What We Didn't Do

A/N: Hmmm, lacking in reviews we are...point of note, no reviews no update, no update no story, simple. It doesn't take much time just a quick note to say if you want more is fine!
I'll be having a little competition later on with you all so watch this space for info!!!

Anyway, on with the chapter.....

I was turning into a fucking sap!

When I woke I looked around trying to find Alex. Not anywhere. Sleepily, I rubbed the imaginary cobwebs from my eyes and scanned the room. Nope, definately not there.

The door squeaked open.

Oh, there he is.

"Morning," he grinned.

"Hey."

"Had to take the suit back before 10 or they'd charge me extra."

"Oh."

I looked at the alarm. 9.30 AM. Shit, Rafe, get your sorry ass outta bed.

I think he was expecting me to stay. His face dropped a little as I climbed out of the bed, pulling my rented pants back on.

"You going?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"Pills, gotta take them now or...well y'know."

He then went all cute on me, offering up his only supply to me, just to make me stay. Sweet thing, "Thanks but I guarentee I'm taking shit you ain't even heard of and even if you did I'd have to swallow your whole supply."

"Oh," It was more an involuntary noise rather than a statement. "Well, do you wanna come back tonight? I mean I know you don't have to or anything but - "

(Ok, reader, slap me now for my selfishness, but when you feel backed into a corner, you kick the guy in the nuts, right?)

"I can't," I replied hastily, shoving my shirt on over my head. "I kinda work a lot sundays, have a deadline to hit and all that."

"Oh that's cool. No worries."

(And slap me again)

"Anyways...I guess I'll see you around."

I smiled, turned tail and left.

..............I guess I'll see you around? What the Holy Fuck? No need to slap me, I slapped myself as I wandered down the corridors of his apartment block.

I hailed a cab and headed back to my place, a sinking feeling hitting me in the stomach. After all that, after the shit I'd gone through to look after him, after I'd spent the night holding the bastard, there I was saying "I guess I'll see you around". Fucking Prick, that's me. That's what'll be written on my grave:

RAFE CALAHAN
FUCKING PRICK
DEAD NOW.

I ran up the stairs to my apartment, head pounding. It was too late to worry. So I wouldn't see him again, what did it matter? At least I'd lost some baggage right?

Speaking of baggage...

"Where the fuck have you been?!" Jeannie screamed as she got up off the floor, "And why the hell did you lock your door?"

"Ok, are you more pissed 'coz I wasn't here, or 'coz I locked the door?"

She scowled like the woman she is.

"Just open the damned door, smart ass."

I clicked it open and wandered inside, heading straight for the refrigerator. It was coming close to ten in the morning and I needed a fucking beer.

"So, you're still in your tux," Jeannie grinned suggestively. "Where've you been all night."

"Well," I pulled open a cupboard and took out my little plastic box, pills arranged like dead soldiers under snow. "Went out, took in a show, got drunk, fucked some girls, y'know, the usual."

"You were with Alex weren't you?"

"No, I was fucking girls, stupid."

"Oh shut up." She was grinning again, "Y'know, Corey was complaining all night that he had to go to the hospital, you'd done so much damage. No one paid much attention, but it was hi-larious."

"Glad I could entertain you."

"Anyway, just thought you should know how he cried like a baby, thought that'd cheer you up."

"Thanks."

"What did he say, anyway?"

I thought about telling her. Alex was out of the picture, right? What did it matter if I spurted out about his cheating dead boyfriend?

"It's not our business to know Jeannie."

Shit...shitty shit shit, the bitch had been right - and was gunna be right again:

"You do care don't you? Don't fuck with me Rafe, you care."

"Yeah, I do...Fuck!"

"What?" She looked at me completely startled.

"I said the stupidest thing."

"Oh God, what did you say?"

"'I'll see you around'." I mumbled, swallowing capsules with water. "Kill me now, please."

"You're a first class idiot, you know that?"

"Yup."

"You gotta go round there! Tell him you didn't mean it, get him to come here and then fuck him to death. He'll forgive you then."

"Jeannie, I haven't fucked him."

She frowned, "What d'you mean?"

I sighed heavily, pulling a soda out of the refridgerator, "That night and...and last night, we didn't have sex. We've just...talked and...slept."

Ok, when she goes into OMG-thats-the-cutest-thing-I've-ever-heard-mode, she's at her most annoying.

"THAT'S SOOO SWEEET!" she squealed, her voice hitting a pitch that dogs could hear.

"Oh, shut up."

"So, like, not even a little bit?"

"I only told you because - fuck, I don't know why I told you."

She wandered over and planted herself in front of me, swiping my hair out of my face, "Because you care, sweet thing."

"Yeah."

"Now, while you're being all contemplative I'm gunna ask you to not be mad at me."

This got my attention. I glowered, "You only say that when you know it will make me mad."

"Please, just listen."

"Alright, but if it's something Andy - "

"Don't Rafe, please! Listen to me."

I was still glowering.

"It is Andy. He's holding another benefit and insists that you go," she paused, then took a very deep breath "It's on the...the 29th July and the money goes towards HIV research."

She wanted to run away, I could see it. And you know what? I didn't fucking blame her.

29th July?
HIV benefit on the 29th July?
He wants a benefit on the 29th July?

"That fucking prick!"

"Rafe please!"

"Where does he get off being sanctimonious?"

"Rafe!"

"Is he really trying to run for congress, 'coz he's doin a damn good job if he is!"

"Please!"

"29th July! Like he gives a damn."

"He did care about your brother, Rafe!"

"No he fucking didn't!" I was screaming, my voice going hoarse.

July 29th 1998, Philip Calahan passed away after an infection his body couldn't handle. He was eighteen years old.

"Andy nearly didn't come to the funeral because he had better things to do. He didn't give a shit about Pip, he didn't care about either of us, and still doesn't. Y'know what he said when he found out about me? 'Yeah well, that's what you get for being a fag, right?' He said that Jeannie, and he's never taken it back. So don't you dare tell me he cared. Don't you dare."

She was staring at her feet, tears in her eyes, "He wants you to make a speech."

"He can suck my dick for all I care about his fucking benefit."

"Ok," she whispered. "Well, I need to get back so, pass me your Oreos and I'll be off."

She was smiling, bless her.

I passed her the box, "You can buy them yourself, y'know?"

"Yours taste better."

"Ok."

She pulled out a handful and then smiled at me weakly, "I didn't know he said that."

"He doesn't advertise his homophobic tendencies."

Breathing deeply, Jeannie walked away, "I'll see you later, baby."

"You too Jean'."

She opened the door and stopped, "Oh, hi Alex."

x