In Joy and Sorrow

Inspired by the lyrics from the song In Joy and Sorrow by Him.
Disclaimer: Well...actually I do own them. Every single one! Bwah ha ha ha!
Feedback address: Jessie53067@yahoo.com
Beta: Reto. Thank you for correcting all my *horrible* mistakes.

****
\\\\ \"Oh girl we are the same
We are young and lost and so afraid
There\'s no cure for the pain
No shelter from the rain
All our prayers seem to fail\" //
****
"But you're almost thirty!"

Hey!" Zackary said defensively as he turned around. "I'm twenty-eight. That's *not* almost thirty."

"Whoa, settle down man, it's okay," Matt said, lifting his arms in surrender.

"Besides he said as he continued walking down the aisle, "the fact that I'm *twenty-eight* doesn't matter."

"But you're a -" Matt noticed the glare he was getting from some of the students, not to mention Zack, and lowered his voice. "You're a virgin."

Sighing, Zack stopped pretending to look for a book, "So? Women can do tons of things with men and still be virgins. I can do other things than have sex and still have a sex life."

\"Yes, okay, and *please* do not go into detail," Matt said, giving up on trying to convince Zack that being a virgin at his age was an odd thing.

"You never had a problem when I talked about things like that in college," Zack said pointedly as he picked out a book and started leafing through it.

"Yes, and you were also dating *women* then," Matt told him, taking the book from Zack and putting it back on the shelf.
"Fine, you win," Zackary said as he followed Matt out the library doors, "But you still shouldn't be so judgmental. I'm sure that there are tons of gay men out there who don't have intercourse but still have very good relationships."

"Ahh, yes. The key word being *relationships*! The longest relationship you've ever been in was with Deoblo58 and you even left him because "˜he was getting to clingy'."

"Hey, he asked for my measurements so he could make me an outfit!" Zackary defended as he opened the passenger door.

"He was a fashion designer. And it was for your birthday!" Matt said in disbelief.

"Hey, you never know with those guys. He could have just been a crazy stalker."

Shaking his head, Matt started up the Jeep. Looking back so he could pull out, something caught his eye. Turning fully, he looked down and sighed in disgust. Grabbing the briefs from the back seat, he threw them at Zack. "You know, *that* is why Cassandra left me."

"No, Cassandra left you because she walked in on us sleeping in the same bed one too many times. *Julie* left you because of that," Zack told him as he stuffed the briefs into Matt's gym bag. "Why can't you just buy some? Then you could just say that they're yours."

"Because I shouldn't have to buy any. They shouldn't be in my Jeep in the first place!" Matt said, faking anger as he pulled out.

"Sorry, but you're the one who let me borrow your car for my date last night," Zack replied, laughing as the Jeep screached to a halt.

"SO! What the hell did you do in my Jeep that required you to remove you underwear?" Matt yelled, actually worried this time.

"Oh settle down! We just went skinny dipping...and I decided to just put my pants back on...afterwards," Zack said, turning and looking out the window innocently.

"Afterwards! After what?" Matt asked, worried that he'd have to get his car washed out.

Zack turned back towards his friend in exasperation. "You're the one who didn't want to hear about these things. It hurts your poor straight man ears to hear about two men having oral -"

"Ahh! I don\'t want to know! I want don\'t to know!' Matt cut him off, waving his hands in the air as if he could make the words remove themselves from his brain. Then, in
a more pitiful tone, "You didn't do anything in my Jeep, did you?"

Zack threw his hands up as he half sighed, half laughed. "No, we didn't do anything in your god dammed Jeep. God forbid anything happen to the wondrous Jeep."

****
"No, for the last time! "˜M not going to go out with Cinder Cutheral!" Travis told his friend in exasperation.

\"Why not, dude? She\'s a total slut and she\'s totally into you!\" Andy - \'the A-man\' to himself - asked in disbelief as he jumped out in front of his friend.

Sighing, Travis pushed his friend out of his way and continued down the hall. "Maybe "˜cause I don't want to be pissing blood and worring "˜bout my bits falling off!"

Andy went quiet -an amazing feat if you knew the boy- contemplating what his friend had just said. Travis thanked god for all his good graces when Andy decided to stay quiet for the whole walk to their American Lit. class.

Unfortunately, his paralysis broke as they walked through the door. "So what *do* you dig in a babe?"

Travis mentally wincedas he listened to his friends horrible surfer-skater-slacker-cum-stoner voice that made all his words kind of slur together. It made you wonder if he'd ever had an actual intellectual thought and boggled your mind at how he'd ever passed the fifth grade.
But even after the three years that he'd been here, Travis still found himself missing the soft Irish accents from home.

Travis looked around uncomfortably before answering. "Uh...well, I guess I like the darker look, you know? Tall, dark, and -"

"Totally hot," Andy finished with a laugh that sounded more like a cackle than anything to Travis.

"Uh...yeah." Travis headed to his seat trying to avoid further conversation on that topic.

Andy, unfortunately, couldn't take a hint and sat down next to him to continue their conversation. "See, me personally, I like a girl with blond hair but I don't mind brunettes...or red-heads. You know those girls with the funky colored hair aren't too bad either..."

"Andy, all *you* really like in a girl is set between her neck and her stomach," Travis pointed out, stopping his friend from rambling on and on about different hair colors.

This subject wasn\'t something that Travis really liked to talk about. He found this high school highly homophobic and he knew, if he wanted to even think of have a chance of keeping the few friends that he made, that annoncing that he was gay was not a good idea. He decided to just keep it quiet and try and go along with their conversations. It wasn't *that* hard; just change \"he\" to \"she\"...right?

"Man, you always get all weird when we talk about girls and such. You haven't had a girlfriend in all three years that I've known you, man!" Andy said as he put his feet on the seat in front of him.

"I've been in relationships, you guys just haven't met them," Travis told him with a smile. He had been in relationships but they usually just spanned the summer and then ended when he had to go back to school.

\"What? Dude, you\'ve been holding out on me? Man, that\'s *so* not cool!\" Andy practically yelled but he sounded more excited than he did angry \"So, who were they? When were they? What happened, man?\"

Laughing, Travis turned to his friend who was looking at him in awe. \"Wipe that stupid look off your face, man, you\'re embarrasing me. They were usually just over the summer. Before last year there was D and Jamie. Then this summer there was Jess for a couple weeks, not really a relationship, just a couple dates and then there was Dylan.\" Travis lost whatever symptoms he had of a good mood when he mentioned Dylan.

They were a couple weeks into second semester now and they had only broken up a couple months ago. It still hurt to think of Dylan and how he had walked in on him with some other guy having sex. It stung that Dylan would have sex with someone else when Travis had actually offered to. Sure he was a virgin but he loved Dylan and he was willing to take that step for him, now he just felt stupid.

\"Heavy break up, huh man?\" Andy asked, picking up on his friends
change of attitude.

\"Yeah, it sucked.\" Travis\' tone made it obvious that Andy should stop there and not try to prod anymore.
\"Sorry man. But hey, just remember, today is Mrs. Sanderson\'s last day! We\'re gonna have a sub for the rest of the year, man!\" Andy said, so excited that he almost knocked his desk over.

Laughing, Travis opened up his binder and pulled out the homework that he completed last night.

\"Oh dude, I totally spaced. Do, you think I can copy yours?\" Andy asked, his eyes getting really big like they always did when he was scared.

\"Sure,\" Travis said as he gave him the worksheet.

****
\"Hey, aren\'t you supposed to be at work?\" Matt asked as he sat down next to Zachery.

\"Aren\'t you supposed to be living in your own appartment?\" he rebutted, grabbing the orange juice container from Matt.

\"Hey, give it back!\" Matt called in surprise.

\"It\'s *my* orange juice!\"

\"Okay dude, your complete obsession with orange juice is scary. I will buy you more. Besides there\'s only like a half cup left, just let me have it,\" Matt begged, sticking out his lip in a pout.

\"Fine, here,\" he said as he gave back the orange juice container reluctantly.

\"So, anyway, why are you here? I thought that you started that new job today,\" Matt said happily before lifting the container to his mouth and draining it in three obnoxious gulps.

\"No, I start that job tomorrow,\" Zack told him, wincing as Matt let out a deafening belch. \"Do you *have* to do that? God, it\'s no wonder that you can\'t keep a girlfriend. I mean between that and calling me to come over and cook breakfast for them.\"

\"Hey, I would rather call you and have you cook them a wonderful breakfast, even if it is a bit peppery-\"

\"There is *nothing* wrong with my use of pepper!\" Zack said indignantly.

\"-than cook them something that is so horrible that they\'ll be spending the rest of the day either worshiping the porcelain throne or in the emergency room,\" Matt finished, choosing to ignore his friend\'s outburst.

\"Yeah, yeah, whatever. You just don\'t want to learn how to cook,\" Zack grumbled as he turned on the TV.

They sat in comfortable silence for a while until Matt decided to open his mouth. \"Do you rememberback in college man? We used to do everything together.\"

Zack looked over at his friend disbelievingly, hoping that he was only joking. When he saw that Matt wasn\'t he couldn\'t help but look at him like he were the world\'s biggest idiot.

\"What? What are you giving me that look for,\" Matt said as he pointed his finger at Zack\'s face.

\"College was four years ago! Not ten! Besides, we still *do* do everything together.\"

Matt was quiet for a few seconds as he thought it over. \"Hmm... it is kinda the same isn\'t it?\"

\"You\'re an idiot,\" Zack told him as he swung his arm around and hit Matt on the forhead.

****
\"God dammit!\" Zack yelled in annoyance. He threw the hanger back into his closet before walking through the apartment and out into the hall. He walked the three steps it took to get to the apartment across the hall, pulled out his keys, and let himself into the apartment.

\"Matt where\'s my shirt?\" he yelled, walking across the apartment and into the bedroom. There was Matt, and some woman, in the bed and still asleep. Typical. \"Matt!\"

He wasn\'t fazed by the half naked woman in the bed who was trying to
cover herself up, or by his own half nude figure. \"Seriously, where\'s my
shirt?\" Zack asked, started to get pissed off.

Matt, who was still blinking and rubbing his eyes, pointed towards the closet. \"Dry cleaning bag.\"

\"And why, pray tell, is this in *your* closet?\" Zack asked, pulling the bag out.

\"Uh...because I picked it up for you yesterday,\" Matt replied sleepily.

\"So, why is it in your closet?\" Zack asked again as he put the shirt on and started buttoning it up.

Matt\'s face contorted into a look of deep contemplation until he, finally, came up with the answer he was looking for. \"I forgot.\"

\"Yeah I noticed,\" Zack replied dryly, though not unkindly, as he made his way out of the apartment.

\"Who the hell was that?\" the naked woman next to Matt screamed.

****
\\\\ \"In joy and sorrow
My home is in your arms
A world so hollow
It\'s breaking my heart\" //

****
Travis winced against the blinding sun as he got off the bus. He walked away from the buses and towards the school on auto-pilot, trying to regain his sight.

\"Yo! Hey man!\" Andy called as he bumped into Travis.

\"Oh, hey,\" Travis replied, stil half asleep. \'God I\'d kill for a coffee right now,\' he thought. Then, turning he saw a guy get out of his car. \'Or him.\'

\"Hey, watcha lookin\' at dude?\" Andy asked after seeing Travis\' slack-jawed look.

\"Oh, just that guy\'s car,\" Travis said, hoping that the guy had a nice car. He hadn\'t bothered to look.

\"Yeah, those Jeeps are kickn\'! Didn\'t know that you \'ad a thing for \'m man,\" Andy commented as they walked up to the school.

\'For a kid who\'s usually so fried he can hardly spell his name, he\'s pretty fucking chipper in the morning,\' Travis thought bitterly. \"Oh, yeah. I don\'t know what it is about him but I just can\'t pull my eyes away.\"

\"What?\" Andy asked, alarmed, \"Who can\'t you take your eyes off of?\"

\"Jeeps,\" Travis replied, his voice filled with undertones of \'duh\'. He hadn\'t noticed his slip up until it was too late and he was just hoping that Andy would take his excuse.

\"Oh, dude, I totally thought you said him instead of \'em,\" Andy laughed.

****
Travis entered his American Lit class with Andy just as he had the day before. But today, thankfully, they weren\'t talking about girls. Today\'s topic of choice was about who they would be having as a teacher for the rest of the year.

\"Watch, it\'ll probably be some old lady again,\" Andy guessed. \"I mean, seriously, what\'s the use of getting rid of the old hag if we\'re just going to be getting a new one?\"

\"It might *not* be an old hag,\" Travis argued halfheartedly. Truthfully, he was just as excited to see who the new teacher would be as Andy.

\"I doubt it. This school seems to be in love with da old hags. Ya know man?\" Andy asked as they made their way to their desks.

\"Well, I can guaranteethat I\'m not an old hag...but I don\'t know if you\'ll like my teaching methods any better,\" a deep voice said from behind them.

Andy spun around in surprise and looked the new teacher over. \"Hey dude, it\'s that guy who\'s Jeep you were checking out this morning.\"

Travis, who hadn\'t bothered to turn around was still heading to his desk, froze. He could feel his face getting hot and dreaded looking at the man behind him. \"Uh...hi.\"

The new teacher smiled at Travis, noticing his discomfort. He tried to stop himself from chuckling at the boy\'s friend, who completely oblivious to the embarrassment he was inflicting on his friend. \"So, you like my...Jeep, then?\"

Travis felt his face get hotter as he heard the chuckle in the older in the older man\'s voice. \'Great, just great,\' he thought, trying to look anywhere but at his new teacher.

\"Yeah, muh boy here\'s got a total jones for your Jeep man. Right, Trav?\" Andy commented, not catching the undertones of the conversation.

This time the teacher couldn\'t stop the laugh that bubbled up as he saw the taller boy, Travis, somehow get even darker than he had been before.

But, before Travis could say anything, Andy cut in again. Apparently the boy had finally noticed his friend\'s discomfort and how red he was turning. \"Dude, don\'t be embarrassed. There\'s nothing wrong with looking, right man?\" he asked, turning towards the new teacher.

\"Nope, there\'s nothing wrong with looking,\" he said, turning and smiling at Travis. The smile looked more like a smirk than anything.

Travis balked at this and decided to leave now before he, or Andy, embarrassed him even more. He mentally steadied himself and tried to calm himself. When he felt the flush leave his cheeks, he took that as a good sign. \"Yeah, it\'s a nice Jeep. But I have to finish the last bit \'o my homework that I didn\'t finish last night.\"

\"I\'m Mr. Conner by the way,\" the new teacher after the boy cheerily.

****
It had been three weeks. Three weeks of horrible, terrible, torture. Three weeks of American Lit, eighth period.

He liked American Lit, he did, but when it was being taught by a teacher who was sexier than sin...that made things a bit more interesting. Because of his horrible shyness, he hadn\'t said more than three words to Mr. Conner.

Travis knew that he had no chance with Mr. Conner, but that didn\'t stop him from hoping. Not only was the guy his teacher and an older man; knowing his luck, Travis\' was probably straight, too. But that didn\'t stop him from wondering. Wondering what was under those button up shirts that Mr. Conner always had on. Or what his dark brown hair felt like. Was it soft and silky? Or was it thick and coarse? It was driving Travis crazy!

But now, now, he had a reason to talk to him. Something that would show how smart he was and that wasn\'t just some stupid little high school kid. And it was all because of the C+ that he had been given on his reaction paper.

So, he waited until the end of class and until all the other kids were out of the room. He\'d told Andy to go, he\'d get to the bus on time and not to worry.

\"So, Travis, what\'s the problem?\" Mr. Conner asked, noticing that Travis had stayed behind.

\"You gave me a C+ on my paper,\" he stated, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

\"Well, that\'s because you wrote a C+ paper,\" he told him.

Travis stopped for a moment, he hadn\'t expected that. Usually when you told a teacher that you wanted to talk about a paper grade they\'d just ask you what *you* thought and what *you* thought you should be getting on the paper. This would be different. He set his books down on a desk in the front row and began. \"How so? The punctuation, grammar, and spelling were all perfect. You even said so yourself on the paper.\"

\"True, but you ideas aren\'t back up. In your paper you took Ralph\'s point of view but then made Piggy the antagonist. In the book, Jack was the protagonist,\" he told him, not planning on changing the kid\'s grade.

\"I think he was though, Mr. Conner,\" Travis said, almost angrily.

\"Just call me Zack, please,\" he said with a smile. Then, wrinkling his brow, he thought about how Piggy could be taken as the antagonist. All throughout Lord of the Flies, Piggy had been on Ralph\'s side and was only trying to help him. \"I really don\'t see where you\'re coming from. In your paper, you had Ralph internally rejoicing when Piggy was killed and hating him thoughout the whole book. Piggy was always there
to help him

\"But in some ways he also hindered him. He influenced Ralph on almost all of the decisions made. This isolated Ralph from Jack. Jack hated Piggy and he hated the relationship that Piggy had with Ralph. Therefore, his jealousy got the best of him. He turned not only on Piggy, but also on Ralph for rejecting him. Then Ralph, realizing how Piggy had separated himself and Jack, became angry, even hateful, towards Piggy,\" Travis argued.

\"You\'re not gonna let this go, are you?\" Zack asked with a smile. The kid did make a good point, one he hadn\'t thought of before.

\"Nope,\" he said, returning his teacher\'s smile.

\"Fine, I\'ll raise it to a B, but no higher.\" Then, seeing that Travis was going to start arguing again, he put up a finger to stop him. \"You should have pointed out *why* he felt this anger towards Piggy at the beginning of your paper. Readers, like myself, who hadn\'t shared your point of view might not under stand why Ralph was so angry with Piggy and become confused.\"

Travis sighed, knowing that he wasn\'t going to raise his grade any higher. \"Fine, but I still think it\'s an A paper.\"

\"And it should be. A few more sentences in your introductory paragraph and it wouldhave been.,\" Zack said with a laugh.

His laugh was infecious and Travis couldn\'t help but smile. Something caught his eye and he looked towards the window just in time to see a large yellow object fly by. \"Shit!\" he yelled before scrambling towards the desk with his books on it.

\"Whoa, whoa! What\'s the hurry?\" Zack asked, caugh completely off guard by Travis\' change in attitude.

\"I think that was my bus,\" Travis said mournfully, thinking about having to walk home and how his mom was going to yell at him when she saw that he didn\'t have his chores done.

\"Don\'t worry about it, I\'ll give you a ride. It\'s my fault that you missed your bus after all,\" Zack said with a smile. He didn\'t mind the thought of spending a little extra time with Travis either.

\"Really?\" Travis asked, sighing with relief. \"Thanks Mr. Conner.\"

\"Zack, please,\" he reminded Travis.

\"Oh, uh, sure,\" Travis stuttered. \' Zack. Zack Conner. His name is Zack Conner.\' He mentally slapped himself for acting like a seventh grade girl. Then he smiled and stuttered out another thank you.

\"Hey, it\'s really not a problem,\" Zack said, grabbing his briefcase from behind his desk and stuffing some folders and papers into it. \"Let\'s get going, huh?\"

\"Oh, uh, sure. I live kinda far away though,\" he said apologetically.

\"Oh, where?\" Zack asked, really not caring how far away it was.

\"Over by Huffbeat,\" Travis replied in a small voice.

\"Really? That\'s over by where I live,\" Zack said happily as they left the room and headed for the Jeep.

**
\"Yeah, right here,\" Travis said, pointing to the blue house on the left.

\"You know, you really do live pretty close to me,\" Zackary told Travis as he pulled into the driveway.

\"Really? Where do you live?\" Travis asked as he reached into the back for his backpack. Only realizing afterward that it might be inappropriate to ask a teacher where he lives.

\"Oh just a couple of blocks up the street,\" he said pleasantly.

\"Oh, well, thanks for the ride...Zack,\" Travis said as he opened the door to the Jeep.

\"Bye,\" Zack called out he window. He frowned as he pulled the car out. The car felt empty now that Travis was gone.

*
The car ride had been silent at first but then Zack had broken the ice by asking more about Travis\' paper. They\'d gotten into a discussion about how Travis didn\'t trust people who seemed too innocent or perfect -which explained his hatred for Simon. But when Zack had asked him why, Travis had gotten quiet. He simply said that he\'d always been that way.

Deciding that that conversation would just lead to tense words and awkward silences, Zackary had changed the suject. To music. Travis turned out to be a big 80\'s punk fan and practically worshipped the Sex Pistols.

Conversation had somehow turned from music to movies and Zack had confessed his obsessive love for The Planet of the Apes. In return, not to be outdone, Travis had confessed that he knew every word to all three of the Star Wars movies. He even did his Chubaka impression for Zack.

****
For the first time in three weeks, Travis smiled as he went outside to catch the bus. He couldn\'t wait to see Zackary again, even if he was just standing in the front of the room talking about the symbolism in Lord of the Flies. He even kept smiling as he got to the public bus stop and sat down in the shelter/rest area. He was too busy smiling, and thinking about yesterday\'s car ride with Zack, to notice the Jeep that had pulled up in front of him.

\"Hey, Travis,\" Zack yelled through the passenger window.

Travis whipped his head up, surprised by the sound of someone calling his name. Then he recognized the Jeep and the driver bent over the passenger seat, smiling at him.

\"You want a ride?\" Zack yelled, seeing he had Travis\' attention.

\"Sure!\" Travis called back as he grabbed his pack and headed for the Jeep. He hopped in and then turned to Zack, still smiling. \"Thanks. I really didn\'t expect a lift to school or anything.\"

\"Oh, it\'s not a problem. You\'re on the way,\" Zack told him, pulling away from the curb. \"You know, I meant to ask you something yesterday. What part of Ireland are you from? I really like your accent.\"

****
\\\\ \"Oh girl we are the same
We are stong and blessed and so brave
With souls to be saved
And faith regained
All our fears wiped away\" //

****
\"So, who is he?\" Travis\' mother yelled as he entered the house.

\"Ma? What are you doing home so early?\" Travis asked, completely shocked that she was home.

\"Doesn\'t matter,\" she told him. Her accent was still very thick. It sounded like she had moved from Ireland three days ago instead of three years. \"Who\'s that man? The one that\'s been giving ye rides to and from school for the past couple o\' weeks.\"

\"Ma, he\'s just my English teacher. He lives around here so he gives me rides sometimes,\" Travis told her but his voice was so quiet it sounded more like he was asking a question. He knew he needed to tread lightly here. His ma was in one of her moods today.

\"Ah, likely story ye little faggot,\" she hissed.
He didn\'t even try to defened himself; there was no use. He was in for it now, no doubt about it. The only thing he could do by talking would be to get himself in more trouble.

\"Ye disgraceful maggot. Me and your father work ourselves to the bone so you can, what, go fuck your little faggot friends night and day? I think not!\" she yelled, swinging her fist and hitting him in the jaw.
How had things gone downhill so fast? He\'d just spent *another* amazing afternoon with Zack. Travis would even swear that Zack was starting to flirt with him. But now, here he was, leaning against the wall as he watched his mother advance on him.

This was the easy part though. \'Oh god, just wait till Da gets home. No doubt Ma\'s talked to him \'bout this and even if she hasn\'t then she\'ll tell him when he gets home.\'

\"I\'m sorry Ma. I\'m really sorry,\" he pleaded as she came closer.

\"Ye lie!\" She screamed as she came upon his huddled form. Then, swinging her foot with every word, she started to berate him. \"Devil Child! Faggot Boy! Ye\'ll rot in hell for yer sins!\"

She continued to kick him for another fifteen minutes. By the time she finally stopped Travis felt woozy and light headed.

\"Now go up to your room and pray fer God\'s forgiveness because ye\'ll get none from me or yer father. I\'ll send him up when he gets home too, he\'ll know what to do with ya,\" She said, turning and walking into the kitchen without a glance back at him.

His balance was off, he could barely sit straight, so walking was definitely out of the question. He got up on his hands and knees, knowing that this was what his mother had truly wanted from the beginning. She wanted to see him crawl. He fell down a couple times, not able to hold his weight up. But eventually he made it up to his
room.

He crawled in and shut the door, cutting off the sound of his mother blending something in the kitchen. Leaning against the cool door for support, he flexed his jaw. It was swollen but it wasn\'t broken -thank god for small graces.

After making sure that there wasn\'t anything wrong with his jaw that he hadn\'t felt before, he moved down to the more obvious damages on his body. He pulled up his t-shirt and looked to see the damage his mother had inflicted with her size six shoes. His stomach was already bruising, turning the skin a sickly light purple hue. Then he let his eyes wander up to his ribs. There was some bruising and his left side was starting to match the color of his stomach. But he didn\'t think that anything was broken or fractured.

\'I can\'t stay here,\' he thought frantically. \'Ma\'s never been this angry before. God knows how Da\'ll be. I\'ll be lucky to be alive when he gets done with me.\'

Mindless of the pain it caused, Travis stood up and walked over to his window. He looked out at the familiar sight of his backyard. \'I can\'t leave now. Ma\'ll hear me if I try and sneak out...I don\'t think I could even if I wanted to. I\'m too sore to try now. But she\'ll have to leave to go get Da from work. I\'ll have to go then.\'

He walked back over to his bed and sat down. She\'d be leaving around 7:30, he\'d have to be ready by then. He reached over, grabbed his alarm clock, and set it for 7:15, just in case. He fell backwards onto his bed so he could think. But the moment his back hit the mattress he felt exhaustion steal over him. \'Well, maybe just a small nap.\'
**
Travis woke with a scream as his stomach flared with pain.

\"Sleeping! Not even trying to pray for God\'s forgiveness now are ye?\" his mother screamed.

He looked over at the clock. 7:00. He\'d been asleep for almost three hours.

\"Ye disgusting shite!\" she yelled, bringing her fists, clenched together as if she were going to be bunting a volleyball, down on his stomach again.

A scream tore loose from his mouth as his stomach errupted in pain a second time. Then, rolling off the bed and away from his mother, he pleaded with her. \"No Ma, I was praying. I swear I was. I musta just dozed off. \'M sorry Ma, I really am.\"

\"Running from me now are ye?\" she growled. It was a horrible sound and it stilled Travis\' movements almost instantly. A mask of confusion stole over her face and she asked, \"What would make ye so tired that ye would doze off in the middle o\' prayer?\" Then, her face contorting into that of a hag, she screamed at him. \"Maybe it\'s all the whoring ye been doing. Eh, boy?\"

She advanced upon him, kicking him until he was resting on his side with the wall at his back. She assulted his bruised stomach first, taking pleasure in the pain-filled screams coming out of her son\'s mouth. Then she took a wild kick, hiting him directly in the face and breaking his nose instantly. \"Now ye won\'t be so pretty for yer boys, will ye?\"

Travis\' alarm went off. His mother, hearing the blaring noise, stopped instantly. \"Ye set your alarm did ye? Gonna run away boy?\" She asked. Then, laughing in her horrible way that sounded to Travis like a cackle, she continued. \"Go ahead, yer of age! Good riddance! It\'ll be a fag out o\' the house and less money out o\' our pockets!\"

But Travis didn\'t move. He knew better. A single movement would trigger his mother and she\'d be on him again.

\"I didn\'t think ye would. Cowardly little fag boy,\" she mumbled as she walked out his door. Her shadow, usually dwarfed by anything taller than five foot, extended across the room like that of a giant ogre.

He waited.

**
He waited until he heard his mother pull out of the driveway. Then, grabbing onto his bedside table for support, he lifted himself up. When he made it to his door, a mere five feet away from where he was standing, he gave himself a few moments rest. \"No, have to keep going,\" he told himself as he lurched away from the door and down the hall. \"Have to keep going.\"

He made it down the hall fairly quickly and then came upon the stairs. But his stairs were no longer there. In their place was a huge, steep cliff with only small rocks on the side to help aid a person down. He looked back down the hall towards his room. Oh, how he longed to just turn around and go back. To lie down in his bed and take a small nap and let himself recover some before he decided to take on this terrible
journey again. But, he knew he couldn\'t. There was no second chance. This was it.

Travis grabbed ahold of the banister, stealing himself for the journey down. He shook his head, trying to clear the fog of unconciousness that was looming around in his head. Then he started down the rocky, painfilled horror that would lead him to freedom.

The stairs were slow work but eventually he made his way to the bottom. And then there it was. Where his dingy front doors had once been, the golden archways of heaven that would lead him to his freedom now stood. He hobbled towards it and, upon reaching it, he threw open his front door and breathed in the sweet, fresh air of freedom.

But he stopped and took one last look back upon the hell that he had called home. The clock above the TV chimed happily, announcing that it was now 8:00. Travis froze in utter terror.

He had spent almost twenty minutes on the stairs. His parents would be back any minute.

Ignoring the pain, Travis flew through the front door. His stomach and chest screamed at him, telling him to stop, to slow down, but he paid no head. He turned, cut across the backyard and into the darkness.

**
He ran for what seemed like hours but was actually no more than ten minutes. He was in the park, only three blocks away from his house. His full out run had turned into a sad attempt at jog, and even that was killing him. His vision was blurry, making everything double and move. He finally stopped, able to take no more, and sat down on a bench. But, like in his bedroom, he lost control over his body and he fell
backwards, unconcious before his back hit the bench.

****
\"Oh come on, it\'s not that bad.\"

\"All blind dates are bad. All the guys that I\'ve ever gone on blind dates with belonged in the circus,\" Zackary said.

\"Yeah, but remember, you\'re doing this for a good cause. Me,\" Matt said, big smile crossing his face. \"Besides, the guy actually sounds okay. He\'s got an Irish accent too. You like accents right?\"

\"Oh, yeah, sure,\" Zack mumbled, fake smile crossing his face. The mention of Irish accents had made him automatically think of Travis. The way he laughed, a big hearty sound that made him gasp for air. And then the smile that would follow, spreading across his whole face.

Like this afternoon.

They\'d been laughing at something, god knows what, probably some stupid thing that one of Travis\' moronic friends had done. Then, they\'d pulled up to Travis\' house and Travis had reached back to get his pack. He\'d turned towards Zack, his chocolate brown eyes seeming to shine. Zack had felt pinned by their deep, dark depths and hadn\'t been able to say anything. Then Travis had run his hand through his spiky brown, so dark it was almost black, hair and had bitten his lip for a second before saying thank you. Zackary had become entranced with that lip and how it got redder and a little puffy from the small nip. He\'d leaned forward, fully intending to take that lip into his mouth. But Travis, not noticing that Zackary had leaned forward, turned away and got out of the car.

\"Hey, Zack, are you okay?\" Matt aked, shaking Zack out of his thoughts.

\"Yeah, I\'m fine. I was just thinking,\" Zackary said, giving his friend a smile.

\"Hey, do you want to cut through the woods? We\'ll get there quicker,\" Matt asked conversationally, not seeming to care either way.

\"Sure, why not?\" Zackary smiled, thinking that the fresh air of the park would be good for him. It would help clear his mind of Travis. Travis who he shouldn\'t be thinking about anyway because he was his student and students were off limits.

**
They couldn\'t have been walking for more than five minutes before Zackary saw the shape bulging up from one of the park benches. \"What\'s that?\"

\"What\'s what?\" Matt asked, looking around.

\"That.\" Zackary pointed to the park bench and the thing on top of it.

\"Probably just some drunk that came here to pass out,\" Matt told him.

\"At 8:30 at night?\" Zackary asked, quirking his eyebrow.

\"Hey, don\'t do that eyebrow thingy at me! That thing freaks me out a little bit man,\" Matt said, pointing to Zackary\'s eyebrow. \"Don\'t worry about that guy, he probably just started early.\"

But by now Zackary was getting a really bad feeling in the pit of his stomach. He walked over to the park bench and looked at the person lying there. But, seeing the person\'s face lit from the street light, Zackary spun away, gasping in horror.

\"Zack, what is it?\" Matt asked, concerned by his friends behavor, as he ran over. But he didn\'t need an answer, seeing for himself. The guy\'s face was a picture of gore. Covered in blood from the broken nose that was turned to the side at a horribly wrong
angle.

****
Travis, who had just regained conciousness looked up at the two figures above him. His vision was still blurry and he mistook them for his parents. \"No! No, leave me alone! Please!\"

Zackary, recognizing the voice first and then the clothes, felt the bile raise up in his throat. \"Oh god, Travis, is that you?\"

Travis blinked a couple times, clearing his vision. The figure before him resolved and it was no longer the looming figure of his father. \"Zack?\" Travis choked out before he turned his head and coughed up large chunks of bloody phlegm.

\"Yes, it\'s me Travis,\" Matt said, helping him into a sitting position. He turned looking at Matt with strangly haunted eyes, \"We need to get him to a hospital.\"

\"Yeah, yeah, of course. Do you know him?\"

\"He\'s one of my students,\" Zackary said, no longer looking at Matt.

\"Yeah, okay,\" Matt replied, watching them. By the way his friend was looking at this kid, Matt knew that he was more to Zack than just a student. Which meant that he had to do everything that he could to help him. \"There\'s a hospital a couple of blocks that way,\" he pointed back in the direction that they\'d come from. \"Yeah, we\'d be walking but it\'ll be fast than an ambulance trying to get through LA traffic on a Friday night.\"

\"No!\" Travis yelled, sounding like he was scared to death. \"No hospitals.\"

\"Travis, we have to get you to a hospital,\" Zackary told him, trying to get him to calm down.

\"No! If I go to a hospital then they\'ll call...them,\" Travis told him, his eyes pleading for Zackary to not make him say anymore.

The truth dawned on Zack and he felt like he\'d just been hit with a sledgehammer. The bile rose in this throat again and he had to consciously fight to keep himself from being sick. \"Fine. Let\'s get you back to my place.\"

\"Thank you,\" Travis said, tears starting to fall down his cheeks.

\"It\'s not a problem. Don\'t worry,\" Zackary told him, wiping away the tears with his thumbs. Then, he leaned forward and placed a kiss on Travis\' forhead.

\"Okay, so, one on each side than? We can pretty much tote him back that way,\" Matt said, moving to Travis\' other side and slinging one of Travis\' arms around his neck.

Zackary just smiled at him gratefully, not needing words. He didn\'t know if he\'d be able to find the words even if he did need them.

**
\\\\ \"In joy and sorrow
My home is in your arms
A world so hollow
It\'s breaking my heart\" //

**
The three of them plopped down on the coach, Zack and Matt trying to cushion Travis\' descent as best they could. Travis turned towards Zack who was breathing slighty faster than normal. \"Thank you. I could have walked here on my own though, you didn\'t have to do that.\"

\"I wouldn\'t have made you do that,\" Zackary told him as he brushed the
hair out of Travis\' face.

Matt smiled at the sweet picture in front of him. He hadn\'t seen Zack get this attached to someone before and he was glad to see it. Zack was currently trying to make sure that Travis was as comfortable as could be, which seemed to be a large annoyance to the kid. But he knew that he\'d have to get the kid checked out, even if there wasn\'t anything worse than the broken nose he was sporting. \"Okay, so let\'s see what we got here.\"

Travis looked over at him in surprise and alarm - he\'d forgotten that Matt was here. \"Do you know what you\'re doing?\"

Matt smiled; it was reassuring and he saw the kid settle down a little. \"Don\'t worry, I\'m a doctor.\"

Travis nodded and tried to relax. He didn\'t like doctors but this was Zack\'s friend, so he\'d try to cooperate with him. He smiled when he felt Zack squeeze his hand.

\"Okay, first of all, your jaw is a little swollen. I\'m gonna check that out, okay? You seem to be talking fine but it can never hurt to check, right?\" Matt waited until he saw Travis nod and took the kid\'s jaw into his hand. He moved it up and down and was happy to see that it moved cleanly. The kid only flinched once and that was when he
originally touched it. \"Well, I was right. It\'s only a little swollen. Put some ice on that and it\'ll go down.\"

He moved up to Travis\' nose but didn\'t do anything. He wanted to make sure that the kid knew what he was doing; this was gonna hurt. \"I\'m gonna have to -\"

\"Yeah, just do it,\" Travis said shortly, but not unkindly. He squeezed Zack\'s hand and shut his eyes, preparing himself for the pain. But it didn\'t come. So he waited some more. When the pain still didn\'t come he opened his eyes and with an annoyed look was about to ask Matt what the hell he was waiting for.

Matt struck. He took the cartilage in his hands and quickly snapped it back into place.

\"Ahh, fuck!\" Travis screamed in pain and surprise, reaching up to his throbbing nose.

\"Sorry,\" Matt said, pushing the kid\'s hands back so he could inspect his work. \"I\'m gonna need you take off your shirt now. I wanna know what\'s under there that\'s hurting so bad.\"

\"It\'s just a bunch of bruising but if you want to take a look...\" Travis trailed off.

\"Yeah, I think I would. Just in case,\" Matt said, giving the kid a big smile.

Without a word, Travis grabbed his shirt by the bottom and lifted it up. His stomach had changed from it\'s earlier purple hue to a dark blue/violet that was almost black. Zack physically flinched and had to look away. Matt, having seen worse and for worse reasons, kept his composure and felt over Travis\' stomach. His touch was light, but efficient. \"Yeah, just bruising. You\'ll probably want to ice that too.\"

\"Thank you,\" Travis said, putting his hand, the one that Zack wasn\'t holding, on Matt\'s shoulder.

\"Hey, don\'t mention it kid,\" Matt smiled at him, giving the kid a pat on the back before he stood up. \"Well, I have to get going, I\'ll see you guys later.\"

\"Matt, you don\'t have to-\" Zack started.

\"No, I need to go. I\'ll see you tomorrow man,\" Matt said with a smile before he opened the door and left.

\"Look, Zack, I\'m sorry about tonight,\" Travis said once the front door han been shut. He was avoiding looking at Zack by looking down while he played with one of his belt loops.

\"Sorry? For what?\" Zack asked, not understanding what Travis could be sorry for.

\"You guys were probably off to do something fun. I mean, it is Friday night after all. I kinda ruined yer night,\" he said, still looking down.

\"Hey,\" Zack said, putting a finger under Travis\' chin and pushing up until he was looking at him. \"I would rather be here with you than with Matt on one of his ridiculous dates.\"

\"Really?\" Travis licked his lips, caught off guard by the heat he saw in Zack\'s eyes.

\"Really.\" Zackary gave in. The temptation was too great and, truth be told, he was tired of fighting. He leaned forward and kissed him.

Travis\' eyes got as big as saucers. Then he relaxed into the kiss. And when he felt Zack open his mouth, he didn\'t hesitate for a second to follow suit. Then his hands were around Zack\'s neck and Zack\'s fingers were stringing themselves through his hair.

Then he was being pushed backwards until he was lying down. Then Zack
was on top of him, straddling his hips. The kiss grew, from warm to hot to hungry and then to ravenous. Zackary let his hands wander hungrily down Travis' chest and then down to his stomach. he kept his touch soft, so he wouldn\'t hurt Travis, as he mapped out the lines and contours of Travis' stomach with his hands.
Travis was in heaven. Besides
the soft but eager wandering hands caressing his stomach, Zack's mouth had moved down to his neck. Zack was kissing and sucking in a way that was driving Travis crazy. Travis could feel Zack pressing into his leg, which only seemed to turn him on more.

Deciding that he had learned enough about Travis' stomach, Zack moved down. He could feel how hard Travis was and cupped him through his jeans.

\"Oh god, Zack. Don't stop,\" Travis moaned.

But Zack did stop. His eyes were open comically wide, like he was just now realizing what he was doing, and with whom he was doing it.

\"Zack?\" Travis asked, looking down.

\"Oh god!\" Zack jumped up and walked away from where Travis was on the couch. \"What am I doing? You're my student! We can't do this!\"

Travis felt reality crash back down on him. He let his head fall back and closed eyes, trying to hold back the tears of frustration and disappointment. When he did finally open his eyes, he saw something that, under usual circumstances, would have made him laugh. Zack was pacing back and forth across the floor like a father waiting to find out if his wife had had the baby yet.

\"Hey, hey,\" Travis called, getting Zack's attention as he grabbed one of his hands. \"It's okay.\"

\"No, it's not. I just made out with one of my students! I could get fired for this!\" Zack told him desperately, but he didn't pull his hand away.

\"Don't worry. I won't tell anyone. Your secret's safe with me,\" Travis said, pushing forward a fake smile to cover his disappointment.

Zackary looked at Travis, spread out before him half-naked and wanting. Inspite of Travis injuries Zack still found Travis incredibly attractive. His whole body felt like it was on fire and it took all of his will not to act on what he was feeling. "˜He's your student! You *can't* do anything with him!' his mind screamed. But as he let his eyes wander back to Travis' face, he felt his heart lighten. \"Fuck it.\"

That was the only warning that Travis had before Zackary was kissing him again. Against his body's screaming protests, he pushed Zack back.

\"I thought we couldn't?\"

\"I don't care. I want you, I *need* you,\" Zack told him.

Travis slid a hand down Zack's face. \"Are you sure?\"

\"Yes.\" Zack's eyes shone with truth and pleaded for Travis' acceptance.

\"Okay.\" This time Travis kissed him and it wasn't like their previous kiss. This one was slow and burning. Zackary pulled back, gasping for breath, and leaned his head against Travis'. \"I want this.\"

Never losing eye contact, Travis stood up. He pulled Zackary up from his position on the floor. He slowly undid the buttons on Zackary's shirt, kissing every inch of newly exposed skin.

When he'd undone the whole shirt he looked back up at Zackary, who was breathing hard. He slid his hands up Zack's stomach and chest, pulling the shirt off of Zack as
he stood up. Then he kissed him, holding onto Zackary's face as he did so.

Then he pulled back and said, \"So do I.\"

Zack, never taking his eyes off of Travis, reached down and undid the button and fly on Travis' pants. Travis, his eyes smoldering, did the same to Zackary. Still looking at Travis, Zack slipped off his shoes and took off his socks. Then he turned towards the door across the apartment. \"Bedroom's this way.\"

Travis followed him, after taking off his own shoes and socks. When he reached Zackary, standing at the edge of the bed in only his briefs, he grabbed his hips and pulled Zackary close. Their foreheads fell together again, both panting as their cloth covered erections rubbed together.
When Travis knew that he wouldn\'t be able to handle this much longer, he pulled back. He stepped out of his boxers before sitting down on the bed and scooting up until he was fully laid out.

\"God you\'re beautiful,\" Zackary said as he took in the sight before him. With shaking fingers he took off his briefs and crawled onto the bed after Travis.

Travis was shaking, scared out of his wits. He wanted to do this, he did, but that didn\'t stop him from being completely terrified of it. \'Was it going to hurt? Could Zack *fit* in there?\' these questions flew through his head as he watched Zack crawl up towards him. But they wereall pushed out when Zack kissed him softly on the lips.

Pulling back, Zack took a deep breath before he reached into his bedside table for something that would work as a good lubricant. When his hand finally closed around the tube he almost dropped it because of how badly his hand was shaking. But he steadied himself and didn\'t let Travis see that he was scared, too. It would only make Travis more scared and then Zack ran the risk of hurting him.

\"Are you ready?\" he asked, coating his fingers with the slippery lube.

Travis took a deep breath to steady his voice and then he told Zack that he was.

Zackary pushed one finger inside of Travis, getting him used to the feel. Then, when Travis relaxed to the feeling, he added another. He scissored his fingers, stretching out Travis\' muscles. When he thought that Travis was prepared he pulled out and set the tube aside.

\"Wait, wait, Zack.\" Travis\' voice was shaking so bad Zack could barely
hear him. \"Do you have,a, ya know, thingy?\"

Zack laughed. \"A thingy? Do I have a thingy?\"

\"Shut up,\" Travis said, laughing with him now. \"You know, a condom.\"

\"Yeah I have one.\" Zack smiled at the boy below him as he reached into the bedside table again for a condom. He quickly put it on and then rubbed himself with the lube coated hand. \"Are you sure?\" Zack asked, not sure if he\'d be able to stop now even if Travis did say no.

\"Yes, I\'m sure. Please,\" Travis told him, eyes shut as if he were expecting to be hit over the head with a sledgehammer.

Zackary slowly slid into Travis\' lube slick body. He pushed until he was fully sheathed in Travis\' heat and stopped, letting Travis get used to him.

Zackary was overwelmed by pleasure, having never experienced something so wonderful. When he was finally in all the way he gasped, \"Oh god.\"

Travis was pleasantly surprised that there wasn\'t blinding pain when Zackary had slid into him. It did hurt a little and it felt a bit odd but it wasn\'t all bad. \"Zack, Zack look at me,\" Travis told him, breathing harder than normal.

Zackary opened his eyes, looking at the beautiful boy before him. He wanted to say something sweet, something romantic, something that would take his boy\'s breath away. But what came out was, \"Oh my god.\"

Travis smiled at Zackary. \"I love you.\"

\"Oh my god,\" Zackary bent his head down and kissed Travis, starting to move within him as he did so. When he did finally pull back from the kiss, staying close enough that their noses were almost touching, he gasped out the words that he\'d been trying to come to grips with since he saw Travis tonight. \"I love you. God I love you.\"

Then he was kissing Travis again, reveling in the feel of his boy.

**
Zackary laid on his back with Travis snuggled under his arm, snoring quietly. The small sound made Zack smile. It wasn\'t a horrible sound of someone sawing wood, just breathing, but a little louder.

He knew that he\'d have to worry about what they\'d have to do on Monday. It\'s not like Travis could walk into class and say \'Oh hi sweety\' and give him a big kiss, but he was sure Travis knew that anyway. It would be a problem if anyone found out though.

But he wasn\'t going to worry about that right now. Right now all he was going to worry about was going to sleep. And then, maybe, he\'d have to wonder how he was going to be able to peel himself away from his boy in the morning to go pee. But that was for tomorrow.