Original Sin

“I’m just going to use the bathroom,” Zip told Sin as he closed the door to his apartment behind her. “Make yourself comfortable.”

“Yeah, right,” Sin mused to herself as she walked down the hall. “The last thing I fucking feel right now is comfortable.” Entering the living room, Sin was surprised to see Zip’s old guitar resting on a bench in the middle of the room. The bench was easily ten years old, and Zip had always used it when he was playing.

Sin knew that Zip believed that unless you could be great at something, you shouldn’t bother. That was why he never played guitar in public; he was good, but he wasn’t the best. That became even more clear to him after he met Joseph, who had an unmatched natural talent for playing guitar. “Maybe that’s why he didn’t want to be my boyfriend back then,” Sin joked to herself. “Because he knew he would suck at it.”

Sitting down on the bench, Sin picked up the acoustic guitar and strummed a few cords. She smiled to herself, thinking of a few years earlier. While Zip didn’t like to play guitar in front of people, he had played many times for her. In fact, he had even taught her a couple easy tunes. Looking at the strings under her fingers, Sin tried to remember one of them. After a few rough starts, she finally was able to play a few stanzas.

“Not bad,” Zip’s voice took Sin by surprise, and she looked over at where he was standing, leaning against the wall. “Have you played at all since…” He paused, trying how to put what he wanted to say without giving it a negative spin. “Have you played since you went to Australia?”

Shaking her head, Sin watched as Zip walked up behind her. “Then I’m really impressed,” he said, swinging a leg over the bench and sitting directly behind her. “Here, though,” he put his arms around Sin and placed his hands gently over hers. “You’re holding the neck wrong. It needs to be more like this.”

As Sin allowed Zip to move the guitar slightly in her hands, she couldn’t help but enjoy the way his chest pressed into her back. “Like this?” she whispered, looking over her shoulder and seeing Zip’s midnight eyes inches from hers.

“Yeah,” Zip smiled. “Now play what you were just playing.”

Looking down at the guitar, Sin began strumming a few chords, but quickly found it difficult to concentrate. Zip had swept her hair back from her face and rested his chin on her shoulder, so he could look down at her hands while she played. She kept making mistakes, though, each time she felt his hot breath on her neck. Giving up after a moment, Sin put the guitar down on her lap and just leaned back.

At the slight shift of Sin’s weight, Zip felt his body immediately responding. He lifted his hands, which had been resting on his own thighs, and ran them slowly up Sin’s arms. He took in her scent for a moment, a mixture of soap and shampoo – since Sin was never the type for perfume – and sighed softly. When she gave him no indication to stop, Zip closed his eyes and let his lips barely graze over the side of her throat. There was no way Sin could deny that the action had made her shiver.

“We can’t do this,” Sin whispered, although she couldn’t quite get herself to pull away from Zip. “This isn’t why I came here.”

Immediately, Zip released Sin’s skin from his lips. “Okay,” he whispered in her ear, taking the guitar from her lap and placing it on the floor beside them. He then slid his hands around Sin’s waist chastely and rested his chin on her shoulder once again. “You came here to talk,” he reminded Sin. “Let’s talk.”

Sin tried as hard as she could to remember what she had wanted to say to Zip, but she was having a very hard time recalling anything. Instead, she could only concentrate on the way Zip’s thumb was gently stroking her arm, and the way she could feel his heart beating against her back. His scent was so familiar – so many products, Sin used to tease him – and she was having a hard time pulling herself out of the haze of comfort she was in at the moment. Finally, though, the silence got to be too much.

“We can’t do this,” Sin began again, her voice soft. “At first, when I saw you back in November, I thought you were just being your usual horny self.” She paused when she heard Zip chuckle. “But now, I don’t think it’s that. I think we’re both in the same spot, Zip. I think we’re both lonely, and we’re turning to each other because we’re familiar and convenient and we know we have this chemistry.”

“So?” Zip asked.

“So?” Sin pulled back from Zip and stood up. “So, those aren’t good reasons for people to get together.”

“Really?” Zip stood up, his eyebrows raised. “What’s so wrong with chemistry, and attraction, and familiarity? What’s wrong with two people who have so much in common and work together so well on a physical level and a mental level being together? Sin, my dad and mom were completely in love. Hell, my dad’s family disowned him and he left Jordan just to be with my mom. And what happened to them? They divorced ten years later. Irreconcilable differences.” Zip took a step towards Sin, and when she didn’t back away, he reached to place his hands on her hips. “I want to be with someone who makes me laugh and challenges me and makes my body take on a mind of its own whenever she’s around. You do that for me.”

“Those things were true three years ago, too,” Sin reminded Zip, looking into his eyes. “And you decided you needed more… more excitement, more women, more… fuck I don’t know. You just needed more. I wasn’t enough for you. And just because I’m lonely doesn’t mean I should deny myself the chance of finding someone who’s going to think that I am more than enough – who’s going to think I’m everything, not just familiar or attractive or funny.”

“I was an asshole three years ago,” Zip admitted, pulling Sin closer to him. “You are more than enough for me.”

Sin knew what she was thinking. Yes, she found Zip hysterical and sexy and fun and dangerous. But he wasn’t ‘more than enough’ for her. She knew it. Still, being there in his arms, she wondered if what he was saying was true. Maybe no one found that everything. God, look at Joseph and Lianna; they were the perfect couple now, but Joseph had hurt Lianna so much at one time in their relationship. Maybe good enough was as close to perfect as most people got. “You’re leaving town in two days,” Sin said. “Even if this were right, this is no place to start a relationship.”

Zip leaned forward and brushed his lips against Sin’s mouth softly. “I’d be willing to start anywhere if it meant that when I got back, you would be here.”

“I can’t promise that,” Sin told Zip as she felt him begin kissing her jaw line. “I couldn’t promise anything more than tonight.”

Pulling back, Zip had a smile playing on his lips. “I guess that’s what I get, huh?” he told Sin. At her confused expression, he elaborated. “It looks like the tables have turned. You’re the one saying you can’t promise anything, and I’m the one wishing I could have more.”

Smiling a little at the irony, Sin nodded and let her fingers trace over Zip’s cheek. “Payback’s a bitch,” she said.

Laughing, Zip looked into Sin’s eyes. “Yeah,” he told her. “It is. But I made my bed, so I have to lie in it. However, if you’re willing to join me in that bed tonight, I would be very grateful to you.”

“This is a mistake,” Sin told Zip, her fingers still grazing over his cheek. “And I’m really afraid I’m going to be the one that pays for it again.”

“I’m so sorry I hurt you,” Zip replied. “But I paid for that mistake, too. Every time I thought about you for the last three years, every time I was hit with the realization of how badly I fucked up, I paid for it.”

“So one night?” Sin studied Zip’s eyes, wondering if somehow this was all just an act. “No promises, no strings, no hurt feelings if in three months, you come back and this… isn’t? Neither of us will be mad?”

“I’ll be unhappy,” Zip told her. “I won’t lie. But I’d rather have one more night with you, Sin, than to never be able to be with you again.”

Biting her lip, Sin nodded slowly. “Okay,” she finally said. “Let’s go to the bedroom.”

-----

Sin woke up on Sunday morning, and it took a minute to figure out where she was. Looking over, she noticed that Zip wasn’t lying beside her. “Shit,” she thought angrily to herself. “I am so stupid. There’s probably a note downstairs for me. I can see it now. ‘Hey babe. Thanks for the great night. I had to run out to do some band shit, but help yourself to anything in the fridge. Maybe I’ll see you when I get back to town. PS Remember to lock the door.”

Sitting up, Sin angrily threw the sheets off of her naked body and reached for her clothes. She couldn’t believe she had fallen for Zip’s ploys again. She had just managed to prove what an absolute asshole she was.

“Are you leaving?” Zip’s voice took Sin by surprise, and she actually let out a little yelp. Looking at him across the room, she had to smile a little. He was completely naked, dripping wet. Sin suddenly remembered that Zip thought that air drying was better than toweling off after showering. “I was hoping we could go out today,” Zip’s voice sounded a little sad. “But I know you said last night was one night, so if you want to leave…”

Biting her lip, Sin wasn’t sure what to say. He hadn’t left; it hadn’t been a ploy. Zip really did want to spend more time with Sin. “I thought you had gone,” Sin said finally, deciding to be honest although it was incredibly embarrassing.

“I used to do that, huh?” Zip crossed the room, an apologetic look on his face. Sitting down on the bed beside Sin, he put his hand on her thigh gently. “I’m sorry about that,” he said simply.

Nodding, Sin didn’t know what to say. Last night had been amazing; Zip had been better than Sin even remembered. At first, they had been unbridled and wild, as they had always been. But then Zip had become more tender, more giving, more responsive to her body than anyone else she had ever been with. And sitting here, glistening wet, his hair in the rarely seen state of being undone, his firm body covered in tattoos, his dark eyes looking with such hope… “Let’s not go out,” Sin reached over and cupped Zip’s cheek. “Let’s stay in.”

As Zip pulled Sin onto his lap so she was straddling his hips, a huge smile crossed his face. “Well, you know I’m not going to argue with that,” he said as he pulled Sin against his damp chest. “I don’t have to meet the guys until nine tomorrow morning. I say we stay in this bed until then.”

Sin let out a laugh as Zip started kissing her neck, running his lips gently across the tattoo on her shoulder. She knew this was temporary; she knew this wouldn’t work in the long run; but right then, she felt what she had been dying to feel for ages: wanted.

-----

“You look like shit,” Ava told Sin with a smile on Monday morning as he boss entered the office they shared at the fashion magazine headquarters. “And what’s up with your phone? I called you, like, three times yesterday to see how things went with Zip on Saturday night, but you never called back.”

“I guess I left my phone at home on Saturday when we went to the party,” Sin shrugged, not even bothering to retaliate against Ava’s playful insult.

“And you haven’t been home since then?” Ava asked with a grin.

“No,” Sin admitted. “I was with Zip until an hour ago. This is his fucking shirt,” she pointed down at the t-shirt she was wearing.

“Well,” Ava squealed. “How was it? You guys spent, like, thirty-six hours together. You must have enjoyed yourself.”

“I did,” Sin begrudgingly admitted, smiling in spite of herself. “But it’s over now. We said our goodbyes, he left for tour, that’s it.”

Taking a seat on Sin’s desk, Ava looked curiously at her. “But he’ll be back in three months,” she reminded Sin. “I know it’s a while, but it’s not forever. You’re not telling me that there’s no chance you guys could get together when he gets back, are you?”

“It’s not meant to be for Zip and me,” Sin told Ava. “But enough about me. How did the rest of your night go? You and Eddie seemed to be getting along pretty well at the party.” The question was incredibly hard for Sin to ask, and she felt like bile was rising in the back of her throat, but she knew it was unavoidable.

Shrugging, Ava hopped off the desk. “Oh, you know,” she said nonchalantly. “The conversation sucked, but the sex was incredible.”

\"What?” Sin’s eyes grew wide.

“Kidding,” Ava gave Sin a grin. “It turns out he wasn’t really interested. No biggie.”

“I’m sorry, Ava,” Sin said, hating herself for feeling just a little bit good about this. After all, she went home with Zip and had sex with him countless times. She had no right to want either Eddie or Ava to not have had a good time as well.

Picking up an envelope off the desk, Ava shrugged again. “As I said, no biggie,” Ava repeated. “But Sin… have you ever thought that the reason you don’t want to be with Zip is because you may have feelings for someone else?”

“Who?” Sin asked defensively.

“Oh, no one in particular,” Ava insisted. “And I might be wrong, but it was just a theory. Hey, I’m going to drop these off in the editing department and then run to get some coffee. You want?”

Nodding dumbly, Sin couldn’t even respond in words. She just watched Ava walk out of the room, and then sat silently for a moment thinking. Ava had always been excellent at reading Sin, and she had just mentioned Sin having feelings for another guy a minute after talking about Eddie. Was Sin starting to feel more than friendship for Eddie? And if so, would he ever even consider being with someone like her?

And even if he would have considered it before, would he now that she had gone and slept with Zip again?

-----

Eddie walked from one class to the next in a daze on Monday. He hadn’t slept well in two nights, and it was starting to catch up with him. The reason he hadn’t slept was two-fold. First, he hadn’t heard from Sin since Saturday night, and he was concerned about her. Second, he was feeling incredibly jumpy at finally having figured out his feelings for Sin.

“Not that it matters,” he mumbled to himself, taking his usual seat in the classroom. “You heard Joseph; she wants to be with Zip. You were an idiot for ever thinking you had the slightest chance with her.”

“Talking to yourself again, Eddie?”

Looking to his right, Eddie felt a blush cross his face and sat up further. “Hey Sue,” he greeted his classmate with a sheepish grin. “Yeah, I think I’m finally losing it. That shows you what a graduate degree in psychology really accomplishes, huh?”

Laughing, Sue shook her head, her short brown hair swinging softly. “Oh, I think you were probably nuts way before studying psychology,” she told Eddie.

“True,” Eddie grinned, feeling a little better. A few other people he was friendly with entered the classroom and sat down near Eddie, each greeting him. It started to occur to him slowly that he had no right to be annoyed with Sin or the situation. Sin had never given Eddie an inclination that she was interested in him. Besides, they had nothing really in common, unlike the people that were surrounding Eddie just then and relaying their weekend stories.

“No,” Eddie said silently to himself. “I got too wrapped up in Sin too quickly. I just need to branch off, to start hanging out with people I have more things in common with.”

“So, does anyone want to grab some coffee after class?” Eddie suddenly asked.

As three or four of the other students agreed, Eddie leaned back in his chair. This is what he needed to do. He needed to stop building his life around pipe dreams of girls like Sin, beautiful, intelligent, witty, interesting, unique girls that would never feel for him the way he felt for them.

“Damn, that’s a depressing thought,” Eddie grumbled to himself.

-----

When Sin returned home later that afternoon, she was exhausted. She and Zip had gotten barely any sleep between Sunday and Monday mornings. All she wanted to do was climb into bed and pull the covers over her head for a few hours. But first, she had to check her cell phone and see if she had missed any important messages.

Sunday, 11:07 am: “Sin, it’s Ava. Call me when you get this. I want to know what happened last night!”

Sunday, 2:12 pm: “Sin, it’s Ava again. Where the hell are you? Call me!”

Sunday, 2:49 pm: “Hey, Sin. It’s Eddie. I was just, um, calling to see how you’re doing. I was a little surprised when you left with Zip last night… Not that it’s my business; I was just worried about you… Not that you can’t take care of yourself. That’s not what I meant… yeah. So, anyway, please give me a call when you get the chance.”

Sunday, 6:18 pm: “Okay, this is getting ridiculous. Unless you are with Zip right now, I’m going to be pissed when I see you in the office tomorrow. Call me, bitch!”

Sunday, 8:03 pm: “Hey, Sin. It’s Eddie again. I guess you’re out. Um, just give me a call when you get a chance. Maybe we can hang out sometime this week.”

Monday, 9:25 am: “Hey babe. It’s me. I know this is probably against your rules, calling you when I just left you an hour ago. But we’re just waiting for the plane right now, and I couldn’t help it. I had such an amazing time this weekend, Sin. And I know you said you couldn’t promise anything to me, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t promise you anything. So, know these things: I promise I meant every word I said to you this weekend; I promise that you’re the person I want to be with; and I promise I’m going to be an annoying prick when I get back to New York, trying to win you over. I guess that’s it. Bye.”

Monday, 9:28am: “I forgot to tell you that I’m going to miss you. I am.”

Sin’s heart felt like it had been put in the food processor after listening to her messages. Between Eddie’s concerned voice and Zip’s sincerity, Sin felt like she deserved to be pushed in front of a bus. Stomping into her bedroom, she flung herself on her bed and sighed.

What the fuck? Sin thought. Why did she constantly have to fuck with the things in her life that made sense? Like, why did she sleep with Zip? If she had waited two more days, he would have left for tour without all this confusion, and without possibly hurting him. And why was she questioning her feelings for Eddie? She should just be happy to have him as a friend, and not want to fuck that up. And why, knowing deep in the pit of her stomach that she did have those feelings, why did she do the one thing that would probably turn him off the most? Eddie was a sweet, innocent type. Even if he would have been able to overlook their differences before, how could he overlook the fact that Sin used Zip, that she had sex with him because she was lonely? Eddie had once said that he would never think of her as a slut.

I guarantee that’s not true anymore, Sin thought sadly to herself.

-----

Eddie was having a good time that afternoon. Sue had joined him at a nearby café, as well as three other classmates. “This was a great idea, man,” Ken, one of the people with him. “We’ve all been in school together for years, and have years left, and we’ve never just hung out unless we had some project or something.”

Nodding, Eddie agreed, although something still felt wrong. When his cell phone went off in his pocket, he immediately figured out the problem. He had been hanging out with and getting to know four people for the last two hours, and yet somewhere in the back of his mind, he had been hoping he would receive a call from Sin.

Making a decision, Eddie didn’t even look at who was calling him. He just turned the ringer off on his phone and stuck it back in his pocket, turning his attention back to a story Sue was telling about how one of their professors had been accused of having an affair with a student, but it had never been confirmed.

“This is where I belong,” Eddie tried to convince himself. “With people that have similar histories to me, similar interests, similar plans for the future.” But that thought just depressed him more. With someone like Sin, words like similar or regular or common weren’t a part of the equation; words like wild and passionate and fierce were. “But she doesn’t want you,” Eddie reminded himself. “She wants the guy with the tattoos and the gold records and the ability to turn her on. And that’s not you.”

-----

Monday, 5:16 pm: “Hey Eddie. It’s Sin… Um, I got your messages. I wasn’t ignoring you; I just didn’t have my phone with me… Um, thanks for being worried about me… I guess I was kind of an asshole this weekend, but… well, you can’t understand what I’m talking about unless I tell you… but you’re obviously busy… and it’s not your job to be there at my beck and call… sorry if I’ve acted like it was… But, um, if you still want to hang out one night this week… well, if you’re still free… fuck, just call me Eddie. Thanks.”

-----

On the walk back from the café to his apartment, Eddie finally checked his messages. “Shit,” he said out loud, startling a passerby. “Sorry,” he apologized. “Damn, she sounds upset… or something. I should have answered.”

Dialing her number, Eddie heard Sin’s tired voice. “Hey, Sport,” Sin greeted him.

“Hey,” Eddie wasn’t sure how to respond. “I got your message. Are you… okay?”

Pausing, Sin pulled her blanket to her chin. “Yeah,” she lied. Sin had cursed herself out for the stupid rambling message she had left for Eddie as soon as she had hung up the phone. What was she going to say? “Hey, Eddie, I know you probably think I’m a freak already, but I think I have feelings for you. Oh, but I spent the whole weekend fucking Zip. The thing is, I think he cares about me, but I’m such a bitch, I was selfish enough to sleep with him anyway. So what do you say you and I go out on a date? What, you don’t date whores? Big surprise.”

“Sin?” Eddie wasn’t sure if he had lost her. He only heard silence coming from the other end of the line.

“Thanks for calling, Eddie,” Sin finally replied. “I think I’m coming down with something, so I think I’m going to try to sleep. But I’ll give you a call tomorrow, okay?”

“Oh, okay,” Eddie replied, trying to hide his disappointment. He had really wanted to see Sin. He didn’t care that she would never have feelings for him the way he had for her. He didn’t care that she had gone home with Zip on Saturday night. He didn’t care that compared to her, he felt like the most boring person on earth. Just getting to spend five minutes with Sin would have been enough to brighten his mood for days; he knew it. “Okay, well get some rest.”

“Okay, Champ. Bye.”

“Bye.”

“I’m an asshole,” both Sin and Eddie thought at the exact same moment.

-----

THANKS AGAIN TO ALL WHO HAVE READ, AND ESPECIALLY ALL WHO REVIEW. I’LL ADMIT, I’M A REVIEW WHORE. SO PLEASE KEEP POSTING!

MEMORY CHASE: YOUR REVIEW MADE ME FEEL LIKE I’M DOING WHAT I INTENDED – MAKING THE READER HAVE A HARD TIME CHOOSING WHO THEY THINK SIN SHOULD BE WITH.

CARIAD: I AGREE THAN SIN LEFT WITH ZIP FOR THE WRONG REASONS. I HOPE YOU DON’T HATE SIN NOW!

CU-KID: I’M GOING TO GUESS THE BITCH-SLAPPING IS GOING TO BE SAVED FOR SIN NOW?

LADY RAIN: YOU MEAN YOU DIDN’T GET YOUR INVITATION TO THE PARTY? DAMN US POSTAL SERVICE!

SESSHY_LOVER: YOU MANAGED TO POINT OUT HOW GREAT BOTH EDDIE AND ZIP ARE. NOW CAN YOU UNDERSTAND SIN’S PREDICAMENT?