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February 24, 2010 at 12:00 AM
me gusto mucho esta historia, pero no como termina, tendria qye haber una secuela porque creo que jack holden ama mucho a rebeca, ella va a asistir a su boda y alli podria haber un crack, o algo, espero que pronto hagas la secuela espero ansiosa, te felicito por tu escritura es impecable, ana maria
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November 25, 2007 at 12:00 AM
I would love to see more of this--Rebecca and Mr. H have such fun chemistry, and I love how they aren't just at it like rabbits but have something of a working relationship as well. :)
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November 21, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Well I started your Cassandra story yesterday and decided I had to check otu what else you wrote! This is a great story! You know it seems to me Holden loved exercising his power over Bex ebcuase he had no real power in his own life. He did whathis parents wanted him to do. I have to say I was shocked by yoru ending and I would Love to see a sequel of what happens when she atteneds there wedding. I would think maybe he has grown up enough to decide this time to go for what eh wants and I would also assume she is more mature now also.
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November 19, 2007 at 12:00 AM
more please
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November 13, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Wowee.
Well, first off, great bit of drama here. Ten chapters, and you manage to get a pair of pretty interesting characters going. The storyline is quite good ( a bit soapy, but hey, that's what most great romances are, soap operas) and the dialogue is truly impressive. I'm actually invested in what's going on, and am curious to how it will end.
Now...the bad part:
The grammar could use some MAJOR work. There are limited breaks in paragraphs, and details tend to be roughly squeezed together in walls of text that are very hard to read. You have a strange blend where, at some points, you're going for a lot of stream of conciousness writing, but at other points you get a lot of traditional story-telling. It's disjointed and throws the reader off-balance.
Also, the sex. It's, to be honest, short. I understand that this is a primarilly spanking fetish fic (and the bits where she's being spanked are quite well-drawn out, all things considered) but there is sex too, and that part seems woefully pushed aside, especially since you're actually VERY good at building the mood. I won't be ashamed to admit that there were sections of this story that turned me on a lot more than I expected them too. If you draw out the sexual encounters, and slow the action down a bit so that it doesn't feel so rushed, you could have something REALLY juicy here--as it is, it's almost a cruel tease. ^_^
Finally, this isn't neccessarily a criticism, because I think you did it on purpose, but you have an odd way of doing the dialogue where you don't break it. You have lines of dialogue where Holden is talking, but you have her reactions mixed in with the lines, and oftentimes there isn't enough distinction between their styles of talk to distinguish the two. I really like how it's done, and it usually isn't a problem, but--for example--at this last chapter, where they don't have set roles, and they are actually talking on equal terms with one another, it's really hard to distinguish who is saying what.
It may seem like a really harsh critique, but I see a LOT of potential here, and would love for you to continue this fic--and others, especially in this same style. Well done, miss. If I had gotten this much erotic material out of MY school years, I would likely be a much happier person than I am now. ^_^;
Well, first off, great bit of drama here. Ten chapters, and you manage to get a pair of pretty interesting characters going. The storyline is quite good ( a bit soapy, but hey, that's what most great romances are, soap operas) and the dialogue is truly impressive. I'm actually invested in what's going on, and am curious to how it will end.
Now...the bad part:
The grammar could use some MAJOR work. There are limited breaks in paragraphs, and details tend to be roughly squeezed together in walls of text that are very hard to read. You have a strange blend where, at some points, you're going for a lot of stream of conciousness writing, but at other points you get a lot of traditional story-telling. It's disjointed and throws the reader off-balance.
Also, the sex. It's, to be honest, short. I understand that this is a primarilly spanking fetish fic (and the bits where she's being spanked are quite well-drawn out, all things considered) but there is sex too, and that part seems woefully pushed aside, especially since you're actually VERY good at building the mood. I won't be ashamed to admit that there were sections of this story that turned me on a lot more than I expected them too. If you draw out the sexual encounters, and slow the action down a bit so that it doesn't feel so rushed, you could have something REALLY juicy here--as it is, it's almost a cruel tease. ^_^
Finally, this isn't neccessarily a criticism, because I think you did it on purpose, but you have an odd way of doing the dialogue where you don't break it. You have lines of dialogue where Holden is talking, but you have her reactions mixed in with the lines, and oftentimes there isn't enough distinction between their styles of talk to distinguish the two. I really like how it's done, and it usually isn't a problem, but--for example--at this last chapter, where they don't have set roles, and they are actually talking on equal terms with one another, it's really hard to distinguish who is saying what.
It may seem like a really harsh critique, but I see a LOT of potential here, and would love for you to continue this fic--and others, especially in this same style. Well done, miss. If I had gotten this much erotic material out of MY school years, I would likely be a much happier person than I am now. ^_^;
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November 11, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Oh my gosh, Evie, I'm so sorry but I missed your last chapter for some reason - I guess the page was doing that thing where they put a new chapter underneath a load of old stuff. So sorry about that!
On to the review - well, this was a very interesting direction you took. I think it was brave of you as a writer to take the less-travelled route of showing Holden to be what he is - a rather emotionally inadequate and totally selfish man - rather than what he at first seemed to be - every submissive girl's dream disciplinarian. I loved how Bex's inner strength of character came out, and she has made a good future life for herself. I think Holden is right plum where he deserves to be - stuck in a loveless marriage with all his home comforts. Got to feel sorry for Annabelle though!
This was a wonderful first fic, Evie, I have so enjoyed reading it. I have to wonder if there are any sexy strict men up there at Magdalen...hmmm. LOL.
On to the review - well, this was a very interesting direction you took. I think it was brave of you as a writer to take the less-travelled route of showing Holden to be what he is - a rather emotionally inadequate and totally selfish man - rather than what he at first seemed to be - every submissive girl's dream disciplinarian. I loved how Bex's inner strength of character came out, and she has made a good future life for herself. I think Holden is right plum where he deserves to be - stuck in a loveless marriage with all his home comforts. Got to feel sorry for Annabelle though!
This was a wonderful first fic, Evie, I have so enjoyed reading it. I have to wonder if there are any sexy strict men up there at Magdalen...hmmm. LOL.
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November 11, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Sorry, but I had to ROFL at starting my review with the exact same words Scary B did in the post before. I've just noticed that - spooky review twins *twilight zone music*.
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November 11, 2007 at 12:00 AM
I want a sequel! I want to know how Holden'll react when he'll see her... =)
I hope she'll make him jealous or she'll play the indifferent girl... ;-)
Keep it up! =)
I hope she'll make him jealous or she'll play the indifferent girl... ;-)
Keep it up! =)
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November 11, 2007 at 12:00 AM
To your question--- I would obviously like to see both. But...
Of course there needs to be a future! Oh my god... that was an awful ending! I want to see the wedding! I want her to walk in wearing a SEXY dress and (have a date?) walk over to him before the wedding and tap him on the shoulder and be all like "Congradulations Holden"- then have him spin around in shock that she came. And then realize how he looks. Then up at the alter when he should be saying his vows, have him turn to her and say "We never really loved eachother, you know this. We both did this, because it's what our parents wanted. Four years ago, someone told me I was a sell out. That I gave away my life for money and a car. I told her that I wasn't sure it would work out between us, so why throw away everything else? Well you know what, I haven't stopped loving her for four years- I made the wrong choice. I'm sorry dear. And I'm sorry to everyone that came- but this isn't right. I can't do this."
Oh wow... that would be wonderful! You need at least a one-shot to follow this!
Of course there needs to be a future! Oh my god... that was an awful ending! I want to see the wedding! I want her to walk in wearing a SEXY dress and (have a date?) walk over to him before the wedding and tap him on the shoulder and be all like "Congradulations Holden"- then have him spin around in shock that she came. And then realize how he looks. Then up at the alter when he should be saying his vows, have him turn to her and say "We never really loved eachother, you know this. We both did this, because it's what our parents wanted. Four years ago, someone told me I was a sell out. That I gave away my life for money and a car. I told her that I wasn't sure it would work out between us, so why throw away everything else? Well you know what, I haven't stopped loving her for four years- I made the wrong choice. I'm sorry dear. And I'm sorry to everyone that came- but this isn't right. I can't do this."
Oh wow... that would be wonderful! You need at least a one-shot to follow this!
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November 10, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Oh my gosh Evie, you can’t end it like that? That’s a cliff hanger!!
So Holden’s parents are forcing him into a marriage with Annabell. How sad – and poor Rebecca. She must have been heartbroken. It sounds like she is doing good things with her life though.
While the practical side of me says ditch the wedding, don’t go, he’s not worth the extra heartbreak. The fanfiction obsessed side says go for it and see what happens. Anyway, I am excited about your next chapter! Keep up the great work and please keep writing!!!
So Holden’s parents are forcing him into a marriage with Annabell. How sad – and poor Rebecca. She must have been heartbroken. It sounds like she is doing good things with her life though.
While the practical side of me says ditch the wedding, don’t go, he’s not worth the extra heartbreak. The fanfiction obsessed side says go for it and see what happens. Anyway, I am excited about your next chapter! Keep up the great work and please keep writing!!!