The Shadow I'm In

“No.” He stated as I heard the sound of another zipper opening. I didn’t know what to believe. His body was pressed to my back, his mouth going to lick at my hair line and then below it. “Remember Basil. Don’t make a sound. Its easier to hear from this locker room, then your room. Remember that.” His lips closed around the throbbing vein my neck as one of his hands held my hips still.


My head was resting in my open palm as I listened to the teacher go on and on about some war that happened so long ago. It had been a few weeks since Ken had done anything to me. Which is good because Crimson was starting to wonder and ask questions about the bruises on my body. He on the other hand didn’t say a word.

But the words that Ken had said from our last meeting, the locker room, were still going through my head on repeat, and what he said as well.

Did he really care that much about? He’s never shown it before. But what Ken said was just when they were alone did he talk about me. Alone? I felt that I knew one thing for sure, Ken was jealous of me. But in a way, I’m kind of jealous of him. He touches him, talks to him, laughs with him. I don’t get any of that. Though if he was just purely jealous of me, why did he say that he wanted me the first time he- Raped me. It doesn’t make any sense.

“Basil. Earth to Basil!” I felt a light knock to my head as those words were spoken. I groaned slightly since I was beginning to get a headache.

“Stop it Crim.” The strange girl had insisted on me calling her by her nickname and not her full one. I lifted the hand that was rested on the desk in front of me to shoo her hand away from my head. “I have a headache.”

“You always have a headache. Its nothing new. You should just get used to it, my ray of sun shine.” I let a snort come from my lips.

“Thanks for being so sympathetic.”

“No problem. Anyway, weekend!” She gets way too overly excited about days that she gets to sleep in. “So the new restaurant just opened up, the one that’s supposed to be really fancy and stuff men have to wear jackets and ties in the city like 45 miles from here, that one, and mom and dad got reservations. They wanted me to ask you if you wanted to go. For my lack-o-friends, ya’ know.” Does she ever stop talking? “But I think it will be fun. We could talk about which waiters are hot and stuff.”

“Wait, your mom and dad want to take me to this really high class restaurant? They haven’t even met me.”

“So.” I think my personality changes when I’m around this girl. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. “They’ve heard enough about you from me.” She waved her hand like it was nothing. Who knows what she told them. “Plus they are kind of like hippies, they get along with everyone. As long as your not killing dolphins.”

“Killing dolphins?” I asked as I gathered my books from my desk seeing as how school was over and I could go home.

“Yep. It’s a new thing that they’re working on. Our house is littered by posters and buttons and videos and DVDs and cameras and all that kind of stuff about dolphins. They’re going on a trip in a few weeks to protest against killing them.” I raised my eyebrow as we emerged from the classroom.

“Isn’t illegal already to kill dolphins?”

“Not a clue.” I sighed softly as I stuffed my books into my locker and Crimson did the same next to me. “So you in?”

“I don’t think I have a suit.” I admitted, a redness coming to my cheeks.

“Don’t worry. I think my cousin is about as small as you are. You can borrow his. He lives in that city. I think mom and dad wanted to stop in there and visit anyway.” She just had everything figured out. Leaving me with no choice but to take her offer. Though one or maybe two things stood in my way. Mom and Dad and him. He had forbidden me to speak to this girl. What will he do if he finds out that I was asked to dinner by her parents?

“I’ll have to ask my parents.” I informed her as we walked out of the school building. I hadn’t seen him or Ken, baseball practice must have already started. She was the one that snorted this time.

“I haven’t even met your parents and they seem like total snobs.” She was kind of right I suppose. It just had to do with what kind of person you were and where you came from if they were snobs or not. I was part of the group of people that they didn’t like, I suppose. “If you want, I could come over and ask with you?” My eyes went wide and my heart started beating faster.

“No! You can’t!” I all but shouted at her. She jumped slightly, having never heard me raise my voice before. I felt my cheeks heat up at my out burst. “Its just that-” My eyes were on the ground and one of my hands rubbed at the back of my neck. “It would be more likely that they would let me go if your parents talked to them.” I couldn’t tell her that my brother hated her and would get my parents to say no if he said not to let me go.

“Okay, don’t get your panties in a bunch. I’ll have them call your parents. What’s your number?” With that she took out a cell phone from her pocket and flipped it open ready to punch in the numbers that I said.

“555-2468.”

“Okay, got it. Now hold still so I can get a picture to put with your number.” She held her picture phone and snapped a picture before lowering and closing the phone, putting it back into her pocket. “Alright. I’ll have them call your parents. It should be around 6, I guess. That’s what time they decide that they can take a break from saving dolphins and come back to real life for a bit.” She turned on the side walk, going a different way then me. “I’ll see you tomorrow if everything goes well!” She held up two of her fingers for the sign of peace before she started to walk home.

My hands went into my pockets as I waited for the light to change. What was I going to do? What would mom and dad do when they hear about this? I should have just told her no. Nothing would happen if I had just said no. But I want to go. I want to hang out with my friend. I’ve never had anyone to hang out with before. But he will stop me from going. He’ll be so mad when he finds out I didn’t stop talking to her, seeing her. He probably already knows though. Someone would have told him already.

My feet were taking me the way home, like they had done so many times before without a thought. Everything was how it should be around here. The grass mowed to a certain length, houses all perfectly in a row, dogs quiet in their yards as I passed them. Everything was so peaceful, why could inside my head be like this?

“Hey Basil!” I looked to the pouch of one of the older couples in our neighborhood, they were the people that had babysat when I was too young to tag along to his baseball games and practices. I took out one of my hands and waved at them, offering a small smile. I think they were the only ones that ever really saw me.

“How are you doing Mr. and Mrs.-” I paused for a moment. “David.” Could they be related to the doctor that saw me at the hospital a few weeks ago.

“We’re doing just fine dear. Why don’t you come over and have a cup of tea with us. I just made chocolate chip cookies!” The elderly women offered. Without protest I walked up to the wooden porch, sitting on the stairs.

“I can’t stay long. Mom and Dad will wonder where I am.” A lie, but it was better that they didn’t worry about me.

“We heard that you had to go to the hospital a few weeks back. Is everything alright? The news almost gave Burney here a heart attack.” Her laughter was shown in her words of her husband getting all worked up over me. “You know we think of you as our own grandchild.” She said with her gentle smile.

“I’m fine. I just fell during school and hit my head.” I explained taking the small plate that she had offered to me.

“Our grandson works up there now.” It was Mr. David that spoke this time. “I think he was your doctor when you went up there. He didn’t say anything though.” He laughed softly, giving me a small wink. I nibbled on the cookie, the flavors exploding in my mouth. I loved this lady’s cooking. It was one of the things I had to look forward to when I was a little kid. “What did you think of him? He’s just out of med school.”

“He was-” I didn’t know how to say it. Should I tell them he was overly happy and excitable. He reminds of me of Crimson kind of in a way, truth be told.

“By that silence he was a little much. Greg was always the wild one of his siblings and cousins.” Mrs. David laughed softly.

“I wasn’t going to say that.” I protested almost childishly.

“But you were thinking it.” The older man stated while handing me a cup of their herbal tea. They didn’t buy the packets of stuff at the supermarket. They bought the stuff you had to get at the specialty store and the kind that their family sent them from over seas. They were ‘closet rich.’ It means that they were rich but they didn’t seem to be. Didn’t have all this new fancy stuff that just came, didn’t fly all over the world. They just seemed like your everyday people. I took a few sips of the tea and set it on the table that they had beside them.

“I should be getting back home.” I stated and stood from my seat.

“But you just got here.” Protested Burney from his place next to his wife.

“I know, but my friend’s parents are going to call Mom and Dad and invite me out to that new restaurant over in the city.” Their old wrinkled faces brightened when I said the word friend.

“A friend?”

“Yeah. Her name is Crimson. She’s new to our school.”

“Oh! A girl. She doesn’t follow Scott around like all the other ones?” I shook my head slightly, my body still standing.

“No. She thinks sports are overrated and pointless.” A few days ago before a pep rally she explained that the average professional sports player made more in a year then an average person in a life time, and that all they have to do is go out on a field and play like they did when they were kids. I had to admit, she had a point. Both of them were smiling largely at me as I started walking down the path back to the road.

“We’re happy for you Basil!” Mrs. David called, making my lips curve upward a bit. It had been so long since I smiled, I think I almost forgot how to.

When I got home, everything was how it should be except, he was sitting on the couch. He wasn’t supposed to be home. What happened to practice. No matter how it unnerved me, I headed to my room. I could feel his eyes watching me. My heart in my chest beat uncontrollably from his gaze. What was he doing home? He should have been a school still, out on the baseball field. Now what am I going to do? With him here I’ll won’t be able to go with Crimson and her parents. He’ll tell Mom and Dad not to let me go.

I set my school bag down next to the door, my back pressed against the wood. I let myself slide down the door, so that my knees were bent to my chest so that I could rest my head on them. Its feeling was new to me. The feeling of being trapped. He was watching me more now days. I could feel his eyes on me as I moved around the house, when we were sitting at the table eating a meal with our parents. Everywhere. I feel like an animal in a cage, being prodded and pointed at, watched every moment over every signal day. Even at school, I can feel eyes on me at all times. Not Crimson’s, but other peoples. The teachers, the students.

A knock sounded at my door, making it rattle slightly against my back.

“Basil. I need to talk to you.” Dad. I turned my head to look back at the door. He never talks to me. Doesn’t really talk to anyone. Mom is the one that usually gets the point across where he doesn’t have to do anything. If he wants to talk to just me without anyone else, it must mean that this is something he doesn’t want to talk to with Mom. I had seen him go into his room like this before. I stood from my place against the door and turned the handle. Why did he want to talk to me?

Dad walked into my room without being told he could, but he didn’t need permission, he was my Dad after all. He gets his looks from Dad and his height. Dad stood about 6 foot 6 inches. I’m very short compared to the other males in our family, standing only about 5 foot 8 inches.

“Your mom and I got a call from a girl named Crimson’s parents.” He took a seat on my bed, you could barely tell that his hair color was a dirty blonde in my room, the light was very dull in here. Wait- She was supposed to call at 6! Not when she just got home. I watched my father, my eyes probably looked frightened, because he patted the bed beside him. I followed the unspoken ordered and sat down next to him, my hands twisted together in my lap, my eyes on them now. “Your mom doesn’t want you to go. Scott-” I knew it. He told them not to let me go. I squeezed my eyes shut, holding back the tears. I didn’t know that I would feel like this if they said no. “Said to let you go.” What? My eyes opened in shook and quickly looked up at my father’s face. The older man nodded to me.

“But he doesn’t even like her! He told me to stay away from her!” I protested, causing one of my father’s eyebrows to lift in question. I bit my bottom lip, looking down at my lap again.

“Anyway, your Mom is still against letting you go. But we didn’t give them an answer yet. We’re going to call them later.” One of his hands went to my back to rub there softly. “I’m happy for you.” I looked back up at him, his lips were curved up. “Finally made friends with someone. I know its hard with your brother being kind of famous around here for you to make them.” He brought me into a hug. My father never hugged me before. I felt kind of awkward lifting my arms and wrapping them around him too.

“Dad?” I asked confused.

“I’ll do my best to get your mother to say yes. You need to get out and enjoy your friends.” He spoke into my hair at the top of my head. He pulled away after a moment and stood. He reached his hand out and ruffled my already messy hair. And with that he left, leaving me still rather confused. He had never acted like that before. Maybe when I was really small, but not that I could clearly remember.

Why was everyone acting so weird and out of character?

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A/N: Okay, so some good is coming. Lol. Don't know how long it will last though.

Thank you everyone that's reviewed! Made it go a lot faster writing this time. Lol. It hasn't even been a week! Yay for fast writing! It was even longer then usual. Lol.