Silent Suffering

“So, do we stay inside while you read or do we go outside?”
Outside to read?
Charlie laughs which makes me smile. “Ok. Let me get your wheelchair.”
My face falls a little. I hate that damn chair. It reminds of how weak I am.
“You’re not weak.” I look up at Charlie. “I can read that body language of yours. You aren’t weak. You’re just injured and we, your parents, Zach and I, want to help you. You ready?”

I nod my head and get out of bed. Getting up hurts but I make it to the chair and sit down. He opens the door but suddenly grab the wheels to stop us. The door hits Charlie in the butt and I sign a sorry and tell him we have to turn around. He pulls the chair back into the room. I go to stand but he pushes me back down.

“What did you forget?”

The key. It’s in my wallet over by my pencils. Charlie walks over and grabs my wallet which causes one of my sketch pads to fall over. It opens up to a portrait I did my freshman year of college. Charlie picks up to look at it. “Who is this?” He looks over to me. “What’s wrong?” He rushes over to me because I know the look on my face is best described as stricken. When the pad gets close to me, I snatch it away and close it. “Michael, who is that?”

I shake my head. I don’t want to talk about it. Please put this back.

He takes the pad and places it back on my bed. He comes back over and wheels me out the door with no more questions. We go to the elevator and then out of the dorm into the blissfully cold air. Cold. It’s winter break people but thankfully in Louisiana, that doesn’t mean anything. We wheel outside to a bench where he sits down. I stand and move next to him, determined not to be stuck in that chair any longer than necessary. I plop down, gingerly, and open my new book. I've been loving this book but after about 45 minutes, my chest is starting to hurt.

I tap Charlie to get him to look at me. I have to go back in.

“Why? You seem to be happy.”

I hurt too much. I sigh unhappily.

“You need to lie down?”

Yeah.

“Why don’t you just put your head down on my lap and lie down here. I know you don’t want to go back in. You don’t have to though.”

I look at him and feel a moment of unease but decide that Charlie is right; I really don’t want to go back in. I lay down, leaning on his lap and feel instantly more comfortable. I go back to my book feeling strangely safe.

------------------------------------------

I wake to Charlie softly saying my name. “Michael. We have to go in. It’s getting dark outside. Time to get up.” I sit up yawning, feeling a small amount of pain but move to the wheel chair. He wheels me up to my room where Zach and my parents have found their way in.

“Hey baby. Nice to see you back in. Unfortunately your father and I have to go. We can’t stay away from work any longer. And ummm… about coming home in a few weeks…”

I can’t. It’s too expensive. I know. It’s ok. He’ll understand.

“I’m sorry baby.” Mom starts to tear up.

Don’t worry about it Mom. He’ll understand.

“Ok honey. We’ll text you when we get home.”

Ok. Love you guys. Mom and Dad lean down, give me kisses on the check and leave.

“Can I ask who ‘he’ is?” Zach asks.

You can ask but I won’t answer. Not yet. Not yet.