Ghost of you

A/N: Thank you for everyone, who reviewed! *hugs* =)

Someone asked how old Olavi is in this; -he is 15, but turning 16 quite soon.


betad by; Teeta

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Chapter 5

It was more than surprising, to say at the least. One minute he had been standing there, gazing out of the window, admiring the beauty of the dark night and enjoying the quietness surrounding him. And now, his body was pressed against a stronger one, while hungry lips tasted his own, a tongue was examining his mouth. There really was a tongue in his mouth! He was too surprised to do anything, so he was still, eyes wide open and soon the man seemed to realize that the kiss was not exactly being responded to.

He pulled away and for a moment they just stared at each others.
“Oh my God…” Alexander breathed out, and after realizing that he was still holding the boy, he quickly released his hold and stepped back “I’m so sorry, I…” What could he possibly say for an excuse? Sorry I thought you were your brother? Yes, perhaps not…


Olavi just looked at him, not really knowing what to say, what to do, wondering what had just happened. He lifted his hand up, to touch his lips, feeling the warmth, still feeling the exploring tongue in his mouth. He had been kissed before, but always with a closed mouth, the way people kissed in movies. But a tongue? And why an earth was he more surprised about the fact that there had been a tongue in his mouth, rather than the fact that a man had kissed him? He looked up into the brown eyes; he really had kissed him!

“You…you kissed me…” He stuttered. Not even realizing that he was still holding his fingers on his lips. “Why?” He asked then.
“I…”
“Uh, you kissed me!” He almost shouted then, when his mind finally seemed to grasp on the fact how wrong it was. A man should not kiss another man!
“Shh…” Alexander tried. “It was a mistake, I…I was sleep walking and I… I am sorry…” He whispered.
“Um, okay… I have to go to bed, it’s late…” Olavi said and quickly hurried towards his bedroom.

Once he got there, he closed the door and leaned his back against it. He tried to calm down, brought his hand up yet again to feel his lips, carefully licking them, tasting him. Some dream the man must have had to kiss him like that, he thought to himself and a slight smile rose to his lips. “Uh, disgusting… It’s disgusting… stop smiling for goodness sake.” He whispered to himself as he finally walked over to his bed.

**^^**^^**^^**^^^**

He was truly annoyed when he woke, remembering the dream he had had and seeing what it had caused. Another secret laundry day for him, he sighed and undressed himself.

Being a teenager sucked and it sucked bad. Being a teenage boy and having a grown man kiss him, sucked even worse. But what sucked the most, was that after that kiss, he had such a perverted dream that he wasn’t sure if that was even normal anymore. Flashbacks of the dream in his mind, he grunted, knew that he should feel disgusted with himself, but somehow the images almost made him hard again. “You truly are one sick puppy.” He told himself and tried to think about something else that would make the erection disappear. Thinking of his Swedish adopted grandmother, sitting in the living room naked, while drinking tea, did the trick for him.

And now, all he really had to do was to avoid that nasty Russian at any cost. “Yes, he is nasty.” He whispered to himself, but then his mind pointed out that the man really wasn’t disgusting in the least, that in fact, he was quite the opposite. He probably was going crazy… really, really crazy. This had to be devil’s work… Maybe a visit to church would help? And maybe, what he really needed to do was to find a girl to kiss. Yes, that would be it, just kiss some girl and be normal again. Hanna would kiss him gladly, he knew she would. But why did he feel so ill just thinking about kissing her then? He really didn’t like her. But he was sure it could be changed, maybe they had just started off of a wrong foot, maybe she really was a sweet girl…? Oh how he truly hoped that she would be.

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He had the worst headache ever. They sat by the lake, Hanna was snuggling against him, kissing his cheeks, kissing his lips (close mouthed mind you) and telling him how happy she was that he had finally had the courage to ask her for a walk. He was really starting to get pissed off, what did she mean that he had had the courage?! It was not out of shyness that he had ran from her for goodness sake! It was just because he found her whole being so utterly annoying, even hearing her voice made him feel ill… So… Well, after he thought about it, maybe it really was brave of him to have asked her. After all, he was in great pain now because of it; mental pain.

“You’re the most handsome boy here.” She told him, then there was a quiet giggle. “In fact, you might be the most handsome boy in all of this country, perhaps even in this whole world.” Her hand caressed his cheek and he felt really embarrassed, he always felt embarrassed when people said things like that, complimented his looks.
“Am not…” He muttered.
“Yes, you are, you are to me…” She purred. “Everyone will be so jealous after I tell them…” She whispered close to his ear.
“Tell them what?” He couldn’t help but to shriek. The girl looked at him and then she smiled.
“That you and I are now an item” He looked at her as though she had gone mad. He quickly stood up.
“You and I are not an item of any kind.” He said, looking at her. Her lips began to tremble, her eyes watered. She turned her face away. He started to feel really bad, he hated to see a girl crying. He knelt down again, touched her shoulder.
“Please, don’t cry Hanna…” He whispered. “I’m sorry…” He said then.
“You think I’m ugly and I am… I was a fool to think you might care for me.” She sobbed.
“No Hanna… You are very beautiful... I… please don’t cry.” He was so bad at this, he thought to himself.
“But you hate me…” She cried, looking at him with her green brown eyes that still held the tears in them.
“I don’t hate you… Of course I don’t.” She smiled through her tears.
“So you’ll go to the next dance with me?” She asked with hope.
“Will it stop your tears if I say yes?” He asked and got an enthusiastic nod as a reply. He sighed deeply. “Alright then.”

**^^**^^**^^**^^

They sat in an old hay barn.
“So who wants to have the first taste?” Nikolas asked, gesturing to the bottle of moonshine that he had stolen from his father. Olavi tried to look anywhere else but the bottle, he had no desire to drink that foul stuff.
“Olavi.” He heard his name then and cursed silently. He turned his face to look at Nikolas. “As the new one in our group, you get to be the first.” The older boy grinned at him. Other two were looking at him as well, expectantly.
“Older first?” Olavi tried looking at them and smiling. Nikolas just shook his head, still grinning and keeping his eyes firmly on him.
“No, I want you to be the first, or perhaps you’re not man enough?” That worked for him and so he took the bottle, took a deep breath and tasted it. It burned his throat and he coughed viciously. The other boys laughed and then drank from the bottle as well.
“You just need more practise.” Nikolas told him, giving him the bottle again.
Hesitating, he took another drink, he just wanted to make some friends and if that meant drinking some home-made vodka, then he would just force himself into it. Plus, it would probably be the best way to forget about the kiss, the dream and the promise to Hanna. Gods, he hated the mere idea of dancing with her…

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This definitely hadn’t been the greatest idea he had had, drinking moonshine and walking home late at night…Or at least he tried to walk, he was hiccuping, giggling and stumbling, few times he actually fell down. The other boys had decided to stay and sleep in the barn, but he had wanted to go home, sleep in his own bed and maybe tell that Russian a thing or two… Or maybe better not. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to see the man or not…

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Alexander sat on the porch, smoking a cigarette, gazing up at the night sky. He felt confused and lost, he wasn’t sure where he was going. Most of his life, well at least after the war; he had just been drifting. He hadn’t really been living, he just sort of was…

He rarely laughed anymore, rarely found any joy in life. For the past 11 years he had just felt such emptiness, such sorrow and such loneliness. The days, weeks, months and years passed by him; he only grew older.

He felt tired of the endless running from the past. There really was no one that would wait for him at home, he wasn’t even sure where his home was. There had only been a few people in his life that he had truly cared for, and almost everyone of them were dead, everyone except Sergei and his family. Only Sergei understood him and was often trying to convince him to join back amongst the living; away from the shadows and back into the sun, but perhaps he had just seen too much evil to do so?

Would the dark, evil shadows of his past ever stop following him? He just hoped that they wouldn't find him this time.

Last night had confused him. The dream… Speaking to Elias and then seeing the boy… His mind had tricked him, made him see something that wasn’t there, the flash of green… The body of the boy had felt so warm, he never realized how much he had missed the warmness of another, the touch, the real touch…

He woke from his deep thoughts when he heard someone hiccupping and then stumbling onto the porch. He turned his head and saw Olavi sitting on his bottom close to the door and giggling quietly. Alexander stood up and the boy snapped his head towards him. A hint of fear, then anger, then nervousness flashed in his eyes.
“You’re drunk.” Alexander took note. Olavi lifted his chin up, tried to get up, but failed.
“Am not…” He tried.
“Yes, you are.” Alexander said and walked closer.
"So what if I am? You're not my father." He said glaring at him. Alexander sighed.
"Indeed I am not, but I still think you're a bit too young to drink like this."
He said as he offered his hand to the boy, who couldn’t pull himself up on his own.

He took the helping hand, stumbling backwards a little.
"I'm almost 16." He said, hiccupping, covering his mouth with his hand, trying to make the hiccupping stop. After some swallowing he took the hand down and tried to support himself against the wall behind him. His eyes met the Russian’s. "You didn't seem to think I was too young last night, now did you?" He asked tilting his head to the side.
Alexander didn't know what to say, "I've noticed the way you keep looking at me and last night... Last night you kissed me... Why did you? I know that you couldn't have been just sleep walking..." The man was silent, searching for the right answer to give, not knowing what it would be.
"I-" He started, ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. "Alright, you really want to know?" He asked then.


TBC...