Narrative of Soul Against Soul

hello there! wanrning!... SLASH ABOUNDS!! dont like it?? dont read it. this fic contains a bit of smut along with cross dressing, sub/dom play, and reference to various illicit substances used for the betterment of consciousness. Confused? Ask a hooker or befriend a dictionary.

AFI's title, my characters. enjoy!

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CH 7 : To Wanting
Joshua


This kiss felt like fire. The slow twisting burn crawled through my gut tightening in my groin and tingling in my lips. Render’s kiss was perfection. I had kissed dozens of girls in my seventeen years. Every time had felt mandatory. The girl was there. She wanted to, so I did. But this. This felt like sparks on the backs of my eyeballs. This was my entire body screaming to touch his. I moaned before I could help it and let my hands do a bit of what they wanted. They snapped from my sides and slipped under his shirt gripping his slim hips above his small skirt.

As soon as our skin connected, Render snapped. I hit the lockers as the kiss turn from sensual and searching into passionate and vicious. I responded to Render’s every movement with equal fervor. Drowning as Render nipped at my bruises, I threw my head back. Clocking my skull on the lockers forced more stars to swim in front of my eyes. I moaned.

Render ran his hand along my skull. “Oh, Dolly,” he whispered a breath from my lips.

All I could do was stare at them—those lips. Those pouty, soft lips that pulled from me a needy, wanton twit. That twit whined as Render began to lean back, “Please.” I had no clue want I begged for, but it was important.

Render smiled indulgently. He swiped that tactile tongue along my bottom lip, and I shivered before freezing in horror. That crazy Trauma girl stood facing me on the opposite wall. She was the Cheshire cat.

“Oh Renny,” she said like an annoyed parent scolding a child. “The lunch bell rang a while ago. Ziptie and Kaylee are probably looking for us.”

“Don’t care. What class is after that?” Render did not look away from me.

“Physics.” Trauma bounced back and forth switching from parent to a bored toddler.

“An object in rest stays at rest.” Render glanced at Trauma before turning his gaze on me. I had to look away. The soft admiration in those glowing, green eyes made something that was more disconcerting than lust tighten inside me. He ran those long fingers of the bruises on my neck.

Trauma bounced forward grabbing Render’s shoulders. “Good thing I’m the impetus or that law would apply.” She steered him backward and away from me smiling cheerily. I shook my head. That girl was so insane.

I made my way to my locker to see some strange guy standing in front of it. He was short, blonde and thin. If he hadn’t been so obviously intricately muscled, I would have mistook him for one of the gay freshmen. He stood at my locker, looking ready for a fight. I squared my shoulders and marched up.

When he saw me, he lifted his chin. “Leave him alone?”

My shoulders dropped. “What?” I was thoroughly confused.

“Render is mine. He’s beautiful and perfect. You’re practically chubby and barely attractive.”

I could only gape at this twerp. What made him think that he was good enough? So I decided to tell him so. “You’re right. Render is perfect, but he needs someone real. Someone very unlike you.” I raised my eyebrow at him. I needed to see how conceited this little shit was before I could really knock him down. The kid just huffed and stomped away. I laughed and shrugged. Nothing I could do.

As I strolled out to the courtyard abandoning lunch, I wished that somehow Render would be there. I wanted him to be proud of me for telling the little dick off. I wanted a soft kiss and a softer smile. I shook my head. Render was in no way that serious about me. He wanted a sub to care for, not a boyfriend. At that moment though, I realized that I’d take what I could get. Even if it was far less than I truly wanted.

When I reached courtyard, someone was there. A very perturbed Pansy stood in the middle of the four benches that were encircled with trees. The leaves were falling softly in the mid October wind, and I bristled at the feel.

“What’s up, Pans?” I tried with great neutrality.

When she turned to me, Pansy’s face read more disappointed than angry. I wasn’t sure which was worse. “How could you do this, Josh? Everyone’s talking.”

“Do what?”

She gave me a blank look. “Don’t try it. Like I said, everyone’s talking. We all know you’re Render’s new bitch.” Pansy spat Render’s name and it sounded like faggot.

I cringed, “Pans, if you knew him…”

She threw her hands in the air. “If you knew him like I did,” she mocked in a high voice. “I don’t want to know him. He useless trash, and you’re making yourself only slightly better.”

“Since when did I ever care, Pansy? You’re the one it matters to, not me. It shouldn’t even matter to you. It’s not even who you really are! It’s all a charade last time I checked unless you swapped your brain for a pom-pom and didn’t tell.” I snapped out what was normally our inside joke like a curse, and Pansy had the decency to look embarrassed.

“Just stop, Josh. Before you get hurt.” With that Pansy quickly left, a swirl of pastels.

I curled up on a bench. “I’ll get hurt regardless,” I said to myself, pulling out one of my notebooks. I scribbled furiously until the lunch bell rang. The end result was a perfect sketch of Render’s lips.

I spent the rest of the day stuck in a constant daydream of Render’s eyes, lips and legs. I missed every word of my calculus, physics and Spanish classes. I just wrote and scribbled for the rest of the day. I wondered aimlessly to my locker thinking what it would be like to be hand on hand with Render. Would he be affectionate in public or callous? Would I have to earn every touch? My considerations led me out of school and toward the bus stop. I heard a car drone near me, and I tensed. I imagined Rage dragging me into the back of some van.

I started to walk faster when a voice rang out, “Dolly, are you having a change of heart?” I sighed and turned to Render. He leaned out the window of his car smiling warmly at me. “Need a ride, Dolly?”

I jogged around the car and hopped in before I could let my thoughts interfere. We rode for about five minutes before I noticed that we were going down the highway toward the city.

“Um, Render?” I stuttered.

“Yes, Dolly.”

“We’re about to be in the city.” I don’t know why I danced around the question, but I did.

“Observant of you, Dolly.” Render glanced at me smirking, “I’m observing a question hid in that statement.”

I shifted in my seat. “Well, where are we going?“

A slow smile pulled across Render’s face. He didn’t answer until about a block later when we pulled into a parking lot. He drove up three flights and parked. He turned to me smiling, “We’re going to my apartment.” He jumped out and grabbed his bag and glide to the elevator. I tromped behind him with my eyes glued to his thighs. We stopped in front of the elevator. Render flicked the button, door glided open and Render strutted in. I followed.

My back hit the wall as the doors slid shut. Render planted his hands on either side of my head and ground his hips into mine. I moaned loudly, and Render growled in my ear, “Dolly, Dolly, Dolly. If you want to see something you like, say so. You gonna spend the rest of this evening just staring.”

I couldn’t answer. My throat was tight and my heart pounding. Render slid his hands down the wall. One came to softly hold my hand while the other took a firm grip on my jaw.

“Answer me, Dolly. Are you just gonna stare?” Render placed my hand on the back of his thigh at the base of his skirt, “Or are you gonna touch?”

A thousand urges hit me as my hand touch his skin. I wanted to everything from kneeing at his feet and beg to screaming in nervous. All I did was gulp out a nervous, “Touch.”

“No.” Render dropped his hands from me and resumed his original spot on the elevator’s back wall. I groaned at the loss. “Wrong, Dolly,” Render leered raking his eyes over my throbbing crotch. “But your enthusiasm is much appreciated.”

Before I could ask a single question, the elevator door opened, and Render strutted out. I followed, glum and confused. We took a left and walked down a hallway. Render stopped abruptly at a door, unlocked it and entered without a word. I trotted behind dumbly. He pointed to a worn leather couch, which I dropped into without a word. Render bounced out of the room, returning with a glass of water that I didn’t know I wanted until I saw it. Handing it to me, Render slouched in a leather arm chair across from me.

I gulped it down quickly and almost choked as Render said, “You must ask, Dolly. Good Dollies always ask.”

“What?” I sputtered.

“Permission is given when I want to give it. You must ask if you really want something, but only if you really want it. I don’t like frivolousness.” While speaking, Render toyed with his pigtails and the curls around his face. The trite way he regarded his words made me shiver. How many ‘dollies’ had he had? I didn’t respond because I knew if I said anything, that question would come out. I had no clue how he would react.

Render sat forward in his chair, “Dolly, do you have any idea what you’re seem to be asking for?”

“No,” I choked out truthfully. Placing my glass on the side table, I examined closely the laces of my shoes. In times like these, they proved endlessly fascinating.

Something strange slid across Render’s face. “What do you want?” he said sounding almost exasperated.

“You,” I lifted my chin defiantly. I knew Render was wondering whether to take me or not. I couldn’t bear to be rejected by him. ‘Show him strength,’ the strange voice in my head rang.

Render seemed pleased with my response, “Dolly, you must be more specific.”

This is where I faltered. Billions of images flowed through my mind, but I didn’t know how to verbalize any of them. “I want to touch you,” I stuttered out.

“How? Where? When? With what? Specifics, Dolly, specifics.” Render seemed to smirk at my discomfort.

“With…I…” I decided not to censor myself with him. “I want to stroke your milky thighs and to run my hands through your hair. I dream about licking your neck and kneading your ass in my palms.”

“Mmm,” Render closed his eyes in satisfaction. “Is that all, Dolly?”

“No.” There was so much more. I didn’t know where to begin.

“Tell me, Dolly.”

I thought I couldn’t, but the words seemed to just fall out. “I want you to mark me. I want to ride you with my hands wrapped in that luscious hair. I want to kneel at your feet and suck you for hours. I want you to tie me to a bed and do as you please to me. I want to do everything you want whenever you want.”

Somehow through my tirade, I ended on my knees at Render’s feet. He looked down at me warmly and stroked my head. I purred at the obvious approval.

“Permission, Dolly. Know what you want and ask for it. I’m going to train you. I’m going to teach how to be good for me. Is that what you want?”

I nodded knowing the only sound I could make at that moment was a moan.

Render pulled his hand away, “Then ask for it.”

“I want you to train me,” I said as strongly as I could as my body quivered.

“Anything else?”

I stuttered and decided to throw it all in. “I want to suck you,” I mumbled.

Render lifted the edge of his skirt in permission. I skimmed my hands along those thighs. I was shaking I was so scared.

Suddenly the front door was thrown open. A guy who was obviously Render’s brother stomped in, and I didn’t know whether to call him my savior or the devil.

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