Even Angels Fall

“Okay, you have to tell me what’s up.”

Looking up from the salad plate where she was pushing around the lettuce leaves with her fork, Sarah met Eddie’s concerned eyes. “I don’t know what you mean,” she said in a weak voice, knowing her brother could see right through her at that moment. “I’m fine. I’m just not too hungry for some reason.”

Putting down his fork, Eddie ran his hands through his hair and looked into Sarah’s eyes. While everyone they knew, from family to friends, said that they looked a lot alike, Eddie could only see it in the brown eyes speckled with gold in front of him. If he concentrated hard enough, it was like looking at his own eyes in a mirror. Which is why it was so easy for him to see in those eyes that his sister was in pain.

“Sarah, I know I’m your brother,” Eddie said, his voice managing to sound both exasperated and worried at the same time. “And therefore, it’s probably hard for you to talk to me about… certain things. But I know enough about you to know you’re not in a good place right now. And if I can help, please… just let me.”

Staring at the hair that fell on Eddie’s forehead in an effort to avoid looking at his nervous gaze, Sarah still felt her eyes filling with tears at the kindness of his words. ‘I’ve been lying to you for a month,’ she wanted to admit. ‘I’ve been sneaking around and lying to you, all so I could spend time with a guy you hate, who obviously doesn’t give a fuck about me.’

“I made a mistake with a guy,” Sarah began, but upon seeing her brother tense up immediately, she had to chuckle. “Not THAT kind of mistake,” she quickly calmed Eddie’s worst fears. “No, I just… I was hanging out with someone recently, and even though I knew he was a certain type of person, I thought….”

“You thought you could change him?” Eddie asked kindly, reaching across the table to pat his sister’s hand. “Was it that guy from the office?” he asked, but Sarah just shook her head. “Well, whoever it was, why didn’t you just tell me you were seeing someone? This makes so much more sense now.”

Shrugging, Sarah struggled with figuring out what she could and could not tell Eddie. “I just wanted to see what was going to happen before involving my overprotective big brother,” she told him, mostly telling the truth. “I guess I thought it was best not to get you all worried about me seeing a guy that basically had ‘trouble’ tattooed across his forehead until I knew if ANYTHING was going to happen between us.”

“So nothing actually… happened between the two of you?” Eddie asked, his voice somewhere between caring and relief, almost making Sarah laugh. “I mean, at least, nothing… much?”

“Your little sister is still all pure and virtuous,” Sarah smirked at Eddie, pushing some of her dark hair behind her ears as she spoke. “If that’s what you’re asking.”

“Actually, it wasn’t,” Eddie’s cheeks filled with pink heat. “But… well, I have to admit, not the worst news I’ve heard in a while.” When he heard Sarah laugh at this, he looked up at her again and smiled. “Sarah, I know being the baby of the family, you’ve been both SPOILED, but also… well, limited in being yourself. And I know I’m as much to blame for that as Mom and Dad are. I just want you to know that – after many a discussion with Sin since you arrived in New York – I want to be your friend, not just your big brother.”

Biting her lip, Sarah used all her strength not to let the hot tears filling her eyes fall down over her cheeks, as she wanted to allow them to do. “I am a brat,” she told Eddie honestly. “A huge spoiled brat. I got so much – from Mom and Dad, from you, from Sin, from Lianna and Joseph and Madison and Tavian… Moving here, I thought I deserved it, you know? I thought I was entitled. But the more time I live here… the more I realize that I have been so lucky. And the fact that one relationship with one guy didn’t work out doesn’t mean I’m any less privileged.”

Leaning back in his seat, Eddie crossed his arms over his chest and just stared at Sarah for a moment. “I can’t believe you figured that out already,” he smirked, although a look of admiration couldn’t be hidden in his honest features. “You are growing up a lot quicker than I thought you would.”

“Thanks,” Sarah told Eddie honestly. “That means a lot coming from you.”

“You’re welcome,” Eddie replied, with just as much sincerity. Leaning forward, he tilted his head slightly as he studied his sister’s expression. “So are you ready to share some info on this ass who messed up with my rapidly maturing, semi-cool, still-a-brat sister, or have we not reached that point yet?”

Shaking her head, Sarah sighed. “It’s not that we haven’t reached that point yet,” she told Eddie. “It’s just probably best if we never talk about it. It was a huge mistake that never happened, and there’s no reason to involve you in the details now. Better to just put it behind us.”

Frowning a little quizzically at the obviously enigmatic answer his sister was giving him, Eddie decided to just accept it. “Fair enough,” he told Sarah. “You’re an adult – of sorts – and you don’t have to tell me every detail of your life. But just remember, I’m here if you need me for the important stuff.”

“I know,” Sarah replied to Eddie, telling him the truth for once. She knew Eddie was there for her if she needed him – as were Sin and all their friends – but they were talking about the IMPORTANT things in life, not the semi-real, partially-fanaticized, not-quite-understandable things that had occurred to Sarah over the past few months since she had moved to New York.

‘It just looks like the important stuff is never actually going to happen,’ Sarah thought silently to herself as she looked again with appreciation at the caring but unknowing expression on her brother’s face across the table.

-----

“Damn it!” Zip yelled out loud at his telephone before hitting the ‘Off’ button and throwing it down on the couch with anger. “Why the fuck does she have her phone turned off?”

Of course, the answer was obvious to Zip. She was with Chris. He had pushed Sarah away, he had been so confusing and hurtful, that she had turned to a nice, quiet, normal guy… just like what had happened with Sin. ‘What the fuck?’ he thought to himself angrily. ‘I thought girls were supposed to ditch the boring guy for the wild, dangerous, crazy rock star. What fucking movies did I misunderstand when I was in high school?!?’

Taking a deep breath, Zip just shook his head as he sat down. Why did he care so much, anyhow? Why had he tried to reach Sarah three different times that evening? After seeing her that morning, he had spent several hours feeling like he hated her. In fact, he had gone back to Carmen’s house and had sex with her AGAIN after breakfast, almost as a revenge – although he wasn’t sure exactly how having sex with a groupie was getting revenge on Sarah.

‘Why did she do it?’ Zip thought sadly to himself. ‘We just kissed… Why would she turn around and sleep with someone she obviously didn’t care about?’

Somehow, Zip couldn’t possibly understand what reasoning she would have…

-----

Entering her apartment building later that night, Sarah felt a little better than she had earlier. While she hadn’t told Eddie the whole truth, she had told him enough to not hate herself whenever she was around him. ‘Besides,’ Sarah thought sadly as she dug in her purse for her keys. ‘There’s not much more to tell. A few dinners, a few conversations, a few dirty dreams… nothing an older brother hasn’t been kept from before.’

“Have a nice night?”

Letting out a quick yelp, Sarah dropped her keys and found herself looking right into Zip’s black eyes. He was leaning up against her doorframe, giving her a look of hurt and anger. That look only made Sarah’s blood boil.

Leaning over, Sarah picked up her keys from the hallway floor. “Go away, Zip,” she said coldly, looking him right in the eyes as she stood back up. “Don’t you have some hot blond waiting to give you a blow job or something anyway?”

“You’re one to talk,” Zip snapped back angrily.

“What the hell are you-” Sarah stopped herself mid-question and smirked at the sudden change in control of the situation. Putting her arms across her chest, she looked up at him. “I don’t see how that’s any of your business,” she told Zip, never breaking her stare with him.

Trying to control the confusing feelings within him, Zip bit down hard on his lip. “So we have one fucking fight, Sarah,” he asked her, looking at her with pain in his eyes. “And you just decide to go throw your virginity at some guy you didn’t have any interest in a week ago?”

Although she hadn’t realized how far Zip’s imagination had gone until just then, Sarah wasn’t about to give him the satisfaction of knowing the truth. “You have got to be the world’s biggest hypocrite,” she told him coldly. “Wait, let me change the words so they fit you. ‘So we have one fucking fight, Zip, and you just decide to go fuck some random girl you didn’t have any interest in a week ago?’”

“I had interest in her,” Zip said, before thinking long enough to stop himself from saying the words. “I fucked her a month ago.”

Grinding her teeth, Sarah refused to let Zip win this argument, even if it meant she had to lie. “And I had interest in Chris,” she said slowly. “And after you decided to kiss me and then throw me out of your condo, maybe I decided I have made a mistake by choosing being in some fucked up non-existent relationship with you, rather than being in a normal, healthy relationship with someone decent. Maybe that’s why I decided HE should be the one.”

At first, Zip wasn’t even sure what the pain in his eyes was. He hadn’t felt that sort of pain in years. Then he realized… it was the sting of tears. Tears of hurt, tears of pain, tears of loss. And he was not about to let Sarah get even a glimpse of them. “Fine,” he shouted, not caring that Sarah’s neighbors were probably going to call the cops any second now. “I don’t care what you do. We never really had anything between us anyway.”

“THEN WHY ARE YOU HERE?” Sarah yelled, no longer caring if neighbors heard her or she sounded hurt. She really wanted to know the answer to that question. “If there was nothing, why did you come here tonight?”

Looking at Sarah, Zip wracked his brain for some answer – some hurtful comeback – but nothing came to him. Instead, he reached for Sarah’s face, tearstained and blotchy, and brought it to his own. He couldn’t figure out what he was feeling, or why. All he knew was that HE was supposed to be Sarah’s first – Sarah’s only – and he had fucked that up. Bringing his mouth to hers, he kissed her hard and deep. It wasn’t like the short, tender kiss they had shared a few nights back. This kiss was needful, full of want and desire, honest.

As much as it pained her, Sarah put her hands on Zip’s chest and pushed him away – hating the breaking of the kiss but knowing it was necessary. “Who I am with,” she told him, her voice hard and quiet. “Is none of your business. Nobody knows anything about us, and nobody will. What we had – just consider it a figment of our collective imagination.”

With that statement, Sarah left Zip speechless. She took the keys in her hands, shaking under the force of her emotions, and managed – after a few tries – to open the lock. “Zip, just leave me alone and forget about this last month,” Sarah said, looking into her apartment and not at Zip. “It was all a big mistake.” With that, Sarah stepped into her apartment and slammed the door.

Staring at the closed door, Zip wasn’t sure what to think. He wasn’t positive why he had even come over that night. ‘Sure you are,’ Zip said to himself with sarcastic anger. ‘You just wanted to make sure that you were right in assuming that Sarah fucked Chris last night. And obviously, you were.’

On the other side of the door, Sarah collapsed on her couch in tears. Why did he have to show up? Why did the idea of her with Chris seem like the only thing that had managed to affect him? And why did she care what he thought?

-----

“Why are you here?”

“Well, that’s a nice hello,” Joseph smirked at Zip. “Invite me in, asshole.”

Moving to the side, Zip just watched warily as Joseph entered his condo. It had been three days since he had seen Sarah – or spoken to anyone, really. “I wasn’t trying to be an asshole,” he told Joseph. “You just haven’t been over since Lianna got pregnant. Is everything okay?”

Walking into the living room, Joseph took a seat on the couch and looked over at Zip. “Lianna is due in two weeks,” he reminded his friend. “She’s just… in a mood. She asked me – as nicely as a woman carrying a living, breathing, kicking watermelon in her stomach could – to get the fuck out of the condo for a few hours.”

Smirking, Zip settled himself on the arm of the couch. “So she threw you out?” he asked Joseph with amusement.

“Yep,” Joseph had no qualms about admitting this. “Apparently, she has no problem eating a non-organic apple, but recent studies have shown that the pesticides they use on fruits and vegetables can alter-”

“I’d kick you out, too,” Zip cut Joseph off with a chuckle. “If I were Liana, I’d kick you where the sun don’t shine, and then I’d kick you out.”

Laughing to himself, Joseph could only nod in agreement. “I’m overprotective,” he admitted, no apology in his voice. “But it’s because I love them.”

Looking at Joseph for a minute, Zip felt a surge of jealously. “Them.” Joseph said it so easily, and had been saying it since the moment he had found out Lianna was pregnant. “I love them. I worry about them. I’m not sure what’s going to happen with the band, because I want to be with them…”

“So, two weeks, huh?” Zip finally spoke, looking at Joseph. “Shit, two years ago, I would have thought this was the worst fucking idea in the world for you. But look at you now…”

“Love, Zip,” Joseph shook his head in amazement. “Call me a pussy all you want, but, dude – it’s the best feeling in the world. I spent so much time looking for something, and then… it was just there. I didn’t even realize. I mean, it took me fucking up with Frankie,” a dark expression passed over Joseph’s face briefly. “It took me fucking up hardcore to realize how important Lianna was, and now with Aiden… I have no regrets.”

For some reason, Zip had the indescribable urge to hit Joseph. Not because he was jealous, or because Joseph was in a good place. Mostly, it was because nobody liked having their mistakes pointed out to them. “You’re not a pussy,” Zip told his friend. “You’ve got way more courage now than you ever had.”

Wrinkling his forehead in confusion, Joseph wasn’t sure how to respond to Zip. “What are you on? E?’ he asked Zip, only slightly joking. “Normally, you would rip what I’m saying to shreds.”

“Why do that anymore?” Zip asked with a shrug. “You’re right. You’ve got it all. Maybe it’s time I start looking for something like that, rather than continuing the bed-hopping I am infamous for.”

“I can’t believe this is you saying this,” Joseph shook his head in amazement. “And what’s so funny is, a month and a half ago, Victoria was saying the EXACT same shit to me about you.”

“Our manger?” Zip asked with confusion. “What did she say?”

“She said that you’re ready for something more,” Joseph told his friend simply.

Staring at a spot on his hardwood floor, Zip shook his head. Now people that barely knew him seemed to be reading his thoughts faster than he was. Looking up, he was overcome with a desire to talk to Sarah. “Do you mind if I take off?” he asked Joseph suddenly. “I have someone I need to see.”

“No problem by me,” Joseph leaned forward and took the remote off the coffee table. “But dude, as your friend, I have to tell you one thing…”

“What’s that?” Zip asked with interest.

Smirking, Joseph shook his head. “Take a fucking shower man,” he told Zip. “You fucking reek.”

Laughing, Zip nodded. Maybe he had fucked up. Maybe he had fucked up too much. But he wasn’t about to go down without a fight.

-----

THANKS TO EVERYONE AGAIN FOR READING AND REVIEWING. BUT REALLY, I DON’T WRITE THESE LITTLE AUTHOR’S NOTES TO GET PRAISE. I AM AN AMATEUR WRITER, AND I DON’T MIND GETTING CRITICISM. HOWEVER, IF YOU DO SEE ME IMPROVING IN CERTAIN AREAS, I AM CERTAINLY NOT GOING TO ARGUE WITH HAVING PEOPLE TELL ME THAT, TOO!

ALL WRITERS ON THIS SITE WRITE BECAUSE THEY ENJOY SHARING THEIR STORIES WITH OTHERS, AND NOT BECAUSE THERE IS ANY OTHER GAIN FOR US. AS A LOT OF YOU PROBABLY KNOW, ONE OF THE BEST ORIGINAL WRITERS ON THIS SITE RECENTLY GOT FLAMED. IT SEEMED TO AFFECT HER, AND I HATE THAT, BECAUSE SHE IS REALLY TALENTED. SO I JUST WANT TO TAKE A SECOND TO SAY SOMETHING:

FOR EVERY TEN MINUTES YOU READ, A WRITER WORKS FOR AT LEAST AN HOUR – AT LEAST. THEREFORE, PLEASE TRY TO BE KIND WITH CRITICISM. I’M NOT TALKING ABOUT ME SO MUCH, AS I REALLY DON’T CARE HOW MUCH I GET FLAMED (DAMN NEW YORKER IN ME) BUT OTHER PEOPLE MIGHT. SO DON’T BE A DICK. CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM YES, FLAMING NO. COULD IT BE MORE SIMPLE, PEOPLE?

NOW, A FEW COMMENTS:

IOTC247 – I’M SORRY IF IT SEEMS LIKE I AM DRAWING THIS OUT. I ACTUALLY AM TRYING TO DEAL WITH CHARACTERS MORE FLAWED THAN OTHERS I’VE DEALT WITH, AND TRYING TO WRITE IT AS NATURALLY AS I CAN. BUT IF IT DOES CONTINUE FEELING DRAWN OUT, PLEASE TELL ME!

TEMPLETON21 AND LKN – CHRIS IS A GOOD GUY. HE’S NOT EDDIE, THOUGH, AS I HOPE TO SHOW, AS IN HE SEES SARAH AS A GOOD FRIEND NOW, PERIOD. I WILL LEAVE IT AT THAT, AS NOT TO GIVE AWAY TOO MUCH PLOT.

ROSIE – I’M ACTUALLY INTERESTED TO FIND OUT IF YOU THINK SARAH COULD CHANGE FOR THE BETTER.

RIN – THANKS FOR SAYING THAT. I HAVE THOUGHT OF THAT (SINCE THE BEGINNING OF THIS STORY, ACTUALLY). HOPEFULLY – IF I’M A STRONG ENOUGH WRITER – YOU’LL SEE A DIFFERNCE BETWEEN FLAWED JOSEPH AND FUCKED-UP ZIP, AND INNOCENT LIANNA AND NAÏVE SARAH. THAT’S MY HOPE, AT LEAST.

KELLY – YES! THAT’S EXACTLY HOW I SEE ZIP! MEN!!!

THANKS ALSO TO MAZZA, ROSEMARY, AFICI0NADA, MEGAN, PIKACHEESE, ADAEE, FOAMYFAN15010, KELLY, LEYLIA, ARAINAINA, AND MIZTIKAL_DRAGON. YOUR REVIEWS ALL KEEP ME WRITING!