Calming Coffee

Some more past, some more present, some more drama! Thanks again for the reviews, they keep me going :) Let me know if I made any mistakes


*** Flashbacks

As I walked into the room, they both stopped talking and turned to look at me. Too much attention! I gave them my best smile and said “Hi guys, can I have some more coffee?” That seemed to snap them out of it. Adam immediately jumped up to make a fresh pot, while Casey came over to me and pulled me into a chair. While Adam was working, Casey took the opportunity to talk to me.

“Adam told me what happened. Do you really think it was him?” he asked while trying to get me to look into his eyes.

After stalling for a minute I turned to him.

“I think it was. I made eye contact with him, and there is no one else who it could have been. How did he find me? We don't even live in the city anymore, and I changed my last name!”

It's true too. I went from James Traley to James Proften. At the time I thought it might be too paranoid, but I lived in comfort for 2 years with my new name, so it was worth it.

Casey pulled me into a one-arm man hug. “We'll keep an eye out, ok? You need to tell us what he looks like, and we'll never make sure you're out alone,” he looked to Adam who nodded his agreement.

“He, well, he is tall. Not as tall as you guys, maybe just 6 feet? And he has brown hair. Lighter than mine, but darker than Casey's. And black eyes. Evil eyes. He's very sturdy. I think, maybe, he played football? Whatever, he's just very strong. His nose was broken at one point, so it has a weird bump, and he has a scar on his chin. Very thin lips. And...he's strong. So strong. Strong enough to just c-control another person and...”

Adam came over at this point, crouched next to my chair and put a gentle hand on my cheek.
“James, it's ok. I think you gave us enough information. We'll keep a look out.” He kept his hand on my cheek, and I leaned into as I looked into his eyes. He granted me with a small smile before Casey placed a new cup of coffee in front of me.

“Here ya go. Drink up! I'm going to go grab my books from Shayna's and let her know what going on, then I'll be right back. Adam, can you stay here with him for a bit?” Casey asked while putting on his coat. He shouldn't have to do that, he should be able to stay at his girlfriend's place!

“Casey, it's ok, you can stay at Shayna's. And Adam, you can go home. I'll just lock up and I'm sure I'll be f-fine.” Damn nervous stutter. I'm the adult! I should be stronger. It's my weakness that makes people like Jason and Christian and Tony take advantage of me. It's all my fault!

While I was thinking, I missed Casey giving Adam a look over my head before leaving. They decided to just go through with their plans to stay the night anyway.

“Come on,” Adam said while helping me stand up, “Why don't you go get ready for bed, then we could watch TV or something until Casey gets back.”

As I started walking to the stairs I turned to him, “You really don't have to stay. Nothing actually happened to me. I'm fine.”

He snorted and raised an eyebrow, “Yeah sure, fine. Fine is having a panic attack in a parking lot? Fine is crying yourself to sleep? Fine is shaking in fear? You are most assuredly NOT fine and I am going to stay and take care of you, and you are going to accept it with dignity and grace. Got it?”
I gulped and nodded, then ran up the stairs to get changed, making sure to throw on a t-shirt with my pajama pants this time.

As I came down stairs I saw Adam sitting on the couch, channel surfing. I sat next to him and he passed me the remote.
“Nothing's on, but you can give it your best shot.” I settled for watching reruns of the Simpsons. I knew neither of us were really watching it anyway.

As I was relaxing, a loud pop sounded somewhere outside. I jumped, and grabbed onto Adam's arm. He wrapped that arm around me and quietly said, “It was just a car backfiring. It's ok, you're alright.”
Of course that's what it was. I'm just a complete tool. I went to go back to my previous position, but he just kept his arm around me anyway.
“It's fine like this, it's comfy, right?” I couldn't disagree, so I stayed. His arm around me was so light, yet so warm. I didn't feel at all oppressed or caged in. I felt safe. It was a new feeling.

Of course I jumped about a foot when Casey came home. “James, it's late. Do you want to try sleeping?” After sleeping all afternoon and drinking a ton of coffee? Hell no I don't want to go to bed.
My yawn just then said otherwise. I guess maybe trauma is a little exhausting. I said goodnight and went back upstairs to try and sleep.

*** “James! Hey sweetie, I missed you today!”
I huffed at Jason, “You knew I was just going to meet up with my friends for a couple hours, and I saw you right before that.” Really, how could he miss me already?

“You mean you didn't miss me at all? I was so lonely without you, you know how much you mean to me.” Well, I guess he did miss me. And I do like seeing him.
“Sorry Jason, next time I'll cut it short for you, ok?”
He gave me a wide smile. “That's my good baby, keeping me happy! Let's just stay in tonight, I wanna get reacquainted with that lovely ass of yours.”
Ouch, I'm still hurting from this morning! I went into his arms for a hug. As he kissed my neck I told him so, “Can we do something else tonight? You were a little rough this morning.”

He pushed me away, and turned his back to me. “If you don't want me anymore, just say so.”
Stung, I frantically apologized, “No! That's not it at all! Let's still do it, ok? I'm sure I'll be fine as long as you're gentle. I still want you, of course I do.”
He had to believe me! He's been so good to me, for me, I can't let him go.

He turned back, “Baby, if you really want me so much, why don't you just move in with me?”

A couple weeks later, in the bedroom with Christian:

“That's it bitch, just open your mouth wider, mmm yeah this is good.” With his hands pulling my hair, and his knees holding my arms down on the floor, I've never felt so trapped. He thrust into my throat repeatedly, no care in the world for my comfort. Can't breathe very well...

Thrust.
Need more air...
Thrust.
Please...stop...
Thrust.
Need...air...

“Filthy slut, you better swallow it all.”

A flood of his bitter cum filled my mouth, and I struggled to swallow it, trying to get past it all in order to breathe as he collapsed onto me.
As I choked and coughed he grinned down at me, “That's a good bitch, nice job. I'll have to ask Jason if I can borrow you again." He paused, and his grin turned malicious.
"We should get you a collar, like the bitch you are.”***

I sat up in bed in a cold sweat. My throat hurting from phantom pains, my lungs desperately trying to fill with air, causing me to begin hyperventilating.

NO! I am done with these dreams! I don't want sleeping pills anymore, I just want to be normal again.

I got out of bed. Might as well go down to the kitchen and get some coffee to calm down and to keep me from sleeping. I do not want to revisit those dreams.

As I went into the kitchen, I made sure to keep the lights off. Adam is sleeping in the living room, so I don't want to wake him up, and I know this kitchen by heart anyway.

As I'm pouring my coffee I hear a voice say, “Isn't it a bit late for coffee?”
Startled, I drop my mug and spill coffee all over the floor.
“Shit! I'm so sorry!” Adam turns the lights on, temporarily blinding me, and rushes to help me clean up. As we're picking up the shards, and piece slices my finger open. Of course I try to hide it from Adam, but he notices anyway,

“Hey, you're bleeding. Let me see.” I show him my finger, it's no big deal really.
“Shit, I'm really sorry. I should've known better.” He's holding my hand up and inspecting it as though it were something precious. A cute little wrinkle creases his forehead as he looks the cut over with concern.
“It isn't your fault, I'm just too damn jumpy.” I wish he would stop holding my hand. He's so warm, and comforting.
He goes into the bathroom and gets a band aid, and wraps it around the cut as gentle as if he were handling a newborn kitten.
“Go sit down, I can clean up the rest. And don't argue with me.”

Well, ok then. I sat at the table as he finished cleaning, and he pours us both some coffee with what's left.

“Bad dreams?” he asked casually.
“You have no idea.” was my cheerful response.
“Why don't you tell me about it?” I glanced at him hesitantly. He probably knows a lot about my past anyway. Maybe it will help me to talk about it.

“Well, Casey told you what happened right? Don't disagree, I know him and I know he would think it's in my best interest if you knew. I'm not mad. Anyway, I had some real bad dreams, or more like memories I guess.”
As I told him my dreams, I watched his expressions change. In the end, it was pure rage, which caused me to back away. I know what happens when Jason gets that look in his eyes!
“Oh, no James. I'm not mad at you! I'm mad at those bastards!”
I relaxed a little. How could I forget I was talking with Adam now, not Jason?
“It's ok, it was my own fault. I'm too stupid, too naïve. You would think a teacher would be a little smarter, right?” I gave a bitter chuckle.

Adam came and crouched next to my chair, and like earlier he put his hand on my cheek.
“You did not deserve any of that. You are nice, and gentle, and smart, and handsome, and you deserve better than that.”
I pulled away from the warmth of his hand. “I'll never have anything better. Isn't it obvious? I'm damaged! Something is wrong with me!”
He cupped my face again and whispered, “There is absolutely nothing wrong with you,” and he leaned in and kissed me.

It was a gentle kiss, something new to me. Jason was always rough, and demanding. Adam just touched lips and gently nibbled on one lip, than the other, as I sat there frozen. He didn't expect more from me.
That thought made me relax. When he licked my lips, I opened them for him, and responded to the sweetest kiss I have ever received.
Our position was a little awkward, so I crawled onto the floor to wrap my arms around him. He just held me, demanding nothing more than a kiss. Finally we broke for air, and I blushed bright red as he smiled at me.

Then I remembered where I was, who I was with. I pulled out of his arms and stumbled to my feet.
“James?”
“No no, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to! Sorry. I'm gonna go now, yes, ok, sorry, so sorry goodnight!”

He tried to grab my arm but I just slipped by and ran upstairs, went into to my room and locked the door.

I leaned against the door, and slowly slid down it. Wrapping my arms around my legs, I dropped my head onto my knees.
What was I thinking? How could I let that progress so much? Am I really such a slut that I'm willing to ruin Adam's life for a little bit of my own selfishness?
He's too sweet and gentle and smart and good for me. Too tired and confused to cry, I sat there and stared into the darkness of my room.

I heard Adam go to Casey's door, and I heard muffled voices, but I ignored it. It doesn't matter. I just need to make sure Adam goes home tomorrow. He doesn't need to protect me, I'll be fine. If Christian or Jason get to me again, it's ok. I'm use to it. I've lived with it before. I can survive.
This is how I know to be strong. I won't drag Adam down with me. He's too good for that. He needs to stay and be there for Casey. Not for me. Never for me.





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