Orange

About a month has passed since Jack walked out. So far, nothing has gone right. I’ve had nightmares every night, I flinch whenever there’s a loud noise. When someone touches me, I at least flinch and sometimes it’s so bad, that I collapse into a heap of tears and begging. Mom and Dad keep trying to come over but I keep telling them no. I don’t want them to see me fall apart. I haven’t been able to keep Mark or Andy away. One of them is always here, always near me, always there to see me break down. I’ve stayed in the apartment since I got out of the hospital. I’ve officially gotten to the point that I can’t stand staying in the apartment but at the same time, I’m afraid to leave. I stupidly feel like everyone will know what happened to me just by looking at me. It’s just that the itch to go out has gotten to be too much.

“Mark?” I call out from where I’m in my office. I hear his footsteps heading my way.

“What’s up Cil?” Mark’s head peeks around the door frame.

“I think I want to go out. Yeah. I do. I want to go out to… to… buy different things for the living room. Will you come with me?” I look at Mark and see hope in his features. I just want that hope to come true.

“Absolutely. Andy plans on coming over. Should we invite him along?”

“Sure. We may need Mr. Strongman with us. I need a shower anyways so that’ll give him time to get here.” I stand and move towards the door and thus Mark. I reach him and for the first time since even before my trauma I reach out and hug my twin. I feel him startle in my arms and I feel bad about the lack of love I’ve been showing my twin. His arms come around me and we stand there in a hug for a while. “I love you. And I’m sorry I haven’t shown you lately,” I whisper in Mark’s ear.

“I love you too Cil. And you’re forgiven.” Mark kisses me on my temple and after a second, I pull away. “Go ahead and get your shower. I’ll call Andy and let him know what’s going on.” I nod and move towards my bedroom. While gathering my clothes, I hear Mark’s excited voice talking about how, “Cil wants to go out! Yeah! To change up the horrid furniture in the living room. No I didn’t convince him to go Andrew. (To which I’m sure Andy replied, “Don’t call me Andrew!”) Well don’t call me Marcus then!” I smile and move towards the shower, smiling at my brothers’ bickering. I’m finally feeling like this a good idea. Spending time with family, spending time among people outside the apartment and getting rid of Jack’s things. Yep. I like this plan.