Do I Really Want You?

All right, hello everybody. Were still in Sonia's point of veiw. I will let you all know when I change perspectives by signalling you at the beginning of the story.Sorry if this seems late, I got sick and then I had midterms, I still have them but yeah. College Mid-terms are not a joke, but anyways I hope you like this chapter and I'm working on the next one already so it should be out maybe neet weekish.
Yay!!! So Read and Review and Rate, and Enjoy.



Sonia's POV continued . . .


I jumped and almost had a heart attack, as I looked up and saw Derrick standing beside me. When in the Hell had he come in here with me? Why hadn’t I noticed? Why was he able to sneak up on me like that? I looked away composing myself, and trying to get my racing heart under control. I think it was too much for my system to be caught off guard like that. I hated when things jumped out on me.

“Y-You said I was clueless not defenseless,” I replied.

I leaned back carefully on the wall again. Wanting to ignore him but unable to.

“Basically the same thing,” He said, leaning so that he was looking at me.

I wondered if he was trying to intimidate me. It felt that way, and I had to admit it was working but I didn’t like it.

“No, I’m not trying to intimidate you, I’m just wondering about you,” He said. “I know I said I like the fierceness of your thoughts, but not so much as when there directed at me.”

I smiled to myself at that. That’s what that bastard gets.

“What is it that I get,” He asked, moving closer to me.

“What,” I said, ah, crap the mind reading thing.

“Stop going into my head uninvited,” I said turning to face him.

“It’s not like I can really help it,” He said with a shrug of his shoulders.

“I bet you don’t even try,” I said, crossing my arms.

“How do you know what I do,” He asked.

“I witness it with my own eyes,” I replied. “You’re a lair and I want you to leave me alone.”

“I didn’t lie,” He said.

“But you didn’t tell the truth,” I replied, stepping away from him.

“Sonia, if you would let me explain then all of this misunderstanding would fade away,” He said, somehow managing to back me into a corner.

“Why so you can just blame everything on me,” I said. “I won’t allow it.”

“I’m not trying to blame anything on you,” He said. “But I will blame you for not letting us make up if you won’t listen to me.”

“ . . .”

I crossed my arms and looked away. I guess I was still a bit hurt from his earlier display otherwise I probably could have been a bit more level headed about this. But I still felt like a fool. It was hard not to and I think anyone would man or women. The only thing that really saved me from being humiliated was that only He and I and Katrina knew what was going on.

“I’m sorry for today Sonia, but I do like you, a lot,” He said, touching my arm softly.

I didn’t jerk away but I didn’t encourage him either.

“But not love like you said earlier,” I replied.

“It’s not . . .”

“Look,” I said, before I lost the nerve “I can understand how you might not have as strong as feeling for me as I do of you, but don’t say things if you’re not 100 percent sure, especially about love and all that junk.”

I ended with my face burning and my mind reeling. I can’t believe I said that to him without faltering. It was one of the boldest things I had done with him without being prompted to. It felt kind of good actually. He rubbed the back of his head trying to think looking away for a second. I took this moment to look at him. He had a bit of light stubble growing along his jaw line and if he could he probably would be blushing right about now. He looked back at me and I thought his little beard made him look a little older or more mature in a way.

“I know, but . . .”

“Just don’t lie to me,” I said. “I want to make up with you and I want to have faith in you but if you lie to me, then I . . . it won’t be easy for me to forgive and I won’t have anything to do with you whether I want it that way or not, I won’t be able to handle it.”

I wrung my hands as I said this because it was embarrassing hearing the truth of my own words wringing in my ears and feeling the emotions I was putting behind them. It was embarrassing and like a complete switch from my annoyed state but it was the truth and we had to start somewhere. But it was hard hearing my own weaknesses voiced aloud like this. He was looking at me I know but I kept my eyes down staring at my toes in my flip-flops.

“I know your telling the truth,” He said. “You always seem to . . . but I really do like you . . . I’m sorry my feelings aren’t as strong as love but I’m working on it . . . love is just strange to me.”

He seemed a little dejected as he said it, and I wondered at that. So maybe he did feel bad about it. At least a little. I heard the ding of the elevator as it hit my floor. The doors were going to open any second and we were still lock in the corner together.

“I have to get off here,” I said.

“I know,” he replied.

I could feel his disappointment even more and I felt like he was a lost little puppy who didn’t want to leave from the kind stranger’s warmth. It was surprising but that nurturing and caring instinct that sprung up inside of me seemed to take over my functions. I pushed back my hair and then looked at him quickly before staring out the doors.

“D-do you want to walk me to my room,” I asked, softly.

“Do you want me to,” He replied, sounding amused, and pleased.

I nodded. And he pulled away from me and we walked out the door. The hall way was only slightly empty. Some people going into their rooms; other’s walking out. I kept my eyes up and forward as we walked and soon we were alone again. As much as I was angry before I was deflating now. After talking about things I was losing all of my steam. I really like walking with him, it was nice.

“You know you could invite me into your room,” He said quietly.

“And then what would we do,” I said.

“We could talk some more,” He said. “It’s hard to leave you alone when I know I can finally have you all to myself.”

“What makes you think Katrina isn’t in there,” I asked.

“Well . . . I kind of overheard your thoughts,” He said sheepishly.

I bet he overheard a lot of things going on in my mind. I wondered if I should . . . it would be awkward when he had to leave and even more awkward when we went in. and if people saw us . . . well they would just see us. But it would be weird to be alone with him in my room all that was in there were two beds and a chair or to.

“We don’t have to do anything,” He said. “We can just watch TV or something, or talk, or you can just think about things while I listen in.”

He said that with a grin. But I didn’t miss the hint of desperation of him not wanting to leave. Was I really that interesting? I mean how engaging could my thoughts really be?

“Very actually, even your angry ones,” He said, grinning at me again.

I thought for a moment looking at the closing doors and curious looks. I would have to face more than that when he left the room. But did I trust us to be alone together in there? Maybe if I set some kind of ground rules.

“I guess if it’s just hanging out,” I started to say slowly. “But nothing like this morning.”

I didn’t want him to leave either but smothering me with his attention and touching was something we would have to work on slowly. I wasn’t use to being wanted by the opposite sex like this so I had to build up my confidence.

“All right, but it’s not like you didn’t like it,” He teased gently.

We were outside my door, and I took out the key to let us in. Not without looking around us first, I didn’t want people to think weird things. I wasn’t going to be known as the undercover slut. I heard Derrick sighing behind me at that.

I stepped inside and he followed as I turned on the lights and then walked over to my bed sitting down not before turning on the TV. He closed the door. And I heard the click and suddenly grew really nervous as I realized I was locked in a room with a boy with no one else there. Where had all of my earlier fire gone? I hated that when I was mad consequences be damned but when I was lucid and back in my calm collected state I remembered these things and my shyness over powered my confidence. You would think that would be impossible because confidence is explained with strength and shyness with meekness but no my mind worked backwards.

“Calm down, I’m not going to bite,” He said coming over to me and plopping down. “Unless you want me to.”

“N-No,” I said nervously. “I mean . . . now I feel awkward.”

“It’s not like we haven’t been by ourselves before,” He said, in a good mood. “Don’t over analyze the situation, what happens in this room stays in this room.”

“This isn’t Vegas, Derrick,” I said smiling slightly.

“To bad we could try our hand at gambling,” He said.

I smiled at that, feeling my nerves start to drift away. He lay back on my bed while looking at me and I tried very hard not to look away embarrassed. I would just give myself away then. I wondered what Katrina would say if she saw me with A boy in our room and my crush no less. But then I wondered what everyone would think. What would Chelsea think? Oh, wait, He was listening in.

“Um . . .”

I quickly tried to change the course of my thoughts, and I saw him frowning as he tried to figure out what it was that I was thinking about. I thought about Katrina and her little outing tonight and I wondered what she was doing and if Jake had made it to catch up to her and was she being nice or rude. Was Jake going to make it or break it or was the island charm to strong for the main land sprit?

“Sonia, come on now, stop changing the subject,” He said.

“I’m not changing the subject I’m just thinking about new things,” I replied, kicking off my flip-flops.

“You said something about Chelsea but changed course too quickly.”

“Why do you want to know it might ruin the mood, and our makeup, might turn back into a break up.”

“Clever use of words,” He said smiling. “But I want to know, I don’t want to hide things anymore.”

“Well, “I said turning towards him. “Is Chelsea going to be mad that you’re here?”

“If she knew but what I do is none of her business to put it lightly, we are not going out,” He said. “But from time to time, we do hook up.”

“So what is the thing you have between each other,” I asked.

“We . . . well, it’s like it’s familiar to be together sometimes so we forget that were not together anymore but, I think in Chelsea’s mind were on a break,” He said, burying his face in my pillow. “Even though she broke it off with me.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“She told me that we were growing apart and it would be best to break it off while we were still friends, I accepted it not only because it was true it was probably time.” He explained. “But I’ve been listening to her thoughts lately, and it seems that she still has strong feelings for me, and I think she believes will probably get back together.”

“So it is hard for her to accept that you’re not together anymore,” I said.

“I guess this is partially my fault I keep encouraging her by letting her come back to me and me to her,” He said. “But it’s hard to forget what not being with someone is like, I really thought she had gotten over me, but she hasn’t and her jealousy is not something to trifle with.”

“So does she know about me,” I asked.

“No, but until I can figure out what’s really going on in her head, I won’t say anything,” He said.

So I was going to be like a mistress. That depressed me somewhat. Because I still wanted to be with him but at the same time I didn’t. If it was going to be this complicated what was the point in trying anything now.

“Because, I like you, and I am a free man,” Derrick said, titling my chin up to look at him. “We are not a couple any more . . . and she will not control who I like or chose to be with.”

“But if you’re a free man, what should it matter if you announce who your with,” I asked. “It doesn’t seem like you’re very free if you can’t express yourself as you want.”

He looked surprised for a moment thinking over my words. I wondered if I had said too much and felt my face growing hot. Ah, I was getting to comfortable and just saying whatever I wanted. He had moved to sit next to me. I forgot that you couldn’t just say everything you had to filter something’s.

“I . . . know I have to stop encouraging her, it’ll be hard but I’ll do it, for you,” He said. “And because we need to make this a clean and solid break for real so she can get over me.”

“Um, why is it hard,” I asked, genuinely curious,

“I don’t like hurting people’s feelings, but that might be what I have to do to get her to listen to me.” Derrick said, moving his hand to my hair. “She is a nice girl but there’s something else there, in her thoughts . . . that I can’t seem to define.”

He seemed to be speaking more to himself now.

“Oh-“

“What can’t I define? I don’t even know there’s just something . . . there but besides that . . . I do want to be with you,” He said. “A lot, if you can’t believe anything else have faith in that.”

He moved forward, our faces getting closer and I felt myself getting too happy again. But if he didn’t “want” me as he said, he wouldn’t have sought me out right? I wasn’t hearing anything false in his voice, I did believe him. But I had beleved him earlier today and in a span of a few hours it had completely changed. But I was really starting to like his attention.

“I thought I said nothing like this morning,” I breathed against his lips.

“This isn’t like this morning,” He replied. “I’m just kissing you.”

But he had kissed me this morning. Yet I didn’t stop him or push him away as our lips touched. And I didn’t stop him from pulling me closer. My hands moved around him and I didn’t stop that. My heart was starting to pound in my ears and I tried not to press to firmly against him. I was getting excited . . . I think. He chuckled against my lips.

“You think you’re getting excited,” He snickered.

“Well, How am I suppose to know,” I replied embarrassed. “For all I know I could be having a heart attack.”

He laughed at that pressing his forehead against mine.

“Of course you would think like this,” He said. “But it’s cute.”

“Well, I don’t know,” I said, embarrassed.

“Don’t get all riled up,” He said. “It all right if you don’t know.”

I bit my lip and he pulled me even closer. I didn’t resist I was starting to get use to being this close to him. He seemed to like this. I guess because I was relaxing. At least he was good at keeping up the mood. I definitely could not have accomplished this. He started laughing again, and I sighed. I had done it again ruined the mood.

“You didn’t ruin it,” He said. “You’re just thinking too much, calm down.”

“I am calm,” I replied.

Not really my heart was pounding and it felt like every nerve in my body was taut and I was anticipating him kissing me. And I kept thinking about what that meant and it made me nervous and excited at the same time. And then I could remember his earlier kisses and how those made me feel and it made me break out in heat and then he started laughing again. Crap.

“I told you to calm down,” He chuckled.

“I’m trying it’s just a bit difficult,” I muttered.

“Come on, let’s just watch TV, until you feel more comfortable,” He grinned pulling me to lay back with him.

I tried really, really hard to not let my embarrassment show but I knew he could tell even without reading my thoughts. I lay back beside him and we propped the pillows up behind our heads and I handed him the remote. I didn’t really have anything in mind, to watch neither did he really but we watched it idly.

“So what did you do today,” He asked.

“Oh, well, Trina and I went through the town sightseeing as she called it but really we scoped out the shops and stuff and then we went snorkeling,” I said. “It wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be actually.”

“What did you think it was going to be like,” He asked, looking at me while I nervously fiddle with a braid.

“I don’t know I thought I was going to suck up a lot of water that was for sure, but I didn’t,” I said. “Really I just thought I was going to suck at it in some way.”

“You should lighten up on yourself,” He said, taking my hair from between my nervous fingers and pushing it behind my ear. “It’s not like it was for a grade and practice makes perfect and all that Jazz.”

I wondered if it was bothering him that I had been messing with my hair. I couldn’t see why. Or maybe he was trying to help me to stop fidgeting. I did that a lot when I was nervous. I just felt so awkward and out of place and I wanted to move closer to him but I was afraid to.

“Why are you afraid,” He asked.

“Because I don’t want you to think I’m fat,” I replied. “I mean , it’s just that you have Chelsea and she’s so petite and I’m definitely not, I mean I know I’m not humongous but I am wider than most mostly because of my hips but-“

“Stop . . . if I didn’t want you near me, you would know,” He said, “I think you look and feel just fine.”

I blushed and looked away from him flustered. I felt like he was telling the truth but guys our age usually went for the type of girl they could hold in their hand. You could hold me I guess but you’d actually have to work at it, and use strength. Maybe a lot of strength.

“You are not that heavy,” He said shaking his head. “And just because you have wide hips, doesn’t make you fat, it makes you curvy.”

“You’ve never lifted me up before,” I said.

“Do you want me to try,” He asked.

“No, no, I’ll believe you,” I said.

“Naw, I think you need to see it or rather feel it with your own eyes,” He said.

Before I could move like I wanted he had grabbed my arm and easily swung me on top of him. So that I was straddling him. I let out a gasp, and marveled at how easily it had seemed to be for him. Maybe I was overdoing the ‘tearing down of oneself’ thing. He grinned up at me while I thought this and I wondered what he thought was so funny.

“You know we could really have fun in this position,” He said, his hand on my hips.

I looked down and figured out his grin. I tried to push myself off of him but he held me down tightly without even straining a muscle. I was almost mortified almost but I was too busy admiring his strength. I was pretty strong and he had resisted that strength. Maybe it was because I was a girl, and he was a boy.

“Naw, it’s just because you’re not as heavy as you think you are.”

“Let me get off,” I said, trying to find somewhere to put my hands.

I had to put them on his chest to steady myself and then I was staring straight into his eyes. They were gleaming mischievously. I think he was up to something to state the obvious. His grin widened and I felt his hands sliding up from around my waist to cup my breast. I gasped in shock and leaned backwards. I lost my balance and he let me switching our positions. He was balanced over me and again I had to look straight into his eyes that were very hard to look away from now that we were so close.

“So, do you believe me now,” He asked.

I nodded, And swallowed my mouth feeling dry.

“Do you want to try to finish what we started earlier,” He asked, his breath blowing against my lips.

I nodded again, even though I was embarrassed . . . I did want to kiss him. I wanted to do it a lot. I loved the way they made me feel and I loved that it was him kissing me and blowing my mind that my fantasies may actually becoming true. I loved the way his lips felt against mine and even I was angry I had wanted him to kiss me. I loved that good feeling that seemed to slip down my spine, sending pleasurable tingles to all of my sensitive places. He out a shaky breath and I focused back in on him.

“If you keep thinking like that, we may have to do more,” He said with a smirk. “I forgot that you do have a way with words.”

“You make me sound like I’m trying to seduce you,” I said.

“Maybe you are,” He replied. “You do know what you thoughts do to me?”

“No, You’ve never . . .”

“They turn me on,” He said with a wolfish grin.

With that said he pressed forward sealing his lips against mine and I closed my eyes taking all of the feelings in. His kiss was firm not to demanding but not apologetically, and I found that I already wanted more. He pressed harder at that and I returned his kiss to him, wrapping my arms around his neck and holding him close. I felt my earlier descriptions of ecstasy flowing through me now and moved my hands to his hair holding it tightly between my fingers, spreading my legs a bit so he could settle between them. He nipped on my bottom lip and I wondered why.

“Open your mouth, a bit,” He said against my lips.

I did as he said and his tongue dove inside. It felt so weird but in a way it made me feel weird to. I didn’t dislike it but it would take some getting used to. I felt my body pressing against him more firmly. It wasn’t as shocking as the first time because I was welcoming the feeling and I wanted to experience more. He gently began to move his tongue around mine and I tried to follow him gingerly. It was weird feeling his slippery tongue against mine but in a way it was arousing. I couldn’t explain why but it was and as strange as this all seemed it felt really good.

“Your actually pretty good at this,” He said pulling away, and kissing my neck softly, I shivered.

“I am,” I asked breathlessly.

“Yeah,” He said.

He was tickling me and giving me tingles all at the same time. I liked it a lot. He chuckled softly at that and kissed me right below my ear. And then let his tongue flick out to caress my skin softly. I moaned at that and then had to register the fact that that had made me moan. Derrick never lost his rhythm and sucked harder on that spot making me moan harder and squeeze him tighter around me.

“Hmm, seems I found one of your sensitive spots,” He smirked.

“So” I countered.

“Ah, you just don’t get anything about this stuff do you,” He said with a sigh.

“I told you that,” I said, tugging lightly on his hair.

“Ah, then you’ll be an easy target when I use it to get what I want,” He said.

“What does that mean,” I asked.

“It means that maybe I want to do something with you and you say know all I have to do is this,” He said kissing and sucking on that place again making me moan. “And I can get you to cave.”

“so you’d exploit me,” I asked. “How rude.”

“It’s not rude it’s tact, you can always find one of my weak points and it’ll be tit for tat,” He suggested, challenging me with the look in his eyes.

“Like I’d have enough nerve to even try,” I said, embarrassed again.

“You never know until you do try,” He replied.

“That’ll probably be later then,” I said thinking to myself.

I would probably faint from the effort if I tried now. I pictured myself trying to take his shirt off and then his pants and my face exploded in heat with me falling backwards from over stimulation. He laughed again, and I turned my lips into a pout. What’s so funny about me losing consciousness?

“Nothing just why would you think something like that,” He asked, rolling onto his side.

“Because it’ll probably happen,” I replied scooting over so that I could look at him.

“Ah, you’re too hard on yourself, if it makes you feel any better I don’t think you’ll faint,” He said confidently.

I resisted the urge to snort. What did he know? He raised his eyebrows, oh . . . everything. It was so easy for me to forget that he was reading my thoughts because it was almost natural now for us to converse this way. Although it was still annoying that he picked my thoughts out of my head it was easier in a way.

“So I don’t weird you out,” He asked.

“No, I mean, I guess I should be freak out or a little more skeptical about this but I’m not,” I said. “I feel like I should be but I’m not, and I figure that it’s better to just go with the flow.”

“Yet, when you were mad you thought I was just messing with you,” He said.

“Yeah because I was being spiteful and I was hurt,” I replied. “I know it’s a bad but I always do that it just makes me feel better at the time, but I know the truth.”

“You’re the first,” He replied.

“Seriously,” I asked. “Why haven’t you told anyone else?”

“Well . . . I always thought they would creeped out by my ability’s, and then they might have been wary of me,” He began rubbing his chin as he tried to figure it out. “Even my best friends although were like brothers, but they would always judge me thinking I was judging them because I knew what was going on inside of their heads.”

“Would you have done that,” I asked.

“I’m not sure but I never wanted to find out, even I’m afraid of rejection,” He said. “When I was younger when all kids are younger different isn’t better it’s something that may be feared or misunderstood so it was better to keep this to myself rather than announce it to the world . . . I hardly understood what it was myself.”

“Did something happen,” I asked, softly. “Did anyone ever just find out on their own?”

He seemed to think for a moment. Almost as if he was hesitating to tell me. But he sighed and continued on.

“Yeah, it was an uncle of mine,” Was all he said before falling silent again

I didn’t push the subject any further instead I just laid my head on his chest tentatively not sure what he would think of it but he didn’t push me away.Instead he wrapped his arms around me tightly while he continued to think. I wondered if I would ever be able to know how it turned out with his uncle.

“Maybe . . .” he said softly. “Not yet though . . .”

I forgot he could hear me. He chuckled lightly at that, and I came to realized that I really liked how it sounded.