Memory of the Past

A/N: Sorry for the long absence, just had a small glitch with my story. I want to thank my beta for working hard on this!

Eddie never got up on Sunday; he just stayed in bed all day. He can’t seem to work up the energy to move himself. He clutched at his heart as tears streamed down his face. Never has he felt so strong about someone since that incident five years ago, but this boy has the uncanny ability to reach into the deepest part of him, a part that he never even knew existed. It hurts so bad, the cut is so deep, and there is no cure for the injury. ‘Why can’t I be strong for once? Why can’t I let emotion control me once in a while? Why do I keep it locked up?’ Loud sobbing begins to flow from the dark room, and his eyes are all swollen from crying and he can barely keep them open. His nose is all congested and breathing is forced through his mouth and dry lips. He is balled up under his comforter, and used tissues lie around the bed and floor. The man is racked with anguish and torment, and the feelings worsen each day.

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Zach had just left the Chinese take out place and starts to walk with a brisk pace toward Eddie’s apartment. He is whistling a happy tune and a smile hangs brilliantly on his face. He exuded an aura of carefree atmosphere and it affected the rather Zach keeps walking nonchalantly and ignorant of all the people looking at him as he passes them. He had one thing in mind, or rather one person, and he is not going to be easily distracted with such an intriguing subject. He kept thinking how he had touched a sensitive spot in the older man’s thoughts and he just walked faster and whistled louder as the triumphant thought grazed his brain.

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All Eddie can hear was the sound of running water. Eddie is wrapping his knees with his arms tightly while his chin rested on his arms. The salty tears mixing with the fresh warm water rolls down his naked body. He’s been sitting there for a while, but he has lost all sense of time with his brain focused on one thought or more so at the lack of it. He has stopped the loud crying, but silent tears kept mixing with the water. Eddie loves sitting in the shower and just let his tears fall with the water, because then he can pretend that he really isn’t crying, that he is strong and he does not shed tears like little girl. He has tried so hard all these years to hold back the suppressed tears, but in just a short time, Zach brought it all out of him again. He hates to be weak, but it seems like that’s all he is. Ever since that day six years ago, he slowly lost faith and courage, and now he is just a recluse at a small apartment. Life has never been so smooth and peaceful, but Zach came out of no where, causing an explosion in his life. It’s been so long since he has ever felt hope that things might get back to normal, but it was just enough that he stopped his tears and finished his shower. He dried off and went into the kitchen. He saw the DVD player and DVD on the coffee table in the living room and immediately he choked back the tears that already swelled in his throat. Why the boy insistently intrudes upon his life is a mystery, but the bigger mystery is how the boy has kept his innocence all these years. The teenager seems to be able to face the cruel world with unrelenting strength and joy. How can he maintain such a carefree life so easily?

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Zach is now in front of man’s door, and he just can’t wait to see him again. He stopped his hand from making contact with the door when he heard muffles sounds coming from insides. It sounded like Eddie talking, but with piece of cloth over his mouth. The words were slurred and soft moaning sounds were seeping through the wood. ‘Oh my God! Is that Mike here again?’ Zach begins to knock had on the wooden door and the sounds inside stopped. Zach kept knocking without stopping.
“Eddie, open up! I am here, come on! Let me help! I am going to call the police if you don’t open up right now. Mike! If you are in there, you better stop whatever you are doing!” Zach yelled at the top of his lung, hoping to scare the person that is making Eddie cry.
Slowly the door opened to reveal Eddie with his puffy red eyes, and immediately Zach pushed the door open yelling at the supposed assailant.
“Where are you Mike? You better not have done anything to Eddie, you jerk!” Zach waltzed right in glancing around the room to see if anyone besides Eddie is around.
“What are you talking about, Zach? Mike is not here, no one’s here except you and me.”
“Then why are you crying?”
“It’s really nothing. I am just being me. He he.”
“Oh Eddie!” Zach says as he walks up to the man and hugs him tightly. Eddie just broke down harder, his whole body convulsing.
“What (gasp)…are you (gasp)…doing here?” Eddie tried to say while still crying hard.
“I thought you might like some company. I brought Chinese food.” Zach said while holding up the bag of food.
Eddie tried to stop his crying, but hiccups still made it hard to talk. At least a smile graced his face and they moved into the kitchen. Zach waited patiently as Eddie went to the bathroom to clean up while he sat in the kitchen. ‘Wonder why he is crying. Just as he continues with his thoughts, Eddie’s voice knocked him out of his musings.
“Let’s eat!”
“Okay! I hope you like Chinese food! They are my favorite besides my mom’s cooking!”
Eddie smiled sadly and begins to eat, while Zach struggles with the chopsticks. Zach stuffed his face with food, without swallowing until he can barely close his mouth. He then in one go, swallowed the whole thing and smiled at Eddie. His manner of eating made Eddie laugh softly.
“Wot?” Zach said with his mouth stuffed.
“Do you ever chew? You seem to stuff you face and then just swallow. You look like you put a basketball in your mouth!”
Zach swallowed and spoke more clearly.
“Of course I chew, how else do I get the food down? Now you on the other hand chew too much and by the time you swallow, you food is probably pulverized to powder of something!” Zach said with a light laugh.
“At least it’s better than your balloon face!” Eddie retorted.
Zach stuck out his tongue out and made a face with the other man. They continued the meal while each made fun of the way the other ate.
“Well, I think we are done here for the night so I’ll leave you alone now.” Zach got up and wiped his mouth. Ed just looked at him with his chopsticks in hand. His eyes are filled with water again, but this time for a different reason. Zach didn’t know that and he winced at the sight, he didn’t realize that he was making the man feel this depressed and melancholy. He wanted to walk to the other side and just hold the man in his arm until all the pain goes away but the last time he tried that he was kicked out. ‘Oh what the heck, I am leaving anyway.’ He walked to him and circled his arms round his back. This time Ed just stayed there and allowed Zach to hold him and whisper words of comfort to him. Zach leaned his head against Eddie’s shoulder and tried to comfort the man by apologizing over and over. Eddie dropped the chopsticks and his cries came on more violently while turning around slowly and buried his head into the chest of the younger man. Again he stained the shirt of another person with his tears and he couldn’t stop himself. He couldn’t stop the confused emotions that flooded out. He had never felt so alone yet so loved at the same time. He never knew that a warm embrace felt so nice. He released all the emotions held in for that past five years. Zach only held the man tighter, hoping the action can transfer some of the sadness onto him so that Eddie won’t be burdened with all he was feeling. After what seemed like forever. Eddie contained himself and drew back from Zach. He looked into those clear blue eyes.
“Can we watch a movie together?”

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An hour into the movie, Zach had already placed his head into the lap of the other man and dozed off. Ed’s eyes no longer looks at the screen but the angelic and innocent face of the younger man. He was afraid that if he touches it, it would crumble and fade away since the boy seemed came so hurriedly into his life, and can possibly leave the same way. The chest slowly rising and lowering and the breath coming out evenly, it was a very peaceful evening. The older man played with the blond hair and traced the lips with his hands. He couldn’t believe he is letting someone else get close to him after being hurt so badly six years ago. But He looks at Zach’s face and he feels from his subconscious that that Zach is different, different from anyone he knows. He didn’t talk about vain things with Eddie, and his eyes reflected honest care for Eddie. Zach was slowly dragging out an emotion that Eddie never felt. The embrace earlier awakened a feeling of trust inside Eddie, however small it was.
All of a sudden the eyes fluttered open and they were looking into each other’s eyes again. The blue and the hazel eyes just kept looking, meanwhile Ed caressed the soft skin of Zach and slowly Zach reached for Ed’s face and sighed in relief, as the man did not even blink at the touch. He then snaked his hand around the neck of the older man and pulled him down closer to his face.
“Hey.” With that he closed the space between them and the lips met with tenderness and care. Ed did not struggle but he leaned into the kiss. He longed for this, to be able to kiss someone he cares, to have someone he cares and who would do the same for him or even more. It was beautiful. Their soft lips connected what seemed like forever and finally parted. It was the most enthralling experience for Eddie and he wanted more. He has never kissed anyone, that was his first, at least the first that he willingly gave. He couldn’t pull away from the comforting feeling of the other’s warmth all around him. He couldn’t resist to get closer. He leaned down again and the kiss was more passionate than the last one and he loved the feeling of the other man’s lips. All this time Zach slowly tries to open up the other man and he has finally achieved his goal. Their lips locked and Zach’s tongue slithered out of his mouth and caressed the other man’s lip, which made the other man flinch and pull back, but it was no use as his grip on the other man’s neck held the head there. Ed closed his eyes and trusted Zach with his caresses. The tongue caressed his lips and Zach tried to nibble at the other man’s lower lip, which brought out moan from the other man’s mouth, but it was swallowed as Zach lid his tongue in at the opportunity. Scraping the teeth and even pressing into the other tongue. Zach finally broke the kiss and panted for air. He looked into the bright eyes of the older man.
“Are you okay? I think we might be moving too fast. Uhm, anyway, I have class tomorrow morning so I should go. Thanks for everything.”
Zach begins to sit up and pulled Eddie into a tight embrace, loving the feeling to being close to the man, he reluctantly lets go.
“I’ll come tomorrow if that’s okay with you?”
“Since when do you ask when you can come over? You just come without warning each time.”
Zach only blushed lightly remembering that each time he is here, he never asked the man.
“Well I can’t really call you or anything since I don’t have your number.”
Eddie flashes a grin and went to the kitchen to scribble down a number on a small post-it and gave it to Zach.
“Now you do. So call before you come.”
“Thanks. I’ll see ya then.”