Jason and You Makes Two

A/N: Big thanx to Nodoz, LadyRyan, Aduial, Dextrous, Anon, Luctsubasa, Lisa, Nekoii-Desu, Nicky, and Khayman for reviewing! *hugs and snuggles* Really appreciated hearing from you guys! Here we go again and hope you enjoy the update. A bit angsty but it's the only one for a while.

Lisa proofed this one and wanted to say thanx much for the help!

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Chapter 9

Mark bit back a shuddering sigh as he tightened his grip on the phone in his hand and stared down at his feet, relieved that Jason couldn’t see his longing expression. “I’ve already told you that I won’t even consider it until you’ve worked through your problems. I’ll always love you, but I just can’t be with you like that anymore. I need to have friends and a life outside of our apartment. I need somebody who can accept me for who I am and who trusts me and loves me enough to support me regardless of what I decide to do. You can’t be that person right now. You may never be that person.”

There was a long pause on the other end of the line as Jason thought that over. They’d talked almost daily for the past week, much to Chandra’s chagrin. When he’d first left Jason and moved in with Chandra, two weeks before, Mark had refused to speak to him but Jason had kept showing up at Mark’s job begging him to give him another chance. Mark had ended up with two write-ups and a warning that if it happened again Mark would lose his job. Needless to say, Mark’s promotion had gone down the toilet because of everything that had happened. In the end, he’d given in and agreed to call Jason if Jason would promise not to interfere with his job again. At the time, Mark had only agreed as a way to keep his job and at first it had been a relief to talk to Jason and settle things between them on some level.

Now, in a lot of ways, Mark regretted giving in. He missed Jason like his next breath and their daily phone calls were tearing him apart. He wanted to forget everything and run back home to his lover and fall back into his comfort zone, but he also knew that if there was going to be any hope for them they needed this time apart to break old habits and re-examine their priorities. Jason had already apologized for what he’d said and for the way he’d acted that last morning - nothing new really – and Mark had apologized for attacking Jason for no reason and provoking him. The big difference this time was that Jason had finally acknowledged that his jealously and insecurities were a big part of their problems and had already started seeing someone about them. Despite that, Mark wasn’t willing to go back so soon, if ever, and Jason was upset about that.

“I can be that person,” Jason whispered, a quiver in his deep voice that tugged at Mark’s aching heart. “I’ll do anything to get you back. I’ll go apologize to your boss and I’ll never lay a finger on you again. You can go wherever you want and talk to anyone you want and I swear I won’t say a word.”

“You know that the person you are right now could never handle that,” was Mark’s tired reply. As much as he wanted to believe Jason’s heartfelt words, he knew that to do so at this point would be setting Jason up for failure and setting himself up for disappointment. “You still have a long way to go before you can make promises like that.”

“My shrink says that Andrew cheating on me was only part of my problem. Something about my parent’s divorce and my grandfather passing away so suddenly when I was young. Abandonment issues and…I don’t know. I just…I’m working on it, sweetheart, but I really need you right now.”

“I can’t,” Mark replied, his voice barely audible. Then, before Jason could start pleading with him again, Mark cleared his throat and took a deep, calming breath as he tried to blink away the burning in his eyes. “I’ve tried to help you for the past five years and nothing I did was ever enough. I realize now that I can’t be the one to fix you. It’s something you’ll have to do on your own.”

Again there was a long silence, followed by Jason clearing his throat. “Can you at least promise me that you’ll give me some time? I don’t want to lose you.”

This time, it was Mark’s turn to be silent. A thousand things were running through his mind. Overall, the good times in their relationship had far outnumbered the bad, but lately…Mark just didn’t know what to do. He didn’t want Jason back the way he was now but if Jason could learn to loosen up…Either way, he knew that he wasn’t ready to try dating anyone else. He was still too in love with Jason and too raw from the break up. If he’d had the cash, Mark would’ve seriously considered visiting a shrink himself.

Unfortunately, he didn’t have any health insurance and he was broke. And not just any broke. He was broke-broke, as in didn’t have two nickels to rub together broke. He’d had to give his entire paycheck to Chandra to pay for his half of the rent and groceries and he was behind a week already because he hadn’t had anything to give her in the beginning. She’d tried to turn the money down and Mark had agreed to keep enough for pocket change, but even when his next check came in he’d be in the same situation. And the next. And the next. And the next. He had three bucks and a half-tank of gas to last him for the next four days. Not to mention, his car insurance was due at the end of next month. He was seriously considering getting a part time job during the day, if he could find one that worked with his schedule.

As to Jason wanting Mark to wait for him, Mark decided that it wasn’t totally out of the question. Not that he’d be willing to wait forever or take Jason back unless he turned a new leaf, but their love for one another had been the real deal and it would be a shame to throw it all away if there was a chance at fixing what was broken…and it wasn’t like Jason wasn’t trying. Still, this was something Jason needed to do on his own and it was tearing Mark apart to hear the suffering and heartache in his lover’s voice as he begged Mark to come home day after day.

“Mark? Are you there?” Jason asked in a rough, strained voice.

Just the sound of it was enough to make Mark’s eyes well up again and this time a tear slipped free to burn its way down his cheek. Mark wiped it away with irritation. “I’ll think about it, but first I need you to promise me that you’ll follow some ground rules.”

“Anything,” Jason replied without hesitation, clearly eager to grasp at any straw that Mark was willing to offer him.

“First, I want you to stop calling me. This separation is just as hard for me as it is for you and I need time apart to think.”

“I can’t do that! I’ll go crazy without you!” Jason exclaimed, panic hitching his voice up an octave.

“Then we’re through,” Mark replied firmly, although he had serious doubts as to whether or not he’d be able to carry through with his threat in the long run. He’d always had a real weakness for Jason.

Jason seemed to buy it, though, because he let out a frustrated sigh before sniffing loudly and grudgingly agreeing. “I’ll try, Mark.”

Relief washed over Mark that Jason hadn’t pushed the issue even as he fought to hide the shock from his voice. The Jason he’d known two weeks ago would have never agreed to such a thing. “Thank you, Jason. I also want you to stay away from my workplace. I can’t afford to get fired and I’ve already lost that promotion because of…”

“It was my fault?” Jason asked, and Mark’s heart skipped a beat at the regret dripping from his lover’s words. He could almost picture the way that Jason’s eyebrows would draw together as he bit at his bottom lip nervously. Jason always did that when he’d messed up really badly.

“Yeah,” Mark replied honestly. He still hadn’t forgiven Jason for that. If anything, he felt very resentful.

“Are you sure you won’t take some money?” Jason asked for the hundredth time. “I know you said that you don’t take charity and don’t want to feel like you owe me, but the way I see it, we spent five years together. You stood beside me while I finished school and started my business and you have just as much right to that money as I do. I’d have probably never finished college without you working and helping with the bills that last year. Please let me.”

The pleading tone touched Mark and the offer was so tempting. He hadn’t been this broke since his parents had disowned him years ago. Still, Jason had earned that money and it belonged to Jason. There was no way Mark was touching a dime of it. He’d make his own way, just like he always had. Instead of telling Jason that, Mark sighed and murmured, “Thank you, but I’m doing okay so far.” Then he quickly changed the subject. “I wanted to thank you for sending Jane over with my things the other day. It was sweet of her to bother and I really appreciated you packing everything up for me like that.”

“Mom was crushed when she found out you’d left, but said that it was the least she could do after what I…” Jason’s words trailed off for a moment as he tried to get hold of himself. “I’ll never be able to apologize enough for acting like I did the day you left.”

Mark had heard this at least twice a day since they’d started talking again and every time he’d replied the same way. “There’s nothing to apologize for. I hit you first, so I could hardly expect you to stand there and let me smack you around without defending yourself.”

“That doesn’t matter,” Jason shot back with conviction. “I’m so much bigger than you…I should have shown a little self-control. Mom said that she’d have kicked my ass herself if she’d been strong enough. Instead, she chewed me out for hours while I was packing up your things for her to bring over.” Mark had heard this all before too. Jane was always the first to point a finger when Jason was out of line. She’d even agreed to keep Mark’s address from Jason and Mark knew that she’d see hell freeze over before she’d give it to Jason after Jason had hit him, provoked or not. She hadn’t put up with that from Jason’s dad for very long and claimed that she wouldn’t put up with it from her son either.

Another uncomfortable silence settled between them and, just when Mark thought it might become unbearable, he tightened his grip on the phone again and said, “Look, Jason. This is why I said we need some time to work things out separately. We’re torturing each other by rehashing this stuff over and over. I’m going to go now and I’ll call back to check on you in three months. We’ll talk again then, when things aren’t so fresh, and go from there, okay?”

A broken sob erupted from Jason’s end and Mark’s tears welled up again but he fought them back. “Goodbye, Jason. I’ll talk to you soon,” he murmured softly before pulling the phone away from his ear and hitting the off button. Everything in him cried out for him to go find Jason and comfort him, but Mark knew that would only make things worse in the long run. He had to be strong for both of them and maybe someday they could work through everything and move on. Until that day came, this was the only solution that Mark could think of. He wasn’t willing to sacrifice himself at the altar of Jason’s insecurities for even one more day. That chapter of his life was over.

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