Rebecca

A/N I thought a little back ground knowledge, (exposition as they call it in drama) would be in order. This story is based on my school. I'm in my last year, (I'm 18... don't worry!) I'm a year behind for various reasons involving living abroad as a child. And I'm completely head over heals with my history teacher. I've never told him how I felt and probably never will, this is my way of getting over it. Or at least trying. This is what I would have liked to happen between us. Having had quite a lot of people read it, and some reveiw it is fantastic, so a very sincere thanks to all of you.Please do leave a review, it cheers me up after a rubbish day. No sex or spanking today folks.. Sorry! Evie. x

" I don't care what they say, Cos I'm in love with you. They try to pull me away but they don't know the truth, my hearts crippled by the pain that I'm enclosed in, and I keep bleeding."
Leona Lewis- Bleeding Love.
Holden paced up and down across my room, occasionally stopping, looking up, and then pacing again. Anna, Alice and Athena (triple A, or 'the batteries' as they were so wittily refured to as) were siting in a line on my desk and I was perched on my trunk, which for the first time I had forgotten to place in frount of my door before Holden's visit for 'registration.' The girls looked downcast, I'm sure that the evening they had in mind involved tequila and watching dirty dancing 1 and 2. Walking in on me and my 30 year old lover intwined in my newly clean bed was not quite what they'd expected.
The air was thick with silence, the atmosphere tense to say the least. Finnaly Holden stopped pacing and sat down on my bed, then rememberd the situation and thought better of it. He stood facing us, I couldn't help but be reminded of the first night we met. God he looked good that night, which suit was he wearing? Was it the grey one with the...
'Well ladies, I'm sure that I don't have to explain to you the seriousness of the situation.' His voice cuts through my thoughts.
'If the school was to find out about this, Rebecca would be expelled.'
'And Ja- Mr. Holden' I corrected myself. 'Would loose his job.' I added. The girls nodded. Alice tended to speak for all of them.
'Obviously we don't want that, and we won't say a word. We swear.' All the girls nodded vigerously. Holden appeared to be thinking again.
'Well Rebecca hasn't told anyone, and obviously neither have I, so I suppose we shall just have to take your word for it, though if anyone were to find out, obviously it could fall into question what you girls were doing with three bottles of tequila on you in school during a holiday.' added Holden, meanly. I pulled a face at the girls. He didn't need to be so stressy about it, they were my best freinds, they wern't going to sell my secret to anyone.
'Now, my suggestion is that I take you girls down to reception and call you a car to take you home. And of course you can rest assured that all non achedemic relations between Rebecca and I have been terminated.' My mouth fell open. He was dumping me? The man who had taken my virginity and thrashed my sensless on several occasions was breaking up with me in frount of my three best freinds. I was speechless (which has never, ever happend before) The triple A's were too worried about their darling parents finding out about the tequila to question anything, they dumbly followed Holden downstairs to go back to Alice's house and continue the sleepover. I slammed the door after them and picked up the vase of flowers on the side and chucked it at the door. It gave a satisfactorylly loud smash and pink roses, white china and water sprayed everywhere. Then I slid down onto a heap on the floor and curled up in floods of tears. Bastard, fucking bastard. First he's engaged, then he fucking dumps me. Fucking bastard. In my stupid rage I turn back to an adolecent craving, I lean over to my dressing table and grab a pair of nail scissors, I open them and drag them over my pale arms, scracthing into scarred flesh. The pain brings me round. What am I doing? Stupid, Stupid, Stupid girl. More tears prick from behind my eyes. What the hell am I doing to myself?
Fifteen minuits later there is a knock on my door. Forgetting about all the broken china and roses, my priority becomes wipeing off the steams of mascara running down my face. He might have dumped me but I wasn't going to have him seeing me looking such a mess. I didn't reply but the door opened anyway.
'Well that went well, I think they really belive that I've ended it with you, and they're bloody terrified about the tequila threat, I think its going to be...Bex? Whats wrong?' He crosses the room quickly, barely acknowledging the mess of roses and china.
'Whats the matter? Are you upset about the vase? It doesn't matter at all darling.' I shook my head, taking in big gulps of reality. He's not breaking up with me? He still wants me?
'Wait, Bex, is this about what I said before, that I didn't want too see you anymore?' He sat down on the floor next to me and took my hands,
'Darling, I had to make them think that we were over, it can't be worth gossiping about other wise they might-' He stopped as he caught a glimpse of my arm under my shear white blouse, he quickly yanked up my shirt and looked stunned as he saw the mess of red scratches all over my arm. He gently lifted my other arm and pushed up the sleeve. The arm was pale, but covered in very pale silver-white scars. He sighed.
'Whats going on Bex?' I took a deep steadying breath.
'When I was thirteen we moved back to England, and they promised that it was final. No more moving, no more houses, no more being the new kid. I started here, as a day girl. I fell in love with the school, I took up riding and made some freinds. Things were perfect, then when I was fourteen my Mum got bored, and Daddy got offerd a job, in India. The whole deal, twelve bedroom house, servents, the lot. And of course they couldn't turn it down, at least thats what they told me. I came home from school one day and found a Sold sign on the house. My horse was taken away the next week. The material stuff didn't matter, but then I found the air tickets. One for him and one for her. Nothing for me. When I asked them they told me that I was going to board at St. Georges and come home for summer, easter and christmas. It was two days before term started.' My eyes were filling with tears again, I leaned my head on his shoulder and he stroked my hair as I contined to tell the rest of the story that I had never told before.
'So I rebelled, smoking, drinking, refused to ride. Only none of it got a reaction, they didn't care. They just sent me the discipliary letter from the school, unopened. And one day I was so angry I went up to my room and took out my art craft knife, and took it too my arm. And I just kept doing it anytime somthing went wrong.' I let out a sob as he stroked my hair. I lay down on his lap, exaused from my confession.
'It's ok Bex, it's ok.' He kissed my neck.
'Have you been doing it ever since?' He asked gently. I shook my head.
'Alice. Alice took away my stuff, scissors, needles. Everything. And tried to make me talk. Listened. Looked after me.' I replied drowzily. I leant into his shoulder, breathing in heavily. He always smelt so good. He wrapped his strong arms around me and gathered me into his lap. He held me so tightly I could only just breathe. He made me feel safe for the first time since my parents had packed up for India. I knelt up and traced my finger across his face, along his brow, down his nose, along his cheeks and over his lips. I leant foward and kissed him lightly on the forehead, kissing along his face and down onto his neck, tiny, feather light kisses. Then I kissed him on the lips again and he responded, gently. Then he pulled away.
'you need some rest sweetheart.' He lifted me up in his arms and lay me on my bed, He peeled off my shirt and shorts and got out one of my giant t-shirts, He pulled it over my head and guided my arms into the arm holes, then he gently lay be back down and pulled the covers over me. He kissed my forehead and I let out a gentle sigh of sadness as he crossed the room, as if to leave, but instead he peeled of his trousers and slid in beside me, taking me in his arms and holding me as tightly as before.
'What if somone comes in?'
'I'm not going anywhere Bex.'
'But what if-'
'I'm not leaving you. Now go to sleep.'
And so we did.
********************
Well you've made it this far... why not leave a review? you'll make an otherwise miserble unrequited love ridden teenage girl very happy. Lol.