Only the Heart Knows Why, Quax's Days

Note: To those wondering about Kanau, Raven of Darkness Shadows is writing the story from his perspective called "Only the Heart Knows Why". Check it out if you\'re interested.



Only the Heart Knows Why, Quax\'s Days

Five: Bestow, Regrow



The afternoon came and went. I stuck around the nurses office with Hika and Bianca, just to make sure Kanau was okay. He was fine once he woke up, albeit really shaken and dovered in a few bruises. Hika wasn\'t really kidding when she said that her and Bianca used to be really good friends when they were younger. The three of them were bickering like some kind of married... Triple... I dunno, there was three of them, and that\'s how they sounded.



Kanau even said something to me, but before I could respond Hika jumped in and defended me. I didn\'t mind, I jst resigned to watching quietly while they all caught up. Still, I kept watching Kanau. His poem was really hurtful, but, I just couldn\'t put my finger on why I would just let it go. Let\'s face it, he always seemed angry at something, I guess for now it was just me.



Still, I wished he didn\'t. I can\'t stand it when people hate me without a reason. What did I do to him? Other than let it slip that I thought he was hot, all I\'d done is sit next to him in class and see if he was okay when he looked down.



When they\'re finally down talking, I think I can finally tell Kanau what I think about him, but Bianaca grabs my arm and drags me off. I take one last look back at Kanau, wishing I could have just a minute alone with him, but instead get taken out to the hall and steered in the direction of the lunch hall. It\'s just as well, I guess, every time I try to stand up to people, I always end up caving and getting told off.



Lunch just seemed to fly by. We sat and talked for a while, but I couldn\'t get the image of seeing Kanau like that out of my head. It was very nostalgic, I guess, but not in a good way. All it did was remind me of the times my father and at my old school. I didn\'t want to remember these things, but my subconscious kicks in every time I close my eyes.



The girls were having their little debate over what happened, to to figure out and justify how they felt about it. Everytime someone would ask me how I felt, I\'d just say "no one deserved that," and continue eating.



Classes that afternoon weren\'t much better, either. I was too distracted half of the time to even remember what class I was in, and the other half of the time I was scrambling to get notes done so fast I can almost guarantee more than half of it will be illegible.



During my last class, I got a note from the frint office which asked me to go back to the nurses office after. Which meant only as much as I had to see Kanau again, which is really the only reason I can think of why they\'d want to see me. I just hoped it was for something that would be over with quickly. Go in, get the job done, go out. That\'s how it should be. That\'s how everything should be.



So when the day was done, I went to the office and the nurse gave me that once over with his eyes that everyone does. "I\'m Quax," I tell him with a polite smile, "I got a note that you wantede to see me."



"Ah, yes," he said, reviewing a file on his desk, "your classmate Kanau lives nearby you, and he has no one waiting for him at home. Would you be able to walks home?"



"I\'m not sure if that\'s a good idea..." I say, trailing off when I think of my father at home waiting for me. "On second thought, I\'ll do it."



He smiles at me and motions across the hall to the main office. "He\'s just waiting for you over there," he says and I nod. The hall was full of people now, but I walk over and find him standing next to it, leaning on the wall. I smile nervously, unsure how I should be acting right now, and he heads off outside.



"So, uh," I said from just behind him. He\'s taller than me, and he wasn\'t exactlyu slowling down so I could keep up, "Where do you live?" I ask him, figuring it would be best to know if I was going to have to find my way back home.



He didn\'t look back at me, but he softened his gaze just a tiny bit as he said, "not far from here."



He ran down the steps quickly, so I had to jump down them to keep up and followed him down the path. We were getting lots of stares, and I admit I was rather enjoying the fact that it wasn\'t all directed at me. That is, until Kanau stepped out onto the road, right into the path of a car. Not on my watch, I think to myself as I reach out and take Kanau by his shoulder and pull him back on the sidewalk. He looks up just in time to see the car whizz by, just inches in front of his nose.



He looks about absently, then turns to me and mutters a thanks. I sighed as we crossed the street-this time without a problem-and make our way down the sidewalk. He let out a soft sigh as he looked up again. "Sorry about this morning," he said without even looking back at me.



"Hm?" I hum, turning my head lightly to him.



"About the poem. I just... It\'s just been a bad day." His words seemed very laboured and I felt myself smiling lightly as I thought that he probably isn;t used to apologising about things. Especially to someone he looks down on, which I\'m sure he does after that poem.



It made him feel better, so I started watching out over the street again. Things seemed a littlei familiar, like really familiar, and then something that kind of clicked. "Hey," I said, looking at the back of Kanau\'s head, "I go this way everyday."



"Yeah," he replied, "the guy says we only live a block away from each other."



I just about stopped walking and felt as my jaw dropped. Just a block? ... Just a block? "Just a block?" I say, almost in disbelief, and he just nods in wonder this neighbourhood is so expensive then, the hottest guy at school lives there.



And we\'re back to walking in silence. He was still not accomodating my shorter stride, but just as I was about to catch up, he turned into a driveway. I stopped out on the street and gasped as I looked out at his front yard. It was amazing! There were great, red rose bushes in full bloom, ivy a cascading down the side of the house and so much more that I knew I could spend a week in that garden, and it wouldn\'t be a wasted week.



"Hey," I hear, and look up to see Kanau standing in the doorway to the house. You can go home now," he said, looking at me for the first time since Monday, "Thank you for the company, but I m tired and don t feel like tending to a guest right now." He turns to head inside, then says finally over his shoulder, "so, goodbye.



I spend a little more time watching the garden, and winder if he\'d mind if I\'d sit here until I had to go to work. No, I\'m sure he\'d hate it, so I turned on my heels and headed off down the street. My head was hung in anticipation of what was going to happen. Why are you late, he\'ll say, why didn\'t you come straight home? Like he can talk, he never comes straight home after work. Once or twice we\'ve even gotten a call from the bar saying that he\'s caused trouble.



My house was, unluckily, just around the corner and I found myself staring up at the old place within two minutes. I sighed, as I always do, and went inside. I could hear voices from the living room and glanced over to see my father having some drinks with his friends. He apparently broought a few friends with him back from work, and they were all drinking. It didn\'t mean that much different for me, except that I could now have a shower before work, which is something I couldn\'t normally do. He considers two showers in one day to be a waste of water, and would of some horrible way to punish me for the thirty cents of water I\'d waste for doing it.



I stealthed up the stairs in my usual fashion threw all of my clothes into the laundry and ran to the bathroom with a towel. I hopped in under the hot, steamy water and felt my troubles ease away for the moment. The water washed down through my hair and over my body. I massaged lightly over my chest and stomach, then up to my shoulder. The pain was starting to get better now, but I still couldn\'t move it very much. I sighed and leaned my head against the wall of the shower. Life always was a bitch, I guess. From as long as I could remember. My mind drifted slowly, from school, my dad, Kanau, that bloodied heap. What happened at my old school. That party, the drinking. The vulnerability. I leaned back under the water and let it all get washed away. Whiped clean for the night. All I wanted for today was to go to work, come home and sleep. No a lot should be able to do something to mess that up. All I have to do is keep my head down around dad, work hard, and hurry back home again.



I sighed again when it was time to get out. It was a good cleansing I\'d given myself, more for a mental scrub than a physical one, and I found it somewhat easier to face the night. So I towelled myself off rather thoroughly and saw how my hair looked. It was all poofy, just like the way it always gets after I shower, so I had to comb it down for a while, then head out to my room with my towel wrapped around my waist. I got a change of clothes from my closet and put them on. Fresh always feel good, so I was rested and comfortable as I grabbed my wallet and pocketed it.



On my way out, my father gave me the coldest scare I have ever seen.



I couldn\'t get the stare out of my mind, and it had me worried about what he had planned for me. It haunted me a new. All that relaxing time in the shower was now a waste, so as I made my way back home again I was terrified that he would stay up and let his anger grow and turmoil. His friends surely wouldn\'t be home anymore when I get home, so if he was still up, I\'m sure he\'d be staying up for me.



Imagine my relief when I got home and saw that all the lights were off. I felt a kind of relief, knowing that this at least meant I could get some sleep and deal with him in the morning. I guess that was his mentality too, but I didn\'t care. I just wanted to go inside and get some sleep.



I trodded up to the door and put my key in, throwing the lock. I smiled inwardly and leaned my head agasint door frame for a second. I guess he\'s not completely heartless afterall. I looked up and turned the door handle, pushing in lightly.



The door didn\'t budge. He\'d locked me out.