Ghost of you

A/N: Thanks for the reviews; Mayo, Yblue and madlodger :)and for everyone who are still reading.
Betad by: teeta


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Chapter 6.


Olavi looked at him and nodded his head. “Yes, I want to know.” He told him.

Alexander sat down, gesturing to him to do the same. When the boy did, he lit up another cigarette. He was quiet for a while and Olavi began to wonder if the man would ever start telling him what he wanted to know.
“Long time ago, I-…” Alexander turned to look at him, hesitating. “It was war then and I fell in love with someone who I wasn’t supposed to and I believe that I had his heart as well. But like I said, it was war then and he- he was killed… I guess I’ve never really moved past his death and you… you remind me of him. I saw a dream and when I woke, still fuzzy from the sleep, I saw him in your place. This is why I kissed you.” He told him, not able to tell the whole truth to the boy, the timing didn’t feel right or perhaps he just wasn’t ready to leave?

“He?” Was the only thing that Olavi could say at the time. His mind spinning with questions, fears and images that the confession had brought to him.
“Yes. You’re now the only one that I’ve told this in many years.” He admitted, smiled sadly. “Does this frighten you?” He asked then.
“Does it frighten me that you… that you are that way? That you are a…” Olavi tried to find the right words for it, but came up with nothing. His mind was spinning and he wasn’t sure if it was from the alcohol or from what the man had just told him. He knew he should feel disgusted, but somehow he didn’t. His head started to ache from the drinking. “I’m not frightened… I just, uh… I won’t tell this if you won’t tell my sister about this night.” He asked.
“Agreed.” The man promised.
“Now, I need to… I need to get to bed, to get some sleep.” Olavi said, feeling quite nauseated, his body had began to tremble.
“Here let me help you.” Alexander offered standing up and giving his hand to him.

“I don’t need help, I’ll be alright.” The boy said as he got up on his own with trembling legs. He felt so confused about everything. A part of him was happy to know the secret that the man had kept, but a part of him felt slightly disappointed about the fact that it had been someone else on the man’s mind every time he had looked at him, and this was what disturbed him the most.

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“I want to go there.” She whispered.
“To India? Why there?” There was a gentle smile on his lips.
“I want to see the elephants, the women with black hair and colourful clothes, the parrots, everything.”
“It’s very hot there and the air is filled with spices… Maybe someday I can take you there.”
“After the war ends?”
“Yes, after the war ends.”
“I want to come too!” The little boy pouted.
“Of course, we would not leave you behind, Olavi. One day, once the war has ended and I am married to Emma, we’ll take a trip there, all four of us.”
“Will mama come too?” The boy asked again.
“Yes, if she is well enough, I’m sure she will.” He smiled and the children snuggled closer to his warmth.
“I wish we were already there.” The girl muttered.
“We can take an imaginary trip there right now, how would that sound?”
“Yes!”
“Alright…close your eyes…”

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He screams in agony, the sound of his pain left to repeat in her ears. His eyes meet with hers only for a brief moment; filled with tears. He has always been strong, he has always been the one to protect them, but this time he cannot even protect himself.

He is naked, screaming, crying as the men laugh, as one by one they move in him, tearing him, breaking him. There’s blood, she sees the blood, she sees him trembling. The sounds of laughter, moaning, screaming and crying mix together. They are hurting him, raping him…


Aino woke up with a cry, she sat up gasping for air, stared at the far wall. Her whole body was covered with sweat, her hair moist, her night gown glued to her body and she wept. The images, she could not get rid of them, she could not will herself to forget and there was no one whom she could talk to about them. Carefully she stood up, sparkled some water on her face, before she carefully sneaked across the room, out of the door, towards her younger brother’s room.

She opened the door softly and saw him sleeping. She hesitated, but stepped in just the same and closed the door. She walked close to the bed, smiled gently and knelt down to touch his cheek, she stroked his hair gently and kissed his forehead. She smelled the alcohol on him.
“What have you been doing?” She whispered quietly, but could not feel the anger that she should as the boy looked so much like an angel when he slept.

She stood up and sat on a chair close to his bed, just looking at him quietly. She worried for him, everyday she was afraid that something might happen to him and ever since the Russian had stepped into their lives, her worry had been growing. She saw the way that the man looked at her brother and that look was anything but innocent. The man was looking at him that way, she could see it in his eyes, the lust that the man did try his best to hide, but she could see that it was there and it made her sick to her stomach.

What worried her the most was the fact that she could see that Olavi had begun to show interest towards the man as well. She knew that he was curious about him, but did he know what he was getting himself into? Olavi was sweet and kind, perhaps sometimes a bit too gullible for his own good. So she could not help but worry for him.

He moaned in his sleep, moving, beginning to wake up. He stretched his arms, yawning and then slowly his eyes opened. He startled slightly when he realized that there was someone else in the room with him.
“Good morning, little brother.” Aino smiled to him in an amused manner.
“Morning,” He mumbled, pulling the blanket up to cover his mouth.
“Oh that won’t help a thing, I can smell it on you, you’ve been drinking, haven’t you?” She scolded him.
“Um…” He blinked his eyes, looking ashamed with himself. “I feel really ill…” He confessed.
“That is what you should feel, it will teach you not to touch that stuff, will it not?”
“Aye…” She smiled to him.
“Now just you remember that.” She said and got up. “I’ll bring you some tea, it’s alright if you just rest today, I forgive you this once.”

After a few minutes she returned with the tea and gave it to her brother who made some effort to sit up. She sat down on the chair again, with her own tea cup in hand.
“There is something I’ve been wanting to talk to you about.” She said then. Olavi, who held the warm cup between his hands and was tasting it, looked at her with question.
“It’s about that Russian…” She started and noticed a strange look in his eyes. A look that told her that she was right with her worries. “I-, I do not like you spending so much time with him. There is something in him, he is…” She hesitated.
“Maybe it’s just because he is a Russian, maybe that’s the only reason you suspect him, but I’ve talked to him Aino, I’ve talked to him and I like him.” He said. She sighed deeply, feeling frustrated and stood up, walking close to the window and back again. Olavi followed her with his eyes, wondering what was going through her mind. She stood still and turned to look at him.

“You want to believe in the good in people and I respect that, I just… I worry about you, you’re the only family I have left and I-, I don’t want that…”
“What is it that you fear?” He asked carefully. “What possible harm could it make for me to be friends with him?” Aino looked at him quietly, wondering if she should share her memory with him.
“They took our brother…” She said then and he was quiet for awhile.
“Some men did, some Russians, but Alexander wasn't one of them.”
“He looks at you like he-” She started. He started to feel uneasy, wondering what she was about to say. “I ... I just don’t like you near him… Please Olavi, as your sister I’m asking you to be careful. Will you promise?” She begged kneeling down on the floor and taking her hand between his.
“I can promise that I’ll be careful. You won’t lose me Aino, I promise.” He said thinking that it was unnecessary to promise to stay away from the man; inside he knew he didn’t want to stay away, that he couldn’t stay away.

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Olavi noticed that the man was trying to avoid him after the confession, though he still caught him looking at him sometimes.

Alexander was a man who didn’t talk much, he didn’t laugh, smiled rarely, there was a certain amount of sadness in his eyes that never faded. Emma would talk to him often, sometimes the woman got him to smile and a few times the smile was actually genuine. Olavi was certain that Emma had a crush on him, and she wasn’t the only woman in the village. Alexander was a tall, dark, handsome man, who could certainly please an eye. The men in village seemed to hate him even more for it.

The nasty remarks and the laughs he got, were taken as if they had no affect on him at all. He seemed to have a wall build around him that no one could quite get past. As the days went by, Olavi wanted to break that wall more and more, to get him to live again. He knew that he was in trouble for feeling the way that he did towards him, it was a sin, one could be arrested or even killed for it, should the wrong people find out. But still he couldn’t help but think about it.

**^^**^^**^^**^^**

He walked into the church, sat on the long bench and stared at the altar painting with a deep thought.
“Olavi, how nice to see you here.” The old priest smiled warmly to him.
“Father.” He greeted him.
“Is there something troubling you, son?” The man asked and saw the boy hesitate, so he sat down next to him.
“I-, did you know my parents, father?”
“Yes, I knew them, I was the one who married them to one another and the one to baptise you and your siblings.” He smiled. “They were good people and I don’t think I’ve ever seen two people more in love than your parents.” Olavi glanced at him.
“I don’t understand father…” He started. “What I mean is… They were good people, they were good Christians, my brother was a good Christian, a good brother and yet all of them suffered such a horrible fate and I…”
“What you want to know is how could God allow that to happen to them?” He asked.
“Yes.”

The old man sighed. “It is hard at times to understand the ways of God, you are not the only one to have asked me that. You might question your believes, it is natural for us to do so, but you must keep your faith, son. Your family is in a better place now, I can assure you of that.” Olavi was quiet for awhile.
“But what about this life? No matter how good of a person you are, no matter what you do to please God, it is not enough.”
“What we do in this life, affects the afterlife. We get our reward in heaven.” Olavi frowned.
“How can you be sure that there is heaven? What if there’s not? What if you do just one mistake and…? What if this is as good as it can get? So one should just suffer in this life, with only having the faith that once you die, you get to be happy? And why do some people get to live their lives happy and rich no matter how good or bad they are, when others have to suffer? It hardly seems fair to me.”
“Child, you ask too many questions. What I suggest for you is to read the Bible and you get your questions answered.”

So the priest left him with bunch of religious reading, but not with an answer that would have satisfied him. He visited his mother’s grave before leaving home, placing wild flowers on the grave side, running his fingers on the engraved initials. Viivi Elisabeth Lahti B: 1.9.1908 D: January 1943. He sat there for a long time, thinking about her, the blurry images that he had of her. He wondered if she would be proud of him or not.
“I love you mother.” He whispered before standing up, one last look before he turned and left.

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Alexander was not at the dance on Saturday, he never attended the gatherings, though Olavi had heard Emma trying to talk him into going many times. Olavi could not blame the man for not going, some men would have given him hard time with no doubt, especially after some drinking.

After he had danced a few times with Hanna, he managed to leave without her noticing, to his sister he told that he was simply tired and would go home to sleep. Reluctantly Aino let him leave on his own.

He felt nervous when he entered the room where Alexander slept. He wasn’t there, but he was sure that the man would come there soon. He sat on the bed’s side and waited. No exactly sure what he was doing but knowing that he needed to do it, that he needed to talk to him.

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Alexander washed his face and looked at himself in the mirror. The lines under his eyes, on his forehead, he looked so tired and he looked old. He smiled lazily to himself and ran his fingers through his hair, sighing. Another day was over, another day that he survived. He did not like to think of the future much, for each day seemed so much like the one before it, he saw no light. He had no idea where he would go after the job was done, nor did he really care. Every place was the same and the people… He thought about the young blond boy, Elias’s brother and smiled slightly, then he thought of Emma. The woman had been very friendly to him and somehow he hoped that he would be able to pay her back for her kindness. Though it would most likely end when he finally told her the truth.

He decided not to think of it now, there was always the next day, the better day…

When he entered his room and saw the boy on his bed, his heart almost jumped to his throat.
“I’ve been thinking.” Olavi started. “I-, I think there might be some curse planted on my family. My parents were good people they never hurt anyone, they lived their lives respecting the word of God. Mother got two stillborns after my brother. Then the war started, father was killed, mom got ill, she was ill for such a long time and then… Then my brother, I know he must be dead, like my mother, like my father and like the two siblings I never got to see. And it doesn’t end there… Both of my grandparents are dead, my aunts, my uncles… There is no one left, there is just me and my sister.” He looked at him for the first time since the man had entered.
“I do not know anything of the afterlife, I only know that I am alive now and I… I want to live now, I wan to live before I die, if there really is a curse, then I want to feel, I want to feel that I’ve been alive before I-“ He stood up. “You never laugh, I haven’t heard you laugh while you’ve been here and your eyes… You are so lost in your grief that you don’t see the beauty of a moment, you’re trapped in the darkness, you are alive but you don’t really live.” He gathered all the bravery that he had inside and walked closer to him, until he was standing right before him. He lifted his hand up, touched the man’s cheek gently, then his lips, heard as Alexander's breathing got heavier. He got up on his tiptoes and softly touched his lips with his own.
“I want you to show me what it’s like.” He whispered and with uncertainty he touched the man’s chest, ran his fingers down.

Alexander felt the heat of the boy’s body, his lips, his touch. It had been such a long time and his senses were high, his skin was hot and he wanted, oh how he wanted to feel more, to touch the boy, to take the boy. He kept his eyes closed, trying desperately to control himself, to get some sort of hold, he couldn’t do this, surely he couldn’t? The boy couldn’t possibly know what he was asking, what he was doing.
Alexander felt his fingers on his lower stomach and quickly grasped the boys wrist, tightly, the boy gasped in surprise.
“You do not understand what you’re asking for.” Alexander whispered, his voice already thick with lust and the urge to satisfy it. He opened his eyes and stared into the deep blue ones.
“I-, I want this, I want to feel, please….” The boy pleaded with small voice.
Every cell in Alexander’s body wanted to act. ‘Just take him’ the voice inside his mind whispered.


TBC-