that he wasn\'t sure. That he had to ask someone else if it was all right. What\'s up with that?\"

\"He does have a new boyfriend. I think if my old lover showed up on my doorstep unannounced, and my new boyfriend was there, I\'d ask.\"

\"Who\'s the guy his with?\"

\"Guess.\"

\"I don\'t fucking want to guess,\" Mikael huffed. \"Just tell me.\"

\"It\'s Brian.\"

\"Brian?\"

\"Brian Teller,\" Thomas answered. \"They\'ve been together since you left for your solo gig. He practically swooped down from his fucking perch when he realized that Tristan was a free man. Tristan was so broken he didn\'t even no what hit him.\"

\"Broken,\" the younger blond whispered. He then turned angry, \"That fucker. He isn\'t taking care of him.\" Mikael paused, \"Isn\'t he the one that Tristan sang for, that techno guy.\"

\"Yep, that\'s the one. He\'s been living at Tristan\'s house since they started working together. I think he\'s the one supplying the shit for Tristan.\" Thomas\'s voice deepened, \"It wouldn\'t surprise me if he was making Tristan pay for it.\"

\"God, why would Tristan turn to him? Do drugs? That just doesn\'t sound like him.\"

\"It isn\'t him.\" Thomas\'s voice hardened, \"Look Mikael, when you left Tristan was absolutely inconsolable. He loved you so much believe it or not.\" The older blond clenched his free hand, \"You asshole, you tore his heart apart when you decided to go solo. Then if that wasn\'t enough, you tore his soul apart when you told him that the two of you needed to split up, so that your career wouldn\'t suffer. You took every last thing from him and gave him nothing to replace it with. The Tristan that you knew before is dying inside because of you and you see what\'s replacing him.\"

Mikael gasped, \"I told Tristan that our split wouldn\'t be forever. It was Silveo\'s idea for us to part anyway, they didn\'t want anyone finding out and ruining my solo career before I ever got started.\"
\"Yeah, like I said.\" Thomas\'s voice became angrier, \"So, you were basically putting your love on the back burner to your career. Why couldn\'t you share your new career with Tristan? Did you think Tristan would\'ve ruined it?\"

\"No,\" Mikael\'s heart arched. \"It wasn\'t…like that.\"

\"Well you must\'ve, you did after all break up with him. He was so proud of you, too.\"

\"It was only temporary,\" Mikael tried explaining. His voice cracked, \"I know better now. I know that us being together wouldn\'t have ruin anything. It would\'ve only strengthened it.\"

\"Seems a little late for that revelation don\'t you think?\"

Mikael was silent and Thomas waited patiently for his younger friend to gain his composure. Thomas heard the solo star sniff back tears. \"I want him back, Thomas,\" he murmured. \"I want him here with me. I want to share all of me with him and I want him to share all of him with me.\"

\"It\'s good to want things, Mikael, but if you think its gonna be easy you\'re in for a rude awakening. It\'s about time you stepped back down to our level and figured out what the hell your missing.\" Thomas laid back on his pillow, \"And besides, he\'s with someone else.\"

\"I know, but when I looked in his eyes tonight I could still see his love for me. I could still see into his soul.\" Mikael held back a sob, \"He still loves me, just as I still love him.\"

\"It\'s a shame you had to destroy what you had to realize that.\"

\"Thomas,\" Mikael warned.

\"It\'s a shame that you choose a solo career over your love for Tristan.\"

\"Thomas… I\'m warning you.\"

\"It\'s a shame Mikael that you know that Tristan would\'ve never killed your career. It\'s a shame the opposite is true. Your career killed Tristan.\"

\"Thomas, don\'t say that.\" The young star\'s words went unheard. Thomas had hung up on him. \"Arggggg…\"

Mikael threw his phone across the room smashing it against the bathroom door. He flung himself onto the mattress and covered his face with his large hands, weeping. The blond rolled his head back and forth silently reprimanding his stupidity, his carelessness. Thomas had been right; he\'s the cause for the change in Tristan. He\'s the cause of the slow death of Tristan\'s soul, of his own. His personal lack of judgment and inability to stand up against Silveo cost him more that it gained him. The career that developed held nothing compared to the love he shared with Tristan. Mikael smacked his hand upon his forehead as tears formed. Why didn\'t he tell the record company no? Why did he give up the one person he truly deeply loved? Why did he destroy him?

Mikael rolled over onto his side and pulled one leg up near his chest. He placed a heavy hand onto the mattress and slowly moved it up and down the silky sheet, eyes wide, remembering who used to lie there. The despondent blond closed his teary blues and snared his trembling lip between his teeth. He continued absentmindedly stroking the area where his lover once laid. \"Why,\" he whimpered. \"Un, god, why did I give you up?\" he sniffed. \"I\'m so stupid… stupid. Couldn\'t I see that you were more to me the anything this world had to offer? I can now.\" He clutched his hand into the bedding and opened his mouth slightly as another jolt of emotional pain ripped his heart. \"Baby…\" he whimpered, \"baby why\'d I leave you.\" He shifted his position on the bed sprawling his lean muscular body over Tristan\'s side of the bed. Mikael pulled the covers haphazardly around him, engulfing him in the minuscule scent of the his ex lover\'s. He rocked. \"I need you, baby.\" His tears soaked the bedding, \"I need you so much… It\'s killing me too.\"

Mikael slowly opened his wet lashes and glanced out the window. A warming ray of sunlight accosted his bloodshot eyes and he quickly shut them again. A vision of Tristan filtered through his mind and he sat up suddenly throwing the sheet back from him. Mikael turned his pounding head toward the balcony window that faced Tristan\'s house. The lonely blond stood from the bed and wearily walked out onto the terrace. He stared at his ex-lovers house, \"I know why now,\" he whispered. \"I\'m a coward . I wasn\'t able to stand up for us and now look what\'s happened. I can only imagine why you\'re with him. I promise baby, I promise for us that I\'ll do anything and everything possible to make it up to you and win you back.\" He turned away from the looming house on the hill and clenched his fist, \"I was a coward once, I won\'t be a coward anymore.\" Mikael hurried back into his house and set to work on getting Tristan back.