Take Me From This Pain, Kevin's story

Kevin sat dazedly in his English class the next day still wondering about Jason\'s kiss. He didn\'t know what to make of it, either. No one had ever shown that kind of interest in him before . . . male or female. And now he was wary of his friend. He hated to have to suspect Jason of having an agenda, but most of the people he\'d ever known had lied to him to get what they wanted. Was that the reason Jason wanted to save him? So that he would feel he owed him? Kevin shook his head. As wary as he was right now, he had to believe that Jay wouldn\'t bother going through such lengths as saving him and uprooting his sister just to guarantee a relationship. But what did it all mean?

Kevin had never been interested in anyone else, either. He had too much to worry about at home to add an unrequited crush to the list. He\'d never thought of himself in terms of gay or straight, either. He just never thought about anything romantic, period. But he wasn\'t sure if was gay now either. This kiss had been too short for him to tell if he was attracted to Jason or not. But he did acknowledge that it hadn\'t been an unpleasant experience, either. If Kevin couldn\'t figure out what to make of his own reaction, should he really be questioning Jason\'s?

The bell rang and Kevin got up automatically, piling his notebooks and filing out of the classroom with the rest of the students. Jason wasn\'t in this class, but he would be at lunch next period. And Kevin knew avoiding him would be impossible. Not that he wanted to. It seemed that Jason had been avoiding him since they woke up. Gina had driven them to school together, but once they arrived, Jason called out that he had to meet with his lab partner on a project as he bounced away. Kevin hadn\'t seen him since. The small blonde trudged to his locker and opened it, absently dropping his books inside and pulling out a paper bag with a sandwich he\'d made earlier. He closed his locker and walked to the cafeteria, not paying attention to anything around him.

Jason sat at their now usual table with the new friends they\'d made, so Kevin knew he probably wouldn\'t be able to question him about the kiss just yet. Jason looked up at him blankly as he plopped into a chair in front of the tall brunette.

\"How you doing, bro?\" he asked Kevin with a quirked eyebrow. Kevin knew what he was implying, too. \'You can\'t break cover now, Kev.\'

\"Not bad,\" the blonde sighed. \"You?\"

Jason shrugged and went back to his conversation with a girl named Cindy they\'d met on their first day of class. He had a tray of food in front of him but he just kept moving it around with his fork. Kevin watched for a second or so and then opened his own lunch bag. He preferred to make his own lunch now that he was living in a house with food. The school lunches never really held much appeal to him.

He pulled out a sketchbook as well and began drawing a dragon with a long, serpent-like body. He\'d often done this at home when he was sitting alone in the lunchroom and had finished whatever meager meal he\'d been able to scrape together with the bit of money Brian gave him. He liked to tune the rest of room out and climb into a fantasy world with mythical creatures and honorable warriors. This time, however, he was acutely aware of his best friend sitting across from him, and was hurt that said best friend was doing everything in his power to ignore him.

Everybody ignored him back in California. The teachers didn\'t say anything to him unless he was doing poorly in class, and Brian kept Gary busy. The other kids didn\'t pay any attention to him unless he was fighting with someone. No one said \"Good morning,\" to him in homeroom like they did with everyone else, or even made small talk when they were assigned a group project in class. They were all business with him, but not each other. They would laugh at inside jokes around him, but never acknowledge his presence.

Brian was the only one who made sure he always greeted him, even when they were just passing each other in the hallways. Jason used to do that, too, but today he\'d shown Kevin he could be just like everyone else. The small blonde felt betrayed and isolated, even within the group. Some things didn\'t change.

\"That\'s an awesome dragon, Kevin!\"

He looked to his right and gave the girl, Marly, a small smile that he knew probably didn\'t quite meet his eyes. \"Thanks.\"

\"You should be in advanced art,\" she went on.

\"Maybe next year,\" he shrugged. He briefly glanced over at Jason before looking back down at his drawing. The brunette was still ignoring him, acting for all the world like Cindy was the only one else at the table. Dejectedly, he began the dragon\'s wings.

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Jason only caught bits and pieces of what Cindy was saying to him. Something about some snob named Tanya who gave her a hard time in gym class. He nodded and gave noncommittal interjections where applicable so that he didn\'t make her feel worse, but his mind was on the small blonde in front of him. Kevin had given him a hurt look when he shrugged before and turned away from him. Damn it, why did he feel like he was offending the kid even more now? He could see out of the corner of eye that Kevin was working on another amazing sketch. But the kid had also withdrawn into himself and Jason hated to see that. He knew he was probably the reason, too, but he didn\'t know what to say to him. Kevin must be having doubts about Jason\'s motives now and the tall boy didn\'t know how to address these, not that the proverbial cat scratched its way out of the bag.

Marly was admiring Kevin\'s drawing now, and Jason felt a surge of jealousy streak through him. But he knew he didn\'t have that right. Kevin was straight and Marly was a pretty girl. She was also attracted to Kevin, Jason acknowledged. He\'d seen the light in her eyes the first day they\'d met her. But Kevin appeared oblivious. It would be a disastrous case for Jason to hold out hope that Kevin wasn\'t attracted to girls, but a tiny part of him inside held onto it anyway. Still, it would be unfair of Jason to give voice to that hope now, when Kevin was so vulnerable and probably felt more gratitude than anything else. And since they would be living together as stepbrothers - or half brothers, or whatever they were supposed to be - for at least a year, he knew he couldn\'t make their time together any more uncomfortable than it need be.

\"So I told her she wasn\'t the queen of the school, no matter what the current boy she was fucking told her!\" Cindy finished proudly.

Jason offered her a supportive smile and nodded in agreement. She grinned back happily. He had no idea what this Tanya chick had said or done, but Cindy obviously felt she\'d out her in her place, at least for now.

Kevin shut his sketchpad and shoved it into his backpack. The bell rang a second later and the small blonde gave Jason one more hurt look and walked away without a word, leaving his friend to wonder what the hell he did now.

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Kevin fought the urge to cry in the gym locker room. This was another class he had with Jason, so he had to hold it together. In fact, he wouldn\'t be able to cry at home either. Not until Jason went to sleep anyway, and he proved to be a light sleeper last night. It wasn\'t fair how alone he felt right now. At home, Brian would at least be there to give him some comfort and acknowledge that he existed. Here, he only had Jason and he wasn\'t even willing to talk about what was bothering Kevin. The small blonde locked himself into a bathroom stall after he\'d changed and let his tears fall silently down. He knew he couldn\'t stay in there long or make any noise, or someone would hear him. After sucking in a few tortured gasps of air, Kevin finally felt he had himself under some control. Good thing, too. The teacher had just come in to herd the class into the gym. With a final sniffle, Kevin collected himself and walked out with them.