rate_review Reviews

The story line is OK but you need a good editor to iron out the typos and grammar. It may be this site that is messing with your uploads but whatever it is, it's spoiling the enjoyment.
Take care and keep writing.
Brew

dont worry about anything your doing just fine. im enjoying the story quite a lot

I told myself I was going to clean today, I was extremely wrong. This story pulled me in and I was totally lost. I wanted to cry, I wanted to yell, but mostly I just wanted to run around the house and scream curses at the top of my lungs while flailing my arms in frustration. Not because it was a bad story, it was an awesome story! It just didn't go as I had expected. Which isn't always a bad thing. I liked that you took the story in directions that seriously pissed me off, and made me scream, "I don't know what to believe anymore!", in my head. Like I said, I'm pretty irked that it didn't go as expected, but that isn't always bad. Gramatically there were a few common mistakes, but no big deal. It wasn't enough to take away from the story. So, yeah! It toyed with my emotions, and being the masochistic little book worm I am, I loved every second of it :]

I'm so glad you updated. I love this story, the twists keep it fresh and interesting, the characters are relate-able and it's just really well written. Really looking forward to reading the next chapter.

Okay, i just read the entirty of this and I really want to slap you. I want to hit you so hard that you lose conciousness for a few moments.... Take that as a compliment.

The progression of your story was great I must admit, and I'll point out that depression affects everyone differently so I figure your work would be fairly accurate for J.J's case and point.

My pet peeve throughout the story was your misuse of 'your' in some cases it should have be 'you're' etc. as well as some grammatical errors, but I was able to ovverlook them (inserting the corrections in my head)

All in all it's a good story and I want to see it continued (not fond of dream sequences though, my personal opinion, that's why I wanted to slap you in the beginning)
Waiting for your next update once you're up to it. :)

more!!!!!! :)

/: I'm going to be honest, I did not like the ending. The whole scene just didn't sit well with me. I wanted more to happen to Lily when she fell, and I wanted more out of the relationship between J.J. and Lily. I don't mean sex, though that would have been nice, and I don't even mean anything romantic (cuddling, holding hands, even talking in a romantic-sense). I just wanted something more than what you gave me.

J.J. seemed very plain as an overall character. I didn't like the relationship she had with her counselor, for I felt like Elizabeth liked J.J. more than just as a patient of hers. I know she's supposed to be sensitive and helpful towards J.J., but I think she had some sort of lust for her, at least. You certainly could have had a play at that if you wanted to. Besides the therapist, J.J. was boring. I loved that she attempted to kill herself right away -- that was very dark and strategic -- and I thought her coming to Lily's rescue later on was nice, but, again, I think you should have done more to make her stand out, make her more human. She should have asked Lily the thoughts she had about Morgan -- why stay with her? why deal with the abuse? -- and, because I really think that Lily was that perfect someone and that J.J.'s lack of medications should have taken a more extreme toll, J.J. should have been more emotional and comforting towards Lily. Instead, it was like, "Okay, I rescued you. You can stay at my house. Here's where everything is. I'm tired. Goodnight."

I really enjoyed Lily's storyline with the abusive partner. Morgan is a bitch, and you portrayed that very well with her. I'm surprised that she is so extreme that she will even choke Lily during sex, but if that's what floats her boat, more power to her! Lily was definitely a victim and she was one that the reader, or me XD, wanted to take home and nurse back to health. I'm glad that you added that Lily was scared J.J. would turn out like Morgan later on. That's a really good point to make. Can she ever really learn to trust J.J.? I wished you would have added in the scene where she goes to see Morgan, just to give that last chapter a BANG. It would, you know, no matter what went down. Even if Lily took Liz's advice and walked away without saying a word, it would have much more impact. I would feel more proud of her then. In the end, I didn't really feel much of anything.

What surprised me the most was that you ended it already! My first review was, "This story has a lot of potential!" And it really did! So much more could have happened, and I don't understand why you didn't keep going! Were you tired of the characters? Did you run out of inspiration? Did you want it to end that way? Did you have any other ideas for the ending? I honestly feel like I ordered a burger and fries and all I got was a fry and buns. I'm just disappointed. /: I'm sorry if my review brings you down, but it's how I feel! I just wanted more.

Well, anyway, best of luck to whatever you create next.

F-ing A!! Damn I hope Lily survived that fall! uhhh your cliffhanger is agonizing! you are adding more suspense haha. Well please update ASAP!!

Wow Matt is very very bad boy, but he shocked me by switching JJ's medication. Hmm I wonder what JJ would do to him later... any who I hope Lily will come to realize that Morgan isn't worth it anymore. Keep it up!

.....................

I can't really thing of a proper response, I'm in shock I think.

hurry up and post the next, you're killing me! @.@