Across the Square

 

Chapter eight

Phone calls

 

"Oh my fucking god! .. I wish you were here." I'd brought myself to climax with my own hand while Patrick was on the other end of the phone, listening and soon joining in. He was good at this phone sex thing. I'd not really thought much of it before recently. The times with Jerry were a sort of sex line just for him meaning I didn't feel like I got much out of it in return other than the knowledge that he was satisfied. It was nice to know that, but I'd always wanted more and when it wasn't really necessary I declined the offer to do it in different apartments. With Jerry I couldn't even spy on him. It was a delightful added extra with Patrick because he would lounge there, across the square, groping himself. We were learning what eachother liked from a distance but they were proving to be good lessons since I had such high expectations about our first time.



My orgasm was intense, no doubt because I knew Patrick was watching me, suggesting things I could do, and I was far more comfortable than the previous call. I laid there, head propped up on several pillows so I could see him, trying to regain a sensible heart rate which was near to impossible as he came close after me, legs spread apart so he could have easy access to his balls. I was yet to see him go for his ass and I couldn't help but wonder if it was just a matter of time or that he really wasn't into that. As we calmed, I rolled over, onto my side so that I could watch him without making my neck ache. I was about to open my mouth and ask him if he would come over again when he spoke.



"Don't ask me to come and be with you tonight, cupcake. You still haven't spoken to Jerry properly and I know that if I give you what you want without making you talk to him then you never will. I get that it's hard. I could be there with you if you like... To make sure nothing bad happens."



"What do you expect him to do? He isn't going to hit me or anything. He might get angry but... I don't know what he'll do really."



"It was just an idea. I don't have to if you would rather I not be there." It was perhaps a good idea, but I wasn't sure.



"I'll think about it. You're at work a lot anyway when I would have the chance to talk to him and all so... Yeah. If you get a call from me at an odd time then you know I want you to help me do it over the phone. You seem so good at helping people with things over the phone."



There was quiet for a while as he changed his pants and got ready for bed but then the questions started.



"Do you really miss him right now?"



"I do. But I wasn't thinking of him before if that's what you're wondering. I miss him... More as a friend than anything. We talk all the time when Ty isn't around."



"So you wish you had more general company?"



"I want... I want someone to be with. I have friends at work but we don't really share any interests. I cannot help but wonder how much happier I would be if I was properly in love with someone... And was living with them. Someone to go home to, you know?" I watched him nod from his seat and sighed. "Don't you get lonely over there all by yourself?"



"I do. But the person I'd like to have stay with me isn't doing as I ask so it cannot happen yet, you see?" I did. I saw that he was working me into talking to Jerry. "So you don't like living alone then. I'd suggest you got a flat share thing going on but with only one bedroom that wouldn't work out well. Please don't invite random people into your place and let them sleep in your bed."



"I generally don't mind being alone. Just recently... When I had a taste of what I was missing out on. And these days where Jerry is busy drag. But it's my turn to ask questions. When was the last time you were in a proper relationship, Patrick?" I was worried about the answer. Maybe he would say something stupid like last week!



"It's been four years since I was last in a serious relationship. Does that make you happy?" Actually, it did. It was a selfish way of thinking, I know, but it really did please me to think he hadn't been with anyone else in all that time. I had, of course, been with Jerry and before him my ex but those didn't count. Jerry wasn't my boyfriend.



"Mm, I like the thought that you weren't out doing anyone else, yes.  Does that make me a bad person? I haven't been with you properly and we aren't in a relationship that's official... And I didn't dare approach you for so long... Yet I don't like the thought of you being with anyone else in the recent past and I hate the thought of you being with someone else now or in the future."



"It doesn't make you a horrible person but it does make you possessive as hell which, lucky for you, I happen to find attractive." I watched him getting into bed from where I was laid and heard myself sigh again. He had spoilt me too much by coming over before and now I was missing his comfort and warmth like you wouldn't believe. In the time I'd been sort of with Jerry I'd spent very few nights alone. Some nights I would fall asleep just with Jerry and would wake up with Ty lounging on a free bit of the bed but that hadn't ever bothered me as much it perhaps should have done. It was like we made ourselves oblivious to eachother. We rarely spoke or made eye contact and yet I didn't have any problem downing his come from Jerry's mouth... Specifically because it was out of Jerry's mouth. I wondered if Jerry knew that was why I was willing. I wondered if Ty knew or cared and doubted he would be bothered.



"It's stupid. I barely know you and yet I miss you being here. When you are so close but unwilling to fill in the space between us it makes something feel awkward within me. You belong over here. With me. Or me there. With you. Either way. I'm not a picky kinda guy."



"Ah, but I get the impression you really are. Talk to him tomorrow and we'll meet up straight after you're finished with work or, if you do it early, I could meet you for lunch. My treat." I could hear the happiness in his tone at the thought of a lunch date and it made me melt just a little when I thought of how randomly romantic he could be. How delicious it was to know that it was waiting for me, right across the square. So close.



"Tomorrow is the day, for certain. I will do it this time and I will do it properly. No more messing around and allowing him to avoid me or say he has a call or some shit. This is important and it needs sorting so I... So I don't lose you." It was a strong statement to make. I didn't want to lose him but I didn't actually have him in the first place. There was just a suggestion that it might be possible or something. I wasn't even sure of the idea. "What happens if... Say, I decide to not do anything with him anymore?" I needed to know the options.



"Well then I will talk to you about what you would like to do next."



"So there's the possibility of us being... I dunno..."



"We could go out on dates if you like. Try and do things in some sort of normal order though I bet keeping your mouth away from my groin might be an interesting task."



"And what if I decide to keep.. Doing stuff with him?"



"Then you will get to do whatever you like with him but nothing with me." Wow. Clear line there.



"Bit blunt tonight?" I yawned, wondering if it was out of tiredness or frustration that he was sounding grumpy.



"Isaac, you say this is hard for you. You say you hate being alone and that you want me there or you want to be here but I'm having to deal with trying to keep you happy on some level so you don't go insane and yet I know you'll just go running straight back to Jerry the first chance you get. It's not a nice position you've put me in so if I were you I'd keep your promise and change things or I'm going to become pissed off."



He put the phone down. He put the phone down on me.



When realisation struck, I huffed and put my phone down, looking across to see him rolling over, closing his eyes, pretending to sleep. I have no idea when he actually fell to sleep; I gave up watching after a while, the pain in the pit of my stomach too much when I looked at him. All I could do was hope Jerry would make the choice an easy one. I couldn't stay with Jerry forever if he wasn't willing to give me one hundred percent and Patrick was literally waiting for me... But life without Jerry?

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Author notes: Thank you to MissusAnn (fp), my beta. Smoochies!

Anonagain: The reason why Jerry is so antisocial around certain people comes out in the end :D Thanks for the review.

Lisa: But Isaac can't help it. His life up until now has been Jerry-Jerry-Jerry. That's a whole lot of Jerry. Maybe feelings run a tiny bit deeper than friends with benefits ;) Thank you for reviewing, as always <3