Out of the Blue

(Before the Storm)

Lily woke up to the sound of voices, they were faint but she could distinguish J.J’s voice. She sat up and realized she was naked; her dress was neatly folded on the night stand. Next to her dress there was a dark blue shirt and a pair of runner shorts.

She winced as she moved her legs to the side of the bed. She didn’t even dare to look down at her body; she knew she had scratches and bruises all over. Her nether regions were sore. She took her time dressing into the clothes that she hoped were laid out for her.

She licked her lips and realized her mouth was extremely dry. Finally dressed she crept close to the door, and closed her eyes trying to hear.

“I keep telling you I’m taking my damn medication.” Elizabeth pulled out a file from her briefcase. “I’m telling you what the results are, and the level is extremely small. I can’t help but conclude you stopped taking your medication for over a week.”

J.J clenched her teeth, her fists were tightly close and her hands shook at the force. “I take a fucking pill every day.” She hissed, the muscles on her necks were flexed and Elizabeth was inclined to believe her.

“Let me see your pill box.” J.J gladly handed her the little square box. Elizabeth took a pill out ad inspected the number on it.

“J.J who gave you these pills?” Elizabeth was pulling out a bottle of pills she had. She added five pills from there to the pill box and took the ones that J.J had.

“Matt,” J.J answered skeptically. “These are placebos.” Elizabeth destroyed a pill in her hand. J.J felt her chest cave in, “No Matt would not,” she shook her head fast. “He would not fuck my medication.”

“Look I don’t know what’s going on, but if I don’t get you back on a dosage the probability of you relapsing increases.”

“What happens if I don’t take them?” J.J collapsed on the couch. “You might stay coherent for a while but any drastic emotional changes with alter your chemical imbalance. See J.J I think you have a genetic disposition.”

J.J chuckled, “you’re telling me I actually have a legitimate reason for the thoughts that go on in here.” J.J tapped her forehead.

Elizabeth smile, “There's always a reason but in a low dosage they way I’m planning to treat you and regular therapy; you can be a functioning individual. See there this gland on the right temporal part of your brain that regulates certain hormones and chemicals. When you get sad or angry it’s not normal, you take it to an extreme. It’s because you can’t regulate it normally.”

J.J chuckled, “I don’t believe you.”

“Yup J.J you might actually have been born like this. Of course the childhood trauma you endure didn’t help either.”

“Here start with two today and then move on to just one by tomorrow night.” Elizabeth stood up, “I will see you tomorrow at ten am sharp. If I were you sleep the whole day today. The pills will make you a bit imbalance.”

“About Matt?” J.J asked sadly, she still could not believe he switched her pills. “I will speak to him about it, but for now only take what I give you. Also don’t forget your writing assignments, don’t think I’ve forgotten about it.”

‘Fuck,’ J.J mouthed while she walked the doctor out the door.

“Be good J.J,”

J.J closed the door and took the two pills she was ordered.

Lily by now had opened the door and stood by the doorway. J.J rubbed her head as she turned around.
“You’re up,” she greeted. Lily nodded taking in the room. It was simplistic and neat. One sofa in the middle of the room, a TV was mounted on the wall. J.J slowly approached Lily, she didn’t know how to react or be around her.

“Thank you,” Lily whispered and J.J could not hold back and bear hugged her. She felt Lily tense up. Lily stiffly stood there her hands at her side.

J.J breath tickled Lily’s ear and she smiled. “Are you hungry?” J.J whispered.

Lily shook her head, “Water,” she uttered out painfully. J.J let go and nodded, “Come over here.”

Lily followed close by as they entered the kitchen. “Fridge here you’re welcome to anything in it, although I don’t have much. Over here I have the cereals and canned goods. Over here.” J.J opened another cupboard. “Here are the cups, plates and stuff. Utensil in this drawer.” J.J looked around.

“Back here,” J.J walked down a small hallway that was next to the fridge, “that door there is a bathroom with a shower. So you know in case you don’t want to use the one the bedroom.”

J.J pulled a water bottle out of the fridge and handed it to Lily. She graciously took it and uncapped it drinking the water fast, it was cold and it ached but she was so thirsty.

J.J just studied her; the bruises on her neck somehow reminded her of hers and felt stupid for doing such a thing. ‘You cowards,’ she scolded mentally.

Lily’s lips were slightly swollen, and her body was full of bruises. The previous night or early morning, technically. J.J had to undress her; her clothes were dirty and slightly moist. She had tried very hard to avoid looking, but couldn’t help it.
Lily’s nether regions were covered in blood, her stomach was bruises up, and there were bite marks all over her breast.
She had to hold back her anger, the things she wanted to do was too go over to that apartment and beat the crap out of Morgan.

J.J nodded her head once Lily was done inspecting the kitchen and the bathroom. She led her to the room were Lily visibly hesitated. J.J opened the door wide and stood at a distant trying to ease her discomfort.

“This drawers has clothes you can borrow, their mainly my working out clothes so it should fit you fine. I hope.”
Lily nodded trying to avoid J.J’s gaze. She didn’t want to be asked what had happened but by the looks of it she was sure J.J had an idea.

“Towels are in here.” J.J continued the tour while she opened a door outside the entrance of the room. “Finally remote is here,” J.J smiled as Lily opened her mouth but it ached, she held her throat and J.J smiled sympathetically.

“I can make ya some tea with honey to help ease the soothing.” J.J offered and Lily shook her head.
“Come on, it will help with the pain, plus it’s the only thing I can offer. I’m not allowed to have pain medication.” Lily raised an eyebrow. “It messes with my medication.” J.J admitted and Lily nodded.

Lily followed J.J back into the kitchen as she sat down at the small dining table she had. She studied how J.J carried herself, so confident and relaxed. She was jealous of J.J, she was free, and she didn’t have to take any abuse.

She on the other hand was pathetic and broken. She shouldn’t have come here; she would just become a burden to J.J, and J.J deserved better.

J.J yawned loudly, “Fuck,” J.J mumbled the pills were kicking in. “I’m sorry,” Lily whispered painfully. J.J turned around slowly and knotted her eyebrows.

“For what?” J.J asked confused and Lily had no idea how to explain, J.J really was not faze by any of this.

“Look, don’t worry,” J.J poured the tea into a mug and took out the honey from the cupboard. She placed a small spoon next to the mug and the honey close by. “I don’t know how sweet you like it.” J.J explained and Lily blushed.

J.J patted her head, “you’ve never had tea with honey. Man I got a lot to teach ya.” Lily felt her cheeks heat up.
“In the fridge I have a couple of ice packs in case you need it.” J.J shook her head violently; her eyes were getting very heavy. “Uh oh,” J.J mumbled.

Confusion filled Lily’s eyes. “I took two pills and a side effect is sleepiness.” J.J explained. “So I’m gonna go lay down.” J.J really was regretting taking the pills; she wanted to dote her time to Lily.

Lily watched J.J disappeared into bedroom; she looked down at the steam emerging from the mug. She bent close taking a whiff of it. It was lemon tea; she uncovered the honey and dipped the spoon in scooping out the sticky substance. She dipped the spoon into the mug and swirl it around.

She held the mug in both hands relishing the warmth of it. She sipped and sighed in pleasure, the warm liquid soothing her throat the honey teased her tongue and she couldn’t help but smile.

Lily sat there enjoying the tea and her body started to relax. She then realized she felt dirty and sticky and felt bad for having been in J.J’s bed like that. She slowly walked to the closet and took a towel out. She peeked inside the room; J.J was sprawled on the bed on her back. Her left hand was behind her neck and her right arm was extended out to the side. Lily noticed the gash on it and gasped silently. She hadn't really noticed it earlier, since J.J kept it hidden well.

It was scabbed over but still pink around the edges. She wondered back to when J.J had snuck out through the fire escape and she felt even more guilt consume her.

She shouldn’t be here; she placed the towel back in the closet and crept into the room slowly. She took her dress and slowly walked out. She stood there staring at J.J, ‘you’re too good for the likes of me.’
With that she turned around and left.

Lily arrived to an empty apartment which was a mess. The table was overturned, the content of the fridge were thrown all over. The room was a mess, the whole place was ransacked.

Morgan must have gone through one of her temper tantrums which only meant that when she got home, Lily was going to take the ultimate brunt of it. Resigning herself to that fate she took off the clothes she was wearing. She changed and started to clean.


(J.J)

It was close to ten at night when J.J finally manage to get her eyes open. The whole apartment was dark. ‘And quiet,’ J.J narrowed her eyes as she stood up abruptly and hissed. The rush of blood to her head made her legs tumbled. She wobbled to the door and found the light switch.

“Lily,” she called out. She stepped into the living room. “Lily?” she called again quickly running to the other bathroom then back to her room. She scanned the place and noticed the orange dress missing.

“Fuck,” she cursed as she ran to her room to put her shoes on; she grabbed a jacket and her keys and ran out the door.

She quickly made it to the intersection; she stood there pressing the button for the crosswalk uncontrollably.


(Elizabeth’s office.)

Matt sat in the chair tapping his fingers as he looked at Elizabeth; she was trying to formulate a way on how to ask about the placebos.

“I’m pretty sure I’m here because it relates to J.J,” Matt broke the silence and Elizabeth nodded.

“How long has it been since you switched her medication?” Matt didn’t seem fazed and smiled.

“It’s been close to a month,” Elizabeth gaped at him, “are you mad?”

He smiled, “no, see I discovered something.” Matt leaned forwards and Elizabeth did too.

“See when J.J started walking those dogs, I followed her. I had too; you and I know the pills don’t kick in immediately.” Elizabeth nodded following his time-line.

“One day J.J met this girl at the park, and it had been years since I’ve seen J.J smile like that. For a while they had the routine. They would meet, they talk and dare I say J.J looked normal.”

Elizabeth shook her head, “let me finish.” Matt raised his hands and the doctor nodded.

“The thing is all the times before J.J can’t create a healthy relationship because she’s numb. The medication simply numbs her from all emotions.”

“It does, that's why she needs to be ease off them, and we can lower the dosage but not just abruptly take her off it. For the last two weeks she seems to have falling apart.”

Matt shook his head, “No, for once in her life, J.J has experienced all her emotions normally. She didn’t go off the wall. She didn’t do anything drastic.”

“Well why is that? what has been keeping her in control?”

“That girl,” Matt tapped his finger on the desk. “That girl, yes I took a risk but I don’t regret it. At first J.J was just amused by her, but as I eased her off them. You should see how many times she goes to that park looking for her. She’s in love; J.J’s never been in love for fear of what happens afterwards.”

Elizabeth smiled, “Are you serious.”

“Yes,” Matt pounded his fist on the desk. “Look the reason my dad ate the shotgun was because mom was going to leave him. He could not take it. Yes it was extreme, but he his whole life was on medication after medication. He had adjusted to a routine and when my mother broke that, he lost it. Then the aftermath was that my mother felt so guilty she ended doing it too."

“That’s the monotony she hates?” Matt nodded. “She wants to avoid that path; she feels that somehow she’s going to repeat that history. So she never keeps a relationship, she would prefer to be medicated and have an erratic schedule.”

Elizabeth nodded understanding more, “Also if you’re on the medication, it numbs you and in reality you can’t fall in love if you don’t go through all the emotions that come with it.”

"exactly," Matt exclaimed.

“I saw her today, she looked relaxed and at peace." Elizabeth commented. “Did you give her, her medication back?” Matt asked.
Elizabeth just shook her head, “no I gave her sleeping pills. I wanted to buy sometime to see what was going on.”

Matt sighed relieved.

“Still you do know that if something drastic happens, her actions will be drastic too.”


(A/N: Dun dun dun!!!! Also my knowledge about depression is not accurate I bet. I tried my best to research but the article was too long so I picked and choose what I thought was interesting. I’m working mainly with the idea that J.J has a genetic problem which aids but not dictates completely her emotions but mainly it’s a self fulfilling prophecy she believes. Remember mind over matter. Also Also (I Like It, I Love It by Tim McGraw, I did my research which was simple on that one.) Well input is highly appreciated. *hint hint*