Catalyst

The two boys stare at each other for a moment that seems to stretch on for hours. Leo is the first one to break the long silence, letting out a sigh of disbelief, half choked with laughter.

"That's my line," the older boy manages, still not quite believing that Roethe had spoken. The younger boy's voice had been soft, hoarse from disuse.

Roethe swallows, smiling faintly, then his expression turns somber. Leo watches as the boy seem to struggle with something, and idly run his hand up and down the boy's back. "Take your time," the older boy offers, and Roethe nods, taking a deep breath.

"Leo...you're kind of a beast," Roethe starts, a faint blush adorning his cheeks. He holds up a hand, stopping Leo's immediate desire to defend himself, and continues. His words are heavy with emotion, but his eyes are clear. "You're full of so much energy, and sometimes it's overwhelming. I...I once knew, trusted, a boy like you, but he wasn't as nice. He took advantage of me, used me, and left me feeling dirty."

Roethe pauses, and Leo sees his resolve waver slightly, and it twists his heart in the strangest way. He places a kiss on the boy's forehead, forcing himself to be patient. Leo is already making the connections; the silence, the fear, the way Roethe flinched just slightly when he spoke of feeling dirty...of being taken advantage of. Leo can feel the anger boiling for this nameless boy who'd done such a thing, but knows he must remain calm lest he startle the younger boy into silence.

With great difficulty, he relaxes, continuing to stroke Roethe's back as the boy resumes his speech.

"Being kissed by you is scary and thrilling and addicting, and when you hold me, all the bad feelings just...melt away, and there's only you. There's so much to you, like how you just...held me when I was scared, and didn't force me into anything. I really needed that. Leo, you're just..."

The younger boy is cut off as he finds Leo’s lips covering his own, the older boy crawling over Roethe. They gasp as their bodies press against each other, and Leo breaks the kiss, eyes twinkling playfully. “For someone who’s silent all the time, you talk too much.”

And then they are kissing again.

When they come up for air, nearly half an hour later, they cling to each other languidly, smiles upon swollen lips. Leo basks in the moment, pleased once again that everything is fine between the two of them, then deflating slightly as he realizes that, in fact, so much is still uncertain.

Roethe seems to pick up on the change almost as soon as Leo does, expression guarded. Leo thinks it's cute, catches his distraction, and takes a deep, steadying breath.

"I don't know why I'm so drawn to you. I've...been with others, but I've never felt so...you're just...I don't really know how to say it, and don't try to make me. You're special to me, in a way no other person has been, or probably could be, and now that I know about...some of your circumstances, I feel even worse about how overwhelming I've been. I don't want to force you into anything you aren't ready for; I swear I'm not like that."

Even as he says it, Leo can hear the whispers at the back of his mind saying otherwise, and it takes an effort of will to push them away. Roethe doesn't seem to notice Leo's inner turmoil, his expression softening, and Leo finds himself pleasantly distracted by the rosy blush blossoming on the younger boy's cheeks.

Leo leans in, kissing Roethe softly once more, and though he wants, yearns to do so much more, he forces himself to smile and enjoy a slice of paradise. He's still confused over his mixed feelings towards Roethe, but something has changed. Something fundamental, something frightening and delightful, and the more he thinks about it...

Leo's smile turns genuine as he makes a profound realization of how obvious it had been, and he feels foolish that it's taken him so long to figure it out. He's too self-aware to say it, even in his head, but now that he knows, it's like a weight has been lifted from his chest, and everything just make sense. He looks at Roethe, his smile growing into a mischievous grin, to which the younger boy starts to look a little alarmed by.

“So, Roethe...” Leo starts, his voice low, and the younger boy licks his lips nervously, “I’m a beast?”

The younger boy has barely opened his mouth to defend himself before Leo is on top of him, and they’re kissing again, bodies pressed close together. The kisses are hungry, passionate, but no longer desperate; Leo is no longer conflicted, and he’s in control of his desires.

“Leo...” Roethe manages to gasp out between all of the sensations flowing through him, face flushed a deep crimson, eyes half-lidded, body firmly pressed against Leo, with no uncertainty about the aroused state of either, “please...”

And with two words, Leo finds his newfound peace and control threatening to completely shatter.