Do I Really Want You?

Sorry for the wait, I've been working on editing a little closer then I have been. I also wanted to make sure that everything fit together and that the next chapter would match up with this one. So there's some limeness in this one, expect the heavy duty stuff in the next chapter. I will try to update a little quicker. I just have a big case of writers block. So Rate, Review and Enjoy.

Sonia’s POV

So we were finally in the class room divided up into our respective groups. I had figured our group was going to get a lot bigger. But it seems that was not the case. Our sisters’ schools class was a lot smaller than ours so only about three more students were added to each group except for ours. We only had two. This was not that bad at all . . . for me at least. I was not a group person, and working in big groups can be hard. The two new additions to our groups were a boy and a girl. At least it was fair in a way. The girls were still outnumbered by the boys.

“I’m Lelani,” the girl said introducing herself.

She was tall and thick. Meaning she was by no means fat but this girl could not be called skinny either she had a body, that was slender but with just enough curves to make it really attractive. Not only that she had these warm chocolate eyes and long dark hair, that meshed well with her cinnamon toned skin. I liked her immediately. She was friendly and didn’t mind hanging with a bunch of mainlanders like us.

“I’m Kaikane,” The boy said next.

He was tall as well with a very thick build. Like he was made for body building, his hair was dark, long and full, and with the same complexion as the Leilani. He seemed friendly enough. And his accent was so cool. I mean I guess it was probably like I had an accent being from the states and all but I had always loved the idea of accents they were awesome.

Anyways although our groups members are what some might say were the typical Hawaiians (don’t quote me on that). There was also a good variety of other colors as well. There were whites and blacks and Asian all mixed in together. I thought this was really cool. They were diverse here.

“All right, so what you all are going to do is go on a scavenger hunt around Hawaii,” Our teacher began. “You are going to gather the things on the lists we give you and once you have found them all will give you the next steps.”

“Yes, but in order to get the necessary things we’ve prepared . . . we’ve added a few rules to make this more fun,” The other teacher chimed in.

Seriously?! Great, a scavenger hunt across Hawaii.

I felt Derrick looking at me, and turned to him slightly. Somehow he had managed to wind up in the same group as me. And I felt like it wasn’t a coincidence. Especially after seeing Chelsea trying to get near him. It was like he and his friends had purposely moved away from her so that they wouldn’t get stuck in a group together. But our teacher would have just split them up anyways. I was very surprised but also pleased that he hadn’t split Katrina and I up. I was definitely expecting him to and I was nervous about that. It’s not that I couldn’t function without her I just liked working with her the best. But I was also pleased that I was going to be able to work on this project with Derrick.

Yeah, I was really excited about that little fun fact.


I smiled to myself and Katrina nudged me a little.

“Pay attention, Sony you know you’re the only one whose going to remember all the details,” Katrina whispered. “No day dreaming today.”

I wanted to pout but I held off. I was the only one who was probably going to remember. Lelani was texting as well as Katrina. Kaikane was scribbling on his note pad of forgotten notes and Ricky was focused on something outside, while Bobby was staring around the room with his sharp eyes making notes of all the people. And Derrick although it was embarrassing and pleasing, he was staring at me. Yeah, I definitely had to pay attention.
But it’s not like I wasn’t listening. I had a pad full of notes and I could pay attention while I day dreamed it was a skill I found I had. I was actually a really good multitasker. I raised my hand.

“Ah, yes, Sonia,” My teacher called.

“What are the limits of this scavenger hunt, like what are the boundary restrictions,” I asked. “Is there a specific place that were not allowed to go, and now that I’m thinking about it what are the rules?”

“Will get to the rules in a second,” The other teacher said. “Now the restrictions I didn’t think about. Should they have any?”

“I think only when it pertains to something dangerous, like the cliffs and the. . . ” He cleared his throat at this. “The red light districts so to speak.”

Everyone perked up a little at this. I don’t know why he just said that we couldn’t go there.

“Overall where giving you all free reign of the town and the surrounding area, your all adults,” Our teacher said. “We know you can manage, but we also expect you to be safe and to be aware of your surroundings.”

“Exactly, so that brings us to the rules,” The other teacher replied.

They passed out a piece of paper it was detailed. I could hear the groans of our classmates but I just studied the paper. They had made the rules complicated and if you didn’t read them careful without any loopholes but there were always loop holes, you just had to find them.

“Shit, this is intense,” Ricky swore.

“It must have been our teachers doing,” Lelani said staring at the paper distastefully. “He does seem to like to make things a challenge like he says.”

“I see,” Bobby murmured.

Kaikane scowled at the paper that was his response.

“This is almost to freaking hard, and we haven’t even got the lists of items yet,” Katrina groaned. “I bet were going to have to break at least all of them to get what we need.”

Such a drama queen.

“You’re not worried,” Derrick asked.

I looked at him a little surprised. Was I worried? Just a little about completing the assignment and figuring out what we needed all these things for, But about the rules? No.

“Not exactly,” I answered. “The rules aren’t that bad to me, but then like Katrina said we haven’t got the lists of items just yet.”

Our lists consisted of a few frivolous things. But the rest was important. Here’s what it consisted of:


Scavenger hunt List

Stapler

Hibiscus flower

Leaves of a macaranga tree

Shells from the Waikiki Beach

Fig’s from the banyan Tree

Eucalyptus

Orchids

Golden Shower blossom from the golden flower tree

Candle stick tree

Floss silk tree leaves

Something of significance from Lolani palace

Plenty of paper

Typing and printing resources

Imagination

Notes from each of the locations that you visit

We were done with our briefing now and were heading back to the hotel. They said we would really get started
tomorrow after we had a good look over the instructions and such. I was still reading the inventory lists as I had deemed it. The others were walking around me grumbling to themselves and I was thinking carefully.

“This is gonna suck ass,” Katrina pouted. “We can’t even work on this without the Hawaiian students there because one of the rules states that we all have to be present when an item is found.”

“It’s not that bad, Trina,” I said, pushing back my braids.

“What do you mean it’s not bad,” She said. “Why are they even doing it like this?

“I think it’s to help promote teamwork and unity and to make us branch out and not just work with them for a few hours a day but work with them as part of the group,” I replied, I looked around us and then smiled. “Hey tell our teammates to come over here.”

“Why,” Ricky asked. “And you know Katrina’s right it’s going to be hard to always have the group there.”

“No it isn’t,” I said. “Call them over.”

They did as I asked and as soon as they were near enough I picked up a stapler I found on the table. It was one of the items.

“See simple enough,” I replied. “Hey, Mr. Anderson, we found one of our items.”

“What.”

“Look at the list,” I said. “Here can you sign off for us, and before you say anything you did say we could have free reign of almost everywhere.”

“Hmm clever as usually, Sonia, all right, I’ll give you this one, next time more imagination involved,” He winked at me.

I could see the disbelieving looks of the others around us. Another of the rules was that you couldn’t pick up an item from the same place as another group, if you were very aware that they had already been in that place. I handed the stapler to Katrina with a grin.

“This why I like working with you,” Katrina said happily. “Always full of surprises.”

“Yeah,” The boys murmured.

“You know this seems to be not as bad as I thought,” Leilani grinned as well. “Definitely glad to be on your
team.”

I could feel my cheeks heating up at that. I hoped I didn’t seem like to much of a show off.

“Well . . . um . . . I think we should schedule days to meet as well,” I asked. “Like whole days were we can go looking for the stuff?”

“Great idea,” Bobby said.

I think I really liked my group.

As we sat down back on the bus, the rest of our group decided that when we got back to the hotel we should probably meet up as well. To work on strategy as the guys called it. I had agreed. It was a good idea and I could see Derrick again. I wondered why he had been so strangely quiet for most of the day. I chanced a glance behind me. He was staring out the window. I turned back around and sighed. My earlier success was deflating now that it wasn’t school work I was doing. I was always the most confident with my brains. Always.

“So how does it feel to have, lover boy in the same group as you,” Katrina whispered.

“Wha . . . don’t say it like that,” I whispered back.

“Come on just spill it,” she said.

“I guess, I like it,” I said.

“Don’t try and play it off,” Katrina said “you love it.”

“I wouldn’t exactly say I loved it but enjoyed it immensely yes,” I replied, with a grin.

Katrina just sighed patting me on the head like some little kid. But she smiled back at me all the same. I was glad she was accepting of this. Before I had told her that he was actually talking to me and reciprocated my feelings, I thought she would want me to stay away from him that’s the feeling I got from her. But now it seemed as if she was rooting me on whole heartedly. I couldn’t really find any distaste in her except for when she had thought I wasn’t looking and stared at him hard. It wasn’t evil or hateful but it was a look she reserved for people she didn’t seem to trust all the way. Maybe she wasn’t as supportive as she seemed. Maybe she knew something I didn’t.

I lay my head back against the seat and sighed. This was getting complicated.

“So do you really have this project all figured out,” Katrina asked me.

“In a way yes, I’ll explain it to you later, the part I’m a little worried about is putting all the pieces of
this puzzle together.”

“Yeah, that is the more ambiguous part of the project, I suppose they’ll give us more rules when the time comes.”

“Yeah, they will, our teacher and our sister schools teacher think alike,” I replied. “What did you think of our
two new editions?”

“Kaikane, is definitely a cutie, and Leilani is smoking of course,” She smirked. “But I think will work well
with them . . . I feel like we outnumber them, which we do, so it’s like we’re going to be running the show cause there’s more of us.”

“Yeah, I got the same feeling.”

We made it back to the hotel and before we went to our respective rooms we all exchanged numbers. And decided to meet in the lounge. I wasn’t very fond of the meeting aspect but I was eager to see Derrick again. I think I was getting addicted. I needed to pull back. Swimming would help me relax. I would also get some good thinking done. There was still one athletic thing I could still do.

Swim.

I hadn’t joined the team and there was no excuse for that one but I still loved to do it. It was like a cool down time for me, I loved being in the water. As soon as I got in my room I got my stuff together, gathering my braids into a high ponytail.

“Ah and where do you think you’re going,” Katrina asked.

“I was gonna swim before we all met up together.”

“Oh . . .have fun then,” She said.

“You’re not gonna come with me,” I asked.

“No, after spending the day with those boys I’m worn out.”

“How was spending time with them tiring,” I asked.

“I just had to be nice, It was hard not to make rude little comments like you know I do,” Katrina said swinging her feet over the bed as she stared at the ceiling. “You understand me so you don’t take offense . . . other people always do.”

“I understand,” I replied. “I’ll be back.”

I wanted to ask her more but I held off. I slung my bag over my shoulder and walked out of the room. I walked to the elevator, and then thought I might as well take the stairs it would be easier. I moved away and instead open the door, leading to the stair well. I walked down them evenly, just thinking. I think Katrina was hiding something from me. I could feel it. Like I said my intuition was usually right. Maybe she knew something that I didn’t know.

I stepped out onto the first floor, and walked across the lobby. The pool was out door but covered. Hmmm, maybe I should just go into the ocean instead, but then I’d have to worry about under toes and all that. I’d better stick to the pool until Katrina feels like coming into the sea with me. You shouldn’t swim alone in a place like that. I opened the door and set my stuff on a table near the back. I looked around self consciously before pulling my shirt off and then my shorts. I had put my bathing suit on underneath my clothes.

I looked down at myself. My bathing suit was blue, and it was the shorts kind, with a slight bikini top. Mine wasn’t as risqué as other girls but it did cover me up. But still having big breast wasn’t everything. If I didn’t wear a bra they liked to wilt just a little bit. I frowned at that and shrugged my shoulders.

I walked over to the edge and sat down carefully and then eased myself in. I didn’t want people to notice me. And there were people in here, of course. I shivered a bit adjusting to the coolness, and then I dunked myself under. It was like I was getting excited, being back in the water felt like I was back home. I should have joined the swim team. I dunked myself under and then came back. I swam around for a few laps. I could definitely feel the strain in my muscles, and I remembered the good o’l days playing around in the local swimming pool or travelling to the lake. It felt good.

After lounging for a while, I climbed out and moved over to the hot tub. I know it’s going to sound stupid but it was hot, like hotter than I expected. But it was to be expected. I sighed as I finally settled into the temperate waters. It was relaxing. I opened my eyes and watched as people came and went. I glanced at the clock and knew I still had awhile before we were supposed to meet up.

“I know you’re not going to believe me,” I heard a voice start to say. “But I’m really not trying to stalk you everywhere you go.”

I turned to see that it was Derrick. I felt myself becoming flustered already and he hadn’t even done anything yet.

“Um,” I started to say.

“I know you weren’t even going to say anything you didn’t know I was there,” He said with a grin. “It must be fate then that were meeting up so much.”

I clamped my lips at that one. I never knew he could be so corny, it was almost funny.

“I know, I’m not some super cool, person,” He replied, “Do you mind if I come in with you.”

“It’s not my hot tub,” I mumbled.

“Are you getting embarrassed,” He asked, “after last night.”

“We didn’t even do anything last night,” I replied, my cheeks growing hot.

He was teasing me. Of course we hadn’t done anything I was to freaking nervous and I kept ruining the moment. Although he said I didn’t. I know I did. I always let my nerves get to me in the end and I over thought things and then I over analyzed things as well.

“You know, you really do over think things,” He said sitting down beside me.

When had he moved? Maybe I was to defenseless when I was thinking. I let things go on without noticing them.

“It’s not a bad thing,” He said. He had his arm draped behind him on the edge of the tub.

He had said we were going to keep this a secret but how much of a secret was this if he had his arm so close to being around me. It’s not like I minded it was just kind of glaringly obvious that we had more going on then it seemed.

“Don’t think to hard about it,” He said.

“Hmmm,” I said.

I was actually very proud of the fact that I wasn’t freaking out at being so near him. I think I was getting use to it. I smiled at that slightly and saw him looking at me.

“What,” I asked.

“Nothing,” He smiled.

We sat there in a companionable silence for a few moments. I hoped the rest of the trip would run this smooth especially when it pertained to our assignment that needed to be completed.

“I guess I should tell you before Bobby gets to it,” Derrick began, I looked at him. “They know about us.”

My first reaction was to freak out but I stilled it. I had told Katrina, so it wasn’t like there was anything wrong with him telling his friends.

“I thought we weren’t going to tell anybody,” I said slowly. “I know there your friends but Ricky . . . kind of . . .”

“Has a big mouth,” He finished for me, I nodded. “I know, but he’s been warned to not spread it around.”

“So what did they have to say,” I asked.

I wondered if they thought I was good enough for their friend. I know it really didn’t matter what they thought, but . . . How could I not wonder. I wasn’t very familiar with them. I had known Ricky from grade school but that was about it. We were never really friends and he was like Derrick apart of the cool crowd. But he never seemed mean but maybe he thought I was to nerdy to be with derrick. And then there was Bobby, He was a strange character and very hard to figure out. From what I could tell he was very sly in a way, he was a master of subtleties. It was hard to figure out when he was up to something because he was good at covering his tracks.

“They don’t mind much,” he replied.

“Which means,” I asked.

“They’re more worried about you then me, they think the monsters out to prey on an innocent little damsel in distress,” He said with a chuckle.

“Why would they think that,” I asked.

“No reason,” He said. “They think I’d do you more harm than good.”

“I don’t think that,” I said.

But I had wondered at it, at the beginning.

“People aren’t black and White; Sonia there is a gray line in between, many gray lines to be exact.”

I knew that.

I wasn’t that naïve but it was always a slap in the face to be reminded. I always wanted to believe in the good in people. I didn’t want to think of them as bad. I wanted to have faith in them but it was worrying me that he was saying this. Did that mean that he was going to hurt me in the future? Or was he hiding some terrible secret about himself that I should know about. Or maybe should just leave in the dark.

“Calm down,” He sighed, looking over at me. “I just mean, I am human so I will make mistakes as much as I won’t want to.”

“Oh,” I said. “I can understand that.”

But with that logic I would make mistakes to. I didn’t like to make mistakes. I didn’t want to mess up. This was actually going right. A boy I liked me back and I was talking to him. I didn’t want to mess that up.

“Where’s Katrina,” He asked.

“Back in the room,” I replied. “She knows to you know.”

“Yeah I know,” He replied. “She was there when I woke up this morning.”

“What,” I almost shrieked. “She told me no one was there.”

That means she lied to me. But why? Why would she need to hide something like that from me. What if she didn’t like that he had been in there or something.

“Close enough . . .,” He said.

“What does that mean,” I asked.

He was quiet for a moment before saying, “She was just worried about your safety.”

I rolled that around in my head. I could believe that. I pulled my knees up to my chest and stared at the bubbling water. So there were more people in on the loop now. I guess that wasn’t bad. His friends didn’t seem bad, Katrina wouldn’t go blabbing this to everyone.

“You know I like watching you in your element,” Derrick started. “All bossy and confident . . .”

“I was bossy,” I said feeling my cheeks heat up. “I wasn’t trying to be . . .”

“But you were and I like it,” He said. “It’s arousing . . .”

“Don’t say that,” I said, embarrassed.

How was me being bossy arousing. I thought it annoyed most people.

“It’s just a change from your usual quiet and “timid” self,” He said emphasizing timid with quotations. “You’re not a timid person, which is a good thing.”

“You know, that you only know that because you can read my thoughts . . . right,” I said, turning a little to look at him.

“Yes, and No I would have noticed it sooner or later I think,” He replied, with a grin.

“I see, so you think pretty highly of yourself don’t you,” I said.

“Uh . . . yeah,” He replied, smiling. “You do to right.”

“I wouldn’t say highly,” I said defensively crossing my arms. “Maybe a little better than other boys.”

“Really, this coming from the girl who thinks, I’m sexy . . . strong . . . good looking . . . prefect,” He said moving towards me.

I felt my nervousness flaring up again, and my temperature rose even more at his words. I can’t believe he had actually heard me say that. How embarrassing. You think those types of things but you never really said them. At least not at the same time.

“Who said you could go through my head,” I asked leaning away.

“I didn’t have to they just drifted towards me,” He said, his wolfish grin widening.

I was the little rabbit about to be gobbled up. I knew he like teasing me, I always reacted way too easily.

“They were directed towards me right,” He asked, pulling me close to him, his hands around my waist.

“Um . . .” I started putting my hands up to his chest. “Why would you ask you already know?”

Wait, I was touching his chest. I realized how close we were and how we were almost naked. Wait, his chest, he had touched mine. I paused in my panicking for a moment to look at what I was touching. His chest was rock hard (of course) but there was softness to it as well. I mean his skin was soft but the tautness of his muscles were hard. What a strange contrast. If he hadn’t of been trying to smother me I might have gotten a better look at him. I was curious. To be this close to examine a guy was exciting.

“I like how you switch from panicking into being curious,” He commented, chuckling lightly.

“Hmm,” I said, running my hands up and down.

“Very clueless when you’re thinking,” He sighed.

I looked up at wanting to wrap my arms around his neck to feel the heat of his skin on mine. I was so curious now. I know what it felt like with clothes, feeling it wafting towards me. But just feeling his bare skin and feeling muscles jump and twitch under my touch was different. I wondered if his warmth would overwhelm me and make my mind leave like his kisses did. Did it feel good to have naked skin pressed against one another? I mean I would feel awkward definitely but after I got over it would it feel good somehow. Would he like it?

I let my eyes wander back up to his, and he leaned forward and pressed his lips to mine. I let out a surprised ‘Oh’ and he deepened our kiss. I forgot all about the pool and the people, and that anyone could see us. I just thought and felt the feel of his lips on mine, and the way we were pressed together. I felt a shiver run down my spine and a fire started to burn its way through my body. I felt myself trying to press against him more insistently, unable to stop myself. I liked the way his skin felt against mine. I wasn’t fully bare but from what little was felt nice. Or maybe it was good. I don’t know it inspired something in me to want more. I wanted to feel more of him around me and against me, I wanted to be as close to him as possible. I felt a moan building in the back of my throat-

“Excuse me, but this sort of behavior is not allowed in the public swimming area,” An annoyed voice said.

And just like that the spell was broken, we both jumped apart and looked up into the face of a pissed off looking lifeguard. I felt my face burning in a different sort of heat now as I looked away from those accusing eyes.

“Sorry, were, sorry,” I said quickly.

Oh God, how could I get so wrapped up like that?

“It won’t happen again, it was just the heat of the moment,” Derrick said.

“I bet it won’t separate you two, or else go somewhere else but there will be no making out in the hot tub,” The lifeguard said, not to quietly either. “There are others here and they probably do not want to see your PDA, try to remember to respect the others here at the pool with you.”

We both nodded and I still could not look at the lifeguards face. I could see the few others that were in the swimming area with us glancing at us.

“All right, enjoy the rest of your swim, and be safe,” the lifeguard said before leaving.

I resisted the urge to bury my face in my hands, as Derrick moved away from me, but only slightly to the annoyance of the lifeguard. I could hear her tut of disapproval. Well, this just proves my theory that yes, I definitely lose my mind when our skin touches. Not even that, just when he’s near and kissing me.

“You’re not the only one,” He said looking amused. “Don’t be embarrassed . . . were teenagers we have hormones . . .were attracted to one another and that will inspire them to go to work.”

I giggled at that a bit. It let some of the embarrassment slip away. I looked towards the entrance to this area. No one could really see us unless they actually were in this room. The door was situated in such a way that it was far from all of the excitement but close enough to be seen.

“I told you what your thoughts did to me,” He said with a sly grin.

“It’s not my fault, that I can inspire your hormones,” I said, crossing my arms. “Or more like inspired your horniess.”

“Oh . . . the shy little bird said horny,” He teased.

“Well, it’s true,” I mumbled.

He only laughed, his deep rumbling laughed. And I still wanted more. As embarrassed as I was there was something still flaming inside me, almost aching to get out. And I was at a lost for how to get my body to calm down. Or how to stop remembering the feel of him under my hands and against my body and my lips and . . .
“Sonia, damn, you just want to piss the old bag off don’t you,” Derrick said pressing me against his side.

“Don’t listen then,” I smirked.

For once he looked a little flustered and it was cute.

“Don’t call me cute . . .” He grumbled. “How about sexy . . . I liked the way the words roll around in your head . . . or better yet say them out loud.”

It was my turn to look flustered. The words may sound nice in my head . . . but out loud they would sound so foreign.

“We should go now,” Derrick said. “Before the Old bag tries to kick us out.”

He was frowning slightly. Was he reading her thoughts? Was that what she was thinking?

“Yeah, let’s go,” He said, standing up.

He pulled me to my feet. And walked out of the tub pulling me along behind him. I tried not to blush at the thought of him holding my hand. He glanced back at me with a grin and led me over to our things. He had set them a little bit farther than mine and I went to get them. I pulled my bag onto my shoulder and wrapped my towel around my waist. I slipped on my flip-flops and then walked back over to Derrick. He looked at me and we walked out of the room and I looked back. He had this mischievous look in his eyes that said he still had something up his sleeve. He held the door open for me and we stepped out.

“Derrick, there you are.”

We both looked up to see Chelsea standing there with her friends. She had this triumphant sort of look settled in her eyes.

“Fuck,” Derrick breathed.

I looked at him and was suddenly bustled out of the way by the mob of girls that were suddenly around him. I never realized how many friends Chelsea had. She hadn’t been hanging out with them recently so it was easy to forget.

“I’ve been looking all over for you,” Chelsea said. “I’ve been meaning to tell you something . . . do you have a minute?”

“Actually no, our group is about to meet and we were just heading up there,” He said gesturing towards me while trying to remove her hands.

“Oh that can wait . . . it’s just for a moment,” Chelsea said. “Sonia won’t mind, will you Sonia?”

“Well actually-,”

“Why should she mind you’re more important than her,” One of her friends said, trying to do it softly but failing. “It’s not like any one really wants to hang out with the kiss ass, except for ‘The giant’.”

I felt the sting of the insult, and felt all my earlier good feelings disappear. I was a kiss ass? I wanted to say I wasn’t a kiss ass, because I wasn’t. I opened my mouth to speak, but someone else beat me to it.

“She’s not a kiss ass because she’s smart,” Chelsea said off-handly. “Now Derrick just listen to me for a few moments and then I’ll let you go.”

She ran her hands along his skin just as I had been doing, earlier and looked up at him with pretty brown eyes that knew how to lure a man. He shivered under her touch and then caught himself looking at me.

“Its fine we can all meet up at the appointed time,” I said. “I’ll see you later.”

I walked away quickly ignoring the smartass who seemed to not like me. The swirl of emotions running around in my head made me feel confused. I decided to take the stairs and I took my time walking. I was angry, and pissed off. That bitch, the one that had called me a kiss ass and they had ruined the continuation of whatever we had going. That pissed me off. But then I was also hurt. I knew people didn’t like me because I was smart but to be insulted so blatantly was painful. I was proud of my brains, having them made fun of took a hit at my pride. I was confused as well. Chelsea seemed so nice but apparently she could be mean. But she had defended me. I could tell that Derrick was going to eventually speak up but he didn’t. And When Chelsea had touched him he shivered. I never made him shiver, like that. I did all the shivering.

I pushed away my depressing feelings and instead focused on being mad. At least it wouldn’t want to make me cry. That stupid Jerk. He was such a push over. I felt like taking my anger out on someone might as well be Derrick. He was so easy to crumble even with me. All she had been doing was touching his chest softly and he had liked it. I had done the same thing and he suddenly was kissing me. Maybe he just liked to be touched or something. I wasn’t sure if I should be angry at him over this or not. I wasn’t even sure if I should have tried harder to get him away from Chelsea.

“Stupid jerk,” I ranted, stomping up the stairs. “. . . Getting me all excited and then letting another girl turn him on.”

I moved a little faster and opened the door to my floor. I peeked out first and then continued walking. I rather have my little tantrum alone. What should I do? What should I have done? I’m confused, and I’m still . . . sort of . . . horny. It was embarrassing just thinking the words. They sound strange rolling around in my head like that. I stood outside my door and tried to take calming breaths. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to tell Katrina. I didn’t want to talk about my failure at getting some . . . whatever that really meant.

I opened the door and then walked inside.