Elemental Super Heroes!
folder
Original - Misc › Humour
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
21
Views:
1,355
Reviews:
42
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Original - Misc › Humour
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
21
Views:
1,355
Reviews:
42
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance of characters to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. The Author holds exclusive rights to this work. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited.
Dangerous Rabid ‘Rabbit’
Dangerous Rabid ‘Rabbit’
...And with that, the Pope snapped his fingers.
***
Meanwhile, outside...
“What is taking her so long you guys?” Wind said, “I’m starting to wonder if it wasn’t a trap...”
Storm smacked Wind, “OF COURSE it was a TRAP!”
Wind growled, “I know that, why did we decide to let Leaf make these ingenious little hiding places...”
Earth laughed, “Wow. I didn’t know people would stare at trees growing in front of a church.”
“Maybe this plan will backfire, and more people will go to church, thinking it is a sign.” Flood said.
Earth laughed and hung upside down from his tree, almost scaring the crap out of the poor woman walking under the tree.
“Cretin!” The woman cried, banging Earth on his head. Earth groaned and grabbed his head as the woman walked off. Earth holding onto his head caused him to loose his grip on the tree and fall to the ground in a heap and a thud.
“Ouch...” Wind laughed.
“Canes to the skull do not feel good at all.” Earth said, standing up and shaking off.
“If you weren’t horsing around that wouldn’t have happened!” Storm snapped.
“Oh, sure, right...” Earth complained, climbing up his tree again. “What’s taking Ice so long?”
“I wonder what is going on in there...” Leaf said, “My poor Ice...”
***
Suddenly, several Sumo-Priests jumped out and surrounded Ice.
“Ah, such spirit...” The Poisonous Pope smirked, “Pity I have to have them destroy you!”
“What about FLAME!” Ice growled, eying those who were now circling around her, “You said that you had her!”
“I do not have her... my friend has her.”
“And who is THAT?”
“Let’s just say that we have similar beliefs...” With that, the Pope vanished in a puff of smoke.
Leaving Ice to think about what he said and to fight off the Sumo-Priests.
The circle soon advanced on her, and each priest had a deathly look in their eyes.
“Okay, enough playing around... FREEZE!”
***
Flame sighed, she was chained in the catacombs of a nearby church by her feet. She held her breath and tried to swing up so she could at least stop all of the blood rushing to her head.
“How... degrading...down here with the rats and bones... although,” she said quietly, “If I get hungry enough, I could roast one...” She shook her head, “I hope those guys find me well before that though...”
Flame sighed and grabbed onto her ankles and pulled herself up so she didn’t have to worry about passing out for at least another four minutes. She held onto her ankles and looked around, “Where am I anyways? All I remember is... grocery shopping.”
***
The rest of the group had rushed into the church at the sound of Ice screaming ‘Freeze’. Just as they entered, Ice was stacking Sumo-Priest sickles in a pile.
“Where’s Flame?” Wind said.
“I was going to ask her first!” Storm hissed.
“She’s my girlfriend!” Wind growled.
“Is it official?” Storm hissed back.
“...you have to ask her...” Wind looked down, then at Ice, “Where is she?”
Ice shook her head, “Not here... the Poisonous Pope said something about... where she was...but all he said was they had ‘similar’ beliefs...”
“Hmm...that doesn’t leave us much to go on.” Earth said, “Why don’t we go home and think about it?”
Storm and Wind both grabbed Earth by the throat and held him up. Wind growled, “WE are not leaving her behind, girlfriend or not, she’s still an ELEMENTAL!”
Storm nodded, “For once, Wind is right.”
“Thanks, I think.” Wind sighed.
“Guys... think of the other churches in the area...” Flood said.
“Such as?” Wind said, turning to look at her.
“How about Baptist?” Leaf said.
“Hmm... maybe, but it sounds too close to Christian to me...” Ice said, “He said similar, making me lean further away then just a denomination.”
“Hmm... what about...Islamic?” Flood asked.
“They don’t bother us anyways...” Ice said, “Too far away from the Christian religion...”
“Think you guys! Flame is in TROUBLE!” Storm said, finally letting Earth fall to the ground.
“Jesus tap dancing on a Jew’s shoes.” Earth mumbled in pain.
“What...did you just say Earth?” Ice said.
“I said ‘Jesus tap dancing on a Jew’s shoes...’ it’s my way of saying AW FUCK IT!” Earth said, dusting himself off.
“Judaism! That’s IT! You’re a genius Earth!” Wind said.
Storm glared at Wind.
“Take that back...” Wind said, “You are an idiot that got lucky...now, to the ELEMENTAL MOBILE... man, I can see why Flame loves to say that.”
Everyone stopped and stared at Wind.
***
“To the Jewish Church!” Ice said , “FASTER!”
“Damned backseat drivers...” Wind said, “They never do this when Flame’s driving.”
“Because I don’t want to get melted.” Ice said.
“So you’d rather get blown away?” Storm, sitting in the front passenger seat, asked.
“Eh...” Ice said, “Just...wait until we save Flame.”
***
Flame hung upside down and sung, “Fourteen bottle of wine on the wall... Fourteen bottles of wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine...”
A rat scurried by and shot her a worried glance, before scurrying on.
Flame giggled, “Is it sad that the rodents think I’m nuts?...ahem... Thirteen bottles of wine on the wall...”
***
The group ran out of the elemental mobile and ran up to the doors of the syndicate.
“Damn it! Locked!” Wind said.
“Where’s your sense of adventure!?” Ice smiled, looking at the lock. “Who wants to take care of it?”
Storm pushed Ice aside, causing her to fall into Leaf’s arms.
“Hello...” Leaf said.
Storm electrocuted the lock until it fell off, blackened and crispy. “Problem solved.”
“Hmm... that looks almost good enough to eat...” Earth said, reaching for it.
Flood smacked him, “Dinner AFTER we rescue Flame.”
***
“If you had kidnapped someone you didn’t respect, where would YOU keep them?” Wind asked Storm.
“Hmm... bathroom...closet...catacombs.” Storm said.
“Do places like this even have catacombs anymore?” Earth asked, eyeing a picture of Jesus hanging on the wall. He said nothing.
“Ugh... I couldn’t think of Flame being in the catacombs...” Wind said.
Earth turned the corner and walked down a deserted hallway. “HEY!”
Wind and Storm stopped, causing the group to plow into the back of them.
“Hmm?” Wind said, walking towards Earth’s voice.
“I found something! It’s a staircase going DOWN!” Earth said.
The rest of the group followed, and Flood saw a sign, “Catacombs...this way...” She stopped and looked again, “How...did we miss this?”
Ice shrugged, “Come on...”
Wind and Storm were fighting again.
“NO I’m going down there first...” Wind hissed.
“No, I am!”
“I am! I’m going to be her knight in shining armor...”
“No ME!’
Ice, Earth, Leaf and Flood all shook their heads and went down the stairs before them.
***
“Negative fourteen hundred thirty eight bottles of wine on the wall.... negative fourteen hundred thirty eight bottles of wine...take one down, pass it around...man I am drunk...” Flame said. She looked up, “Oh, hi guys! ... negative fourteen hundred thirty nine bottles of wine on the wall...” Flame looked up again, “WHAT THE FUCK TOOK YOU GUYS SO LONG!?!?!?!”
Ice smiled, “They lead us to the wrong church on purpose...”
Wind jumped in front, “I found you honey!”
Storm pushed him into a pile of skulls, “No! I found you! I lead the team here!”
Wind tripped Storm into a pile of bones, “I found her!”
“NO I DID!”
“NO I DID!”
“I did!”
“I did...”
Ice shrugged, “Earth, Leaf, help me get her down...”
Soon, Flame was cut loose, when she fell, Ice caught her.
“Hello, how are you?” Ice smiled.
“... I’ve been better.” Flame said. “Even better once the blood goes back to the rest of my body.”
***
The group, now lead again by Flame, walked up the stairs and out into the hallway.
Again, they walked by the picture of Jesus, and this time, the picture’s eyes followed them.
“Do you guys think something here is strange?” Flood asked, looking back at the picture of Jesus.
Storm looked back at her, “You mean besides the fact that we are in a Jewish Church and there is a picture of Jesus on the wall?”
Wind stopped and looked back, “Something is not right here...”
Flame turned around, “NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH, ya think?”
Earth walked over to the picture, and the eyes stared at him. “Thou shall not stare!” he said and poked the eyes in the picture.
“OUCH!” It screamed. Flame jumped back, and bumped into Ice, causing her uniform top to melt.
“Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllooooooooooooo Eve...” Leaf smiled at Ice, looking at her naked top.
“What?” Ice felt a draft then looked down, “SHIT!” She covered herself and did a cute little bunny hop dance behind the closest thing so she could reform the top.
“Ah... she should do that more often, those were nice...” Earth smirked.
Leaf smacked him.
Ice came back out with her top back on, “What was with the Eve comment?”
“Just...we are in a church and I said Eve, as in Garden of Eden?” Leaf smirked.
“How ironic...” Earth said.
“Come on guys, the faster we get out of here, the faster we can go ea...” Flame started to say eat, and in a whoosh, she was the only one left in the church. “HEY! WAAAAAAAAAAIT FOR ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
***
When the group returned home to Bud and a clean home.
Flame bounced to the kitchen, “Who wants spicy fajitas?”
Earth groaned, “Maybe we should have let her hang for a few more minutes?”
Wind punched him over to Storm, who punched him back to Wind.
“I heard that...” Flame warned Earth.
“Earth Volly-ball!” Ice said, jumping up and joining Wind’s team.
Flood joined Storms team.
Ice ran to volly Earth and missed him completely, causing him to crash into the ground. “Point for your team...”
“Guys...” Flame said, “I just realized something...”
Wind looked over at her, “You haven’t had sex with me in almost a day?”
Flame growled, “Besides that dear... but Storm goes before you now.”
Earth laughed, Storm got a dark smirk on his face. Wind sighed.
“The priests stole our groceries... we have NO FOOD!” Flame sighed.
Collective, shocked gasp.
“Who’s up for IHOP?” Flame asked, “Let’s go!”
***
((okay, end of another chapter, they have Flame back... but now they have even more enemies... stay tuned!))
...And with that, the Pope snapped his fingers.
***
Meanwhile, outside...
“What is taking her so long you guys?” Wind said, “I’m starting to wonder if it wasn’t a trap...”
Storm smacked Wind, “OF COURSE it was a TRAP!”
Wind growled, “I know that, why did we decide to let Leaf make these ingenious little hiding places...”
Earth laughed, “Wow. I didn’t know people would stare at trees growing in front of a church.”
“Maybe this plan will backfire, and more people will go to church, thinking it is a sign.” Flood said.
Earth laughed and hung upside down from his tree, almost scaring the crap out of the poor woman walking under the tree.
“Cretin!” The woman cried, banging Earth on his head. Earth groaned and grabbed his head as the woman walked off. Earth holding onto his head caused him to loose his grip on the tree and fall to the ground in a heap and a thud.
“Ouch...” Wind laughed.
“Canes to the skull do not feel good at all.” Earth said, standing up and shaking off.
“If you weren’t horsing around that wouldn’t have happened!” Storm snapped.
“Oh, sure, right...” Earth complained, climbing up his tree again. “What’s taking Ice so long?”
“I wonder what is going on in there...” Leaf said, “My poor Ice...”
***
Suddenly, several Sumo-Priests jumped out and surrounded Ice.
“Ah, such spirit...” The Poisonous Pope smirked, “Pity I have to have them destroy you!”
“What about FLAME!” Ice growled, eying those who were now circling around her, “You said that you had her!”
“I do not have her... my friend has her.”
“And who is THAT?”
“Let’s just say that we have similar beliefs...” With that, the Pope vanished in a puff of smoke.
Leaving Ice to think about what he said and to fight off the Sumo-Priests.
The circle soon advanced on her, and each priest had a deathly look in their eyes.
“Okay, enough playing around... FREEZE!”
***
Flame sighed, she was chained in the catacombs of a nearby church by her feet. She held her breath and tried to swing up so she could at least stop all of the blood rushing to her head.
“How... degrading...down here with the rats and bones... although,” she said quietly, “If I get hungry enough, I could roast one...” She shook her head, “I hope those guys find me well before that though...”
Flame sighed and grabbed onto her ankles and pulled herself up so she didn’t have to worry about passing out for at least another four minutes. She held onto her ankles and looked around, “Where am I anyways? All I remember is... grocery shopping.”
***
The rest of the group had rushed into the church at the sound of Ice screaming ‘Freeze’. Just as they entered, Ice was stacking Sumo-Priest sickles in a pile.
“Where’s Flame?” Wind said.
“I was going to ask her first!” Storm hissed.
“She’s my girlfriend!” Wind growled.
“Is it official?” Storm hissed back.
“...you have to ask her...” Wind looked down, then at Ice, “Where is she?”
Ice shook her head, “Not here... the Poisonous Pope said something about... where she was...but all he said was they had ‘similar’ beliefs...”
“Hmm...that doesn’t leave us much to go on.” Earth said, “Why don’t we go home and think about it?”
Storm and Wind both grabbed Earth by the throat and held him up. Wind growled, “WE are not leaving her behind, girlfriend or not, she’s still an ELEMENTAL!”
Storm nodded, “For once, Wind is right.”
“Thanks, I think.” Wind sighed.
“Guys... think of the other churches in the area...” Flood said.
“Such as?” Wind said, turning to look at her.
“How about Baptist?” Leaf said.
“Hmm... maybe, but it sounds too close to Christian to me...” Ice said, “He said similar, making me lean further away then just a denomination.”
“Hmm... what about...Islamic?” Flood asked.
“They don’t bother us anyways...” Ice said, “Too far away from the Christian religion...”
“Think you guys! Flame is in TROUBLE!” Storm said, finally letting Earth fall to the ground.
“Jesus tap dancing on a Jew’s shoes.” Earth mumbled in pain.
“What...did you just say Earth?” Ice said.
“I said ‘Jesus tap dancing on a Jew’s shoes...’ it’s my way of saying AW FUCK IT!” Earth said, dusting himself off.
“Judaism! That’s IT! You’re a genius Earth!” Wind said.
Storm glared at Wind.
“Take that back...” Wind said, “You are an idiot that got lucky...now, to the ELEMENTAL MOBILE... man, I can see why Flame loves to say that.”
Everyone stopped and stared at Wind.
***
“To the Jewish Church!” Ice said , “FASTER!”
“Damned backseat drivers...” Wind said, “They never do this when Flame’s driving.”
“Because I don’t want to get melted.” Ice said.
“So you’d rather get blown away?” Storm, sitting in the front passenger seat, asked.
“Eh...” Ice said, “Just...wait until we save Flame.”
***
Flame hung upside down and sung, “Fourteen bottle of wine on the wall... Fourteen bottles of wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine...”
A rat scurried by and shot her a worried glance, before scurrying on.
Flame giggled, “Is it sad that the rodents think I’m nuts?...ahem... Thirteen bottles of wine on the wall...”
***
The group ran out of the elemental mobile and ran up to the doors of the syndicate.
“Damn it! Locked!” Wind said.
“Where’s your sense of adventure!?” Ice smiled, looking at the lock. “Who wants to take care of it?”
Storm pushed Ice aside, causing her to fall into Leaf’s arms.
“Hello...” Leaf said.
Storm electrocuted the lock until it fell off, blackened and crispy. “Problem solved.”
“Hmm... that looks almost good enough to eat...” Earth said, reaching for it.
Flood smacked him, “Dinner AFTER we rescue Flame.”
***
“If you had kidnapped someone you didn’t respect, where would YOU keep them?” Wind asked Storm.
“Hmm... bathroom...closet...catacombs.” Storm said.
“Do places like this even have catacombs anymore?” Earth asked, eyeing a picture of Jesus hanging on the wall. He said nothing.
“Ugh... I couldn’t think of Flame being in the catacombs...” Wind said.
Earth turned the corner and walked down a deserted hallway. “HEY!”
Wind and Storm stopped, causing the group to plow into the back of them.
“Hmm?” Wind said, walking towards Earth’s voice.
“I found something! It’s a staircase going DOWN!” Earth said.
The rest of the group followed, and Flood saw a sign, “Catacombs...this way...” She stopped and looked again, “How...did we miss this?”
Ice shrugged, “Come on...”
Wind and Storm were fighting again.
“NO I’m going down there first...” Wind hissed.
“No, I am!”
“I am! I’m going to be her knight in shining armor...”
“No ME!’
Ice, Earth, Leaf and Flood all shook their heads and went down the stairs before them.
***
“Negative fourteen hundred thirty eight bottles of wine on the wall.... negative fourteen hundred thirty eight bottles of wine...take one down, pass it around...man I am drunk...” Flame said. She looked up, “Oh, hi guys! ... negative fourteen hundred thirty nine bottles of wine on the wall...” Flame looked up again, “WHAT THE FUCK TOOK YOU GUYS SO LONG!?!?!?!”
Ice smiled, “They lead us to the wrong church on purpose...”
Wind jumped in front, “I found you honey!”
Storm pushed him into a pile of skulls, “No! I found you! I lead the team here!”
Wind tripped Storm into a pile of bones, “I found her!”
“NO I DID!”
“NO I DID!”
“I did!”
“I did...”
Ice shrugged, “Earth, Leaf, help me get her down...”
Soon, Flame was cut loose, when she fell, Ice caught her.
“Hello, how are you?” Ice smiled.
“... I’ve been better.” Flame said. “Even better once the blood goes back to the rest of my body.”
***
The group, now lead again by Flame, walked up the stairs and out into the hallway.
Again, they walked by the picture of Jesus, and this time, the picture’s eyes followed them.
“Do you guys think something here is strange?” Flood asked, looking back at the picture of Jesus.
Storm looked back at her, “You mean besides the fact that we are in a Jewish Church and there is a picture of Jesus on the wall?”
Wind stopped and looked back, “Something is not right here...”
Flame turned around, “NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH, ya think?”
Earth walked over to the picture, and the eyes stared at him. “Thou shall not stare!” he said and poked the eyes in the picture.
“OUCH!” It screamed. Flame jumped back, and bumped into Ice, causing her uniform top to melt.
“Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllooooooooooooo Eve...” Leaf smiled at Ice, looking at her naked top.
“What?” Ice felt a draft then looked down, “SHIT!” She covered herself and did a cute little bunny hop dance behind the closest thing so she could reform the top.
“Ah... she should do that more often, those were nice...” Earth smirked.
Leaf smacked him.
Ice came back out with her top back on, “What was with the Eve comment?”
“Just...we are in a church and I said Eve, as in Garden of Eden?” Leaf smirked.
“How ironic...” Earth said.
“Come on guys, the faster we get out of here, the faster we can go ea...” Flame started to say eat, and in a whoosh, she was the only one left in the church. “HEY! WAAAAAAAAAAIT FOR ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
***
When the group returned home to Bud and a clean home.
Flame bounced to the kitchen, “Who wants spicy fajitas?”
Earth groaned, “Maybe we should have let her hang for a few more minutes?”
Wind punched him over to Storm, who punched him back to Wind.
“I heard that...” Flame warned Earth.
“Earth Volly-ball!” Ice said, jumping up and joining Wind’s team.
Flood joined Storms team.
Ice ran to volly Earth and missed him completely, causing him to crash into the ground. “Point for your team...”
“Guys...” Flame said, “I just realized something...”
Wind looked over at her, “You haven’t had sex with me in almost a day?”
Flame growled, “Besides that dear... but Storm goes before you now.”
Earth laughed, Storm got a dark smirk on his face. Wind sighed.
“The priests stole our groceries... we have NO FOOD!” Flame sighed.
Collective, shocked gasp.
“Who’s up for IHOP?” Flame asked, “Let’s go!”
***
((okay, end of another chapter, they have Flame back... but now they have even more enemies... stay tuned!))