Lessons Learned

If he’d noticed anything bothering Russell during the drive to his apartment, Hal didn’t ask, and Russell was too lost in thought, too consumed by what the doctor had said, to actually bring his worries to the surface. He’d simply been content to sit with his teacher in the partial silence, the classic rock station flitting about the cramped space of the hatch-back like a breeze of sound, too low for the boy to recognize it, but present enough to distract. And lord knew Russell needed a distraction.

They pulled into the lot and got out without a word, Russell following Hal up the stairs and into his apartment. This time, the nervousness he felt was different; it was the second time he’d been invited into his teacher’s home, and underneath every ounce of denial he had, he feared it would be the last. That thought alone was enough to make him sick, his eyes falling to the floor, choosing instead to study his sneakers with rigorous intent.

“Make yourself comfortable.” Hal offered, throwing his keys into a tray on the table and heading into the kitchen. A routine, it seemed. Russell took a seat on the same couch as before, eyes now glued on his trembling hands as they attempted to bury themselves in his lap to keep from being noticed. “What do you want? Coke, Sprite? Beer?”

“Yeah, sure.” Russell mumbled, not really paying attention, trying too hard not to pay attention to anything if it would help. Suddenly the sounds of the fridge clattering closed and Hal’s footsteps returning to the living room were all he could hear. The man tossed a can of soda in his lap, same as last time.

“Like fuck, if you think I’m giving you beer, kid.” Hal smirked. “But nice try.”

Russell blushed, trying very hard not to look his teacher in the eye. “Right. Sorry.”

A silence lingered between them for too long, marred only by the sound of his soda can and Hal’s beer being popped. Then, all of a sudden, Hal’s hand gripped just short of tenderly at Russell’s chin, forcing his attention. “What’s on your mind, Russ?” He asked once he had the boy’s gaze firmly locked. Russell blinked, that agitated and embarrassing sting of tears forming in the corners of his eyes. Hal froze, stunned. “Russell? What’s wrong?” Russell pulled away harshly from his teacher’s hand, getting to his feet. How could he not get it? How could he be so stupid? “Russell.” Hal tried again, standing to meet the boy who continued to run his hand over his betraying eyes to no avail. “What’s-?”

“You know what’s wrong!” Russell shouted, Hal taken aback. Fuck it. He was done. “I heard Dr. Levi talking to one of the nurses. I know why you were in the hospital. I know that you’re… I know everything. Why the fuck didn’t you tell me?!”

“It’s none of your business.”

“None of my business? Do you honestly care that little about this? About US? About me…?”

“Don’t you fucking DARE make this about you, kid.”

“No, it’s not.” Russell was fuming now, all tears wiped from his eyes by the anger that supported every heated word. “This has nothing to do with me. This is about you. It’s always been about you! You and your goddamn stubbornness! What is it? You’d rather die young and hot?”

“Drop it, Russell.” Hal sneered, but Russell continued on, blinded by his rage. And his heartache.

“Is that what all this shit is about?” The boy waved a hand across the display of expensive electronics and materialistic commodities. “Buy anything you want, drink anything you want, smoke anything you want, fuck anyone you want because you’re not gonna live long enough to regret it anyway?”

“Get out.”

Russell was stopped cold. Not because of the tone of Hal’s voice; the demand had hardly been yelled, and as cold and stern as it was, Russell had seen angrier in his own father for lesser situations. No. What brought him to a drastic and violent stop, lodged the words in his throat before they could wreak anymore havoc, was the look in Hal’s eyes. It was a look Russell had seen before, right after their first encounter in the classroom. Right after Hal’s first attempt at fucking the boy had gone sour. It was a look Russell could never forget, one filled with disappointment and hatred. A disappointment that his expectations had gone unfulfilled, and a hatred in himself for expecting so much to begin with.

“Hal.” Russell whispered, standing his ground, no matter how much that look made him ache. But Hal wouldn’t have it.

“Get. The fuck. Out.”

The last time he’d seen that look on Hal’s face, Russell had bolted, tail between his legs like a frightened puppy. But this time, he’d fight stubborn with stubborn. This time, Russell narrowed his eyes and stared the man down. “No.” Hal raised an eyebrow at that, a surprised sort of agitation flitting across his face, but before he could reply, Russell continued, any filter he might have had in the car ride over long dissolved by confrontation and rage. “I don’t get it, Hal. Sure it’s not a 100%, sure fire thing, but even if it’s not perfect, you could live, right? I mean, did I hear them wrong? Is there something ELSE you haven’t told me? Something that makes all of this better?” Russell sighed, looking down at his feet, hands clenched painfully at his sides.

“Why the fuck do you care?” Came Hal’s strained and frustrated reply, but Russell had had enough.

“Why do I CARE?” Russell yelled, astounded at the man’s idiocy. “Because I love you, damnit!” Russell turned around, cheeks burning and eyes blurred by tears he furiously refused to let fall. Hal said nothing. Russell chuckled darkly. “What the fuck am I to you, anyway? Did you see me in class that day and think, ‘I’m gonna die anyway. Might as well make the most of it with the new kid.’?” At this Russell turned around, locking eyes with his teacher, an anger and pain he’d never felt before ripping the words from his mouth before reason could stop them. “What am I? A pity screw to get you through the day? One last sexual hurrah before you kick the bucket?”

Hal was on him in a second, the man forcing him back against the wall, arms on either side of Russell’s shoulders, barring him in. “Is that what you think?” Hal seethed, his eyes feral, drilling into his student with damn near criminal intent. Russell couldn’t speak, fear tightening his throat closed. He’d never seen Hal like this, an animalistic rage so present in his eyes, in his words, the tight-lipped grimace of his mouth, that it practically came off of him in paralyzing waves. Russell didn’t move, didn’t blink, while Hal moved closer, looming over the boy darkly. “Well…” He grinned, the look frightening Russell more than the man’s hatred ever could. “Let me show you what I think.”

Slowly but surely, Russell began to catch up to himself, attempting ever so slightly to slip out from the barricade Hal had made around him. Before he had the opportunity to, however, Hal pushed him forcefully back into the wall, grabbing both his wrists with one hand and pinning them above his head. “Ah!” Russell hissed, looking panicked at Hal’s too tight grip and then at Hal himself, the man’s presence dangerously close to violent. “Hal… You’re hurting me.”

“Am I, now?” Hal smirked, the usual cocky-ass half smile looking deranged in this lighting. Taking his free hand and shoving it below Russell’s waistband, Hal grabbed the boy’s cock and began fisting out a rhythm that, against all common sense and voluntary resistance, had the boy squirming and breathless in an instance. “Because by the looks of it, you’re far from hurt.”

“Hal… Hal, s-stop.” Russell tried to protest, but the words came out cracked and pathetic, a plea no man would take seriously. But still, the boy tried to pull away, hoping Hal would realize what he was doing, only to be met by a sharp jerk of the man’s hand along his dick, Hal stepping forward forcefully, not even an inch between them now.

“But this is what fuck buddies do, Russ.” He growled in the boy’s ear, nibbling harshly on the lobe. “They fuck.”

Russell could barely feel his legs, his head swimming in a mixture of fear and burning desire as Hal continued to stroke his arousal into complete submission, the boy’s climax fast approaching. “I don’t… w-want... to be…” he tried, but the words weren’t forming properly in his head. Hal had moved his attention to Russell’s neck, sucking and biting, tongue and teeth and lips attacking the flesh almost painfully, but oh so good. “H-Hal,” Russell tried, closing his eyes. “P-please, Ha-Ahhh!” Russell clenched his eyes shut as the orgasm rushed through him, Hal’s lips swallowing the boy’s cry, tongue delving deep and uninvited into the moist heat, desperate and forceful. Even if he could’ve spoken, there would have been no words to describe the chaos that invaded Russell at that moment, his teacher removing his hand from Russell’s pants and breaking the kiss just long enough to lick the stickiness from his fingers before crushing their mouths together once more. Russell could taste himself on Hal’s tongue, the realization breathtakingly sensual.

“You weren’t supposed to love me.” Hal growled harshly into the boy’s mouth as hands worked to remove pants and shirts in a flurry of motion. He pulled away, smiling evilly at his naked and cowering student, lust and panic both evident in the boy’s gaze, as he used the cum and spit still on his hands to lube up his own hard and dripping cock. “This is what loving me gets you.” And with those as his final words, Hal slung an arm below one of Russell’s knees and sheathed himself completely in the boy’s tightness.

Russell’s breathing left him in a rush, Hal picking up a grueling and unyielding pace, pulling out almost completely before plunging into the boy with relentless force, over and over again. But even through the slight pain of each thrust, Russell could feel himself growing hard again, the motions of Hal’s body against his own, so determined and powerful, leaving him dizzy with hunger. He couldn’t deny the hotness of it, the frantic desperation in Hal a turn on Russell didn’t know he had. And he couldn’t ignore how much he wanted this too. Fuck buddies, he’d called them. Russell had said the same thing. But then, why did this feel different? Like both of them were trying, with every ounce of desperation in their connected bodies, to hold onto something.

At one point, Hal’s mouth found Russell’s again, kissing him ruthlessly before snagging the boy’s bottom lip between his teeth, bucking against the boy hard enough to bruise his lower back as it slammed repeatedly against the wall. Unable to satisfy the growing heat, the demanding need for release, Hal finally let go of Russell’s hands and slung his arm under the boy’s other leg, pulling him close. Russell locked his ankles around the man’s waist, completely suspended, and moaned wantonly at the fresh sensations of movement, their new position adding perfectly mind-numbing friction.

“Is this… What you like… Russ?” Hal growled huskily between thrusts, Russell crying out as the man slammed directly into his prostate.

“Y-yes!” Russell gasped, matching Hal’s movements in hopes of recreating that flash of pure ecstasy, that bundle of nerves begging within him to be struck. “Shit, yes… Fuck, yes!” Hal smirked, grabbing painfully hard at Russell’s hips as he bucked harder, finding that spot that had the boy screaming and hitting it repeatedly. “Oh, God… H-harder! Please, dear God, Hal! M-more! Harder, p-please!” He begged.

“If you… insist.” Hal growled feraly, attacking Russell’s ass with no regard for pain, decency, or neighbors. Every thrust left Russell numb with pleasure, his hand somehow finding his own cock and pumping out a rhythm to match, until finally, he gritted his teeth, calling out his teacher’s name as his climax ripped through to his very core. The impossible tightness as Russell’s whole body tensed, was too much for Hal to take, his own climax draining him as his seed erupted into the waiting body against him. Hal cursed, jerking weakly a few more times, working every last drop of himself into his student, before dropping Russell’s legs and pulling out.

“Nng…” Russell cringed as he slid down to the wall and to the floor, his breathing far too heavy and his body far too hot and sore. Hal panted, stumbling back until he found the sofa, sitting himself down to let his heart stop trying to rip itself from his chest. His head hurt. A lot.

The room was already getting dark, but neither of them moved to turn on the light, neither of them so much as breathing too loudly let alone attempting conversation. If Russell hadn’t enjoyed it as much as he did, Hal’s forcefulness could have easily been interpreted as rape. But Russell DID enjoy it. Probably too much. Trying to ignore his own cum and sweat covered nakedness, Russell hugged his knees to his chest, his breathing back to normal though his heart still thrummed far too quickly in his throat. He swallowed.

Hal glanced at the boy, his student. Russell Fines, eighteen years old. His student. His fucking student. What sort of idiot was he? Did he honestly think this could be okay forever? Did he honestly believe he could have his way with the boy and then let it go… just like that? Fuck. Fucking shit.

“This wasn’t supposed to happen.” Hal heard himself mumble, his head falling into his hands. Russell looked up, surprised. “I didn’t want you to… You weren’t supposed to…” He sighed. “Fuck!” Hal leaned back against the couch cushion, throwing an arm over his eyes. “I’m sorry, Russ.” He whispered. “I’m sorry if I hurt you. I didn’t… I didn’t mean to… I didn’t want…” Another exasperated sigh escaped him, and as though drawn by that sound, Russell felt himself moving forward, crawling towards his teacher until he was kneeling by his feet. Hal looked at him, mumbling another, “I’m sorry,” his voice rough and hoarse. Pained.

“Hal.” Russell spoke, his voice steady and comforting, as though a direct contrast to his teacher’s. A much needed balance. Russell put a hand on the man’s knee and leaned in towards him, grabbing the back of his neck and pulling him close, lips touching in their first chaste and truly intimate kiss. When Russell pulled back, he could see that Hal was torn, defeated. But still, he had to know. “Please, Hal.” He whispered, sitting himself down at the man’s feet and resting his chin on Hal’s lap. “Just tell me straight.” Russell took a deep breath, the words flying about inside his head, demanding escape, and when they did, they were no more than a sad and delicate whisper. “Are you dying?”

Russell’s world seemed to hang suspended in that following silence, waiting at the edge of a cliff for Hal to finally respond. But even before he did, Russell knew the answer. Knew it and hated it. Hal ran a hand over his face, running his fingers through the boy’s hair lightly, almost tenderly. He sighed.

“Yeah. Yeah, I am.”