Original Sin

‘If he doesn’t say something in the next minute, I may throw myself out the fucking window,’ Sin thought as she glanced over at Eddie on the other side of the couch. He was staring at the television screen – a rerun of some sitcom that wasn’t funny the first time around – and acting like it was the most interesting thing he had ever seen.

‘This is, without a doubt, the most uncomfortable silence anyone has ever sat through,’ Eddie thought, staring at the television although he couldn’t even make out the images on the screen. ‘Sin and I have never been like this before. This must be my fault, for figuring out that I had feelings for her. Maybe she can just sense it on me.’

“Want a beer?” Sin suddenly stood up from the couch and looked at Eddie, who was startled by her abrupt movement. Eddie just nodded, not saying anything.

‘I wonder if he knows I slept with Zip,’ Sin speculated to herself as she walked into the kitchen. ‘It wouldn’t be impossible. I mean, Zip could have told Joseph, who could have told Lianna, who could have told Eddie, thinking he already knew. Or maybe I’m acting weird. Maybe… I’m giving off a vibe, something that’s telling him I’m attracted to him, and that’s why he’s acting like this.’

Sin turned from the fridge to go back into the living room with the beer, but jumped when she saw Eddie standing in the doorway. He was studying her with sad eyes. “Something’s wrong between us,” Eddie gave Sin a cheerless smile. “And I don’t like it at all. I just had to say that.”

Taking in a deep breath, Sin slowly released the air from her lungs and realized she felt just a little better. At least she wasn’t alone in this; at least Eddie felt the uneasiness, and wanted to change it. “So you felt that too?” she gave him a little grin. “At least I’m not losing my fucking mind.” Motioning towards the kitchen table, Sin took a seat and slid a bottle of beer toward Eddie.

“So any ideas about what’s going on?” Eddie knew he was taking the cowardly way out, asking Sin what she thought, even though he had a pretty good idea why things were awkward between them. “I start smelling funny or something?”

Taking a swig of her beer, Sin looked at Eddie. She couldn’t help but admire the flecks of gold through his warm brown eyes as he looked at her with concern. “Listen,” Sin leaned forward. “We became friends fast – really close, really fast. And I NEVER do that. I don’t trust most people I’ve known for years, but I trust you.”

‘This is it,’ Eddie thought, cringing a little to himself. ‘This is where she says that she can tell I have a thing for her, and how fucked up of me that is, and how I’ve violated our friendship and her trust by feeling this way.’

“And,” Sin was continuing what she had been saying. “I’ve tried to be honest with you since I’ve met you. And I’m not exactly sure why this is so hard for me to tell you, but I feel like I should.” Looking down at her hands, Sin mumbled her final words: “I slept with Zip this weekend.”

It felt like a knife had slid into Eddie’s heart at that moment. Even though he had guessed that was what had happened between Sin and Zip that weekend, he realized a part of him had believed that if Sin didn’t tell him, it wasn’t really true. Now it was, true and in his face. “Why would that bother me?” Eddie finally strained himself to say, giving Sin a forced smile. “I mean, I’m worried about you as your friend of course. But you know what you’re doing. You know how to take care of yourself…”

For some reason, Sin unfairly wished that Eddie had responded differently. She wished he had yelled and told her she was stupid to be with Zip when Eddie was right there in front of her. She wished he had shaken his head in disapproval and asked why she would rather be with a jackass than a nice guy. She wished he had called her a slut and stormed out of the apartment. At least those reactions would have indicated that he might feel SOMETHING near what Sin was feeling at the moment for him. Instead, Eddie asked the last question Sin wanted to hear.

“So, are you guys getting back together?”

Shrugging her shoulders, Sin felt defeated. Maybe she should get back together with Zip. After all, he did seem to want to be with her, unlike Eddie. But didn’t think it wouldn’t be fair to Zip to do that; he felt more for her than she felt for him, at least at the moment. The truth was, she felt more for the boy across from her right then, who she hadn’t so much as kissed, than she did for Zip, who knew her body backwards and forwards. “I don’t know,” Sin finally told Eddie. “It was probably just a stupid mistake. Like the countless other stupid fucking mistakes I make in my life.”

Even though a part of him just wanted to get away and be alone with his depressing thoughts, Eddie felt like Sin needed him to be there for her. Reaching across the table, he took her hand and said nothing until she looked up and into his eyes. “For all the so-called mistakes you seem to think you’ve made in your life,” Eddie told her. “You seem to have turned out pretty great, at least to me.”

Swallowing hard, Sin looked at Eddie’s caring face. ‘No,’ she told herself quickly. ‘I’m not going to fuck up this special relationship I have with him by wanting more. I’m not going to make this mistake.’ Finally speaking out loud, she gave Eddie a little smile. “You’re a dork,” she said. “But you’re a really good friend. Thanks. I don’t know how I got along before I met you.”

“By tons of luck and the skin of your teeth, as far as I can tell,” Eddie grinned. “Okay, so now that all that’s in the open, do you think we can try hanging out and having a good time, like we always do?”

“Sure,” Sin stood up and smiled, although inside she knew she would have to be acting the part tonight. Even though she was accepting the type of relationship she and Eddie would always have, it still hurt. But that wasn’t Eddie’s fault. “But let’s turn off those fucking sitcoms. How can you watch that shit? Sickeningly skinny girls living in apartments they couldn’t possibly afford telling bad jokes and dating losers with every complex known to humans?”

“It sounds like a normal day in New York City, if you ask me,” Eddie joked, glad when Sin laughed in response. It wasn’t going to be easy, being close to Sin and knowing that he will never know what it would be like to hold her in his arms, or kiss her, or stroke her, or… ‘Enough,’ Eddie chided himself. ‘Sin’s a person who never trusts anyone, and for some reason she trusts you. Don’t violate that trust just because you’re horny around her.’ It was more than that, Eddie knew, but thinking about just how deep his feeling for Sin ran would be too painful at the moment.

-----

The rest of the evening had been friendlier and more easy-going, although Eddie still felt like his heart was broken. ‘This is stupid,’ he told himself as he walked back to his apartment. ‘You’re not in love with her; it’s just a crush. You got over your crush on Lianna, and you’ll get over this one.’

But Eddie knew that, as much as he had cared for Lianna at one time, those feeling never compared to what he felt for Sin. Every time he was with her, he was amazed by her. He loved her sense of humor, and the way she poked fun at everything. He loved how she let her guard down for a precious few people, being warm and generous when it was necessary. He loved how an evening on her couch – this evening excepted – could be more fun for him than going out to a big club or party.

As Eddie let himself into his apartment, he tossed his keys onto the coffee table and took off his jacket. Sliding out of his shoes, Eddie collapsed on the small bed in the corner of his studio, not even bothering to turn the lights on. It had been so hard tonight, hearing Sin admit that she had slept with Zip. But somehow, even though he wished it had, it didn’t diminish any of Eddie’s feelings for her.

Resting his hands on his chest, Eddie stared up at his ceiling, where shadows from the streetlights outside his window were creating little shapes. “I wish I had just gotten one chance to kiss her,” Eddie whispered out loud. “One chance to hold her – to know how it felt to have her body pressed against mine in the heat of a moment.” Closing his eyes, Eddie pictured Sin. He saw her long dark hair, with it’s violet tinge, blowing in the breeze. He saw her gray eyes sparkling as she laughed at something he had said. He pictured the loose jeans she always wore, which were so large they hung around her hips, sometimes exposing her hipbones when she walked. He pictured her t-shirts, generally baggy, but not so much as to hide her small waist and firm breasts.

Before Eddie realized it, one hand had moved down from his chest to the front of his pants to press against the hardening length straining against the fabric. ‘I shouldn’t,’ Eddie thought to himself. ‘Oh, fuck it.”

Unzipping his pants and releasing his erection from his boxers, Eddie let his mind wander. He pictured Sin lying on her bed, completely nude. Her body was flawless, and her tattoos were even sexy to Eddie. As his mind focused on specific portions of Sin’s body, Eddie began languidly stroking himself. In his fantasy, Sin wasn’t giving him a come-hither look; that wasn’t Sin. No, his fantasy Sin was laughing softly, the way she did when Eddie teased her.

Eddie’s strokes increased in speed as he imagined what it would feel like to kiss Sin. He guessed her full mouth would be firm, her tongue strong and sensual. He could almost feel her skin under his fingertips, soft like silk. He imagined holding one of her firm breasts in his hand, running his thumb gently over her hardening nipple and causing her to moan lightly.

The sound of Sin’s moan in his head was quickly bringing Eddie to the edge. Holding tighter and stroking himself faster, Eddie wondered what Sin’s arousal would be like. The aroma would probably be simple and clean smelling, like the rest of her was. He would love to taste her; he expected that she would taste sweet. He wanted badly to climb between her thighs and take her into his mouth, running his tongue over her folds, reveling in her juices as they ran into his mouth, listening as she moaned while he brought her to an intense climax…

“Oh God,” Eddie called out loudly as his body lost control. He came in hard hot spurts, staining his shirt and causing liquid to run over his knuckles. The intensity of his orgasm lasted for several moments before it began to subside. Finally, out of breath, Eddie opened his eyes and immediately felt depressed again. Here he was, alone in his apartment, covered in the sticky remains of his pathetic daydream – one that would never come true.

Standing up, Eddie headed towards the bathroom to take a shower, pulling his sullied shirt over his head and tossing it into the hamper as he passed it. ‘Get over it, man,’ Eddie advised himself as he turned on the water. ‘That little fantasy you just had is as close to Sin as you’ll ever get. The sooner you realize that, the easier it will be to move on with your life.’

-----

“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” Sin grumbled to Ava. “I mean, a sleepover? What are we, twelve? Shit, I didn’t even go to these things when I was twelve.”

Smiling at Sin and shaking her head, Ava knocked on the door in front of her. It had meant a lot to her when Sin had invited her to take part in a “girls night/sleepover thing” at Lianna’s apartment that Saturday. Sin had been resistant at first – since the last thing she was was a girly-girl. But the idea had originally been Madison’s, who felt that, with Joseph away, Lianna could use some time hanging out with her female friends, and Sin couldn’t bring herself to turn down the invite on those terms. “Oh, like if you weren’t doing this, you’d have such big, exciting plans tonight, Sin,” Ava grinned at her boss.

“Fuck you,” Sin said just as the door was being opened.

“And fuck you, too,” Madison grinned at the women. “Come on in, Sin. And you’re Ava, right? I’m Madison. I guess we met at the going away party, but I have to admit that I was pretty wasted by the end.”

Laughing, Ava entered the apartment, followed by a still-grumbling Sin. “That’s okay,” she told Madison. “If it helps, I don’t remember you, either. Of course, I was following around a totally hot guy for most of the night. Too bad it turned out to be a waste of time on my part.”

Sin felt herself flush a little as she heard Ava describe Eddie as ‘a totally hot guy’. Even though he wasn’t Sin’s usual type, she knew that a lot of girls thought this when they saw him. And although it was completely uncalled for, it made her jealous.

“Hey guys,” Lianna appeared from the kitchen with a serving tray. On it she had two bottles of wine, four glasses, and some assorted snacks. “I’m so glad you could make it, Sin. And you, too, Ava. It’ll be interesting to get some of the dirt on Sin from someone who has known her for the past few years, considering getting info directly from her is like pulling teeth.

Ava grinned and looked over at Sin, ready to say something, but Sin interrupted. “You say anything,” she gave Ava a hard look. “And you’re fired.”

“You’re bluffing,” Ava replied. “Because you couldn’t find another assistant that would put up with your attitude the way I do.” Lianna and Madison started to laugh at this, making it hard for even Sin to not grin.

Within a few hours everyone – including Sin – was having a good time. They had all changed into pajamas, and each finished about half a bottle of wine.

“This was a good idea,” Lianna was saying to Madison. “Thanks. It’s been lonely without Joseph being around, so it’s fun having friends around to hang out with.” Glancing over at Sin, Lianna looked a little nervous. “How about you? Have you missed Zip at all?”

“Are you and Zip back together?” Madison looked confused. “When did that happen? And where was I?”

Sin hated being the center of this kind of attention. “Zip and I don’t have the kind of relationship where we ‘miss’ each other,” Sin tried to sound sarcastic. “We’re more the ‘where’s my underwear, I have to leave’ type of situation.”

“I don’t think that’s entirely true,” Ava replied, ignoring the dark glare Sin gave her in response. “That guy gets too under your skin a little too much to be just that. Or maybe, like I said the other day, maybe you don’t feel as much for Zip as you used to because you have feelings for someone else.”

“Who?” Madison looked excited to hear the answer. Sin could almost imagine the high-strung redhead at twelve years old, sitting around with friends in almost the exact same situation, having almost the exact same conversation.

“There’s no one else,” Sin replied coldly, glaring at Ava again. “And there’s no Zip. There’s no one. I mean, yes, Zip and I hooked up last weekend. And yes, he says he’s interested in trying to work things out between us. But even if that was what I wanted, it would never work. Zip and I are like oil and water.”

“And you’re sure there’s nobody else?” Lianna asked Sin gently.

“Who else would there be?” Sin replied defensively.

“Well,” Lianna looked uncomfortable “You and Eddie have been spending a lot of time together lately, haven’t you?”

“Ooh, choose Eddie!” Madison burst out. “Come on. He’s so cute, and so sweet, and he NEVER gets the girl,” she finished, shooting a bemused look at Lianna.

“Eddie and I are just friends,” Sin insisted, hoping no one would notice the heat that was filling her cheeks. “Besides, he and I are way too different to be anything but friends. He would never be interested in me; I’m way too strange for someone like Eddie.” At her statement, Sin was sure she saw both Lianna and Ava look away from her.

“I’m not saying I know anything,” Lianna wouldn’t meet Sin’s eyes. “I’m just saying, as a friend, that you shouldn’t be with someone you don’t really want to be with because it’s convenient, or because you have things in common, or because you have a history. Sometimes differences between people can be a bond in a relationship.”

“I have to agree,” Ava replied, also not meeting Sin’s eyes. “I mean, I want you to be happy. And sometimes, being happy means taking a chance. You of all people should know that Sin; you live the rest of your life taking chances. It’s only with men do you always end up with the same old routine.”

Glancing between Ava and Lianna, Sin didn’t know if she was embarrassed, annoyed, or upset by their words. “You know,” she looked around the room. “I didn’t ask to share all this shit with you guys. You all dragged it out of me. So please, let’s drop any talk about Zip or Eddie or any other guy I have, am, or may one day fuck, okay?”

Everyone looked a bit uncomfortable at the outburst, but they all nodded. Sin suddenly felt very stupid. “I’m sorry,” Sin’s voice softened. “That wasn’t cool of me. I guess things with Zip have me on edge. And talking about Eddie like that… it’s just that Eddie’s been a lifesaver for me these past few months, and I would never do anything to jeopardize our friendship.”

“That makes sense,” Lianna replied, giving Sin a small encouraging smile. “And your apology is accepted.”

“Absolutely,” Madison added.

Looking over at Ava, Sin waited for her to say something. “What?” Ava asked incredulously. “Please, you didn’t even have to apologize for that. Do you realize how much bitchier you get over much smaller things at work? This doesn’t even register on the radar.”

Sin laughed along with Madison and Lianna, and started feeling a little better. She hadn’t meant to shout like that, or to take things so personally. And these women really were good people who wanted to be good friends. Sin was just really a private person, and didn’t want to share her feelings about Zip or Eddie with anyone.

-----

Sin awoke in the middle of the night, panting and covered in sweat. Sitting up in the middle of the floor where she was camped out, she glanced nervously around the room. Apparently, she hadn’t woken anyone else up.

‘Thank God,’ Sin thought as she settled herself back against her pillow, pulling wet strands of hair from her forehead as she did. The last thing Sin would have wanted was to have woken anyone because of the dream she had been having.

It was rare for Sin to remember dreams, but this one would have been hard to forget. ‘It had seemed so real,’ Sin thought to herself as she let her eyes close. In fact, she could still almost feel Eddie’s lips on her mouth, his hands on her skin, his body pressing into hers needfully. She could still feel stirrings low in her body, remnants of the orgasm she had dreamed about, that had been so intense she had woken herself up.

-----

When Sin’s cell phone went off in the morning, she reached for it without even opening her eyes. “Hello?” she mumbled, rubbing her eyes with the palm of her hand and blinking a few times. It seemed that she was the last one to get up; the other girls weren’t in the living room.

“Hey baby,” Zip’s voice came over the line. “How are you? Did I wake you?”

Sitting up, Sin felt a little flash of guilt as she remembered her dream about Eddie the night before. “It’s okay, Zip,” she told him. “I’m over at Lianna’s apartment. I should be getting up anyway.”

“Oh,” Zip’s voice was teasing. “A sleepover? Please tell me you all wore lace teddies and had pillow fights, leaving you all sweaty and exhausted. Then say you collapsed onto a bed and curled up around each other, giving goodnight kisses to one and all.”

“You wish,” Sin chuckled. “So how’s tour going?”

“It’s fine,” Zip didn’t have the usual exuberance he had when talking about being on tour. “It would be better if you were out here with us.”

Unsure what to say, Sin swallowed hard. “Zip, I can’t do this right now…”

“Can’t do what?” Zip asked innocently. “I just wanted to call and tell you that I miss you and that I can’t wait to see you when we get back in town.”

“And that’s all very sweet,” Sin replied. “But you know what I meant. I can’t promise anything still. I had a great time with you last weekend, but that was one weekend. A relationship is a lot harder, with ups and downs, not just days on end of mind-blowing sex-”

“Mind blowing, huh?” Zip interrupted, his voice amused.

“Shut up,” Sin couldn’t help but laugh. “You’re not listening. I’m sorry, Zip, but I still don’t think things between me and you are going to work out in the long run.”

There was silence on the other end of the line for a moment before Zip finally spoke. “I get that,” he told Sin. “I get that it’s my job to prove to you how much I really want to be with you.” Sin tried to interrupt, to argue, but Sin just kept talking. “Sin, you and I belong together. I can feel it in my bones. And when I get back into town, I’m going to work to find a way to win your heart.”

“Zip,” Sin replied gently, unsure what to say. It was unheard of for Zip to say something so heartfelt. “Babe, you don’t have to do that.”

“I want to,” Zip insisted. “But I have to go now. Just know that I’m thinking about you all the time, okay?”

There was no reason to fight with him; he wouldn’t let her. “Okay,” Sin said. “Tell the other guys I said hello.”

“I will,” Zip told her. “Bye, beautiful.”

-----

THANKS TO THE READERS AND ESPECIALLY ALL THE AWESOME REVIEWERS. THIS STORY STILL HAS A LOT TO GO (I’VE ESTIMATED ANOTHER 8-10 CHAPTERS). HOPE IT’S NOT GETTING TO ANGSTY. I PROMISE THAT SOMETHING DIFINITIVE WILL HAPPEN IN JUST A COUPLE MORE CHAPTERS. YES, I AM A TEASE!