The Meaning of Sanctuary
folder
Original - Misc › -Slash - Male/Male
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
7
Views:
2,446
Reviews:
13
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Original - Misc › -Slash - Male/Male
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
7
Views:
2,446
Reviews:
13
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance of characters to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. The Author holds exclusive rights to this work. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited.
The Meaning of Yearning Pt. 1
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Thoughts - Unless they're only one-word-ers, in which case the words are simply emphasized for effect.
---0~0~0---
“The absolute yearning of one human body for another particular body and its indifference to substitutes is one of life's major mysteries.”
- Iris Murdoch, British Novelist and Philosopher, 1919-1999
---0~0~0---
Deafening silence and tension so thick it vibrated filled the living room, giving the normally homey and comforting common area an almost graveyard-like quality, broken only by the subtle ticking of the wall clock and the soft sounds of the neighborhood outside.
Dave, for what seemed like the umpteenth time, reread the sentence whose meaning seemed to constantly elude him, refusing to grant him understanding as if in punishment for his currently distracted thoughts. With a sigh, he again tried to - vainly – concentrate on the book he was reading. It was fairly important after all. A piece of literature he was soon going to have to tackle with his freshmen classes as soon as the break was over. And to do that, he had to actually read and understand the book in front of him. It would hardly do if the English teacher himself were so ill prepared that he hadn’t even gotten past the first paragraph, never mind the first chapter!
Besides. If he gave up now, that would leave him with nothing to divert his attention from the impulse to scream with mounting worry, anger, and frustration – a desire that was growing ever more tempting as time passed. Other than perhaps compulsively biting his nails down to their ends – which, while immediately satisfying, had no point to it – there really was not anything for him to do while he waited for a certain someone to come home.
Realizing that he had begun to brood again, distracted by his thoughts, he shook his head as if to physically banish the ghosts of worry from his mind. With another explosive sigh, he attempted to once again focus on the book in front of him.
Adrian, ‘meditating’ on an armchair across from the television on the far side of the room, observed his husband’s seemingly relaxed pose, curled up on the hideous, garishly colored plaid green and pink couch that Dave insisted was ‘charming’. If it weren’t for the white-knuckled grip that the English teacher had on the defenseless paperback book the man was attempting to read that belied an extreme level of tension and anxiety, Adrian could almost fool himself into thinking that his partner was completely at ease with himself and the world.
Yeah, right. He added to himself with a snort. Even if Lao Tzu[1] himself were to come and hit him over the head I doubt Dave would so much as notice he’s there, much less pay attention long enough to realize he’d been hit.
Worried green eyes darted to the wall clock hanging a few feet above his head for the fourth time in as many minutes – Adrian was counting – bypassing the man seated below it entirely before determinedly looking at the book again. Yet another vain attempt. The martial teacher quietly mused as he noticed anxious jade orbs clouded with clear distress darting back and forth from the book to the clock on the wall almost immediately again after only a few moments had passed. He hasn’t stopped glancing back at the clock for the past hour.
It was when his hearing, made sensitive through his training, detected the very slight sound of fragile paper about to tear that he knew that he had to do something before his husband’s thin veneer of calm finally ripped apart.
“Love,” Adrian studiously ignored the little start the other man gave at the sound of his voice breaking the silence, as well as the small muffled ‘thump’ that came from the book’s hitting the carpeted floor after being dropped by his far too jittery husband. “Why don’t you go on up to bed? It’s getting late.”
Exhausted, worry glazed eyes stared at him in betrayal. “Adrian, I can’t!” Dave immediately protested, lifting his head from the book he picked up from the floor so he could meet his lover’s concerned gaze. “Alex isn’t home yet!” He didn’t even bother trying to pretend he wasn’t worried – he was far too honest with himself to lie to himself, and even if he was inclined to, his husband knew him far too well for that particular tactic to work anyway. Besides, he had the nagging feeling Adrian had already seen through his ‘reading’, if the barest hint of that familiar raise of an eyebrow was anything to go by.
“I know, love,” Said husband sighed, standing up and walking across the room to deftly take the book from Dave’s hands, closing the pages and placing it down on the low-lying coffee table set in front of the couch. “But it’s late, you’re exhausted, and it’s not as if there’s anything you can do that you haven’t done already… or tried and been unable to do.”
To his credit, the martial arts teacher never once specifically mentioned the book, even though the implications in his statement were a little too obvious to ignore.
Still, Dave gave it his best shot. “I’m not tired!” He insisted, leaning forward and around his husband to grab the book, letting out a rather loud sigh when the other man took the novel and lifted it up and out of his reach, sitting down as the English teacher was, and placing it in the shelf next to the couch. “Adrian!”
“Forget the book, love.” Came the quiet, not-quite a command. “We both know that Alex isn’t home yet. But your sitting here worrying yourself to death isn’t going to make him come home any faster, and all it’s doing is making you tired and even more exhausted than you already are. Maybe if you go to bed, you’ll manage to get some rest.”
“Adrian, I – ”
“I promise to wake you up if – when, when Alex gets home, alright?” He winced, silently cursing himself three kinds of fool for that particular slip of the tongue. He wasn’t normally so careless.
With just one word he had voiced all their worries, voiced the possibility that the boy they both cared about might not be coming home. It made the abstract possibility gain a terrifyingly tangible quality, turning it into something that they may actually have to face and admit if the time got any later. It made Dave worry more, it made him worry more with the chances that something happened to Alex to keep him from coming home – and it was even beginning to instill within him the beginnings of panic that would be difficult to contain and ignore if he continued to brood about the many dangers even their relatively safe local neighborhood offered to grown men, let alone a seventeen year old teenage boy so thin a good wind would blow him away!
He dared a glance at his husband, and winced again, unable to help but notice distress widened eyes and lips pinched with worry. “Lo – Dave?” The use of the English teacher’s name had the proper effect – Adrian looked into the slightly clearer, more coherent gaze with relief. “Get some rest,” he repeated, hoping his husband would take him up on his suggestion. “I promise I’ll wake you up as soon as he gets home.” And, seeing his husband open his mouth to protest again, hurriedly added, “You know he wouldn’t want you exhausting yourself on his account, right?”
Adrian barely kept himself from wincing again – emotional blackmail was a dirty trick, and, judging from the glare that his husband sent his way, Dave agreed, and was certainly not falling for it. In fact, if the narrowed eyes and determined frown were anything to go by, his husband was settling into the characteristic stubbornness and persistence that was only admirable when it was on Adrian’s side.
Pure and absolute hell when he was trying to get his partner to do something he didn’t want to do, though.
It was times like these that Adrian wondered why he hadn’t chosen to marry someone just a little bit easier to deal with, even if it wouldn’t have been half as interesting, exciting, or nearly enough for him. He loved Dave - his mule-like stubbornness was all part of his charm, and he would honestly sooner cut off his arm than ask his husband to change his ways, but sometimes…
Exhaling a soundless puff of air that wasn’t quite a sigh – he’d been doing far too much of that, thank you very much – he sat down beside Dave and pulled his husband into his arms, cradling the much-beloved figure against his body in a comforting embrace.
A small smile formed on his lips as the English teacher relaxed back against him bonelessly, as if Adrian had poured all the worries and cares out of him by his mere caress. Dave grinned reluctantly at the kiss and teasing nip his husband gave to the side of his neck, and felt a pang of guilt at the mute apology in the affectionate display.
“I’m sorry, Adrian,” He leaned back and turned his head to return the kiss, which his husband gladly accepted. “I didn’t mean to snap – I know that you’re only trying to help. But… It’s just… I’m worried, Adrian!” Dave turned in the circle of his husband’s arms so he could lean against a strong shoulder. “It’s so late already – and getting even later!”
“I know, love, but all this worrying isn’t helping anything at all – it certainly isn’t making him come home any faster.”
“I know, I know, but - ”
“You need to rest. Not just lie down or look at the book and pretend you’re reading, but actually rest. You’re going to make yourself ill, and I meant it when I said that Alex won’t be happy if he found out that the reason why you got sick was because of him.” Adrian gave him a look. “Though of course, it would be different if you were actually understanding what you’re reading, but I doubt you even remember what the book was about.”
“Of course I remember!” Came the immediate protest.
“Oh, really? What was it about then?”
“It was… It was… The book was about…” He growled softly in frustration. He couldn’t remember – but he wasn’t about to prove his husband right. “It doesn’t matter! That’s not the point!”
“Then what is the point?”
Dave looked at him incredulously. “What’s the point? What’s the point?! It’s a late Wednesday night, a school night, Alex isn’t home yet, our dinner cooled hours ago, Alex isn’t home yet, it’s almost two o’clock in the morning, Alex isn’t home yet, anything could have happened to him and we wouldn’t know because we don’t know where he is, and goddammit but Alex. Isn’t. Here! And you ask me what’s wrong?!” The teacher's voice almost cracked as it rose at the last word.
Trying to smother a grin, Adrian calmly pointed out. “Technically, it isn’t a school night, you know – what with break starting tomorrow.”
“Adrian!” Came the outraged, incredulous cry. The other man immediately felt contrite.
“I’m only teasing, love, I know it’s late and he isn’t here yet…” He kissed Dave in apology, which the other man grudgingly accepted. “And I’m worried too, but – but all this worrying isn’t going to actually bring him home. You know that.”
“…”
“Love?”
“…”
“Dave?”
Just when he was beginning to get worried for his husband, Dave finally stirred. “I…” A sigh. “I know, Adrian. You don’t have to tell me that. But I can’t help but worry… What if something happens to him? We wouldn’t know!”
“He is seventeen, love, you realize? While he isn’t legally an adult, he is mature for his age – I’m sure he knows how to take care of himself. He’s a big boy now and all those trite clichés.” Despite the lighthearted words, though, he was more than worried himself. He wasn’t sure anymore exactly who between the two of them he was trying to convince.
“Yes, but… It’s Alex! And I’m worried!”
Adrian sighed, pulling his love close once again, embracing him tightly as he wished he could do with a certain young man who was wandering alone and vulnerable on the streets at two o’clock in the morning with no one to take care of him – without them to take care of him. “I know, love.” His heart clenched at the thought that anything could have hurt the boy more than he already was.
“I know.”
---0~0~0---
[1] Lao Tzu, or "Old Sage", was a highly respected Chinese philosopher who lived arguably during the 4th (as most historians agree) or 6th century B.C (what Chinese tradition dictates). He was also known as Taishang Laojun, a title meaning one of the three Pure Ones in the Taoist region of China, and was famous for founding Taoism or The Way that, in my own most imperfect understanding advises all beings to live according to their true nature, which is believed to be basically good and in harmony with the earth and its key elements of fire, wind, water, earth, and metal. Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lao_Tzu
AN: A kind of short filler chapter, mostly, meant to convey the impression of time passing and how slow time does pass when one is waiting, worried for the safety of a loved one. This is, however, the first of two parts of chapter five – so no worries. I merely had to split chapter five as it was getting to be a little too long… This first part is four pages as it is.
Review Responses:
Nomadic: Actually, in some countries (like mine, for example), people as young as 16 years old work. If legally, they’re called interns and aren’t paid, but it is possible for them to be –illegally- hired and paid for a part-time job. I personally don’t condone it, though, unless in cases of utmost necessity. For my story’s purposes, though, Alex is getting paid a reasonable amount – enough for him to get by – and not too many people know he’s working. (It is illegal in his case.)
Thelongsleep: Here’s chapter five – e-mail me with your comments! ^^
nighter: Thank you so much! Extremely pleased to hear you like it, and I’ll try to update sooner. ^^
Cheers,
Jade Ai
Thoughts - Unless they're only one-word-ers, in which case the words are simply emphasized for effect.
---0~0~0---
“The absolute yearning of one human body for another particular body and its indifference to substitutes is one of life's major mysteries.”
- Iris Murdoch, British Novelist and Philosopher, 1919-1999
---0~0~0---
Deafening silence and tension so thick it vibrated filled the living room, giving the normally homey and comforting common area an almost graveyard-like quality, broken only by the subtle ticking of the wall clock and the soft sounds of the neighborhood outside.
Dave, for what seemed like the umpteenth time, reread the sentence whose meaning seemed to constantly elude him, refusing to grant him understanding as if in punishment for his currently distracted thoughts. With a sigh, he again tried to - vainly – concentrate on the book he was reading. It was fairly important after all. A piece of literature he was soon going to have to tackle with his freshmen classes as soon as the break was over. And to do that, he had to actually read and understand the book in front of him. It would hardly do if the English teacher himself were so ill prepared that he hadn’t even gotten past the first paragraph, never mind the first chapter!
Besides. If he gave up now, that would leave him with nothing to divert his attention from the impulse to scream with mounting worry, anger, and frustration – a desire that was growing ever more tempting as time passed. Other than perhaps compulsively biting his nails down to their ends – which, while immediately satisfying, had no point to it – there really was not anything for him to do while he waited for a certain someone to come home.
Realizing that he had begun to brood again, distracted by his thoughts, he shook his head as if to physically banish the ghosts of worry from his mind. With another explosive sigh, he attempted to once again focus on the book in front of him.
Adrian, ‘meditating’ on an armchair across from the television on the far side of the room, observed his husband’s seemingly relaxed pose, curled up on the hideous, garishly colored plaid green and pink couch that Dave insisted was ‘charming’. If it weren’t for the white-knuckled grip that the English teacher had on the defenseless paperback book the man was attempting to read that belied an extreme level of tension and anxiety, Adrian could almost fool himself into thinking that his partner was completely at ease with himself and the world.
Yeah, right. He added to himself with a snort. Even if Lao Tzu[1] himself were to come and hit him over the head I doubt Dave would so much as notice he’s there, much less pay attention long enough to realize he’d been hit.
Worried green eyes darted to the wall clock hanging a few feet above his head for the fourth time in as many minutes – Adrian was counting – bypassing the man seated below it entirely before determinedly looking at the book again. Yet another vain attempt. The martial teacher quietly mused as he noticed anxious jade orbs clouded with clear distress darting back and forth from the book to the clock on the wall almost immediately again after only a few moments had passed. He hasn’t stopped glancing back at the clock for the past hour.
It was when his hearing, made sensitive through his training, detected the very slight sound of fragile paper about to tear that he knew that he had to do something before his husband’s thin veneer of calm finally ripped apart.
“Love,” Adrian studiously ignored the little start the other man gave at the sound of his voice breaking the silence, as well as the small muffled ‘thump’ that came from the book’s hitting the carpeted floor after being dropped by his far too jittery husband. “Why don’t you go on up to bed? It’s getting late.”
Exhausted, worry glazed eyes stared at him in betrayal. “Adrian, I can’t!” Dave immediately protested, lifting his head from the book he picked up from the floor so he could meet his lover’s concerned gaze. “Alex isn’t home yet!” He didn’t even bother trying to pretend he wasn’t worried – he was far too honest with himself to lie to himself, and even if he was inclined to, his husband knew him far too well for that particular tactic to work anyway. Besides, he had the nagging feeling Adrian had already seen through his ‘reading’, if the barest hint of that familiar raise of an eyebrow was anything to go by.
“I know, love,” Said husband sighed, standing up and walking across the room to deftly take the book from Dave’s hands, closing the pages and placing it down on the low-lying coffee table set in front of the couch. “But it’s late, you’re exhausted, and it’s not as if there’s anything you can do that you haven’t done already… or tried and been unable to do.”
To his credit, the martial arts teacher never once specifically mentioned the book, even though the implications in his statement were a little too obvious to ignore.
Still, Dave gave it his best shot. “I’m not tired!” He insisted, leaning forward and around his husband to grab the book, letting out a rather loud sigh when the other man took the novel and lifted it up and out of his reach, sitting down as the English teacher was, and placing it in the shelf next to the couch. “Adrian!”
“Forget the book, love.” Came the quiet, not-quite a command. “We both know that Alex isn’t home yet. But your sitting here worrying yourself to death isn’t going to make him come home any faster, and all it’s doing is making you tired and even more exhausted than you already are. Maybe if you go to bed, you’ll manage to get some rest.”
“Adrian, I – ”
“I promise to wake you up if – when, when Alex gets home, alright?” He winced, silently cursing himself three kinds of fool for that particular slip of the tongue. He wasn’t normally so careless.
With just one word he had voiced all their worries, voiced the possibility that the boy they both cared about might not be coming home. It made the abstract possibility gain a terrifyingly tangible quality, turning it into something that they may actually have to face and admit if the time got any later. It made Dave worry more, it made him worry more with the chances that something happened to Alex to keep him from coming home – and it was even beginning to instill within him the beginnings of panic that would be difficult to contain and ignore if he continued to brood about the many dangers even their relatively safe local neighborhood offered to grown men, let alone a seventeen year old teenage boy so thin a good wind would blow him away!
He dared a glance at his husband, and winced again, unable to help but notice distress widened eyes and lips pinched with worry. “Lo – Dave?” The use of the English teacher’s name had the proper effect – Adrian looked into the slightly clearer, more coherent gaze with relief. “Get some rest,” he repeated, hoping his husband would take him up on his suggestion. “I promise I’ll wake you up as soon as he gets home.” And, seeing his husband open his mouth to protest again, hurriedly added, “You know he wouldn’t want you exhausting yourself on his account, right?”
Adrian barely kept himself from wincing again – emotional blackmail was a dirty trick, and, judging from the glare that his husband sent his way, Dave agreed, and was certainly not falling for it. In fact, if the narrowed eyes and determined frown were anything to go by, his husband was settling into the characteristic stubbornness and persistence that was only admirable when it was on Adrian’s side.
Pure and absolute hell when he was trying to get his partner to do something he didn’t want to do, though.
It was times like these that Adrian wondered why he hadn’t chosen to marry someone just a little bit easier to deal with, even if it wouldn’t have been half as interesting, exciting, or nearly enough for him. He loved Dave - his mule-like stubbornness was all part of his charm, and he would honestly sooner cut off his arm than ask his husband to change his ways, but sometimes…
Exhaling a soundless puff of air that wasn’t quite a sigh – he’d been doing far too much of that, thank you very much – he sat down beside Dave and pulled his husband into his arms, cradling the much-beloved figure against his body in a comforting embrace.
A small smile formed on his lips as the English teacher relaxed back against him bonelessly, as if Adrian had poured all the worries and cares out of him by his mere caress. Dave grinned reluctantly at the kiss and teasing nip his husband gave to the side of his neck, and felt a pang of guilt at the mute apology in the affectionate display.
“I’m sorry, Adrian,” He leaned back and turned his head to return the kiss, which his husband gladly accepted. “I didn’t mean to snap – I know that you’re only trying to help. But… It’s just… I’m worried, Adrian!” Dave turned in the circle of his husband’s arms so he could lean against a strong shoulder. “It’s so late already – and getting even later!”
“I know, love, but all this worrying isn’t helping anything at all – it certainly isn’t making him come home any faster.”
“I know, I know, but - ”
“You need to rest. Not just lie down or look at the book and pretend you’re reading, but actually rest. You’re going to make yourself ill, and I meant it when I said that Alex won’t be happy if he found out that the reason why you got sick was because of him.” Adrian gave him a look. “Though of course, it would be different if you were actually understanding what you’re reading, but I doubt you even remember what the book was about.”
“Of course I remember!” Came the immediate protest.
“Oh, really? What was it about then?”
“It was… It was… The book was about…” He growled softly in frustration. He couldn’t remember – but he wasn’t about to prove his husband right. “It doesn’t matter! That’s not the point!”
“Then what is the point?”
Dave looked at him incredulously. “What’s the point? What’s the point?! It’s a late Wednesday night, a school night, Alex isn’t home yet, our dinner cooled hours ago, Alex isn’t home yet, it’s almost two o’clock in the morning, Alex isn’t home yet, anything could have happened to him and we wouldn’t know because we don’t know where he is, and goddammit but Alex. Isn’t. Here! And you ask me what’s wrong?!” The teacher's voice almost cracked as it rose at the last word.
Trying to smother a grin, Adrian calmly pointed out. “Technically, it isn’t a school night, you know – what with break starting tomorrow.”
“Adrian!” Came the outraged, incredulous cry. The other man immediately felt contrite.
“I’m only teasing, love, I know it’s late and he isn’t here yet…” He kissed Dave in apology, which the other man grudgingly accepted. “And I’m worried too, but – but all this worrying isn’t going to actually bring him home. You know that.”
“…”
“Love?”
“…”
“Dave?”
Just when he was beginning to get worried for his husband, Dave finally stirred. “I…” A sigh. “I know, Adrian. You don’t have to tell me that. But I can’t help but worry… What if something happens to him? We wouldn’t know!”
“He is seventeen, love, you realize? While he isn’t legally an adult, he is mature for his age – I’m sure he knows how to take care of himself. He’s a big boy now and all those trite clichés.” Despite the lighthearted words, though, he was more than worried himself. He wasn’t sure anymore exactly who between the two of them he was trying to convince.
“Yes, but… It’s Alex! And I’m worried!”
Adrian sighed, pulling his love close once again, embracing him tightly as he wished he could do with a certain young man who was wandering alone and vulnerable on the streets at two o’clock in the morning with no one to take care of him – without them to take care of him. “I know, love.” His heart clenched at the thought that anything could have hurt the boy more than he already was.
“I know.”
---0~0~0---
[1] Lao Tzu, or "Old Sage", was a highly respected Chinese philosopher who lived arguably during the 4th (as most historians agree) or 6th century B.C (what Chinese tradition dictates). He was also known as Taishang Laojun, a title meaning one of the three Pure Ones in the Taoist region of China, and was famous for founding Taoism or The Way that, in my own most imperfect understanding advises all beings to live according to their true nature, which is believed to be basically good and in harmony with the earth and its key elements of fire, wind, water, earth, and metal. Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lao_Tzu
AN: A kind of short filler chapter, mostly, meant to convey the impression of time passing and how slow time does pass when one is waiting, worried for the safety of a loved one. This is, however, the first of two parts of chapter five – so no worries. I merely had to split chapter five as it was getting to be a little too long… This first part is four pages as it is.
Review Responses:
Nomadic: Actually, in some countries (like mine, for example), people as young as 16 years old work. If legally, they’re called interns and aren’t paid, but it is possible for them to be –illegally- hired and paid for a part-time job. I personally don’t condone it, though, unless in cases of utmost necessity. For my story’s purposes, though, Alex is getting paid a reasonable amount – enough for him to get by – and not too many people know he’s working. (It is illegal in his case.)
Thelongsleep: Here’s chapter five – e-mail me with your comments! ^^
nighter: Thank you so much! Extremely pleased to hear you like it, and I’ll try to update sooner. ^^
Cheers,
Jade Ai