Naivete

Chapter 8


“So hey, are you going to sign up?” Paul asked Karen mischievously, pointing at the flyer on the wall. Sam glanced over to where he was pointing: “The Coffee House presents a TALENT SHOW!” it read enthusiastically.

“I dunno,” Karen shrugged non-commitally. “I was thinking about it.”

“You oughtta sign up too,” Mike said, jabbing into Sam’s side with a spoon.

“What the fuck would I do?” Sam asked, swatting at Mike’s hand as he continued to poke her.

“Sing, dumbass,” Karen said, rolling her eyes. “I tell you what, you sign up to sing, I’ll sign up to sing.”

Sam’s eyes lit up. “Really? You mean we FINALLY get to hear you sing, after all these weeks of endless bragging?”

Karen rolled her eyes again, trying to hide a little smile. Of course she hadn’t bragged at all about her talents. In fact, any questions directed toward her regarding her major had been pretty much completely avoided. Sam glanced over at Mike, who was staring intently at her.

“What?” Karen barked, squirming a little uncomfortably.

“Don’t sing a stupid chick song,” he said menacingly.

“What are you going to sing, Sam?” Paul asked excitedly. “Something Texan, doubtless. You should sing something about oil rigs, or horses, or…boots.” He and Mike roared with laughter, and Karen punched Paul hard in the side. Sam merely looked thoughtful for a moment, then smiled triumphantly.

“Okay,” she said happily. “I’ll sing about boots.”

Mike and Paul gaped for a moment before bursting into rolling laughter once again. Before Sam could elaborate, however, her phone rang sharply.

“Uh-oh…” Mike droned darkly. “It’s what’s-his-fuck.” Sam shot him a dirty glance before answering, her tone suddenly low and husky.

“Hey, babe,” she drawled into the phone, unaware of the odd look this greeting illicited in Mike.

“Hey, sexy,” Brent murmured back. “What are you doing right now?”

“Having coffee,” Sam responded quickly, standing up from her table and moving a few feet away.

“Boy, you love your coffee, don’t you?”

“Keeps the blues away,” she said with a smile.

“What are you doing Thursday night?” he asked suddenly, his tone of voice indicating that he already had something elaborate planned for that night. Sam decided to nip that thought in the bud right away, however.

“Well, actually, I was going to ask you the same thing. There’s this talent show at The Coffee House, and I thought that since you were going to have to miss seeing me make an ass out of myself for a grade next Friday, you might want to see me make an ass out of myself for fun.”

Brent chuckled a little, and she felt a familiar shiver. True, he might be a little annoying when it came to her busy schedule, but he still had the same effect on her that he’d had since the night they’d met. She closed her eyes and bit her lower lip, silently hoping that he’d agree to come see her sing.

“That sounds…” he hesitated, sounding a little unsure. “Well, it sounds much better than what I had planned. Shall I bring the video camera?”

Sam laughed happily. “Sounds great. Hey, you want me to come over tonight after your shift? I don’t have any early classes tomorrow.”

“Hell yes,” he said with some enthusiasm. “I feel like it’s been days since I saw you last.”

“It’s been one day, but who’s really counting?” she murmured. “I’ll see you tonight.”

“See you tonight,” he responded. Then, after a moment, “I love you.”

Sam smiled and hung up, unsure of what else to do. She immediately felt horrible, and her face must have reflected that, since Mike, who had been watching her out of the corner of his eye, put his arm around her as she slid back into the booth.

“Come on, sweetheart, I’m sure he’ll live, whatever you did to him. What did you do to him?” he asked suddenly, his eyes sparkling with excited anticipation.

“Nothing,” she said gloomily. She sat in silence for a few more moments, listening to Paul and Karen chatter, unaware as usual of Mike’s eyes on her. Suddenly she felt a violent shove as Mike began to scoot out of the booth as though she weren’t even there. She struggled to get out quickly and gasped when Mike grabbed her arm and began to lead her off to the side of the room, ignoring Paul and Karen’s open stares.

“What the hell are you doing?” Sam asked angrily as Mike practically shoved her against a wall.

“This is fucking ridiculous, Sam. I can’t believe you’re still doing this to yourself.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about how fucking upset you look every time you get off the phone with him. You act all romantic and sweet while you’re talking, then as soon as he hangs up you look like you’re going to cry. So you tell me, what the hell are you doing?”

“Will you just listen before you jump to conclusions, please?” she almost shouted, frustrated by his impatience and sudden anger.

“Well, you haven’t exactly offered any information before, so all I can do as your friend is assume.”

“No, Mike, you can ask!” she hissed bitterly. There was a pause as he glared at her from beneath his pork pit hat.

“What’s going on, Sam?” he asked gently. “Why do you always look so upset after you talk to Brent?”

A tad surprised at Mike’s unprecedented use of Brent’s real name, Sam took a deep, shaky breath.

“He’s been telling me he loves me for a couple of weeks. I can’t say it back. So every time he says it, I don’t really know how to respond, so I just don’t say anything. And that makes me feel shitty. Like I’m slowly breaking his heart, little by little.”

By the time her explanation was over, she felt an uncomfortable swelling in the back of her throat, and she swallowed it down hard. She was not going to cry in front of Mike. Not ever.

“So what are you worried about? If he really…loves you, nothing should be able to change that, right?”

“That’s not true, Mike,” Sam said, closing her eyes in frustration. “A person only has so much patience, only so much love to just give without getting any back in return.”

Mike just looked at her for a moment, his expression unreadable. “You’re full of shit,” he said simply. “If Brent stops loving you because you don’t love him back, then he doesn’t really love you. Why can’t you say it back, anyway?”

Sam looked at him sharply, her eyes filling dangerously. “I don’t think that’s any of your business,” she seethed.

“Christ, Sam, you’re acting like I’m about to burn you at the stake. Calm down and just talk to me, okay? I’m your friend, right?”

“Sometimes I wonder,” she muttered, looking away from him. There was a long silence as Mike looked at her a little sadly.

“Okay,” he said abruptly. “That’s fine. I can deal with that. I can deal with you believing that we’re not friends. I can deal with none of this being my business. But I will say one thing before I go and sign my ass up for this talent show. Whether you like it or not, I am your friend, and I’m not going to sit back and watch you beat yourself up for not being in love with someone who’s in love with you. So you can expect this every time you hang up the phone with Brent and get that sad little mopey look on your face.”

With that, Mike turned quickly and headed for the sign up sheet. Sam stood there for a few minutes, watching him with an icy gaze. Once he had signed his name, he turned and left the shop, not looking back at any of them. She signed her name and quickly followed.

“Mike!” she called, following him across a courtyard. “Mike, come on!”

“Come on and what, Sam?” he shouted, turning to face her and throwing his arms in the air. “Come on and ignore the fact that you’re in a lousy relationship? Come on and give you a hug and tell you that everything is okay, that you don’t have to change anything about your life to make it better? What do you want me to do?”

Sam faltered, unsure what to say. In fact, she was unsure why she had run after him in the first place. A rather unsettling image of Brent walking out in a similar manner flashed through her head. What was unsettling was that in this image, she was not coming after him.

“I just…I just want to talk,” she said lamely, her voice cracking a little with the strain of holding back her tears. She sat down on a bench and looked at the ground.

“I don’t know what to do,” she sighed, suddenly feeling very tired. She covered her eyes with her fingertips and sat for a moment. Just when she thought that Mike had turned and walked away again, she felt a presence next to her on the bench.

“So talk,” Mike said quietly. Sam didn’t need a second invitation.

“He’s in love with me. He tells me all the time. And even though I don’t know if I feel it back, it still makes me feel so good. He makes me feel so special, and safe. He treats me so well, and for the most part, I’m really happy.”

“For the most part,” Mike snorted.

“Yeah, Mike, for the most part,” Sam responded sarcastically. “For the most part, I feel like I’m in heaven. For the most part, I feel so lucky to have found someone who treats me the way I’ve always wanted to be treated by a man. Nobody has ever loved me like that, Mike. And I really like it.”

She sighed again.

“But…he’s a little possessive sometimes. I feel like he just wants me all to himself. And that’s really part of the being in love thing, I know, but-“

“That’s not part of the being in love thing,” Mike cut her off sharply. “That’s part of the psychotic episode thing.”

Sam looked at him blankly and he continued with considerable exasperation.

“Being in love with somebody means wanting them to succeed in their lives, it means supporting their individual endeavors, not wishing you could just keep them locked away in a little cage for your pleasure.”

“That’s not what I said, and it’s not what he wants!” Sam said angrily.

“Don’t try to protect him now, sister,” Mike said with a smile. “You’ve already outed him as being creepy. Continue.”

Sam glared at him sideways.

“He doesn’t want me in a little cage. He just wants me to be available to him. I can understand that, too. I have a really busy schedule, and we hardly get to see each other as it is. We’ve probably talked more on the phone than we have in real life. Things will be easier over Christmas break, but next semester I’m going to be even busier.”

“And is that not okay with him?” Mike asked calmly.

“I don’t know!” she cried. “I don’t know if that’s okay with him or not, but…I’m just really torn. Here’s this man who loves me, who cares for me, who takes care of me…and I’m too busy to spend any time with him. It makes me feel like a complete bitch.”

“You’re not being a bitch. You’re being a student at an academically intensive school. You’re being a healthy social butterfly by spending time with me and Paul and Karen. It’s up to you – and only you – if you want to try being a girlfriend too.”

Sam sighed and shook her head a little.

“But…I can’t break it off with him.”

“Why not?” Mike’s voice was shockingly gentle.

“Because I might…I might be in love with him.”

There was a very long pause before Mike spoke again.

“Is ‘might’ worth it, Sam?” he asked softly.

“Worth what?” she asked just as softly.

“Worth giving up something else you love?” He was looking at her now, and she fought to avoid his gaze. Eventually, she lost the fight and her eyes raised to meet his. He was giving her a look that clearly stated his point. Would she be willing to give up her college dreams to be with someone she might be in love with?

“I don’t know,” she said slowly. “That’s my problem. I know I’m going to lose him if I don’t cut back on some of my obligations.”

“Would that be so bad, really? I mean, don’t you think that if you loved him, you would have it figured out by now?”

“I don’t know! I’ve never been in love before. At least, not the way he seems to be in love with me. I don’t know what it’s supposed to feel like.”

“You know, you get hung up on ‘supposed to’ a lot,” he said with an impish grin.

“I know,” she responded miserably.

“Just…put it to yourself this way: mid-term or date with Brent?”

Sam wrinkled her nose. “Date with Brent.”

“Okay. Study group or vacation with Brent?”

She pursed her lips. This was a tougher question. “Vacation with Brent,” she answered after a moment’s thought.

“Okay,” he responded, apparently unfazed by her answer. “Career of your choice, or being married to Brent?”

“Now, that’s not a fair question,” Sam said defensively.

“Why not?”

“Because realistically I wouldn’t have to choose between those two things.”

“This isn’t realistic. We’re trying to determine if you love Brent enough to give him anything he might ask for. Now, answer the question.”

“I can’t,” she responded, becoming a tad frustrated again. “If he asked me right now to give up my studies and my career to marry him, I’d say no, but I can’t say what might happen in the future.”

“Okay, now let’s reverse it. What do you think he would choose: picking up an extra shift or dinner with Sam?”

“An extra shift? Dinner with Sam,” she responded without hesitation.

“Okay, a regular guitar gig or vacation with Sam?”

“Vacation with Sam,” she said, a bit of doubt creeping into her voice.

“Good. Now, here’s the kicker: a lifetime without a happy Sam, or a lifetime with an unhappy Sam?”

She shook her head. “I have no idea.”

Mike nodded, apparently having made his point. Suddenly, without warning, he grinned. All traces of that emotion were gone, and he stood up casually. “I have the first two seasons of Family Guy on DVD. Wanna come over and watch?”

Sam openly gaped at the sudden change in Mike’s personality.

“Has anyone ever suggested to you that you might be bipolar?” Sam asked slowly, a hint of teasing in her voice. In truth she was relieved that the moment of tension was over, and things were suddenly but surely returning to normal.

“Yep,” Mike responded, tipping his hat back up on his head. “Coming or not?”

Sam released a breath she hadn’t known she’d been holding and stood. “I…I guess so…” she stammered, before Mike grabbed her hand in a friendly way and began to lead her back to his dorm.

A few hours later, the two managed to lose themselves in the hilarity of The Family Guy. After consuming large amounts of pizza and soda, Sam felt her eyelids drooping a bit. The last thing she felt before drifting off to sleep was Mike’s arm tightening around her, and a hesitant kiss on the side of her head.

Hours later, she felt a gentle shaking. She opened her eyes and immediately remembered where she was. She could feel Mike’s body warm behind her, his arm draped across her waist. She smiled a little and closed her eyes again, but Mike shook her again, a bit more insistently this time.

“Hey, sweetheart, it’s after midnight.”

“You kicking me out?” she whispered, a teasing smile on her face.

“Just wondered if you had any plans this late,” he said, sounding a bit apprehensive.

Sam thought for a moment and remembered her promise to visit Brent that night.

“What time did you say it was?”

Mike leaned over and grabbed his cell phone. “It’s…woah, it’s actually 1:15.”

Sam bit her lower lip and reached for her own phone. No missed calls.

“Well, Brent didn’t call, so I guess it’s okay that I didn’t come by tonight. I’ll call and apologize tomorrow.”

“So does that mean you’re going to stay over?” Mike asked mischievously, poking her in the side. She giggled and elbowed him in the ribs.

“If it’s okay with your mom,” she said sleepily. She heard him chuckle behind her, and smiled contentedly at the sound.

“Well, I suppose I can give up my very valuable bed space tonight for my good friend Sam. But I’ll have you know, I usually charge for this sort of thing.”

“I’ll buy you breakfast, how’s that?” she murmured. He chuckled again and lifted his hand to gently stroke her hair.

“That sounds great,” he said, kissing her on the back of the head before draping his arm around her again and nuzzling into her hair. Sam smiled and fell back asleep, feeling his heart beating against her back.



A/N: Really sorry for the delay in updating again, I’m having some serious trouble with the pace here. Don’t worry, I have the next few chapters all sorted out, so you don’t have to wait too long for them. I promise! Anyway, please feed a starving writer and leave me a comment!