Rooftop

AN: Sorry folks, no sex in this one. I HOPE the people who are reading this are loyal enough to read it even without the sex scene in EVERY chapter, but we'll see. Like, I hope people are reading this story because of Ethan and Fen and the development of their relationship and Fen's past and such.

But who knows? Maybe people could care less about these two and only want SMUT SMUT SMUT. Prove me wrong. Write a review, please. Thank you and enjoy!





Early morning sunlight broke through the gauzy fabric of the white curtain in front of the single bay window, and Ethan blinked open one eye carefully. He lay on his side, pressed tight to Fen's warm peach-fuzzed body, and held close by one strong arm. His nose was smushed right over one of Fen's muscled pectorals, and he nuzzled closer, burying his face in the comfortable scent of his lover.

Ethan had never felt so at ease in all his life. Like he was floating, as clichéd as that sounded, and aside from the faint aching promise of pain in his backside, he was happy.

Gone were the bland days, the terrible sleepless nights, that sinful voice asking for his death, and the soul-crushing agony of being alone.

The realization that he was now paired with someone made him feel as if he were made of champagne, with billions of tingly bubbles rising up inside of him. He had a mate. Someone who would love him, want him, need him. It was delightful. A light delirious giggle threatened to spill from his lips, but he held it in, not wanting to disturb the slumber of his winged partner.

He wouldn't have to worry about the apartment. The only two things from there that he even needed, his wallet and the photograph, were already in his possession, so he was literally untethered. With his funds, he was free to go anywhere.

Just free.

It was a nice feeling.

Ethan untangled his arms and rolled away from the silent form beside him, sitting up on the edge of the bed. Gingerly, so as not to set off any protesting muscles, he placed one foot on the floor, allowing the other to follow when his body didn't immediately object. As he stood, he was already braced for the pain, so when that sharp spike of hurt cut through his backside, he winced, but at least he wasn't immobilized by it this time. He was able to slowly raise from the bed and tip-toe towards the bathroom, grimacing at the sticky, uncomfortable feeling between his legs.

They needed to figure out some kind of protection, cause Ethan was so totally not into a sticky ass.

At the door, he paused and glanced back to make sure Fen hadn't woken up. The giant of a man was still sprawled on the bed, arms laid out where Ethan had been laying, holding empty air. An unconscious smile graced that full pout, and Ethan found himself lingering in the doorway, a goofy grin on his own lips, but then he shook his head, turning into the majestic tiled bathroom and quietly shutting the door behind him.

Right in the center of the far wall lay the jacuzzi tub, and Ethan shivered in anticipation of bubbling heated water. He hadn't been in a jacuzzi for a long time. It had been a luxury of summer vacations, or winter trips to Aspen with...

Ethan pushed himself away from those thoughts as swiftly as he pushed away from the wall, approaching the sizable tub in anticipation. He turned on the water, adjusting it until steam began to raise from the basin.

Once full, Ethan shut off the water, lifting himself over the high sides to step into that deliciously hot water. He sat slowly and rested back against the angled side.

Better than any drug, the water soothed the deep ache inside him, and he sighed as happily as he'd ever been. After a moment, he remembered the 'jacuzzi' part of the bargain and he searched for the button that would activate the jets.

Over the side of the tub, Ethan's questing fingers found the small knob, and he pressed it, almost squeaking at the immediate pulse of bubbles and shooting water. It swirled around him, and he laughed as the water pushed him to the back of the tub.

One well placed jet shot right up against the small of his back, and he half-moaned at the delicious sensation it caused. He felt like he was melting, and his arms rose to drape over the warm sides of the tub, his head finally resting back as he closed his eyes. This was almost better than Fen.

Although with Fen's methods, Ethan was most assuredly guaranteed an orgasm. Or two.

He laughed again, unused to such light carefree emotion, feeling slightly drugged. The overflow of endorphins, after not being experienced for so long, had him smirking and shivering at the same time, and he sighed, willing himself to calm down. The last thing he needed was to have a panic attack from being too happy.

Try explaining that one. What's wrong, Ethan? Oh nothing, I just can't breath because I'm so cheerful.

He chuckled again, lowering his head so his nose was right above the water, and he snorted into it, making it splash onto his face. Dunking under the surface, he submerged his whole body, letting himself float to the bottom.

When the need for oxygen became too great, he broke the surface and sucked in dry air, hiccuping softly. Once more, he lay back, reclining against the tub edge and breathing deeply. The ache in his rear was almost completely gone and he could have fallen asleep, had not Fen chosen that exact moment to snore loudly from the next room, mumbling something in his own language that Ethan couldn't decipher.

Blinking in surprise, Ethan realized that he hadn't ever actually heard Fen speak, and his language was completely secret to him. He wondered if Fen would teach him how to speak it if he asked really really nicely.

Fen was so sweet to him, so kind and loving, that Ethan felt like the luckiest boy in the world. The winged male was just so comfortable to be around, anyone would feel at ease. Even his family would approve.

But...Wait a minute...

His parents.

His brother.

They would never be able to meet Fen. And Fen would never meet them.

Ethan would never be able to bring the two halves of his life together. Poor Fen. Ethan felt so bad that his lover would never get to see the root of his life. The foundation. His heritage and his past were forever locked away and poor Fen wouldn't ever see it or share in it with him.

Poor poor Fen.

Ethan felt so sad for him.

...

Wait another minute.

Felt bad for Fen? For Fen?

Goddammit, what was wrong with him? What the hell was he thinking of Fen for, when his parents were dead?!

His whole family was dead and he was sitting here crying for Fen when that man was perfectly alive and happy.

Yes, Ethan was worried about his lover because he was...infatuated.

But how could he have forgotten the most important people of his life for that? How could he just roll over and move on in one single night of passion. It wasn't right.

It wasn't honorable.

The thought was devastating, and at the realization, shapeless emotions came welling up inside him. He stifled a sob, head falling to the side to rest against the flat surface of the tub. His neck bent horribly, but he liked the discomfort. It was a familiar feeling and he twisted so he could curl up against the side. Ethan clutched his chest as his lungs forced themselves to fill with air once more, and he gasped, eyes burning and brimming with hot tears at the shame he felt in his heart for being so...so...easy.

Sixteen years of his life were filled with the happiness of his family, yet it only took him three to get over their tragic murders? How petty. How...sad.

Ethan was ashamed of himself. Truly and completely ashamed at how all it took is one simple act of affection, and he'd buckled, moving on and forgetting to properly honor his family's memory. He didn't deserve Fen. He didn't deserve to be happy. Or wanted.

Or loved.

The people who loved him had died loving him. His brother had died for him.

And here he was, sitting in a damn jacuzzi tub, like it was his damn honeymoon. Christ, he was even in the honeymoon suite! Like some desperate loverboy who ran away with the first person who wooed him.

Which was exactly what happened, too.

Ethan's forehead slipped down to the edge of the tub, where it rested against the warm porcelain, and he sniffled, closing his eyes as the burning became too much. Tears escaped from beneath his sealed lids, and he didn't bother wiping them away.

The water continued to bubble and churn, making his skin all pruny and wrinkled, and he pulled the plug, letting the water drain. Though it emptied quickly, Ethan stayed where he was, in the tub, just sitting on the porcelain bottom as it slowly grew colder.

There was a knock on the door and Ethan jumped, hands flying out to grip the edges in shock. “What do you want?!” He shrieked, feeling somewhat guilty for unknown reasons.

Fen's soft masculine voice drifted through the door, laced with barely concealed concern. {I am merely checking to make sure you have not drowned. You have been in there for about an hour, and I have not heard you making any noise. Are you alright?}

“Yes, I-!” Though he tried to sound strong, Ethan's voice came out slightly warbling, and he choked on a sob at the end.

The door opened immediately, Fen stepping inside in his human form, dressed in sweatpants, and shutting it behind him. His gazed honed in on Ethan's tear-streaked face and understanding blossomed in his eyes. {That is not bathwater on your cheeks.} The larger male stepped closer to the tub and carefully knelt down by the side. One careful palm cupped Ethan's cheek, a thumb running along the puffy skin below his eye to wipe away the moisture. {Why are you crying, my love?}

Ethan pulled away, averting his eyes and breaking the light contact. “I got soap in my eyes. Leave me alone.”

Fen sighed at him, lips pursing and a line creasing between his brows. {No, that is not true. And I will not leave you alone while you are crying. Ethan,} Fen lifted his chin and forced him to meet his eyes. {We are mates now and I will be there for you when the clouds darken the sky and you can no longer see the sun. I hope you will be there for me when I have dark times, but since just being near you makes me more happy than I have ever been, I do not think you shall ever have to experience that.}

Ethan began to shake, grasping at his bent elbows. “Why me?!” He choked out.

Fen frowned, hand reaching out once more and sliding up Ethan's shoulder to curl around his neck. Not tightly, just ever so gently with the fingers brushing the back of his head, tickling his blond hair. {Why you? You need not doubt yourself or my feelings for you, Ethan. You are kind and thoughtful, with a heart big enough for everyone, yet you are not overly dramatic, rushing off to help everyone and forgetting about yourself. You have a laugh that could light up the whole room, and I intend to make it happen more often. I understand this unsurety, but I promise you that I have not chosen our matehood lightly. I-}

Ethan continued to sob, shaking Fen off once more. “No! Not that! I mean, why me?! Why my parents! Why did I have to lose them?! Oh god, why-?!” He broke off, crying and shaking as he sunk down and curled into a ball on the floor of the bathtub.

He heard Fen stand and shift about, then he was stepping into the tub and kneeling beside him, carefully picking him up and molding him to his chest. No words were spoken, only soothing sounds murmured, and Ethan slowly began to calm down.

{What brought this on, little love? It has been three years since that tragic day. Why are you thinking about them?}

Ethan stilled abruptly at those words, all thoughts ceasing. He fell limp against Fen as his eyes became blank. “Nothing.” He said tonelessly, everything sinking inside and out of sight. “It's nothing. Just forget it.”

Fen's arms tightened around him, but he felt smothered and pushed away, standing and stepping out of the tub and onto the floor. He dried himself off, even though he was already mostly air-dried, and threw the damp towel over his shoulder, exiting the room silently.

{Ethan?}

He ignored Fen's confused call and curled up on the bed, burrowing under the many covers and shutting out the world.

{Ethan.}

Something prodded at him through the sheets but he ignored that as well.

{Ethan. Please come out of there and tell me what is troubling you.}

All he gave was a grunt, then he curled tighter, knees coming up to his chest and arms circling his legs.

For several long moments, Fen was silent, then Ethan heard him dressing. {Come on Ethan, we have a busy day ahead of us, we should get ready.} Fen's voice was upbeat, no trace of concern in it. {We need to buy new clothes for one thing.} He laughed. {I am running out of your baggy extras to wear, and you need something nice to show off your lovely body. Sound good?}

The sheet was slowly peeled away and Ethan lay exposed, naked and still curled tight.

{Where should we go first?}

Ethan glanced up and shrugged. He didn't really care where they went. He didn't even want new clothes. He just wanted to stay here and drown in his misery.

But Fen apparently wasn't going to let him do that, and he was scooped up and embraced, one gentle hand caressing his neck lovingly. Fen murmured nonsense words to him, trying to soothe him, but Ethan didn't want to respond.

{Please, my dear. I cannot stand to see you this way. Will you at least get dressed? For me?}

Had the gentle giant left off the added two last words, Ethan might have ignored him, but that soft imploring request of 'for me', had Ethan straightening up and reaching for one of the bags by the door. Before he could take a step though, Fen had pulled one closer and begun to sort through the clothing. A light brown t-shirt and dark blue jeans were pulled out, and also a denim jacket to keep him warm. Though whenever Ethan was near Fen, he never felt the cold anyway.

It was all laid on the bed, and Ethan was handed socks and a pair of red briefs. He raised an eyebrow at that, but Fen just winked at him.

{Sexy.}

He might have smiled, but his lips wouldn't work for him, so he kept his face blank, too passive to care. The jeans were pulled on after the underwear, and the shirt was slid over his head, followed by the jacket. Lastly, he sat on the bed and allowed Fen to put on his socks and sneakers. He sat calmly, completely dressed and waiting as Fen dressed himself in some of his baggy jeans and an old sweatshirt.

Even as devoid of interest as he was, Ethan was nonetheless impressed with Fen's ability to wear such standard clothing yet look so stylish.

Fen turned to him with a grin, obviously taking notice of Ethan's interest. {First we will get clothes, alright? After that, we can buy a car.}

Ethan almost fell off the bed, but his voice remained flat. “A car? Why?”

{Do you intend for me to carry us everywhere? I am not a camel. It has been so long since I have properly used my wings, that I am actually quite sore from yesterday's excursion.} He smiled brightly, full of charm. {Do you just like riding me so much?}

Unable to flirt back, Ethan just shook his head, lids closing as he tried to ignore the way they suddenly felt so heavy. All he wanted was to lie down and go to sleep. He didn't want to go have an afternoon romp. It wasn't right.

{What is not right about enjoying my company, exactly?}

Ethan huffed irritably and turned a half-hearted glare towards the larger male, who stood so calmly in the center of the room, studying him with concerned gray eyes. “I told you not to do that.” Even in his anger, he couldn't muster up any real venom in his words, only a defeated whisper.

Fen sighed and approached him, dropping to one knee and searching his face for something. {I know you do not like that, but when something is obviously bothering you, and you are too stubborn to tell me what, than I am going to do everything in my power to try and find out on my own.} Silver eyes narrowed in frustration at him. {I am not perfect, Ethan. I make mistakes. I do not know everything and I certainly do not now everything about you. If you will not let me in,} One lone finger tapped on Ethan's chest, over his heart. {Then I will find a way in myself. I refuse to lose you to yourself. Or to anyone else, for that matter.}

Ethan slumped his shoulders, choosing to ignore this fight for now. All he wanted was-

{Yes, yes, I know. All you want to do is sleep. But you will not be doing that right now. Right now, we shall be leaving to go shopping.}

Even as Ethan was hauled to his feet and his mind was thoroughly invaded, he still couldn't put up a fight. He wouldn't put up a fight. Fen's strong hand wrapped around his own, and he let himself be led outside into the bright morning air. The sun stung his eyes and he wished he had some sunglasses. But since he didn't, he just closed his eyes again, determined to not enjoy being with Fen.

They walked in silence, making their way back into town. After a while, they came upon a bus stop and waited, Fen pulling Ethan close to press against his side.

The bus arrived shortly after that, and they both boarded, Fen pausing in front of the driver. He asked in Ethan's head, {Could you ask him if there is a mall nearby?}

Ethan merely inclined his head. “Mall.” He whispered, voice soft and even.

The driver gave him an odd look, but he nodded and answered curtly, telling them that there was an outlet mall about 10 minutes away, on the other end of town.

Fen smiled at him, turning and pulling Ethan down the aisle to take a seat. They ended up sitting in the back, next to the rear exit, so when they approached the mall, all Fen had to do was push the stop alarm, and then they exited when the bus stopped.

{Come on. We need to find you something decent to wear. For once.}

Ethan paused, surprised at the almost-insult in the other's words. But he brushed it off, not really caring even if it was intended.

The outlet mall wasn't particularly large, but it had a good number of stores, and plenty of variety. For the entire morning, Ethan was dragged through almost every store, Fen having him try on various outfits, and eventually choosing for him when Ethan showed no interest in it. Only after Ethan had new clothes, did Fen shop for himself, and Ethan was able to take a seat on a bench by the fitting rooms.

He waited, slumped in the seat, both eyes shut tight as he sat with his back pressed to the wall behind him. The minutes ticked by, and Fen didn't emerge from his stall. Ethan began to fidget, feet shuffling restlessly against the floor.

After another 10 minutes, Ethan grew too frustrated and stood up to change position, but almost immediately after he stood, there was a subtle rippling of his muscles, and he was made to sit right back down.

Fen made him do it.

Ethan didn't even blink.

He sat stayed where he was put, and began to hum softly; an old lullaby his mother used to sing him when he was younger. It made him want to cry, so he stopped.

Fen finally emerged with an bundle of clothes neatly folded over his forearm, and he stopped before Ethan, a stern look on his face. {Thinking of leaving?}

He shook his head. “No. I just wanted to stand.”

{You can stand now.} He reached out his hand and took Ethan's own in his grip.

Ethan let himself be pulled to his feet, and he also let himself be taken to the front of the store so Fen could purchase their clothes. He didn't even glance at the final bill as Fen handed his card to the cashier.

Next, Ethan was outside and once again on a bus. He stopped paying attention to what Fen was doing around him.

Outside of town was a small car dealership, and Fen herded Ethan through the many rows of cars and trucks with one firm hand on his shoulder. At a brand new SUV, Fen made a noise in his throat that Ethan took to take as his approval. Almost as if on cue, a short balding man sidled up to them and reached out his hand.

“Hi there, folks! My name's Morty. Nice to see ya here at our humble establishment!”

Ethan jerked and frowned as his arm came up without his permission and he shook the man's hand. Then an unwilled smile blossomed on his face. “Hello, thank you. We are interested in this vehicle.”

For the first time that day, Ethan peeked out of his misery prison and felt a sharp edge of annoyance and anger flash through him.

“This one here? Well, that's a mighty fine jeep. It'll get ya where ya need to go most assuredly. Do ya want to take a test drive?”

“No.” Ethan said flatly, in his own voice, but not his own choice to do so. “We will purchase this one today.”

Morty's face twitched almost imperceptibly, and Ethan would have laughed at the glee in the salesman's eyes, had he not been so aggravated at Fen for treating him like a puppet.

“Well, alright then! Let's get you guys inside so we can draw up a payment plan, shall we?”

“No.” Ethan once again had to say. “We will pay the entire price today.”

Morty looked ready to pass out, but he smiled happily and gathered them both inside the building. After a quick credit check on Ethan's account and a call to his bank, Morty was coming back with the deed and a set of keys. “Now, here you go.” He said with a smile. “But the registration won't go through for a couple days. I just need an address I can send it to.”

Ethan found himself reciting the address of the motel they were staying at. Which was funny because he didn't even know the address. But Fen apparently did.

Anger simmered in his chest, slowly banishing the remaining traces of depression, and Ethan felt himself returning to his usual self, only more pissed off.

After the purchase was made, Fen hustled him into the jeep, loading up their clothes in the backseat.

The ride back into town was silent, with Fen ignoring him, and Ethan boiling in his own growing wrath.

Then they were pulling into the parking lot of a fast food chain restaurant, and Fen climbed out first, quickly coming over to Ethan's side and pulling him out. {Alright, come on. I am hungry.}

Huffing in frustration, Ethan nonetheless followed him, trying to keep up, but having difficulty with Fen's long strides.

{Hurry up, do not make me make you walk faster.}

Ethan planted his feet on the ground, finally at his limit of abuse, and he yanked his hand out of Fen's grip. “That's it, you asshole! All day you've been dragging me around and telling me what to do and what to wear! Controlling me and invading my privacy! I've had it!” He snorted and stomped his feet, almost childishly, but too pissed off to care. “You! You have no right to treat me like that! You great big douchebag! You jerkoff! Thinking you have the right to do that to me, like I'm your...your...bitch or something! You don't have the right! No one does! But especially you! Asking me why I was thinking about my parents this morning! My parents?! Why the hell wouldn't I think of my parents?! Huh?! I think about them every damn day! All the time! There's not a single moment of any day that I don't think of them!” Gasping, Ethan paused, standing unsteadily on the pavement from the extreme flood of emotion. “Except for...when you came. Now...I haven't thought about them as much. Or...at all, even, in the last couple days...not once.” He trailed of dejectedly, tears building once more in his eyes and blurring his vision. “I'm...slacking...”

Ethan was carefully pulled into strong arms as Fen folded over him, one hand stroking the small of his back as the other carded loving fingers through his hair. Ethan immediately swooned into him, seeking unconscious comfort from the one he was so angry at.

{There there, it will be alright, my little love. Shhhh, calm down. I am here for you.} Fen pressed a gentle kiss behind his ear and pulled back to meet his watery eyes. An apologetic smile graced those lips. {I am glad that you told me the real reason you were mad. I apologize for saying what I did about your parents. Of course you think about them everyday. I was a fool for assuming that having them on your mind was a sudden thing. But I would like to clarify that this morning, what I meant was, why were you crying about your parents. It seemed almost like you had just found out about their deaths from the way you were acting. Were you just sad? Or did something trigger it?}

After clearing his throat, Ethan hesitantly spoke. “I was...I was just thinking...when I was in the bath...about how...happy-” He choked on the word. “-I was. And how...my parents will never...or my brother...they won't get to see me like this...or...meet you...” His voice trailed off, unsure and reluctant.

Fen made a happy sound and nuzzled closer to Ethan, inhaling the scent from his neck and giving Ethan goosebumps. {I understand. Though I have never met your family, I know they were wonderful people. They are the same blood as you, so they must be wonderful. And I know they would love me, like I would love them, because I-}

Ethan sneezed. Then he scrunched his face up, though he didn't move from Fen's arms. “You're still an asshole for treating me the way you did today though.”

{Ah, you see, I knew my wild little hell-cat was in there somewhere. You had me very worried all day. I was afraid you were broken and I had to make sure you were not.}

Ethan frowned, blinking the leftover tears out of his eyes as his hands involuntarily came up to clutch at Fen's thick hair. “What do you mean?”

Fen laughed softly, the sound comforting and deep. “I have been doing all the things you hate all day just to get you to lash out at me. To get you out of your depression. And to get you to respond to me. Because being flirtatious and sweet was not working. So I tried being snide and obnoxious, hoping you would get aggravated and 'kick me to the curb', so to speak. I honestly do not enjoy controlling you or intruding your mind and I certainly do not enjoy being so forceful or rude to you. But...I had to get you out of your shell. I could see you shutting down on me, see you realizing that you were finally happy even without your family. I also saw how much that tore you up inside. Though I understand that kind of pain intimately, I also have the fortunate knowledge of how to overcome those feelings.} He pulled back slightly and cupped Ethan's chin, thumb gently running over his bottom lip.

{I know how to finally move on. It has been three years, Ethan. Your family was loving and wonderful, but your brother sacrificed himself for you, so you could live. He wanted you to have a full life with friends, lovers, and a new family. If you let me,} He dipped down and pressed their lips together, and Ethan felt a small flutter in his stomach. {Than I would like to be all three. Do not pull away from me, or think that I want you to forget them. I only ask that you let me help you through the pain, and allow me to be with you. Think about it. Do not answer right away, for I know you are still very confused in all this. Let what I said sink in, and give me your answer when you are ready.}

Fen let Ethan go and stepped away, giving him his space, and Ethan stood there for a moment, in a daze from his words. Such words...

{Are you coming, little love?}

Blinking himself back to reality, Ethan realized that Fen was holding open the door to the restaurant for him, waiting with a smile. “Oh, yeah, sorry.” He closed the distance between them and slid past, entering the garishly lit interior.

Approaching the counter with Fen following at his heels, he came to a stop before the cash register. A bored-looking teenage boy faced them from the other side, eyes glazed over with disinterest. “Welcome to Burger-topia. Can I interest you in a Super Funtime Meal? It comes with a free fruit pie.”

Ethan frowned, brows drawing together. “Uh...No thanks...Can I just have a...burger and fries? And a cola too.”

The kid punched in the order then half-smiled at Fen, eyes seeming to linger on that perfect face too long for Ethan's liking. “And you, Sir?”

Was the youth gay too? Or was Fen just so unnaturally beautiful that all sexes flocked to him? Either way, Ethan didn't like it. He stepped sideways, jealousy rising up quickly, and grabbed Fen's hand in his own, then glared over the counter. “He'll have two extra large fries, three mega burgers, and a baked potato with sour cream. Also, a giant soda.” The look he got from the cashier was so priceless he almost laughed, but he wasn't sure if it was because of the size of the order or if the suggested intimacy from the clasped hands made him wary. But either way, the teen didn't give Fen another look.

The food came quickly after they paid and Ethan grabbed what he could, leaving the bulk to Fen, who followed him to a booth in the corner. It was semi-private due to the mostly empty restaurant, but Ethan just didn't want to risk seeing people ogling Fen. He slid into his seat, but jumped when Fen slid in right next to him, his hip rubbing warmly against Ethan's.

“What are you doing?!” He whispered fiercely, glancing around for nonexistant witnesses as his hip tingled where they were touching each other. “You're seat is over there.” He gestured to the other side of the booth, trying to shimmy as far away as he could get and bumping into the wall at his other side.

Fen didn't move, only smiled. {But I want to sit near you.} He scooted closer, hip once again pressing snugly to Ethan's.

“Stop that!”

{But you liked me touching you so much before. Why not now?} Fen's voice was light and teasing, a trace of flirtation in it and Ethan recoiled.

“Because I don't want an erection in Burger-topia!” A dark blush stained his cheeks, and he averted his face with a scowl.

Fen could be heard laughing softly, one hand swiftly and briefly groping up Ethan's thigh and cupping him between his legs. Then Fen was standing and sitting heavily on the other side, legs ensnaring Ethan's below the tabletop. {Forgive me. I did not know I had such a strong effect on you.}

Ethan blushed deeper. “I was a virgin a few days ago, you know. I'm still...sensitive.”

{Oh, I know.} He smiled. {And thank you for ordering my food.}

“You're welcome. I could practically see what you wanted anyway. Don't push it on me so much. It's a little too strong.”

Fen made a strange face. {Really? But I...You should not be able to...Hm.}

Ethan raised an eyebrow, blinking at the Fen's broken speech. “What? What'd I do?”

A disarmingly bright smile lit the other's face. {Nothing, my dear. Do not worry about it.} Then one leg shifted and slid up against the back of Ethan's calf, giving him a shiver. Fen laughed, retracting and settling back to eat his food.

Ethan, after being sullen all day and not eating properly, was suddenly ravenous, and he wolfed down his food immediately. Fen must have been just as hungry, for he ate almost as swift, though still agonizingly neatly.

While Fen was finishing up, Ethan sat back and slurped his soda, letting the fizzy drink bubble on his tongue. He paused for a second and looked up, finding Fen's gray eyes already on him. Biting his lip in contemplation, he asked, “Why me?”

Fen frowned, sympathy etched on his face as he leaned forward and slid his hand over the one Ethan had resting on the table. {Ethan...Your parents-}

“No.” He interrupted firmly, pulling his hand away and dropping it in his lap. “Not that...I meant, why me? Like...why did you choose me? How do you know me?”

Nothing was said right away, and Fen blinked for several long minutes. Then, finally, chewing on the inside of his lip, Fen sighed. {In the second foster home they placed you in, when you were still 16, you shared the house with a little girl. She had long beautiful blond hair that she was very proud of, and every night, after the drunk man who fostered you would sexually abuse her, you would wash it for her, then brush it and braid it. When the both of you found out that the man liked her hair, you helped her shave her head. And when he got mad, you told him you had done it without the girl's permission. Then he beat you unconscious and you got moved to another foster home.}

Ethan's hand was clenched so tightly in his lap, that he felt something snap in one of his fingers. But he didn't relax his fist. “...He...never beat me.”

Fen looked sad. {Yes. He did.} The frown shifted to something lighter. More sympathetic. {One day, when you were 17, the day after your birthday actually, you were walking home from school. You had a strict curfew and you knew you would lose your dinner privileges if you were even a minute late. But you passed by an elderly woman who fell and dropped her bag. Money and knick-knacks went everywhere. You stopped immediately and helped her pick up her things, returning every last cent to her. She offered you a reward, but you declined, saying her gratitude was enough.}

Ethan couldn't breathe. As Fen talked in his mind, he could see the past replaying in his head. “No.”

{In the last home, a week before your 18th birthday, a group of four other foster boys cornered you in the woods behind the house you all shared.}

Ethan rocked forward, knowing what was coming, but unable to coherently stop it. His head fell forward onto the table and his drink dropped from his hand, forgotten. He wrapped his arms around his head, desperate to block out the sound. But Fen was in his head, not speaking with his mouth, so the words continued crystal clear.

{They beat you until you teetered on the edge of consciousness, shouting hate-filled slurs at you and provoking you to no end. Yet you did not fight back. They told you to beg for mercy, but you refused to give in. When they saw that you were not responding to them, they sodomized you with a broomstick.}

“No. No, they didn't.”

Fen's hand landed gently on his head, softly stroking his hair. {Yes. They did. And that night, after your foster parent brought you home from the free-clinic, you stood over the lead boy's bed, a butcher knife in one hand, and almost slit his throat.}

Ethan sobbed loudly, smashing his forehead against the table repeatedly. Putting a stop to that, Fen lifted him into strong arms, and the next thing he knew, they were outside, and Fen brought him to the car, sitting him on the hood and stepping between his splayed legs to embrace him tightly. Ethan cried into his shoulder, his whole body shaking.

{Ethan, you had a chance to take revenge on those who wronged you, and you stopped yourself. You let them live.}

He fisted his hands in Fen's sweater, his voice high and sharp. “I was a coward!”

{No!} Fen said sternly, squeezing him tighter. {You are not a coward at all. You are kind and caring, giving that little girl the closest thing she has ever had to a loving brother. You are generous and honorable, for helping that elderly woman with nothing else needed but her thanks, even though you lost the chance to eat that night. You are dignified for not lowering yourself to the level of those brutes who hurt you. You are forgiving for not taking your revenge on them when you had the chance.} Fen pulled his head back and kissed him abruptly, eating at Ethan's lips like his life depended on it. The thought-speaking continued. {None of those things are cowardly. For all these wonderful traits and many more, I have fallen for you, harder than I ever thought possible. And I want to stay with you. Forever if you let me.} The kiss ended, Fen pulling away and Ethan left gasping.

“I...Please, no....I can't...” Ethan still couldn't speak, but he felt his stomach rumble dangerously. He made a noise that was more of a squeak than anything, and Fen quickly pulled him off the hood and brought him to the bushes lining the parking lot where he vomited violently, emptying out all traces of the previous meal. He heaved until he couldn't anymore, then Fen handed him some napkins.

{Here, I brought these from the restaurant.}

Ethan wiped weakly at his mouth, sniffling in disgust. “I'm s-sorry...”

{Do not apologize. You have done nothing wrong. Come on. We are going back to the motel. You need to rest and I need to hold you close to me.}

Ethan was put into the car, then Fen climbed in the other side, starting the car and turning up the heat at the sight of Ethan's shivering. But it wasn't from the cold. He didn't bother telling Fen that.

The drive to the motel was silent and tense, at least to Ethan, who sat lost in his head. He couldn't believe that Fen had seen all that. Had he been watching him this whole time? Or had he merely read it from Ethan's mind, riffling through his memories like some looter? Ethan hadn't remembered half that stuff anyway, not until Fen had said it. The part about the...rape...had been completely forgotten.

Or blocked.

But Fen had seen. Fen knew.

{Your finger is broken. Let me see it.} His curled-up hand was pulled away from his lap and squeezed warmly in Fen's grip. There was a funny tingle in his finger, the one that was supposedly broken, though Ethan couldn't feel the pain. Then there was another snap and he glanced down to seethe swollen digit shrinking down to normal size. {There. All better.}

“Thanks...” He mumbled, too drained to be amazed, his head leaning on the door window as he closed his eyes.

Soon, they pulled into the small parking lot of their motel, and got out of the car, Fen coming to Ethan's side and helping him out. Their hands stayed connected as they walked towards their room. But Ethan felt something building inside of him with each ominous step across the dark pavement. Almost like...

Disgust.

Ethan was disgusted with himself. And even more disgusted with Fen for loving him as broken as he was. What kind of person could do that? What kind of horrible man would accept him like this?

Ethan gasped as he realized he was sabotaging himself. And Fen. His delusions were rising up again, trying to cut him off from the one person who could truly help him. Ethan couldn't do this. He couldn't forget and move to the future. He just knew he would end up hating himself more. Or even worse, he'd end up hating Fen.

Swallowing his nausea, he mustered up the courage to try and save Fen from wasting a life with him. “Fen...I don't think I can do this...I don't think-”

{Hush!} Fen whispered fiercely, cutting him off and planting one muscled arm across Ethan's chest and halting his movements abruptly. Tension practically emanated off him, broken only by trembling.

Though whether in fear or excitement, Ethan couldn't tell. He tensed as well, attuned to Fen's physical response.

{Go back to the car.}

Without hesitation, Ethan turned and sprinted back, all but tearing open the door and then jumping in the passenger side. Not knowing if it would help or not, he locked his door, and waited.

He could see the outline of the motel, but nothing else. It was all shrouded in darkness, the moon hidden behind a thick cloud cover, and he strained his eyes, fighting to get a glimpse of the larger male and whatever threat had been sensed by him in the darkness. It was difficult, but in the distance, right in front of the door to their room, there was furious movement. He couldn't tell if it was Fen or the other thing, but it moved quite rapidly, jumping to the side, then heading straight for the car.

Ethan tensed and went to lock the driver side door, but stopped at the last minute, waiting to see if perhaps...

The door was wrenched open, and suddenly Fen was climbing in, out of breath and wheezing. Ethan watched him fumble with the keys for a moment, then they were put in the ignition and the engine started instantly. He wished for a moment that they had gotten a faster car, then when it revved and rocketed out of the parking lot, bouncing over the cement partitions separating the street and motel car area, he took back his wish and thanked the gods they had an all terrain vehicle.

They sped down the street, taking the nearest exit onto the highway and Fen got the engine up to max power, swiftly carrying them away. For 15 heart-pounding minutes, they raced past other cars, not slowing once, and Ethan marveled over Fen's control of the vehicle.

Abruptly, they swerved off onto the next exit, still racing down those narrow roads, and taking numerous swift turns. Ethan felt completely turned around, and also quite queasy. If he wasn't grabbing both the seat and door handle in a death-grip, he'd have held his stomach. But he just settled for trying to breathe through his mouth as his nausea returned full-force.

Eventually, Fen got onto a busier road, and slowed down, letting them get lost in the traffic.

After a moment, Ethan took advantage of the silence to tentatively ask, “What was that?”

Fen was breathing heavily, and he didn't answer right away. Finally, in a voice tinged with rage, he said, {The same bastards from back at your place. But this time, they did not send messengers. They sent bounty hunters.} One heavy hand slammed against the dashboard angrily. {Shit!}

Ethan blinked, brow creasing. “I haven't heard you swear before. Is it really that bad?”

Fen's fingers gripped the steering wheel hard enough to make his knuckles white, and he was grimacing. {Oh, probably not.} He snorted, voice heavy with sarcasm. {It is just these people who want to take me back, amazingly find me at your apartment not even one night after we couple with one another, which is not that unbelievable since I had been watching you for quite some time so perhaps they found me merely because I was there so long, but now they show up in front of our motel room, our motel room, not anyone else's by mistake, and insist on trying to retrieve me, when there is no possible way they could have followed us here, since I did not leave a trail or anything they could follow-”

Ethan realized that because Fen was projecting from his mind and not his mouth, the winged male didn't have to pause for bothersome things like breathing, and he listened to him ramble on about how impossible their discovery was, unconsciously holding his breath at the long sentences. He also found the other's overt sarcasm quite amusing and he smiled a little, then he realized something. “Hey,” He said, interrupting the other. “-You said back at my apartment that you could sense their thoughts, so what's stopping them from sensing yours? That's probably how they found us!”

Fen huffed. {There is a difference between that and this. They were very close in proximity to me, so their minds were also closer. But over vast distances, our thoughts do not transfer. For them to be able to hear my frequency, I would have to-} He stopped abruptly, looking almost surprised, then he turned to Ethan, a wide grin spreading his lips. {You, my dear, are a genius.} He laughed, all traces of anger gone. {They have been sensing and tracing my changes.}

“Changes? What do you mean? Like...when you morph?”

{Exactly. When I change, I have to use a rather large amount of PSI waves, and I completely forgot that when I do that, I give off a thick mental discharge.”

Ethan made a disgusted face. “Gee, that sounds lovely. Do you need a cream for that?”

Fen looked at him with such happy emotion in those gray eyes, that Ethan thought for a minute that maybe, very definitely, he was going to say-

{You are adorable.} Fen faced the road once more, still smiling. {It is not only when I change forms either. Anytime I do anything that requires about the same amount of PSI, I give off the same amount of discharge.}

“Uh, can you stop saying 'discharge'. It's grossing me out.”

Fen continued on as if he hadn't heard him. {So, all I have to do to win this little game, is stop changing. If I do not use my powers, then there will be no discharge.} A teasing smile from the larger male, teeth glinting from the moonlight shining through the windshield. {But that is fine, because I am already in this form and I have no intention of controlling you again. So technically, they have no way of finding us now. We are safe. And I would bet my life on that.}

They continued driving well into the morning.


TO BE CONTINUED