Profe *will update soon*

Thank you to Child of the darken moon, your two reviews absolutely made my day. I love it when someone gets my characters as well as you did, makes me feel as though I'm coming across. As for your predictions I won't say anything, because...well I don't want to give anything away.

Lindsey also thank you for all your kind words.


Chp 10

A fork in the road doesn’t mean we have to take different paths

Uriel

First period is almost over and Luciano still isn't present. I check the time there is still twenty minutes left of class, maybe Monday will repeat it self. I look expectantly at the door, nothing.

Class is over and I have a heavy feeling in my heart. Where could he be? Had I been mistaken, should I have taken him to a doctor or contacted his parents? Perhaps he was ill, he could have over dosed? I should have made sure he went into his house. I should have done something to make sure he was ok. God I hope he is ok. Where is he? Why wasn't he here?

It's ridiculous, I'm ridiculous. He probably skipped. He must be at home sleeping comfortably in his bed. I shouldn't care. I should just mark the absence and erase it from my mind.

I pull a picture out of my wallet, a picture of Victoria. I need to keep her in mind, she is everything. Marsha and Victoria they are everything.

After school I run by the college and register for some Spanish classes. As I’m leaving I bump into an old professor of mine.

"Uriel!" I hear him call from behind me.

"Professor Waltz." I turn and nod towards him while extending my hand, he surprises me by pulling me into a friendly hug, more like he pulls me close and pats me on the back

"So nice to see you here! Are you planning on another major or perhaps to get your English Ph. D?"

He doesn't give me a chance to get a single word in, but this is typical of Professor Waltz, perhaps this is why he is the only teacher I have ever gotten close to. He does the talking for both of us.

"I have always found it strange that someone who loves to study as much as you do and with such potential, stopped with one PhD especially when a few more credits would have gotten you the one for English.”

I know, and I would have but Marsha didn't want me spending so much time away from home. I smile, "Maybe one day. Today I just signed up for some Spanish classes"

"What about working here I know there is an opening in the Math department, have you applied?"

"No, I always wanted to work in a high school." He gives me a warm smile.

"You always wanting to change the world" he pats me once more on the shoulder "You know there are plans to start a school here, one of those private schools for alumni, right now the plans are only for grades 1 to 6, but perhaps soon we will add the other grades. You should apply then the pay would be much better than that of a public school."

"You know the money has nothing to do with it." I smile and I'm starting to feel uncomfortable, I want to leave. The smile is starting to tire me.

"Well think about it. It was very nice seeing you Uriel, say hello to your parents for me"

"I will good bye"

-

On Wednesdays nights Marsha has dinner with her mom and I stay home with Victoria. This Wednesday I arrive home late and I’m met at the door by a frantic looking Marsha, who as soon as I walk in hands me Vic.

“You’re late!” is her greeting “I can’t believe you Uriel!” She lifts her arms and lets them fall on her thighs looking exasperated at me. “Is this how it’s going to be?”

“How is what going to be?” I ask her while kissing Victoria’s cheek.

Marsha moves like a little squirrel around the Foyer, from which she hasn’t given me a chance to move from. She grabs her purse and seems to be searching for something “You studying, you know how you get, you haven’t even started yet and it is already interfering with our lives. You have to remember you have a daughter and wife Uri. I can’t believe you where ...” she checks her watch “Ten! Ten minutes late?”

I want to point out that five out of the ten minutes five have been spend with her yelling at me, but I decide not to. I continue to watch her scurry around looking for what ever it is she is missing. I’m quite surprise at how much she reminds me of a small rodent, not the disease ridden type, but the cute small type a bunny or a … house mouse. I smile escapes from my thoughts and she stops in her tracks to glare at me.

“You find this funny?” I shake my head, and try to suppress a laugh as I notice her nose wiggles like a mouse. “Where is my scarf?!” She yells turning around. I smile at her and softly yank at the scarf around her neck. She huffs and with out saying goodbye walks out the door

“Okay, Vic. You and daddy are going to have a great time.”

-

Victoria and I do have a great time. We play and read some books. I feed her and then settle on a rocking chair so she can take her bottle. I love spending time with my daughter watching her snuggle against me holding her bottle tightly. It still amazes me how much she looks like Marsha.

Soon her bottle is empty and she is peacefully asleep in my arms, I don’t want to leave her I want to stay here and watch her sleep. My mind starts to wonder and I’m soon thinking about Luciano, I have to admit most my time is spent thinking about him or Victoria. I owe Victoria so much. She deserves a family; she doesn’t deserve me jeopardizing that for … for a kiss.

His words come back to my mind, “your beautiful and you will be mine.” His threat scares me, is it threat? What ever it is it scares me, because I would happily be his and it’s terrifying because he is a boy. A boy and I am his teacher. I feel as though this is some test life has put upon, to see if I deserve everything it has given me.

Do I deserve this beautiful family? Everything I dreamed of I have at barely twenty, everything I’ve wanted has come genaraly easy to me. And just as easily I could lose it, Luciano is the slip that can break this whole house, this home.


Luciano

I sneak out the window; I'm going to buy a door latch. Once again I decide not to take my car with me. This whole walking shit is getting on my nerves, I shouldn’t give a fuck about her knowing I left, but I can't. During the summer I took off with some friends to the beach, I was going to call her I swear I just sort of forgot. So anyway, what did she do? She reported my car stolen. Yes my car is under her name so she can do that, trust me it fucking sucked

I call Dave to make sure he isn't having any type of attack and reassure him that my mom will not call his parents.

I make my way to Rob’s house and call him once I'm outside. I do not want to risk knocking on the door; if my mom noticed I’m gone she would have called here and put the moms on guard.

We take his car to Home Depot, where I buy a latch with a big ass lock, she will have to break my door down to get in.

-

"Dude leave the teacher alone, you know he can get in serious shit if you guys are found out"

“Rob, it's too late. I can't back down I don't care if the world explodes I will spend a night, a morning or afternoon with my 'Profe'. His part of my list now and there is no backing out”

“I hate your stupid list. It will get you in nothing but trouble, you know normal people put dreams and hopes on ‘what I want to do before I die’ lists, not that shit you've got on yours

"I have dreams and hopes on mine" He makes a left turn and looks at me

"Having 3 different types of three ways is not a dream." If you are curios it's me with two girls (done by the way), me with two guys and me with a guy and a girl.

"Dude it is my best fucking wet dream" he sort of growl scoffs at me. There really are hopes and dreams on it, but why focus on everything that will never be.

"I hope you took out that shit about not living past 22" I don't want to talk about that. Not to you guys not to Rob. This is why I don't like people reading my list. He read it by accident; he was looking through my shit, nosey bastard.

"I don't want to talk about it"

"I think you should. Are you serious about that?"

"Dude I should call Linda."

"Fuck man you can't be horny already" He is so easy to distract; I blame it on the drugs.

“Dude, I can’t believe you are not!” Robbie has this rule about not being with someone I’ve been with. The guy is seriously running out of options.

I call Linda while he makes a U-turn so we can head that way.

“What did she say?” He asks me when I hang up.

“She said Shan would be there.” He snorts at me.

“Oh come on man, she likes you”

“I don’t care” Robbie used to have a thing for Shan, but after my birthday…yeah well you know.

We arrive to Linda’s house and I settle on the couch to make out with her. I’m not really horny, my buzz is gone and I just wanted some where to chill. I don’t want to think about everything that has happened today.

Robbie spends his time with Linda’s brother playing video games and ignoring Shan. Linda makes me a sandwich and offers us some sodas and around nine we head out and Rob drops me off at my house.

Before stepping out of the car, I decide to try and talk to Rob.

“You should really think about giving her a chance.”

“Give who?” he says while staring the wheel.

“Shan.” He shakes his head. “Why?”

“I don’t want to have your left-overs. You knew I liked her, she knew I liked her and she still choose you.”

“Rob, she didn’t choose me come on man. She is a really nice girl, I know you like the whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing and Shan wants that too.”

“She wanted it with you, since she didn’t get it she settled for me.” He looks upset at me. I feel a bit guilty about it. I did know he liked her, but really could I have turned that down?

“She didn’t settle, you know you are worth more than me.”

“Shut up and get out,” he says it playfully and pushes me out of the car. That is Rob’s way of letting me know he doesn’t want to talk about it anymore, but isn’t really upset.

I step out and leaned into the door, “Give it some thought you’d make a good couple”

He shakes his head at me “I don’t want everyone to know my girlfriend gave my best friend sex for his birthday.”

And to that I don’t know what to say. He shakes his head again, reaches for the door and takes off.

I climb back into my window and sit on my bed. I feel so guilty. I feel guilty about Shan and Rob, I feel guilty about making my mother cry…

I slip out of my room and look for my mom. She is laying on her bed a glass of juice on her nightstand and her TV on. I knock on the side of her door and she looks at me. I give her a shy smile and she smiles back a sad smile that goes nowhere close to her eyes.

I walk in and ask her if she is hungry, she shakes her head and turns back towards the TV.

“What are you watching?” I ask while softly nudging her so she makes room for me, she scouts to the left and I sit by her.

“Movie, it’s on lifetime it kinda sucks,” she says and pulls me so I’m lying on her shoulder. I reach into my pocket and pull my car keys out; I place them on her stomach.

“I keep my cell” I whisper. She takes the keys in her hand and just nods. We watch the movie together and my guilt is no longer crushing me.

“You need to call your dad, he hasn’t deposit your child support for this month and mortgage is due next week.” I hate this why can’t she call him? Why do I have to be involved in this whole thing?

“Mom…” I whine but she just gives me a stern look. I hate calling him, I hate talking to him.

Mom and Dad divorced when I was 6 years old. For reason I’d rather not talk about mom and me had to move across the country. Dad had no say in it since Mom has full custody of me and he has no visitations rights, Dad really messed up when married to my mom. A month before mom asked for the divorce he was caught drunk driving with me in the car. No judge, no matter how much he spent on the lawyer, was going to give him custody.

Mom still let me see dad every weekend, she says she doesn’t want me to hate him that he made mistakes but that he is a good guy and loves me. I don’t care, the minute we moved dad cut all ties with us. Six years past before I received a phone call, for five years he send no child support, and mom and me had hard times.

When he called, he was sorry and ashamed for what he done. He said he had found god and seen the wrong in his ways. Mom was about to send dad to court for the child support, but instead settled things. Dad got screwed! He ended up paying almost two thousand dollars a month for child support, but for dad 2000 is pocket money, that is why it upsets me so much that every month he is late. I hate that I have to call and remind him.

-

“Shhh... its ok don’t cry…nothing will happen” I can’t stand the voice. I’m once again watching my self. The hands are not on me. This dream has started before they get to me. I see a sliver of light towards my right the shadow casts it self over the figure, over the owner of the hands I can’t see him. I want to see who he is. “It will be ok angel, everything will be fine.”

My younger self turns towards me his eyes pleading, we both know nothing will be fine, we both know that as a calloused hand runs over us the other will be covering our months muffling our pleads, silencing every cry of pain and embarrassment. I can’t do anything I just stand there glued in place staring feeling useless, feeling dirty.

I struggle I try to push his hands away, I beg for it too stop. But I can’t go near, the younger me knows best, he turns his head towards the pillow and lets the tears roll down quietly. I yell, I yell as loud as my lungs allow me, I want myself to react to push him away, to not let this happen to us. Why did we allow this to happen to me? I fall to my knees and cry into my hands, I’m worthless useless, I can’t even control my own dreams.

“Luciano?” Is that my mothers voice?

“Luciano?” She shakes me softly. “Luciano you’re having a nightmare” I throw my hands around her and cry onto her shoulder. I can’t stop shaking, she holds me back, she sooths my hair back and whispers into my ear, “it’s ok gordis. It’s ok. It was only a dream nothing will happen to you. I’m here I will protect you”.

I want to run out, I feel trapped god. I don’t want to be touched. I push mom away and hug my knees against my chest rocking back and forward trying to get the images out of my head. She says nothing about me pushing her away, these nightmares have been around for years and she knows how it is.

She reaches for the watered down juice on her nightstand and puts it near my lips I take a few sips and lay back down. She continues to whisper soothing words and I close my eyes wishing the images gone. I take my moms hands and motion for her to rub my head and she does. When I no longer feel disgusted by the thought of contact I roll onto her lap and beg for sleep to come but it won’t I’m too frighten that the nightmare will come back.

I check the time it’s 4am, I tell mom she should go to sleep not to worry about me; she has work tomorrow. I walk to my bedroom and sit on the bed rocking back and forward and I can’t let myself fall asleep.

The sun rises and its rays shine on my covers. I hear my mom get up and ready for the day and I stop my alarm clock before it goes off.

My mom knocks on my bedroom door and I tell her to come in, she sits on the bed next to me and once again pushes my sweaty hair back.

“Did you ever go back to sleep?” I shake my head.

“You can stay home if you like.” I nod “Do you want to talk about the dream?”

“It’s the same as always.” She gives me a sad smile and kisses my fore head.

“Do you want to try therapy again?” Therapy was bullshit the stupid therapist did nothing but say I was a sex addict and ask if I had ever been molested, moron.

“No, I’ll be fine”

“There is money for a pizza on the counter” She kisses my fore head and leaves.