Of Truth and Trust

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Chapter 5


“Right! Uh…I mean…I would be delighted.” Peter blushed and clasped Nathanial’s hand. “Thank you.” He paused to make a face at his brother.

“Take goare are of him,” Sebastian teased back, shooing them off. He stood, catching Nathanial’s eye a moment before turning back to his mother. “There’s a little courtyard over this way,” he said to her, his voice unusually calm and quiet as he led the way. “We can talk there….”

Nathanial led the way to the bathroom, flushing at all the attention they were getting, both from his company and their appearance. Luckily, they made it to the bathroom without running into any teachers, and soon he was gently cleaning Peter’s arms with one of his own towels. “It was very nice of you and your mother to come visit your brother today,” he commented with a smile. “I’m very glad I got a chance to meet you both.” //And to see Sebastian like that….//

“I was glad, too!” Peter piped up happily, presenting the elder boy with his dirtied hands. He waited patiently as he was cleaned. “We don’t get to see ‘Bastian anymore….” His spirits faltered a moment, but he perked back up quickly. “But it’s okay, because he’s going to be a great man—Mother always says so.”

Keeping his eyes lowered, Nathanial continued to wash the boy’s hands, eventually moving to his face and hair. “I’m sure you are right,” he replied. //Am I…missing something? Is there something about him I still don’t understand? That he can be so kind to his family, but….// He shook the thoughts aside, strengthening his smile. “So why did your father not visit as well?” he asked lightly.

Peter grew suddenly very quiet, though he couldn’t turn away with Nathanial’s cleaning his face. When the towel was pulled away he at last answered, quietly, “Father can’t come see us.”

Nathanial regarded the boy’s expression with worry, wondering if it was his place to…. “Why not?” he persisted gently. //Perhaps…his father is ill? Or has passed on?//

“He can’t,” the boy repeated, his fingers curling at his sides. “Father is a high man. It…must hurt him, to see us.” He shook his head fiercely. “n’t n’t need a father! ‘Bastian’s all I need. I wish….” His shoulders hunched and began to tremble. “I wish Bastian could come home. I just want him to come home….”

“Oh Peter, I’m sorry,” he murmured, setting both hands on the boy’s arms. “I should not have asked—it wasn’t my business.” //The poor thing. A father that’s too high…I know what you mean. I know exactly what you mean.// “It’s okay, Peter. I…know it is difficult—my father doesn’t visit me, either. But we have to be strong, especially you.” Nathanial gently tilted the boy’s head up to meet his gaze. “You need to be strong for Sebastian, because he needs you to take care of your mother, right?” //Please don’t be upset anymore….//

Peter sniffled pitifully, and scrubbed his face on his sleeve—which only succeeding in covering his face in mud again. “Okay,” he croaked, hiccupping. “But…will you tell ‘Bastian to come home soon?” He curled his fingers diffidently around Nathanial’s shirt cuff. “When Mother got his letter asking us to visit him…she cried all night.”

Nathanial felt a dull pain in his chest, and instinctually he reach up to cover his shirt, feeling a small object beneath. “I’ll tell him how much you miss him,” he promised softly, lifting the cloth to the boy’s face again. //All his studying…and the blackmail? The upperclassmen, even the teachers—but he doesn’t get expelled. Then….// “He’s working very hard here, and soon he’ll graduate and get a wonderful job…and I’m sure you’ll be together then.” He smiled. “I have never seen him smile as much as when he saw you this morning, you know.”

Peter’s eyes widened a little. “Really? You really mean it?” He grinned happily and snatched the towel away, cleaning his own face. He then set upon cleaning Nathanial’s hands and shirt—with little success. “Good. He’d better get a good job, after all this school.”

“He will,” Nathanial assured. //I’ll…make sure of / T/ The thought passed quickly—Peter was attempting to clean his hair, and he could help laughing at the increasing mess. “Ah—I’ll have to take a long bath after this.” He grinned, setting the towel aside and ruffling the boy’s hair. “I envy Sebastian, having a brother like you. I have no siblings at all.” He stood and offered his hand. “Shall we return you to your mother?”

“Yes! I mean…of course.” Peter blushed again, accepting the hand as they started out of tashrashroom. “You and ‘Bastian are friends, right? That means I can be your brother, too, since you don’t have any.” His hand tightened. “And we can share mothers, too. That way we’ll both have two, and we won’t need fathers to visit us.”

//My ‘mother’ does not visit me either, but…I won’t say that to him. He doesn’t need my pain on top of his.// “It’s a deal then,” he replied with a grin. “I would be red red to have a brother such as you. And pleased to have such a lovely mother.” Nathanial kept his grip as they reappeared on the outer grounds. He slowed them down a bit then, watching for Sebastian and his mother, just to be sure the pair was done with their conversation before interrupting.

Sebastian marched purposefully out of the courtyard, his mother following a few steps behind. //I’m sorry, Mother. But it’s too late now—I can’t go back. I won’t.// He lifted his chin as he noticed Nathanial and Peter watching him. “Hey there!” he called with a wave. “You still look like a couple of slimy frogs.”

“Toads,” Peter corrected. He stuck out his tongue and rang to cling to his mother’s skirt. “And Nathan’s much better than you, by the way. He’s going to be my brother from now on.”

Sebastian paused a moment as he regarded his roommate. “Is that so.” Slowly, a grin spread across his face. “I suppose that makes him my brother, too.”

Nathanial ducked his head, sensing something less than pleased in the other’s eyes. “Peter offered to be a sort of brother, as I have no siblings of my own,” he explained in embarrassment. //I have no intention of coming between them. I…hope Sebastian understands.// “My apologies for not beible ble to clean us up a bit better.”

“It’s quite all right,” Lady Wilmot assured, patting her son on the head. “We should be departing anyway.” She smiled. “Thank you for looking after him.”

“Yeah,” he chirped. “Thanks.”

Sebastian turned, offering his mother a slight smile as he clasped her wrists. “Take care, Mother. It was good to see you.”

“And…you too, Sebastian,” she replied, though here eyes were gleaming with unshed tears. She hugged him warmly, as did Peter, before pulling reluctantly away. “It was a pleasure meeting you, Nathanial. I hope we’ll see you again soon.”

“I hope so as well,” he replied in kind, offering them a bow. “Thank you for including me in your visit.” With that, Nathanial slowly began to head inside, wanting to give the family a more private farewell.

//Sebastian…I have much to think about, now.//

Sebastian watched his roommate leave and then turned his attention back to the pair, offering them his sincere farewells and promises of another visit soon. His mother shed a few tears, but in the end he assured her all was well, and they set off. Sebastian didn’t return to his room right away, instead taking a bit of a walk around the grounds before seeking the comfort of his dorm. Nathanial alrealready there, having changed into some fresh clothing. “I’m sorry to have dragged you along today,” he offered as he shed his own vest and shirt.

Nathanial was quick to shake his head, setting down the textbook he’d been attempting to study from. “Not at all. In fact, I should be thanking you for the meal. Though next time I hope you’ll permit me to pay.” He watched his roommate change with what felt like new eyes.

//He uses a different last name than his mother and brother,// he remembered. //His…must be his father’s. Then they are not married?// It was a frightening thought, but somehow…it made too much sense to be anything but true. //That’s why his mother was concerned about money, why she and Peter thought my speech sounded weird—they do not live in the same society. Sebastian must be here on his father’s money, but….//

There was still a piece to the puzzle missing, but Nathanial did not think it would come up tonight—and he certainly was not about to say anything. “Your brother is an incredible boy,” he said instead, smiling fondly. “He misses you a great deal, and I was asked to convey how much he cares for and looks up to you.”

Sebastian snorted lightly. “I’m sure. He’s a good boy—he’ll grow up well, especially when I’m able to support him.” He could feel the other’s eyes on him, sincere but questioning, and he was suddenly very curious to know what Peter had told him. //He always did talk too much.// He cleaned himself off as best he could and slipped into a fresh shirt.

Nathanial shifted in his seat. “You’re studying for him,” he suddenly blurted out, fingers curling around his book. “You’ve passed every class, you’re trying to graduate…for his sake.” His eyes widened a bit. “Not for pride, or fame…or your parent’s…fortune….” //Everything he’s said…it’s no wonder. He has such a goal, it’s no wonder he looks down on every—//

Nathanial turned his head away, feeling embarrassed and…maybe a bit ashamed. //He told me not to judge so soon. But then…why does he do those things to the other students?//

Sebastian stopped halfway through buttoning his shirt. “Not just that,” he replied quietly. “But yes—for him, and my mother.” He glanced back over his shoulder with a grin. “Are you surprised? All this time you probably thought I was just someone’s sick bastard, playing games for my own morbid amusement. And here I am, with a loving family and a noble cause.” He laughed bitterly as he seated himself backwards over his chair. “How does that make you feel, Nate?”

He still couldn’t bring himself to face the other boy, clasping his book tightly in his lap. “I’m…not sure,” he murmured. //Sebastian…I really don’t know anymore.// “I…still do not understand why you keep hurting the others, what that can possibly accomplish, but….” Nathanial slid a hand back through his hair. “I’m not sure.”

Sebastian chuckled. “Well then, that means there’s still a lot about me you don’t know, doesn’t it? It’s still too early for you to pass judgment.” He folded his arms on the back of his chair and leaned his chin against them, smiling. “You know,” he went on thoughtfully. “You know a lot about me now that no other student knows. I feel like I am at a disadvantage, because…I really know nothing about you.”

Nathanial shook himself, fittins ows own smile into place. “There is not much to know,” he confessed. //And what there is…I do not think I can tell you. I cannot…trust you that much, yet….// Glancing at the clock, he stood and began to gather his books. “Christopher is expecting me,” he said softly. “Father Anderson is being next to unreasonable with our history homework, and it doesn’t help that math is….” He trailed off, focusing on gathering his books. //Christopher…just does not understand math the way…Sebastian does.//

Sebastian cocked his head to the side coyly. “I’m not your enemy, Nathanial,” he said evenly. “And I have no intention of exposing you to this school. Now that you know why I’m here, I doubt you’d be all that inclined to destroy me.” His lip curled. “I’d be happy to resume our study sessions.”

Regaining his smile a bit more, he nodded faintly. “I can not say I completely trust you,” he murmured, still gathering his things. “I do not know why you’re hurting the others, but….” He glanced over his shoulder. “I would appreciate it, Sebastian.” //For my grade’s sake, and…because I want to know. I want to know why you’re this way.//

Sebastian rolled his eyes and sighed. “Just because you think that way means you’ll never understand,” he murmured, pushing away from the chair so he could flop onto his bed. He shooed the boy away. “Go on and play with Christopher. I’ll still be here when you get back.” With a wink he reached for a book on the nearby dresser.

Nathanial sighed. //No, I probably never will understand. Because…I do not understand how you could hurt someone that was your friend.// “I shan’t be long,” he replied, taking up his bag and heading for the door.

Sebastian waved, paging through the book until he heard the door close behind him. Then he let the dusty text fall open on his chest. //Someday, you’ll understand.// He closed his eyes, and a few deep breaths were enough to ease the memories from that day from hisd. d. //You, at least, will understand.//

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Nathanial knocked on his friend’s door and slipped inside at the welcome. “Hello Christopher, Reuben. My apologies for being late.” He gave his most convincing smile as he dropped into an open desk chair.

“It’s fine,” Christopher assured, adjusting his glasses slightly. “I was just resting a bit. Are you ready to study?” He smiled grimly as he retrieved his own books and papers.

“As ready as one can be.” Bending down, Nathanial pulled out his own books.

Nearly two hours later, Reuben declared himself tired of studyind exd excused himself to find some more lively conversation. They had worked through dinner, snacking on things the roommates had collected earlier. Nathanial shared a glance with his friend. “I do not think I’m going to understand this any better now than I will with another hour, so I think I shall retire as well.” He began to pack his things. “Thank you for the help—I appreciate it.”

“It was my pleasure. We all benefit from it.” He smiled, but the expression didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Um…Nathan,” he started hesitantly. “I know it’s late, and you’re probably tired, but….” He lifted his gaze hopefully. “Could I…speak with you for a bit? Now that Reuben’s gone….”

Surprised, Nathanial sat back down, watching his friend curiously. “Of course, Christopher. Something isn’t wrong, I hope.”

“No. No, actually, I feel…much better, lately.” He passed a hand back over his hair idly, feeling a bit foolish. “I just wanted you to know that I’m all right, with…what happened. Everything.” When he smiled, it felt like the first real expression of happiness he’d shown in a long time, and he couldn’t help but laugh quietly.

//What a relief.// Nathanial smiled as well, moving to sit beside his friend. “I’m very happy for you,” he replied, setting a hand on the other’s shoulder. “I knew you would be strong and recover.” //I really am glad that…Sebastian did not beat him.//

“I think I’ve also come to understand a little,” Christopher continued. He wasn’t sure if he should be telling Nathanial all this, but it needed to be said and his friend was the only one he could trust. “All this time I was so afraid…I knew Sebastian knew all my secrets. I was terrified of finding…myself…up on that board.” He took a deep breath. “But now that everyone else knows, there’s nothing else he can do to me, so I’m not afraid anymore. And when I realized that, I remembered…what he first told me.” He met Nathanial’s eyes seriously and held them. “’Never be ashamed.’ He said no matter what happened, I should never regret the things I’ve done. And now…I don’t.”

Christopher shook his head slightly. “I’m sure that’s not what you want to hear; what our faith teaches. But I know who I am, and if I doubt that, there may be nothing left for me.”

Nathanial had felt himself growing colder as the other spoke, eventually turning his head away. “So…he was actually helping you…” he murmured, staring down at the floor. //But…there could have been another way. No one should have gotten hurt in order to learn something so…simple.// He forced his smile back into place, fingers curling around his bag’s handle. “Good then. I’m glad.” //But…not everyone was helped. Not all of them could have come through as well as Christopher….//

Christopher glanced at him in concern when he saw how pale he was. “Nathan? I….” He pursed his lips around a faint smile. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to put all this on you; I’m so grateful for all you’ve done for me.” He set his hand on the boy’s shoulder. “Don’t worry about it. Everything’s okay for now, and that’s what’s important.”

//You’re worrying him.// Nathanial pulled his smile back into place. “It’s not that, Christopher. I really am happy for you. My mind is just elsewhere at the moment, I’m afraid. Please forgive me.” He placed his own hand over Christopher’s, letting the unaccustomed warmth tingle through his fingers.

“No—no, it’s fine. I understand.” He chuckled quietly. “I just don’t want you to worry about me, that’s all. Now, you should go get some rest.” He gave Nathanial a pat and helped him to his feet. “We have the whole day tomorrow to do whatever we like, so we should be ready for it.”

Laughing softly, Nathanial straightened his hair and glasses with a nod. “That sounds like a good plan,” he approved. “I shall see you tomorrow then, Christopher.” He slipped out the door. “Goodnight!”

“Goodnight!” Christopher smiled after him, and sighed. “I’m sorry,” he murmured once the door was closed. He knew it was a lot to put on his friend, but hopefully now things would be a little easier. //I know he’s going to wonder about Sebastian, now. But…I wanted him to know that Sebastian isn’t an awful person.// His smile turned grim. //I hope he understands.//

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