Rooftop

AN: Okay, I KNOW this is moving along somewhat slowly (as noted in a review, which I AGREE with) but the thing is, it kinda HAS to. But don't worry, after this chapter, it's gonna pick up. And in a couple more chapters, expect a bitchslap to the face! Lol, not in the bad way, of course, but you'll see. ENJOY!





Six Days Later


Ethan kept his breathing even as he counted in his head. Forty-Seven, Forty-Eight, Forty-Nine, Fifty. He lay back against the carpeted floor, breathing somewhat heavily and hating himself for it. Every morning and every night, Ethan would do no less than 50 sit-ups and 30 push-ups. He'd like to do more, but well...

He was weak.

Years of hiding and slouching had left him with a small frail body, and he hated that too. The other night, after getting Fen to drink water for the first time; he'd been drinking his milkshake, enjoying the nice little sugar buzz it gave him, and he'd been studying the gun in front of the desk mirror. Due to the room's elevated temperature to keep Fen warm, he'd taken off his shirt, and he'd inadvertently caught sight of his bony torso's reflection in the mirror.

It was then he'd realized how much he hated how fragile he looked. What kind of mate was he for someone as strong and beautiful as Fen? Not much of one, that's for sure. He was hardly anything, with his skinny arms and scrawny legs, his sharp hipbones jutting forward against his pale skin, the empty concavity of his stomach, his rib bones horribly prominent in his chest.

He looked like one those starving kids seen in those commercials where they ask for people to send in a dollar a month or something. He didn't like it. It wasn't even just the lack of healthy fat, it was also the complete lack of muscle. Seeing himself clearly like that, had made him truly in awe of his ability to have moved Fen that day. How had he done it without any strength?

Maybe Fen had helped him. Somehow.

Anyway, that was then, and even since seeing himself like that, emaciated and haggard, Ethan vowed to start eating larger portions, to give him more weight, and to try and do any kind of exercise he could.

Which, due to his feeble frame, was reduced to amateur activities like the aforementioned acts and other simple things like jumping-jacks and running in place. Sadly enough, Ethan found himself tiring extremely quickly and also sweating profuse amounts almost as soon as he started.

But, even though at the end of the day he was sore and he ached in places he hadn't even known had muscles, he felt...satisfied.

Pleased with himself.

It wasn't much, but it was awakening his body, calling on it to start working again, and he felt like yet another weight had been lifted from his shoulders. And nothing could beat that long hot bath he took at the end of each session. It uncurled the kinks from his muscles and helped him relax, even if just for a moment.

The exercise also helped to take his mind off of Fen too.

The larger male had not even stirred once in the last six days. Several times throughout the day, Ethan felt the urge to rush over to his slumbering mate and press his ear to that broad chest, listening frantically for a heartbeat to reassure himself that Fen was indeed alive. Each and every time, he was met with the deep strong thud of that living heart. But even as relief would flush through him, he felt a knot of anxiety and guilt growing in his gut.

It was because of him that Fen was unconscious. He didn't know why he was sleeping, but he knew that he'd caused it. And no matter what, when it came down to it, Ethan had almost killed Fen.

If he dwelled on it too much, then he'd be overcome with tears again, and he'd already vowed after crying that whole first night with Fen's head resting in his lap, that he wouldn't be weak anymore. He had to be a man. After all, 19 years old was not a child by any means, and Ethan knew he'd been hiding from growing up all these years.

But just because he'd had a horrible teenage experience, didn't mean he had to let it overpower him. No, he had to grow from it. Painful pasts can make for stronger futures. And Ethan intended to stop playing the victim immediately. Even though technically, he was a victim.

But the past was past, and over. To ensure a future with Fen, one surely filled with happiness, Ethan just...grew up.

Rolling over onto his stomach, Ethan raised himself up on shaky arms still sore from the earlier push-ups. He'd just finished his nightly exercises and it was time for his bath. As he stood, his legs protested and the muscles reminded him that he very tired. But he couldn't go to sleep all sweaty, and he didn't want to wake up with locked muscles and be helpless. A wayward glance showed Fen to be right where he left him, dead to the world.

That just about killed him, but he looked away and headed to the bathroom, stripping out of his boxers and turning on the water. Steam filled the room almost immediately, and Ethan only had to wait a few impatient minutes for the enormous tub to fill. Then he stepped into the deliciously hot water and sat slowly down into the porcelain bath, where he rested his head back against the small curved neckrest. Sore tangled muscles began to unravel and smooth out at once, and Ethan groaned, content if just for a moment.

Then, the blissful blankness morphed into something more tangible as he thought of Fen again. Would he ever wake up? He was still breathing and his heart was beating on it's own, so it wasn't like Ethan needed to take him to the hospital. But...What if he just stopped breathing during the night. Ethan slept curled at his side every night, but he didn't think he'd be able to wake up if Fen did stop breathing. How would he know? Sometimes he jolted awake for no other reason than the burning need to reassure himself that Fen was still with him, then he'd fall back into immediate sleep.

As he brought a bar of soap up and made a layer of bubbles over his skin, Ethan breathed deep, fighting the intense ache of guilt in him. Once again, he'd screwed up. He'd been handed a new life on a silver platter, yet he'd thrown it all away.

To tell the truth, Ethan didn't even think he deserved someone like Fen anymore. Well, he'd never felt like he's deserved anything, but now he felt worthless.

If there was thing more painful than living in a tormented past, it was coming out of that to a brighter future and realizing that you'd already messed that up too. It just sucked.

Which was a completely inarticulate way to describe that, but so be it.

When his fingers began to prune, Ethan grabbed one the mini-bottles of shampoo from the side of the tub and lathered up his hair, dunking under the surface of the water to quickly rinse it. Then he came up for air and pulled the chain-connected plug, draining the tub as he stood. The were numerous fluffy towels hanging near the tub, because he allowed the maids to clean the other room. The one Fen wasn't resting in. That was how he got fresh towels and refills on the soaps and shampoos.

Drying his hair, he wrapped another towel around his waist and exited the bathroom. He went over to the bed, sitting beside Fen as he dried his body. Then he sat there, undecided.

“Why won't you wake up?” He was proud to have kept the tremor from his voice. “Are you waiting for something?” His head drooped then. “Are you waiting for me to...apologize? You know I'm sorry for what I did. Fen,” He glanced at his mate's peaceful face. “-You have to know I'm sorry. I am. But...I don't think that's good enough. It's not good enough for you. You deserve more than that. But...I don't know what I can do that is good enough. There's nothing that is, I think...”

Ethan took a moment to breathe when he felt his eyes growing hot. No more tears. Fen didn't need anyone who was weak. He needed someone worthy of him. He'd do anything within his power to make Fen forgive him.

If there was a way to do that.

Standing suddenly, Ethan approached his luggage. He'd yet to unpack any of the clothing that Fen had bought for them, because he truly hadn't expected to have been here for so long. Also, he wanted everything to be easily packed if they suddenly had to leave.

Rifling through the clothes for a pair of pajamas, he caught sight of that flimsy little boy-thong. Even though he thought it was a ridiculous thing, he couldn't bring himself to throw it away. Because Fen had liked it. Perhaps Fen had purchased it with a night of romance in his mind. Laying Ethan down and covering his body and...

Ethan felt his cheeks go hot.

He wanted Fen to wake up so very badly.

An idea popped into his head and Ethan frowned. Maybe if he...put it on. Maybe Fen would wake up. Maybe if Ethan...could give him a reason to wake up.

Before he could change his mind, Ethan threw the towel around his waist to the floor and pulled the thong up his legs, awkwardly tucking himself into the little pouch on the front.

He immediately clenched his eyes shut as his whole face grew unbearably hot. He felt more naked than when he didn't have any clothing on at all. He dared a peek in the mirror and almost passed out from the immediate shamed flush that washed over him. The front of the thong made his cock look obscene, and the thin string that made up the back made him feel like he had a perpetual wedgie. It wasn't him at all.

Though, when he studied himself a little more closely, he could tell that his body was reacting favorably to his new regiment of eating more and using his muscles. His stomach was no longer sunken in, nor were his cheek bones, and even though it was far too early to see any added bulk from working out, Ethan thought that maybe he could see a little more definition in his arms and legs. His chest was more fleshed out too, and he didn't feel disgusted by the sight of his ribs, since they were much less pronounced than before.

Ethan took a deep breath, preparing to attempt to be sexy, and he turned back towards Fen, slowly approaching the bed. He climbed up onto the mattress and knelt at Fen's side, peeling back the sheets and pushing them to the other side.

“F-Fen?” He whispered, still blushing. “I...I'm wearing that, uh, the...” His throat felt thick, and he cleared it, coughing quietly. “The...that little...” Taking one more deep breath, he tried again. “The...thong...Oh jeez...I...Well, I don't know why you wanted me to wear this, but...I am...Uh, wearing it, I mean. And it's...the, uh...only thing I have on.” Ethan shivered nervously and moved to straddle Fen's hips, sitting cautiously on them and fidgeting anxiously. “If you...wake up...Then, well, I mean...” He bit his lip. “I'll...m-m-make love with you...We can...do it, if you want to.” But that didn't sound right. “I mean, I want to too, but it's...uh, up to you. We wouldn't have to, if you didn't want. I just thought, that we could, you know, if you did. Cause...I just...”

It wasn't working and Ethan grew frustrated, gasping in air through his mouth as he felt himself close to tears. “I don't wanna be weak, Fen. I just want...I just want you to wake up.” He slid his hands up and rested them on Fen's chest. “Come on, Fen. Please. Please, just wake up. Please. Please!” His barrier broke and Ethan's eyes welled up, hot defeated tears spilling down his cheeks. “I can't take this anymore! I can't take it! I need you!” His thin chest heaved as he began to feel himself slipping into a panic attack. “Fen! Please! Is this a punishment! That's fine! I deserve it! But, please, I need to know you're okay! Just let me know you're okay!”

Fen did nothing. Not a blink, not a sigh, not even a change in his slow deep breathing.

“Please, Fen! Please wake up! I'm sorry!” He wailed, chest tight and hands shaking as he braced his weight on Fen's torso. “Oh, please, I didn't mean it! I never wanted to hurt you! I didn't want this to happen to you! I wasn't thinking! I'm so sorry! I'm so-!” His voice cut off abruptly as a wave of sobs tore from his throat. He gasped, clenching the sheet by Fen's ribcage between his quaking fingers. “I'm-!” The words couldn't come out, they wouldn't form in his mouth, despite his frantic gasps for air.

He was choking on his own grief and raw guilt, harsh regret slicing new wounds through his very core as he collapsed completely onto Fen's unanswering body, burying his face into the still cool skin on the larger male's neck. His fingers thrust themselves into that long black hair, tugging and pulling Fen closer to his wet face. “Fen...Fen....Fen, please! Please wake up...Please wake up...” A thick steady pulse beat beneath his cheek where his face was nestled and he yelled hoarsely, all at once angry at that deceptive artery for giving him such false hope.

Then he got an idea.

A brilliant, horrible, fantastic idea.

If Fen could control him because of the Bond mark he'd placed...then, what would prevent Ethan from having the same exact power if he made a mark?

Ethan sat back up, his breaths somewhat muted now as the idea whirled around his head, and he gulped, looking down at Fen's strong thick neck. Fen's head had tilted to the side, exposing that smooth expanse of skin and he could almost see the pulse throbbing. It was like....It was like Fen was giving him permission.

Right?

Fen would help, right? Of course he would, cause Fen always helped. Fen knew what was going on, he was just trapped and he needed Ethan to free him.

Right?

Indecision warred with sense inside his head, and even though he didn't have to deal with the voices or that damned buzzing, even though everything felt so much clearer, he still couldn't figure out if he should do it. If he could do it.

Did he have to...Would he have to actually...have sex with Fen to Bond them? Did he need to...drink Fen's...

Well, he wasn't sure if he needed to drink more than just Fen's blood. And he wasn't so sure he could...give an unconscious person a...blow job to get it.

Perhaps he didn't have to. What had Fen said? He had needed to...'imbibe his'...what? Well, anyway, he knew that he needed to bite Fen, drink his blood and...spit in the wound? Was that right? He couldn't remember clearly. All the events before his...dream, were sort of hazy and muted, like he was looking at the past through a colored shower curtain.

He worried his lower lip between his teeth, torn for a moment on what he should do, then slid off of Fen's stomach, kneeling at his side and staring down at him like he could somehow hear if Fen wanted him to do this.

But the larger male said nothing.

Ethan would have to do this on his own. But he was used to that. He was used to being alone. Like before.

Ethan shifted down further and pushed at Fen's hip, making him twist from the waist down so the small of his back was exposed. He leaned over, paused, then pulled Fen's pants down a few inches, baring that smooth pale flesh.

Ethan didn't get why Bond marks were made on the ass. It seemed kinda...odd to him. Didn't people always bite on the neck? Why did Fen's kind have to bite butts?

Well, who was he to question any of it? Fen had wings. That pretty much wiped the slate clean of any disbelief. Once someone's carried through the air by a flying man, it kinda takes away permission to think anything's not possible.

Lips mere inches from Fen's round bottom, Ethan took a deep breath and then plunged right in, snagging a mouthful of muscled skin between his teeth and biting down, hard.

Or, as hard as he could. The skin didn't break beneath his grip, and he couldn't force himself to use any more pressure, but...

He unlocked his jaw, breaking contact and moving back to stare at the little pink teeth marks on Fen's otherwise untarnished skin. As much as he wanted to help Fen wake up, he couldn't do it. There was no way he could...pierce Fen's perfect skin with his teeth. The very thought made him feel ill.

But he had to do something. Or Fen would never wake up.

And Ethan wasn't ready to be on his own again. It wasn't fair that just when he realized what he had, it got taken away.

Well, he couldn't blame anyone but himself for that. It didn't matter that he hadn't exactly been thinking clearly. It didn't matter that he was partially, well, mostly insane. None of that mattered anymore.

Fen had offered him everything, and he had thrown it away in a fit of...

Stupidity, insanity, and just plain desperation.

But now...Now he could fix it. He could fix all of it. All he had to do was get Fen to wake up.

Then everything would be okay.

It just had to be.

He needed some way to get Fen to...But then again, he didn't really want to do that...

But it was the only option.

He left the bed, stopping to put on some shorts on over the thong, and headed to the bathroom, where an identical toiletries kit to the one from the other room sat on the porcelain countertop. An awful sense of Deja Vu had him shivering as he grabbed the kit and returned to the bed. Sitting on the edge, he unzipped the bath and examined the contents inside.

Of course there was a razor, but the didn't want to touch that. His stomach flipped just looking at it.

In the kit, there was also lotion, shaving cream, and mini-toothbrushes attached to a tube of toothpaste. Well, none of that would help him. He dug deeper into the kit.

There! A little nail care bag! He pulled it out and unzipped it, examining the little metal items inside. There was a pair of clippers, a small metal file, some tweezers, and lastly, a little pair of curved cuticle scissors.

They looked wickedly sharp.

And they'd do the job nicely.

He pulled them out, and threw the rest of the kit and bag onto the floor, wanting to deal with it later. Turning, scissors in hand, he leaned down near Fen's exposed strip of skin once more, taking a deep breath to calm himself.

“It's just going to be a little prick, okay? A little pinch, then that's it. I'll...lick the cut, and then I can use my...powers to wake you up. Okay? It might hurt, and I'm sorry for that, but it'll all be okay in a minute. Okay?”

No answer of course.

A heavily shaking hand lowered to Fen's backside and the cold metal of the scissors touched Fen's skin, not yet breaking the skin. All Ethan had to do was push, make a little cut, and then make him mark.

But...what if it didn't work? What if all he did was give Fen an infection? Or what if his drinking Fen's blood made him crazy again? How did he know he could handle that power? Ethan had never really thought about whether or not he'd ever return Fen's bite mark, and make the Bond two-way, but he was pretty sure that if he ever did, Fen would have been awake to help him with the transition.

Or what if, because he was Human, he wouldn't get any powers? He'd be drinking blood for no reason.

And what if he somehow hurt Fen?

That was the thought that had him hurling the scissors across the room, where they stuck in the far wall, taunting him.

“No.” He whispered, looking back at Fen. “I can't do it. I don't know what'll happen if I do it, and I might just make it worse.” Sighing sadly, he shifted the covers, returning Fen to his back, and then he nestled against Fen's side, willing his mate's cool body to warm up. “I think...the only thing that I can do is keep protecting you. Though...” He heaved an unhappy breath. “-I doubt I can even do that properly.”

Fen lay dormant beside him.

“You know, maybe you'll never wake up...But I won't leave you. I'll care for you as long as you still breathe.” His fingers inched up over Fen's broad chest, resting palm down over his slow-pumping heart “As long as this beats. And who knows, maybe even after it stops...But I won't...” A great big yawn make him shake his head and close his eyes. “-I won't leave...you...Fen...I...won't...” His breathing evened out and Ethan suddenly felt as if he was being pulled into sleep.

His thoughts swirled, seeming to drain into nothingness and then there was a great big clenching of his chest, making him gasp in his sleep. At least, he thought he was asleep. But then, why would he feel so hot? Were dreams supposed to be so hot?

Without realizing it, his eyes opened and he found himself staring into Fen's faintly lamp-lit shoulder where he was resting his head.

And he was rapidly overheating.

Fen, not Ethan.

He jolted upright, immediately alarmed at the sudden spike in Fen's body temperature. It felt as if he were on fire!

“Oh god, you have a fever! I don't know what to do! I don't know what to do!” Ethan cried, raising to his knees and trying to pull of the blankets that were so tightly wrapped around Fen's body. He was having some difficulty, and ended up just yanking them free, jostling Fen in the process.

Fen groaned.

Fen groaned!

He made noise! And his eyelids were fluttering open!

Dear god. Suddenly, Ethan was terrified, and in a fit of complete fear, he bolted from the bed, running to the other side of the room and hiding behind the armchair by the far wall. Peeking around the corner of it, he watched in frightened fascination as Fen began to shift and toss about on the bed, gasping faintly and seeming in distress.

It was enough to get Ethan to stand and hesitantly approach the bedside, where he was met with groggy, unfocused gray eyes.

Fen's Adam's Apple bobbed, showing obvious desire to speak. Then, in a voice like one of the undead, Fen rasped a word Ethan couldn't understand. It must have been in his native tongue, for Ethan had no idea what it meant.

Then, after a moment, those hazy eyes cleared somewhat and Ethan heard the familiar voice in his head. {...Ethan?} Then the haze faded completely and Fen jerked upright in bed, the sheet falling aside. {Ethan!}

The urgency in that voice frightened Ethan, and as Fen reached out for him, Ethan skittered backwards, thudding against the wall behind him as he fought to shrink in upon himself.

He didn't know why he was so afraid, but the sight of Fen's slightly shaking frame rising from the bed had him cowering, suddenly ashamed and feeling like he was about to pay for his selfish actions.

Fen stood on unsteady legs, then straightened up, glancing to where Ethan huddled, and turned to him then, crossing the distance between them far quicker than Ethan thought possible for someone who'd just come out of a comatose state.

{Ethan.} Fen said urgently, raising his hands and dropping them on Ethan's shoulders.

At the weight of the larger male's hands, Ethan squeaked in terror. “I'm sorry! Please, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to do it! I was just-I was stupid! I didn't know what I was doing! I'm sorry! Please don't hurt me!”

Fen's eyes narrowed, but Ethan plowed on, desperate for acknowledgment that he'd acted not as himself that night it all went to hell.

“I wasn't me, I mean, I was me, but I wasn't acting like me, I was-It was all wrong! In my head, and then I did that thing, and I died and I saw my parents, or at least I thought I saw them and then they told me-” He paused a moment, gasping for air and tensing as Fen's hands slid over his shoulders towards his neck, then up to his head. “-They said you were good, and Iy732 knew that, but I didn't know until it was too late, which is horrible and so bad, but I'm so sorry! I wanted to come back! They asked me and I wanted to, I wanted to be with you! And you were unconscious, so I got us a new room and pushed you in a wheelchair, and then tried to feed you, but you wouldn't wake up!” Ethan stopped abruptly as Fen's grip tightened imperceptibly on the sides of his head. “You wouldn't wake up, Fen. You wouldn't wake up!” Fen was going to hurt him, he just knew it. Fen was going to crush his skull and leave him dying on the floor.

{Hush.} Commanded Fen, closing his eyes and shifting his fingers slowly.

A searing heat rushed through Ethan's head, washed over his brain, and he went limp, reaching up to grasp at Fen's wrist as an incredible ache built behind his eyes and pressure seemed to make his nose run.

Then, like he was watching a movie projected onto his closed eyelids, which he didn't even remember closing, the events from when he cut his arm to just a moment ago when Fen woke up, played in his mind. He lived it all again, except it was in super high speed and he wasn't actually part of it. Funny, but he didn't see the part where he talked to his parents again.

Then, it finished, and Fen released him, and somewhat pained expression on his face. {Oh.} And that was all he said, surprised, before he stood again and turned away.

"Fen?” Ethan whispered, not really understanding what had just happened. “What just..?”

{I went into your head and watched your memories of the last few days.}

Ethan gasped softly, tensing again. “But won't that bring those people to us?”

{No. Because of the Bond, I did not have to use my mind. There was no emission of psy waves.} Fen answered calmly, returning to the bed. Lowering himself back into the sheets, he seemed a little weak and he almost fell the last few inches separating body from mattress. His head dropped into his open hands and Ethan felt his sadness as an almost tangible thing.

“Fen...I...” Getting up slowly, Ethan half crawled closer to the bed, no longer afraid, but craving to be near Fen more than anything. “I'm...I'm so sorry I did that to you. Please, if nothing else, please believe that I am sorry.” He reached the end of the bed, and stayed on his knees, peering over the edge of the bed at Fen's slightly shaking frame. The larger male seemed so weak, and it scared Ethan more than the sleep had.

After a moment, Ethan heard Fen's deep intake of breath and the black-haired male looked up at him. {Ethan. I know you are sorry. I do. But...That does not stop the pain I feel at your betrayal.}

And that was it, wasn't it? Betrayal. That was what Ethan had done. The word he'd been searching for. He'd betrayed Fen.

Clenching his jaw to keep his face from breaking, Ethan stood slowly and climbed onto the mattress, one tentative hand reaching out to touch the warm skin on Fen's forearm. He couldn't bring himself to get closer, for fear of being pushed away, but it was still good to touch Fen and have Fen be warm and talking and responding. “I'm sorry, Fen. I know I betrayed you. There was this awful buzzing in my head and it just kept getting louder and louder, and all I could think of was getting rid of it. Making it stop. I wasn't thinking at all.”

Fen sighed, still looking at him. {Do you not realize what that buzzing was?}

Ethan frowned, his brows drawing together. He shook his head, confused. “No...I don't know. Do you?”

{Do you remember those voices you used to hear? The ones that stopped when I came to you on the roof of your apartment?}

“...Yeah?”

{The side of your brain that those voices came from, got fed up with being ignored, and that afternoon, after that dream you had, it acted up again, with a vengeance. It changed from voices to white noise because you always responded to those voices, and every time you spoke back, it kept you alive for one more second. Usually in that second, you would decide not to go through with suicide.}

Ethan felt his jaw drop, and he blinked as he took in what Fen just told him. Could that really be it? Was that what happened? It sounded right. And Fen was so smart, so why shouldn't he be right. Ethan averted his eyes, shamed at being so easily manipulated by his own brain. “Oh. I...didn't know that. But,” His eyes raised up once more to meet Fen's. “-I think it's gone now. Ever since I talked to my parent's, I've felt so much better.”

Fen gave him a sharp look when he mentioned talking to his parent's.

Ethan spoke again, before Fen could think him insane again. “Don't worry, I know they're dead, I know they're not alive, but...Something happened when I was...gone, and I believe I really did talk to them. They made me see that I was throwing away my life, and...” Ethan had to look away for a moment. “-I got to say goodbye. Finally.”

A warmth settled over where Ethan had his hand resting on Fen's arm, and he glanced up, seeing Fen's hand covering his own, just holding it there. {Ethan.} Fen sounded resigned. {That is...good.} Then his hand moved away, leaving Ethan's alone again.

Not knowing where to go or what to say next, Ethan swallowed heavily. “Should we...I think we need to go. Those people might be-”

{No.} Fen . {Do not worry about them. They are not here anymore. Or at least, there are not as many.} Ethan bristled at the knowledge that the enemies had indeed followed them to the hotel. {You did a good job, Ethan. Moving me, saved us. They would have found us otherwise. I am...proud of you.} Fen's voice did not agree with his words. He claimed to be proud, yet he sounded so...distant.

“How...Are you sure they're gone? How do you know they were here?”

Fen hesitated, then looked back at Ethan, searching his eyes. {I was not unconscious. I was in a healing state, where I shut down all other but the most basic functions of my body. I was still aware of what was going on.} Fen eyes grew intense. {I could still hear you. I heard everything you said, everything you did. I could even still hear your thoughts because blocking them is not a basic function for survival.}

Ethan almost fell backwards. Fen...heard him? Heard his thoughts? All those lame jokes he'd made?

{I am relieved you did not take of my blood and try to forge a Bond. Those powers, without your knowledge at how to handle them, might have killed us both. And after I worked so hard to save us, it would have been a shame to just die anyway.}

A strangled sob escaped Ethan's mouth, but he clamped down his lips, cutting it off. Instead, he settled for humble begging. “I'm sorry, Fen. Please...if you can ever find it in your heart to forgive me-

Abruptly, Ethan was jerked into Fen's strong arms and hugged to his chest. His breath caught in his chest even as he wanted to nuzzled closer and let himself suffocate.

{Dammit, Ethan.}

That made him shiver. He'd never heard Fen swear before.

{Ethan...How can you think I would not be able to forgive you? Do you not think I have already forgiven you? I know you were not well, mentally nor physically, and I know you were not thinking in your right mind when you did what you did. Even earlier that day, when you were being so cruel to me...} Ethan's heart hurt to hear Fen say that so softly and sadly. {Even then, I knew it was not you, but the haze over your mind, controlling you. Making you act so harshly. I am not so stupid that I think people are capable of acting rationally when under the influence of a mental disease. But I...} Fen sighed. {I thought I would be able to help you myself, to heal you by being with you, but that was not how it was too be. I fear that I might have made it worse.}

Fen though he was responsible? In any way?! That wasn't right! Ethan struggled to push himself back far enough to gape open-mouthed up at sad gray eyes. “No, Fen! No! It wasn't your fault! Nothing was your fault! You did everything, right! Without you...I'd be nothing! You're everything to me!” He cried, trying to make Fen understand. To make him see. “Don't you understand?! You're everything to me!”

Though Fen's expression was still somewhat sad, he gave Ethan a gentle smile, closing his eyes then and yawning. With a weary sigh, he shifted fully onto the bed and arranged the messed-up covers around him. He dropped back to the pillows after moving them back to the correct half of the bed and lounged tiredly, looking up at Ethan. {Why did you think I would hurt you when I woke up?}

Ethan eyebrows disappeared into his hairline. “What?”

{You said, when I approached you, not to hurt you. You begged me not to hurt you. Would I ever hurt you, Ethan? Do you really think so little of me?}

Swallowing the lump in his throat, Ethan was ashamed again. “No. You would never hurt me. I know that. It's just...that's how I was always treated after doing something bad, in the foster homes.” He sighed deeply, trying to make sense of it. “I guess...I guess I was just reacting without thinking. Again. I'm sorry.” Looking up into Fen's sad eyes, he put all his feelings for his mate into his own eyes. “You're not like that, I know, and I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. Again.”

Fen didn't say anything, he merely scooted to the side of the mattress and made a space, gesturing to it and staring pointedly at Ethan through tired eyes.

Ethan gulped, his mouth dry all of a sudden. “You...want me to sleep next to you?” He asked half-hopefully, not quite sure if perhaps Fen had other activities in mind. Either way, he didn't care and he crawled to the open spot, slowly curling up into Fen's side and pressing his body right up close to that deliciously hot skin.

Ethan placed his head on the larger male's chest as Fen breathed deeply, fighting to keep from nuzzling his bare chest. It was almost perfect, and Ethan felt the sharp spike of guilt lessen somewhat in his stomach. Fen had forgiven him.

{Ethan,} Fen whispered in his head. {During the night, I will be drawing strength from you. You will wake up weaker in the morning, but I will be full strength again. You will help me heal. Is that okay?}

Shocked into stillness, Ethan stared silently at the wall by the window. “That's okay.” He squeaked, fighting to hold the tremor from his voice.

Fen broke the silence again, after a moment. {It should not hurt you, but you might slip into a coma because I am so weak.}

“That's okay too.” His fingers curled over to grasp at Fen's side, and he pressed closer, offering his strength, his body heat, his presence, if only to make Fen whole again. If asked of him, Ethan would offer up more. “Do you need to...bite me again? Or is there any other way to heal you faster?”

Fen was quiet for so long, that Ethan almost thought he'd fallen asleep, but then his voice came again, deep and thoughtful. {No. There is nothing else I need. Just stay here, and sleep.}

“I'm sorry. I wish I was of more use to you.” He whispered, feeling so very useless. He wished he had the power to make Fen better immediately. But Fen asked no more of him, and he relaxed, knowing all he could do is what his mate had said. He would stay, and sleep.

Laying next to his mate, Ethan felt as if a piece of himself had fallen back into place. His skin was warm where it touched Fen's and all his various aches disappeared. His thoughts began to grow slow and he felt himself slipping over the edge into unconsciousness.

Right before sleep took him, he felt Fen's arm curling around his shoulder, pulling him closer and wrapping tight around him.

Ethan slept through the whole night for once.

TO BE CONTINUED

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