What We Didn't Do

A/N: Woah, guys only 2 reviews? I know I'm a lil more relaxed bout it, but cor blimey!

This is a pretty dense chapter, so I hope you guys can stick with it and review.

Anyways...it's competition time!!! Once you've read this chapter the challenge rules are down the bottom. My challenge is to basically come up with what you want to happen in the next chapter! Nice and easy. The one I think is the best will go on to become Chapter 10.

So, look at the bottom of the chapter to find out what to do!!!

Cheers!!

*****************************

I was gently undressed and helped into the soft confines of Alex's bed. He managed to make a comment about "now it's my turn to take care". Bless him.

He climbed in next to me and wrapped me up in his arms, my head resting on his warm chest.

Speedy heartbeat, but regular breath.

Nice silence.
Comforting silence.
Just breath and moonlight.

"You really love him, don't you?" Alex whispered into my hair.

"I thought I did. He just gets to me is all."

"I can see that."

How much was I gunna tell him? Probably everything.

Yeah, everything.

"I guess I loved him at one point. He wasn't always like this. At one time he was a nice guy. This beautifully crafted, kind guy. We properly dated at one time, just hanging out at the movies or get some food and curl up in front of the tv. Then he got in with the wrong people. He started clubbing to excess and I...I guess I lost him. Been trying to get him back since then but now I see there's no point. Beyond redemption and all that."

I'd started clinging onto Alex, my arm tight around his torso.

"You're allowed to cry, y'know," he breathed.

I laughed a little, "I don't cry. It's why I have such a problem when other people do."

"You don't cry?"

I looked up at him, "Nope. Haven't shed a tear for...oooo, thirteen years I think."

"You're shitting me, right?"

"Didn't even cry at my twin's funeral. It's just turned out that way. Something inside me swtiched off one day and it hasn't been switched back on since."

"What happened?"

Omit the truth? I had done our first night together. And yet he'd told me everything he needed to say. Was I too much into myself to not give it up? Not really.

"I kinda lied to you. First night we were together, about how I got sick. I wasn't really truthful."

"Ok."

"I wasn't as stupid as most people. It wasn't a one night stand gone wrong. I was stupider than that. Pip and I used to go to baseball practice on a weekend. I was shit at it, my athletic ability severely lacking. My twin was the sporty one, hitting a home run every god-damned swing. Anyway, a guy from the local college came to help out, Rick Hart. Fuck, I didn't (and haven't since) seen anyone like him. Tall, with these deepest, darkest green eyes and very fine light brown hair. He was built like an olympic swimmer, with those broad top shoulders and narrow waist and - anyway, I'm drifting. As you can tell I kinda had the biggest crush on him. Me and Pip'd talk about him for hours.

"Well, one saturday, dad dropped me off by myself since Pip had 'flu and he asked Rick if he could drop me home when I was done since he didn't live too far away. He said sure. Thought I'd died and gone to fucking heaven!

"So I tossed some ball and missed everything thrown at me for about two hours. When I changed out of my gear I saw him changing and I was done. Something in my head just clicked and I knew I had to have him.

"I know this doesn't sound like a reason to stop me crying, but it's one of those long stories that need context before there's a point."

Alex nodded briefly. His fingers were on my neck, making little circles - relaxing me.

"So anyway, he drove me home that night and I somehow lost my mind, kissing him full on the lips. Before he had a chance to say anything I bolted, out the car and straight into the house. When Pip found out what I'd done he burst into laughter. It was all made worse because I knew I'd have to practice the next day and Rick'd be there again, and take me home. I freaked out all night. Had to get up twice just to jack off from all the thoughts I was having.

"When I showed up he was the sweetest thing ever. Didn't speak a word, just smiled at me and treated the day like any other. I think I'm eternally grateful for that. When we'd finished up, I got in his truck and he took my back to my place. We had on some music, blasting loud and just before we got to my street, he pulled up. He turned to me and started tellin' me how sweet it was that I had a crush on him and he thought that I was a great guy. I was a guy to him, not a kid and that threw me. I was on his lips again in a second and he kissed me back, all warm and tender. I had my long hair back then too, and he wrapped his fingers in it and pulled me closer. It was one of those memories that never go away.

"Then I got stupid. Before he had time to say a word, I'd unzipped his pants and had my mouth round his cock. He tried so hard to stop me, but I was holding on, with lips and hands. Looking back I think that at the time I thought he was urging me on. Turns out he wanted me to stop, needed me to stop. As the pre-cum poured out I was truly fucked. He had HIV and I hadn't had the thought to ask him if it was ok.

"Well, he came, hard, and I took it all without the bat of an eye. He pulled me back and stared at me for a long time, before zipping himself up and drving me to my house. He said 'I'm sick, Rafe, and this was a mistake. I need to make sure you're ok. We don't talk about this, don't tell anyone. I'm gunna have to have you checked out in a few weeks.' I can still remember his face, the sadness in his eyes.

"So, without telling my parents anything, we waited. He was so good to me. It was just like it was before only my dad picked me up and drove me there. I was hardly ever alone with him. But he'd touch my hand or smile at me, let me know that he still cared. A long while later he took me to get tested and then we went back to his place. He was sharing a house with friends, but they all had lessons. He sat me down and told me why it was so important I got checked out. I nearly fainted. He looked after me all day, feeding me, holding me, apologising all the time for not telling me, for worrying me, for everything. We even went up to his room and fell asleep together. Then, I was taken home and Rick approached my mom, telling her that there'd been an accident at practice and he'd had to get me checked out. There wasn't any details bout what happened, but mom didn't want to know. He told her bout the test and that the doctors should ring the house when they knew.

"Two days later I went into see the doc and was told I had HIV. I was given my first prescription and told to rest for a few days. Only mom and dad and I knew. My parents didn't want the whole family to know in case it spread to the school and I'd end up getting the shit beaten outta me.

"I called round Rick's place that night and told him. He went white as a sheet and I was the one who had to hold him. He couldn't stop apologising, saying how he'd fucked me up. How I was just so young and he'd screwed it up. I was just naive then and told him that if he was sick and I was sick it was ok...we'd just be together and he could take care of me, help me out. And y'know what? He did. For a whole year we were together, him taking care of me, looking after me. I told my parents he was helping me with homework since he was already at college and they just accepted it. No one thought that a eighteen year old freshman would be fucking a fourteen year old brat like me. But we were, and we did. I'd like to say I learnt everything from him. Hell, I probably did.

"So, the point of this? Why do I never cry? Because somehow the rumours about us starting spreading and it wasn't safe. Even though we were happy and together, even though I loved him, he'd end up in jail for making love to me. Staturory rape and all that. He made the toughest decision in the world - he left.

"We'd talked about what would happen if people found out, and we'd talked about running away. But it wasn't so simple and one day Pip came in our room and woke me up, a letter for me in his hand. Rick had gone to California to live with his cousin. I'd never cried so hard before.

"I told my parents everything. I thought it was only fair. That was when I lost them. That was when I lost everyone, but Pip. He stood by me while the rest turned their backs on me for being the disgusting little queer that I was. My life ended with him leaving and nothing, not even losing Pip, was ever as tragic as that day, as that moment. So I don't cry, I won't ever cry, because nothing will ever mean as much to me."

Silence.

I'd poured my tired little heart out.

How pathetic.

Alex had left go of my neck, my skin and just lay back breathing.

I had a dry throat from the talking.

It was too much.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered.

"What for?"

"I had no idea."

"I never told you, how should you know?"

"I guess."

He then pulled me tight and kissed the top of my head.

"You help me, Rafe. I'll help you."

"I don't need help."

"Yes you do. You're an angry motherfucker and your heart is bust from years worth of abuse. I accept that nothing can ever be as monumental as that but I can tell in your voice you hate yourself for all of it. Especially for Pip. You need to let go, just like me. So, I get fucked, you get crying, yeah?"

Ok, I'm gunna break the tension here but, is that not the weirdest offer you've ever heard? I mean, some things come close, but seriously?

"Sounds like a plan."

He pinched me.

"Ow!"

"Crying yet?"

"No!"

"Worth a shot."

I (against my better judgment) curled up fully into his arms and let his breath wash over me. I feel into the deepest of sleeps, my body and mind exhausted by the venting I'd issued.

********************************


COMPETITION RULES: Ok, you have 5 days to give me your ideas. Leave a review of what you would like to happen in the next chapter.
I'll let you know which one of you has won on the update!
Few things - no death! I know you all hate Corey but NO. And depending on what is come up with I might POSSIBLY allow smut...possibly...it's not my first choice but to be honest I do just wana know what it is you guys are looking for!!

So, happy reviewing and I'll update soon!!!!!!!!!!
JAD.