Rush Klondike

Call Ripley\'s, but Lula was working out fine, better than fine. She and Nannette were best buddies and the apartment was usually cleaner than I left it when I came home. And, Denny was around more than ever. At work, he started bringing his laptop with him to the kitchen and clicking away all morning while I told him dirty jokes and gave him things like blackened orange peels and pressed fairies to eat. The fairies were really dyed and spiced shitake mushrooms I was gonna use as a garnish. Clive named them- what, you didn\'t think I came up with that one? Denny wasn\'t dating, but then again neither was I, so I didn\'t call him on it.

What I\'m getting at was that life had a nice groove on right then. I was on schedule to deliver the menu to Clive, who was more and more pleased with what I was coming up with. The Gingerbread Girl was learning to read and Denny and I were unofficial best pals. But, like all good things I ever had, I had to go and fuck it up.

So, Lula was long gone, Nannette was in bed, and Den and I were acting potato-ish in front of a Nets game, and I caught him looking at me kinda cockeyed. This was nothing new \'cause, and I don\'t know if I made this clear, but Denny\'s really weird sometimes. It\'s not a hide the sheep kinda weird, more of a I wonder how he came up with that kinda weird. It comes of him being a super genius, I think. He finished high school at thirteen, college at sixteen, passed the bar at twenty and got his doctorate in, get this, medieval French poetry at twenty-two. And for the last four years, he\'s been head of the east coast region at Jamesfoods. There was talk of him taking over the entire U.S. division when his Uncle Wilberforce retired sometime the next year. So, mensa-boy looks at a lot of things sorta funny, especially when he\'s thinking.

Thing is, that time wasn\'t like all those other times when he\'d look at me a while and then tell me to cook weird food for a living or buy a new mattress \'cause my crappy old one was what was causing my one leg to seem shorter than the other or that Nannette was ready to learn to read even though she was only three. That time, I was the one who made a connection and blurted out something wildly on target about him.

\"Shit, you\'re gay,\" I said and started kicking myself right away for the way I said that hugely significant thing to him like it was an insult. It wasn\'t one. I was just surprised, since I knew he\'d dated women. \"I didn\'t mean that the way it sounded.\"

\"How did it sound?\"

\"Homophobic, which I ain\'t. I just didn\'t put it together until just now.\"

\"Apology accepted.\" He looked at his watch- something I don\'t ever remember him doing, ever. \"It\'s getting late, I\'ll see you tomorrow,\" he said all in a rush, got up and was out the door before I could apologize more.

***

Tomorrow came and Denny didn\'t show up in either of my kitchens or even call. I figured, \'Okay, give him a little time. I\'d outed him and, even though it was just between us, he wasn\'t out, so I kinda pulled the rug out from under our friendship. I should let him deal with it for himself and not push.\' So, I didn\'t push for a week.

Soon enough, Nannette started asking for him. I did what you do for a kid then. I lied and said he was real busy but he\'d be around as soon as he could, even though I was starting to doubt that he would. Two days after that, she asked if he\'d gone to heaven with Mama. So, I did what you do for a kid then. I called Denny. I wasn\'t surprised that he was hard for me to get a hold of. I think his secretary Janet was under orders to block me at all cost. So, I started stopping by his office. He was never in or in a meeting or just plain not available. Three days of stalling and I finally caught him. I waited for Janet the bulldog to hit the ladies room and then went in without knocking. He was actually working- I had been half-sure he was just hiding in there and acting busy when he knew I was looking.

\"Rush, how lovely to see you. Unfortunately, I\'m late for a-\" he started an escape song and dance.

\"Stow it Den. I\'m not here to give you shit about the other night or about you making yourself scarce. I ain\'t so hard up for friends that I have to stalk them.\"

\"Oh. So what-\"

\"Your niece thinks you\'re dead.\"

\"Why ever did you tell her that? Dear God, Rush that\'s the cruelest thing I\'ve ever-\"

\"I didn\'t tell her that. She decided you must have gone to be with Peg, since you disappeared without a trace, just like she did.\"

\"Oh God.\"

\"Our shit doesn\'t matter. Just come over tonight for dinner so Princess Pinky can start sleeping again. I\'ll make that caramel tuna dish you like and we\'ll pretend things are hunky-dory for Nannette.\"

\"Or, I could take the afternoon off and see her right away. Good Lord, Rush, how could I have let this happen?\"

\"It\'ll be okay, Den. Just don\'t let my stupidity get in the way of you and the Little Cherry Blossom again, okay?\"

\"Absolutely,\" he agreed.

So, we went to my place and Nannette went ballistic to see Denny. I sent Lula home and we went down to Waterfront Park to watch the Thunder lose another baseball game. The company had one of those private boxes with the glass all around, but it was too pretty a day for it, so I sprung for seats. We ate junk food, watched bad minor league ball and bought Nannette too many souvenirs. With the game and the Gingerbread Girl to distract us, it was almost like old times. I\'d missed Denny something awful and it was good to have him back for a while.

Nannette fell asleep on Denny\'s shoulder just after the seventh inning stretch and Trenton was losing, so we booked. We drove back to my place together, but Denny didn\'t come up. He made some excuse- some meetings he\'d bailed on or something, but he promised to come by two days later for dinner and Disney DVDs, which was a Sunday night ritual around my apartment.

***

I didn\'t see Den again until I opened the door to his knock on Sunday night. I didn\'t know, until I felt so damn relieved he\'d shown up, that I\'d been pretty sure he was gonna bail on us. It was kinda hinky how glad I was to see him standing there with a bag that smelled like moo goo gai pan in one hand and a Mulan DVD in the other. Guess it was a theme night. So, he came in and Little Rose Bud shrieked and hugged him. I could sympathize with her enthusiasm. I should\'ve known I was in deep from my own stupid happiness.

We ate, Nannette working hard at the chopstick thing, while Denny told us about the six months he spent in Hong Kong after his first round of college. As much as Denny was happy doing the doting uncle thing for Nannette, he was still pretty jittery. He\'d relax into telling a story or joke or playing some goofy game with Pinky, only to stiffen up when he remembered I was there, too. I didn\'t want him to feel so damn prickly here at my place, so I tried not to be there as much as I could without actually leaving by being quiet and kinda sitting back out of his line of sight. It didn\'t really work. As we cleared up the dishes, I tried to figure a better way to handle things. The only thing I could come up with was pretending that nothing was screwed up so maybe he\'d forget that it was.

After jammies and a potty break, we settled on the couch, to watch the Disney-fied tale of an ancient Chinese secret cross-dresser. The Little Gingerbread Girl cuddled up on Denny\'s lap and I made myself sit right next to him, just like I would have a couple of weeks earlier. Our knees touched and our arms brushed every so often as Denny worked to keep Nannette from falling off \'cause she kept shifting around. Every time it happened, Denny pulled away a smidge. By the time the movie was half over, I\'d had enough of that and laid my arm across the back of the couch behind him. He gave me an odd look, but didn\'t tell me to move it. Ten minutes later, my arm was around his shoulders, our sides pressed against each other and The Pink Princess was lying across both our laps almost asleep. It felt good to be all smothered in the two of them. Really good.

After the movie ended, I tucked Nannette into her bed and kissed her sweet, pop tart and shampoo scented head. When I came back out, Denny was at the front door pulling out his keys. \"Thank you for this, Rush. I really was missing her.\"

I walked over to him, wondering how to get him to hang out so we could just get passed this already. It\'s not like I didn\'t want him around and I thought I\'d made that crystal, but maybe he didn\'t get that it wasn\'t all about Nannette. \"She the only one you missed? I don\'t rate at all?\"

\"Rush . . .\" he started in a defensive tone.

\"No, don\'t, Den.\" I stopped square in front of him and put a hand on each of his shoulders. \"Don\'t get all worked up, there\'s no need. Just stay a while. We\'ll play some cards or something. I missed you. I want my friend back, doesn\'t matter if it\'s my gay friend, my straight friend, my friend who can only get off by licking the bottoms of the feet of turtles. Just as long as the turtles consent, I\'m okay with that.\" He stifled a laugh and I knew I was getting through. \"Can I have my buddy back? Can I, Den?\"

\"Yes, I\'d love to come back,\" he answered as he stepped closer and then right into my arms. Yow, but that felt great. He smelled great, too, like the spiciness of his aftershave and the earthy sweet of the Chinese food. Without thinking, I buried my face in his neck to get a better noseful. He pulled me in tighter and we stood like that longer than we should have, but I didn\'t care. It felt too good to let go of yet.

Eventually Denny started to pull back, but I didn’t let him. I couldn\'t let him. So I braced my hand on the back of his neck and pressed our foreheads together. I didn\'t know about Denny, but I couldn\'t have opened my eyes to save my life. It would have messed up the moment.

\"Rush?\" he whispered.

\"Shh-\" I put my fingers over his mouth to make him go along and it was fiercely easy to tilt my head in to replace the fingers with my mouth. It was perfect. His mouth was soft and warm. It opened under mine and I just gave it up, digging in and tasting him like I didn\'t know I\'d wanted to do so damn much. He gave a small grunt and pushed me away.

\"Damn it, what are you doing?\" he asked, pulling his clothing back into line and fixing the two buttons I\'d undone at the top of his shirt.

\"Uh- I thought you wanted that?\" I asked confused.

\"But you didn\'t,\" he snapped.

\"Oh, shit. I\'m sorry, Den. I didn\'t . . . I-\" What was I doing? Yeah, I wanted Denny back. And, I wanted him happy, but . . .

\"You can\'t play with this, Rush. I\'m not some patsy, your can make a fool of just because you feel like it. I\'ll always be here for Nannette, but do me a kindness and leave me alone. I don\'t want to be part of whatever it is you\'re doing!\" Then he was out the door again. I didn\'t call after him. I hadn\'t clue one what I would\'ve said to him if I had.