Naivete

Chapter 6

Don\'t burn the day away.


Sam and Brent lay like that for a long time, breathing heavily into one another\'s ears and willing their hearts to slow to a normal pace. After some time, Sam rather suddenly noticed that Brent\'s erection had faded completely, and she sat up quickly, illiciting a startled groan from him. She smiled a little sheepishly and brushed a strand of matted hair from his forehead.

\"Sorry. Are you okay?\" she asked, lifting herself off of him carefully. She sat on the futon next to him, and began to search for her discarded clothing. Brent stopped her with a soft hand on her arm.

\"I\'m wonderful. I can\'t believe...I can\'t believe we just did that,\" he admitted with a shy grin. \"In fact, I need to take a shower. Do...do you want to join me?\" he asked, looking at her hopefully.

Sam looked very uncertain for a moment. For what had to be a very strange reason, she didn\'t feel like she wanted to be naked in front of Brent right now. She felt too vulnerable. She shook her head a little, trying to think of a good enough reason why she would say no. Brent stooped down to kiss her lightly on the mouth.

\"Don\'t worry. I\'ll be out in a minute.\"

With that, he grabbed his clothes and headed into the bathroom, whistling a little as he went. As soon as she heard the shower start up, Sam very seriously began to consider just leaving. She hadn\'t known what had come over her. She never, never just...jumped right into bed with somebody. She felt disgusted with herself as she realized that up until that day, she could count her sexual partners on less than one hand. She had always been selective, and patient, and waited until the time was right. The time was definitely not right for Sam and Brent, she knew this. But...he just looked so good...

She sighed and began to dress herself hurriedly. She wanted to be fully dressed and inpenetrable - literally and figuratively - when he emerged from the bathroom. Somehow, she thought, that would make things easier when she told him that what had just happened...well, wasn\'t going to happen again for a while.

\"God, I\'m such a slut...\" she muttered to herself as she slipped her shoes on, blissfully unaware that the shower water had ceased its flow, and Brent had come into the living room behind her.

\"Oh, Christ, Sam, no...\" he said quickly, rushing to sit next to her. She almost leaped out of her skin when she heard his voice, and again when she saw him sitting there, still dripping wet and clad in a small bath towel. \"No, no baby. You\'re not a slut. If anyone\'s a slut here, it\'s me,\" he said disdainfully, looking at the ground in self-disgust. \"I should have stopped.\"

\"I shouldn\'t have started,\" Sam said without thinking, then blushed as she realized how harsh that had sounded. \"That was...that was a mistake, Brent.\" She blushed even deeper and felt a lump form in her throat as she realized how much harsher that sounded.

\"A...a mistake?\" Brent asked, his eyes betraying his confusion. \"I don\'t understand.\"

Sam\'s eyes welled up with tears, although she couldn\'t quite place what was making her so upset.

\"I just...I don\'t...do that. I don\'t do what we just did. I don\'t want the physical part of our relationship to go faster than the emotional part.\"

Brent\'s eyes continued to show nothing but confusion as his head shook slowly. The tears officially began falling from Sam\'s eyes as she struggled to explain what she was feeling. Brent understood crying, though. He leaned forward and clasped her in his arms, rocking her back and forth and cooing unintelligibly at her. For a moment, she thought about pushing him away, telling him that she didn\'t need to be treated like a child just because she was crying, but she ultimately decided to let him be the protector. The tears flowed for a few minutes before she managed to get herself back under control.

She removed herself from his grasp and straightened, dabbing at her eyes a little with the hem of her shirt. Brent sighed.

\"I can\'t say I\'m not disappointed that you thought what we did was a mistake,\" he began, holding up one finger when she opened her mouth to protest. \"But...but I can deal with it if you want to wait a while before doing anything else.\"

The disappointment was very clear in his eyes and his voice, but Sam was grateful that he was making an effort.

\'Wow,\' she thought as she let him wrap an arm around her shoulders. \'He must really like me a lot...\'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The two spent the rest of the afternoon together, talking about everything else besides what had happened between them that morning. They watched some bad daytime talk shows on TV, talked about their families and their favorite movies. All in all, Sam thought as she gently kissed him goodbye in front of the bar where he was about to take a very long, very busy shift, it had been a pretty good day.

Her dorm wasn\'t far, and the air was cool but comfortable, so she decided to walk back to her dorm. On her way, she saw a familiar figure sitting on a bench ahead of her. As she approached, she broke into a broad grin.

\"Hey, Karen,\" she said happily, sitting down next to the girl with a sigh. \"What\'s going on?\"

Karen looked up from her copy of The Bell Jar - a very well-worn, dog-eared copy, Sam noticed - and gave Sam a happy smile.

\"Not a whole lot. I\'m sitting here waiting for - \" she broke off suddenly, grinning at a point across the street. There stood Paul, looking at the two of them apprehensively, shoving his glasses up his nose a few times as he waited for the \"Walk\" sign.

Sam\'s eyes widened. \"Is this...Karen, is this a date?\" Karen blushed a little as Paul crossed the street, quickly but still shyly. She didn\'t get a chance to ask anymore questions, as Paul\'s apparent nervousness caused him to reach them in very short order. He was blushing a deep scarlet as he approached, and he tried weakly to roll his eyes at Karen.

\"So like a woman...\" he grumbled. \"Can\'t keep a secret to save your life, huh?\"

Sam gasped then, a wide smile spreading across her face. \"It\'s a...a SECRET date?\" Her eyebrows came together in a look that she hoped illustrated to them how very cute she thought the whole situation was, but she crumbled into giggles as both Paul and Karen shot her looks that clearly stated, \"Shut up, bitch.\"

She stood and began to walk away, just shaking her head in disbelief.

\"Wait!\" she heard Paul exclaim. When she turned around, he was looking at the ground, a very nervous expression on his face. \"Do you want to come and have dinner with us?\"

Sam shook her head vehemently. \"Hell no. You two got yourselves into this mess, and you\'re getting yourselves out of it.\" Then she smiled genuinely at them. \"Have a good time,\" she said, waving. \"See you tomorrow night.\"

The last thing she saw before turning back toward campus was Paul and Karen smiling at one another shyly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Unsurprisingly, by the time Sam reached her dorm, she was exhausted. Sarah was gone, which was also unsurprising. It was Friday night, after all. Sam slipped off her shoes and pants, and crawled into bed, groaning with each movement.

As she lay there, waiting the short period of time for sleep to overtake her, she briefly considered the events of the day. It was hard to believe that their test had only been that morning...her full day with Brent seemed to be the only thing that had mattered. That and her coffee with Mike. She grinned as she thought about the easy way she could joke around with him.

Ultimately she decided, just before passing out for the night, that she was glad she\'d met Brent. And Mike. And, of course, Paul and Karen. A small smile graced her lips as she drifted off.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Sam arrived at Study Group the following night, everyone was already arguing. Well, to be honest, Paul was sitting there uncomfortably while Karen and Mike argued. She entered and took a seat next to Paul on the floor and looked at him strangely. He gave her an equally strange look, then gestured toward the wall.

\"Put your bag over there. It doesn\'t look like we\'re going to be studying tonight.\"

\"I just don\'t understand why you\'re so upset, Karen!\" Mike was calling angrily. \"Fuck! You\'re too fucking sensitive!\"

Karen huffed at him and flipped him the bird. Sam\'s eyes widened as Mike got up from his spot on the floor and walked out to the balcony. Karen looked over at them and narrowed her eyelids.

\"Can you fucking believe what he said about a woman\'s rights in the workplace?\"

\"Karen,\" Paul said quietly, closing his eyes in an effort to maintain some level of patience. \"All he was saying was that women are inherently better at domestic stuff than men are.\"

\"Exactly!\" Karen shouted indignantly.

\"It\'s true!\" Paul hollered back, looking as though he were about to cry with the frustration of it all. \"It\'s fucking true! Women have better minds for multi-tasking, they\'re naturally nurturing, they were built and designed to take care of children! It\'s just the way the universe works, Karen!\"

Karen looked at him in disbelief, then stood and left the dorm in a huff. Sam\'s eyes widened even more and she shook her head a little.

\"What...what the hell just happened?\"

Paul sighed and rubbed his temples, grinding his teeth as he did so. \"I have...no...fucking...idea...\" He stood and exhaled sharply, then went and sat on the couch. He turned on the TV and began flipping channels mindlessly.

\"You guys can stay here as long as you want. Maybe we can get some studying done later.\"

Sam nodded hesitantly, unsure of where exactly she should go. She decided to join Mike on the porch. She slid open the glass door and made her way outside, eyeing him carefully as she approached. She was hit with an oddly familiar smell, something she couldn\'t quite place.

Gathering her sweater around her tightly to ward off the brisk wind, she leaned against the railing so that her shoulder was close to his.

\"Don\'t worry,\" he said, exhaling a large cloud of smoke with a lazy smile. \"I\'m not going to yell anymore.\"

Sam rolled her eyes, then realized what the smell had been. Mike was smoking a joint, which he handed to her casually. She took it with a nod and puffed it carefully. She hadn\'t smoked in a while, but it was something she and her friends in Texas indulged in every once in a while. Initially, she had come outside to talk to him about Karen, but something told her this wasn\'t the time or place. Instead, she puffed the joint again and handed it back to her.

\"I didn\'t know you smoked,\" she said, gazing out at the city around them.

\"I\'m surprised you accepted it,\" he retorted, still not looking at her directly. \"You seem like...like such a nice girl.\"

\"I am a nice girl,\" Sam said indignantly. \"I\'m just a nice girl who happens to enjoy a little grass every once in a while.\"

Mike chuckled a little, smoke curling around his lips and teeth as he did so. Sam couldn\'t help but be captivated by the scene. Smoke had fascinated her since she was a child. Horrible as it seems, she used to sneak matches into her room, light them then quickly blow them out, just so she could see the beautiful tendrils reaching up into the air.

\"So do you smoke often?\" Sam asked, accepting the joint again and taking a puff.

\"Every once in a while, yeah,\" he said, finally looking at her for the first time since she\'d entered the dorm. He seemed to change his mind abruptly, however, when she looked at him back. He averted his gaze to the rooftops below them.

\"Why?\" Sam asked lazily, already very much enjoying this time with Mike. \"Sorry, I guess that sounded like an accusation.\"

\"It\'s fine,\" he said, waving her apology aside with his hand. \"Well...\" Here he stumbled. For the first time since she\'d met him, Mike appeared to be at a loss for words. She stifled a grin and waited patiently, until he finally seemed like he had an answer for her.

\"Do you ever feel like there\'s so much going on in your head at once that you can\'t concentrate on any one thing? It\'s as if anything that actually needs your attention is being neglected just so that you can think about everything else in the world. Does that make sense?\"

Hesitating a little, Sam nodded. She\'d gotten that way around exams at her community college the previous year. She\'d thought she was having a nervous breakdown.

Mike grunted a general acknowledgement. \"That\'s how I feel...pretty much all the time. This,\" he said, gesturing to the joint in his hand. \"I don\'t know, this sounds like a cop out, but it really does help to silence all the voices.\"

\"So it keeps you from having to think?\" Sam asked, a teasing lilt in her voice.

\"Not really...\" he answered seriously. \"It\'s hard to explain.\"

\"I think I understand,\" Sam said softly. She\'d been doing an awful lot of thinking about Brent that day. She\'d had an excellent
time with him the day before. But something still wasn\'t sitting right. She was still upset at how out of control she\'d been with him, and how hurt and confused he\'d been when she\'d tried to rectify it. Still, she didn\'t want anything to ruin the relatively good start they\'d had. She could see herself being very happy with Brent, and he was charming, and one of the sweetest guys she\'d ever met...

\"Are you dropping out already?\" Mike teased, waving the joint in Sam\'s face.

\"Sorry, no,\" she said quickly, recovering from her depressing thoughts and putting a smile on her face. \'Right now,\' she thought, dragging on the joint lazily. \'Right now is all that matters, this moment, right here. Good friend, good pot, nice night.\'

She shivered and gathered her sweater even tighter around her as a gust of wind blew by them. Mike laughed outright at her.

\"Haven\'t gotten used to the cold weather yet, huh?\"

\"It\'s inhuman,\" Sam muttered in a grumpy voice. Mike laughed again and took the joint back from her. He took the last two puffs, then put it out on the railing. She distinctively noticed that he had not removed his jacket to drape over her shoulders, nor had he offered her any suggestion for staying warm. For some reason, though, that comforted her. She couldn\'t for the life of her figure out why.

\"What\'s your major, Mike?\" she asked suddenly, realizing that she had no idea whatsoever. He smiled in response and took a deep breath.

\"Performance. Piano,\" he said shortly, twidding his fingers in the air as a demonstration.

\"Oh, wow,\" Sam said, obviously impressed. \"That sounds hard.\"

Mike just shrugged a little, obviously not wanting to discuss it at the moment. The faint sound of music drifted out from the dorm, where, Sam imagined, Paul was putzing around and trying to figure out what he was going to do about Karen. She recognized the song instantly, and it brought back a flood of memories from high school.

\"Oh, isn\'t it strange
How we move our lives for another day?
Like skipping a beat
What if a great wave should wash us all away?
Just thinking out loud
Don\'t mean to dwell on this dying thing
But look at my blood
It\'s alive right now,
And deep and sweet within
Pouring through our veins
Intoxicate moving wine to tears
And drinking it deep
Then an evening spent dancing
It\'s you and me...\"
Sam hadn\'t realized that she\'d been singing along with the song as she gazed at the rooftops, until she realized that Mike was too. At the end of the verse, they both smiled, a bit embarrassed. Mike bit his lip suddenly, and glanced over at her, his expression tentative. He was just about to open his mouth when the door slid open and Paul stuck his head out.
\"Hey, I was thinking that maybe we could study,\" he said sarcastically. \"That is, if the two of you are done being stoner thugs out here.\" With that, he pulled his head back in, and Sam and Mike smiled patiently and shook their heads before following him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Studying went on for about two hours before the three of them degenerated into the kind of late-night small talk that tended to get people into trouble. Paul had switched everyone from soda to beer at some point (\"None for me,\" Mike had declined politely. \"I have precious brain cells I need to keep.\"), and after about an hour of light drinking, they were chatting like old friends, talking about issues that should only be discussed between one and three in the morning.

\"So, Mike,\" Paul said, a wicked grin on his face. \"Last time you got laid?\"

\"Never,\" Mike answered quietly, sipping his soda calmly and looking with raised eyebrows at his friends\' shocked expressions.

\"No,\" Sam refused, shaking her head adamantly. \"No, you are lying. You are lying to us, your new best friends in the whole world. You bastard,\" she finished, pointing an accusing finger at him.

\"I don\'t lie,\" he replied plainly.

Paul, meanwhile, was cracking up. \"You- you- you mean to tell us that....oh, Mike.\" Suddenly, his smile disappeared and he leaned forward, his eyebrows furrowed. \"You\'re not...you\'re not gay are you?\" he whispered conspiratorially, earning a bout of giggles from Sam.

\"No,\" Mike answered, looking at them both with his infuriatingly placid expression.

\"Then why, man?\" Paul exclaimed, gesturing madly with his hands. \"Why would you not...ever...I couldn\'t even imagine it! Sam?\" He looked to her for encouragement and support. She just looked at him, her head tilted to the side in curiosity, intrigued by this new concept.

\"I just haven\'t found the right girl yet,\" he said innocently, taking another sip of his soda. Sam merely smiled - for some reason, she believed him completely. No man would lie like that. Paul, on the other hand, was completely flabbergasted. After a moment of staring, he shook his head and stood up.

\"I\'m going to bed. You guys can stay here if you want to...study some more,\" he finished lamely, still in shock over his friend\'s confession. \"Or watch TV or something. Just remember that I have to work in the morning, so make sure you can leave early. Goodnight.\"

\"Night, Paul. Thanks!\" Sam called as Paul shut the door to the bedroom in the tiny apartment. Mike got up from the couch and sat in the reclining easy chair, picking up the remote control to the TV and belching simultaneously.

\"Now, that\'s what a real man looks like. Wait, put your hand down your pants. It will complete the look.\"

Mike just rolled his eyes at her and leaned back, flipping channels, only vaguely paying attention to what was on. Sam sprawled on the couch, facing the TV. Finally, after much squabbling, they settled on an old Western with Paul Newman. They made fun of the cheesy dialogue, talked about how many times they would each sleep with a young Paul Newman if they had him for an hour apiece, then both drifted off into a peaceful, happy slumber.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sam awoke to feel warm sunlight on her face, to smell fresh coffee being brewed, and to hear the sound of a shower running somewhere nearby. For a split second she thought she was waking up at Brent\'s, but a quick look around showed her that she was mistaken. She looked over at the recliner, where Mike lay. At first glance, she\'d have thought him to still be asleep, but when she looked more carefully, she could see that his eyes were open and looking directly at her. A small part of her told her that this was creepy, and she should be freaked out, but for the most part, she felt a surge of safety. She felt safe in Mike\'s gaze. She smiled at him sleepily and started to sit up. The shower stopped running, and a few minutes later, Paul came bustling into the room.

\"Okay, get the hell up! Get the hell out! I have work to do!\"

Sam groaned and sat up, rubbing her eyes like a sleepy child. Mike rolled his eyes at her display and stood up stretching. He wandered into the kitchen and draped a heavy arm around Paul\'s shoulder.

\"Get off me, Mike. You both have to leave now, or I\'m going to be late.\"

\"Fine,\" Mike responded, obviously feeling a tad miffed. He walked to the wall and picked up his backpack, and motioned for Sam to do the same. \"Come on, girly. Neither of us needs to experience the wrath of a generous host scorned. Thanks for letting us crash, buddy,\" he called into the kitchen. An impatient grunt was his only response, and the two scooted out the door quickly.

Just as it shut behind them, however, Sam\'s cell phone began to ring.

\"Damn, at 8:30 on a Sunday morning, no less,\" Mike said, an amused smile on his face. \"How demanding of him.\"

Sam shot him an angry glare, still half-asleep, and dug her phone out of her bag. She smiled triumphantly at the name and answered it quickly.

\"Hey, baby,\" she said, stifling a yawn.

\"Hey, did I wake you?\"

\"No, I was just rudely awakened by my host.\"

\"Oh? And who, exactly, was your host?\" Brent\'s voice held a hint of edge, as though he were bottling some bad emotion or other up and trying not to let it escape.

\"Paul. We had a study group last night, and-\"

\"And what, you got too drunk to come home last night?\"

Sam\'s eyebrows raised. What the hell had gotten into him?

\"No, just tired. Paul offered to let us pass out on his couches, so we did. What\'s the problem, Brent? I told you I wouldn\'t be available last night.\"

\"No, you told me you\'d be studying last night. So you can imagine my surprise when I showed up at your dorm and found Sarah there, who told me that you had gone to a party or something. She didn\'t know where you were, I didn\'t know where you were, and frankly, I think you probably should have let me know if you were going to spend the night at some other guy\'s house.\"

Sam\'s jaw dropped at his tirade. Unsure what to think about the things he was saying to her, she tried to push it aside, tried to make it about him being worried, and not controlling, but frankly she was getting a little pissed.

\"Brent...I am fine. I assure you, nothing weird or unusual happened last night. I still want to see you later today, and I don\'t want you to be upset with me.\"

\"Look, Sam...\" There was a long pause and Sam unconsciously held her breath waiting for the inevitable break-up speech. \"I really like you. A lot. And sometimes...sometimes I get this way around girls I like a lot. I\'m sorry. It\'s a problem, and I\'m trying to work on it. Please, can you forgive me?\"

Sam smiled a little at this. \"Yeah, of course I can. Can I call you later? We\'ll get together for a late lunch or something.\"

Brent sighed happily. \"That sounds great. Thanks, babe.\"

Grinning a little in spite of her company, Sam snapped the phone shut and turned to meet Mike\'s questioning stare.

\"What?\" she demanded a little sharply. One of his eyebrows raised dangerously.

\"You know, you really shouldn\'t let him talk to you like that.\"

\"Like what?\" Sam asked as non-chalantly as possible.

\"Like you\'re some little fucking puppy dog that\'s just supposed to follow him around all day. Does he expect you to be at his beck and call?\"

\"No!\" she answered defensively, a bit taken aback by his outburst. \"I just...I was supposed to call him last night, and I forgot.\"

He raised both his eyebrows in surprise.

\"Did you hear what you just said? You just said \'I was SUPPOSED to call him last night.\' What you\'re SUPPOSED to do is whatever the fuck you want. If you were too busy studying with your study group last night to call him, that has to be okay. Don\'t be a pussy, Sam.\"

\"Hey! There\'s no need to turn into an asshole about it! What the hell do you care anyway?\"

\"In case you hadn\'t noticed, Sam, I AM an asshole, so I get to be honest with you anytime I want. And I care because I\'m your friend, whether you like it or not!\"

By now, their voices had risen and the few students wandering around the halls that early were glancing at them, discomfort clear in their eyes.

\"Fine,\" Sam muttered, looking around. \"Whatever.\"

\"Look,\" Mike sighed, taking her arm in his hand and pulling her closer to him gently. \"I\'m only going to say one more thing about this - for now. You seemed to have your priorities straight when I first met you. Don\'t fall into the relationship trap. Don\'t let his interest in you undermine your strength, and your desire to finish what you started here.\" He gestured around them. \"This is why you\'re here. You\'re not here to be his girlfriend.\"

Sam just nodded dully. She wasn\'t sure what to say anymore. She knew in the back of her head that he was right, but she hated that. She hated that he was right, and that she was wrong for not telling Brent to chill out. She took a deep, shaky breath in and tried a smile.

\"Good,\" Mike said happily, releasing her and continuing down the hallway. \"Now...breakfast?\"


A/N: Whew. Okay. That\'s done. I\'m very tired. Please leave comment, I make better at your suggestions. Thank you.