Divinitas

042 - Frozen Emotions

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Physical pain was forgotten. The copious amounts of blood soaked into his rags of a uniform and smeared over his pale skin did not matter. Reserves of strength that defied logic fueled his body, allowing him to rip open the simulator door.

Harsh light and chaotic sound flooded his senses. Hands that sought to restrain him, to persuade him to get his all too obvious wounds treated where furiously slapped away by blood encrusted limbs.

\"Get the fuck away from me!\" Phoenix growled feral-like, fiery eyes full of hate towards Draco, whose calm steady hands had tried to comfort him. \"Don\'t you dare touch me. Don\'t you dare even try to fucking talk to me!\"

He wanted to throw the double ended sword at Draco\'s face. He wanted to sever Gryps\' all too pretty head from his slender neck. And Chima. Chima who now carried an Elemental Weapon, the long scythe and chain, just as Draco and Gryps carried theirs. Chima who should never have become involved with this.

His right hand clenched all the more tightly around his two bladed sword. Gritting his teeth, the boy shoved past Draco violently, dividing the crowd with only his burning glare. Oh, why waste any of this pure and perfect anger on them. This was Aether\'s fault. Everything was Aether\'s fault.

With a violent swing of his right hand, the blade slicing through the thin air, Phoenix stalked past the overly mothering nurse who had nearly fainted at the sight of his back, warning her with menacing silence not to even touch him. Yes, he was probably leaving bloody foot prints all the way from the Metamorphosis hall to the hospital wing, but did he give a fuck? No, not in the least.

The sound of the door slamming back into its doorframe rattled the tall narrow windows of Aether\'s hospital ward room, rolling like thunder off the walls. The golden haired fiend laid still on the crisp white bed sheets, face relaxed as if in a dreamless sleep.

\"How dare you…\" Phoenix growled out. \"How dare you, you lying, scheming demonic bastard!\" The roar bounced off the walls, magnifying Phoenix\'s rage ten folds. \"This is my body, this is my blood, this is my soul! You own no fucking part of it! You have no fucking right to have forced this on me! You had no right to make such a choice for me!\"

Just silence. Just the same infuriating silence.

Hurt him. Stab him as he has done to you in the past. Wake him up from his self induced sleep in a fit of pain and blood if that was what he really wanted!

The blade of the sword was raised, lingering for a moment above Aether\'s sleeping form before it rushed downwards in a burst of anger and hate.

It pulled. He pulled it. It plunged downwards, slicing open the side of Aether\'s shirt and only bringing forth a silk fine line of red on the flawless skin before plunging into the soft mattress.

A sob welled up out of Phoenix\'s tight throat, twin tears falling, one after the other to splash faintly on Aether\'s smooth cheeks. The boy collapsed, falling carelessly over Aether\'s motionless body. It was just a game, it was just a title, it was just… All lies to himself. Dear god, he wasn\'t overreacting at all. If only he was overreacting, but he wasn\'t.

\"Why…\" Phoenix whispered into Aether\'s shirt. \"Why couldn\'t you just be content with what we had… Why did you have to do this to me? Why did you have to shove the fucking truth in my face, to show me that I was exactly what I hated the most…?\"

A hand was gently stroking the back of his head, threading slender fingers through blood and sweat matted red locks. \"Did you know, my Phoenix… That if you had left me out there on the lookout for just a few more hours… You could have taken my power over you away?\" Aether\'s softly seductive voice whispered into Phoenix\'s ear, delighting in the feeling of Phoenix\'s body stiffen and tremble at the words. Aether\'s arms had surrounded the younger boy, his fingers gently stroking the sides of his mostly bare and ruined back. \"Then none of this would have happened… And I would have been stripped of what little remains of my power. I would have become mortal, and we could have grown old and died together…

\"Then why didn\'t I?\" Aether continued, answering Phoenix\'s unvoiced question in a gentle, caressing voice. \"Because I wanted something more than just one lifetime… I wanted eternity… And I wanted this…\"

Sleek fingers traced the edge of the twin wounds on Phoenix\'s once flawless back, sending a shudder of pain and pleasure through the boy\'s exhausted body. So light, the touch. So soft and gentle, a perfect imitation of affection…

A silent scream vomited from Phoenix\'s mouth, smothered in Aether\'s shirt as those same fingers dived into the raw bloody wounds, pressing into the pinksh, sh, invading them without mercy. Phoenix\'s body arched against the intrusion, at the deep biting, stinging burning pain. His vision was an explosion of violent colours, his mind painted red and black and nothing else.

He could feel Aether\'s fingers stroking deep inside the wounds, bringing forth more gushing blood. The minute traces of salt on Aether\'s skin burned his tender flesh as it reacted with the water in his blood, doing nothing except to bring more unbearable agony to light. This was a betrayal more intimate and more invading than any other before. More than the carving of the name, more than the rape. This was Aether invading his flesh with his hands that had only moments ago touched him with such a loving caress.

Phoenix\'s body fought to keep breathing, each breath short and sharp, drawn against the fabric of Aether\'s shirt. Tears of pain were flowing freely from his glazed eyes, darkening the cloth onto which they fell. His hands were like claws, gripped around snatches of material as if they alone allowed him to cling onto consciousness.

\"Need I tell you what you already know in your heart and soul?\" Aether asked softly, as if his fingers were not buried deep in Phoenix\'s back. \"This is the only place you belong, Phoenix… You and the other Children… You are mine, my Sacred Bird of Fire… And you will always be mine because you are the Child of Fire, destined to be reborn rightfully as the God of Fire.\"

\"I\'d…\" Phoenix gasped out, his body slick with sweat and blood, shuddering against Aether\'s calm steady form. \"I\'d… rather… die… you… bastard…\"

A saddened smile touched Aether\'s lips. \"I won\'t let you…\" the older boy whispered, withdrawing one hand from Phoenix\'s back, fingers dripping with thick red blood. Those fingers lifted Phoenix\'s trembling chin, forcing the pain ridden crimson eyes burning with tears to look into an intense twilight gaze. Gently Aether traced his thumb over Phoenix\'s hard bottom lip, leaving the vivid red stained there. Slowly he lifted his own head and pressed his lips gently to Phoenix\'s, kissing him tenderly as if it were a goodnight kiss. \"I won\'t let you die… Ever.\"

The emotions shimmering in Phoenix\'s eyes just before his lost unconsciousness haunted Aether\'s mind as he slid the boy off him and stood up. His fingers were stained with his blood. Red, like liquid fire. Red, like hate. But it wasn\'t pure hate in Phoenix\'s sunset eyes. The look he had given him was… tragic. As if to say… How could Aether misunderstand him so much?

Slowly, like a feline, Aether lifted his right hand and licked the clotting blood from his fingers, tasting Phoenix\'s essence. It was sweet and warm, intoxicating. Human blood, born from a human womb. From parents that no longer lived because of what Phoenix was: the vessel for the Divine Beast that burnt them to cinders… The God of Fire who was now a mortal who harboured human feelings of deep family affection.

No, Phoenix, there was no misunderstanding. To know, and still to proceed upon the path that caused Phoenix the most pain… It was cruel. It was cold. It spoke of indifference and apathy. But the deeper truth was that there was simply no empathy.

To achieve his dream, to never, ever be abandoned… To never have Phoenix leave him again, he would do anything and everything. And it did not matter what Phoenix wanted… Because Aether simply could not empathise with another\'s dreams.



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\"Are you regretting what you\'ve done now?\" Ari\'s amused smirking voice asked from the darkened corridor, silver eyes shinning like a cat\'s, watching Draco stare after Aether as he carried the unconscious Phoenix back to his rooms. The sapphire eyed boy couldn\'t quite tear his eyes away from Aether\'s blood stained hands, at the way they further smeared Phoenix\'s blood over his pale skin. Phoenix\'s weapon was strangely gripped in the boy\'s own hands, as if it were a precious part of himself that he must never ever let go.

\"No,\" Draco\'s soft yet resolute voice answered. He turned around, looking at Gryps and Chima in turn, at how natural they seemed in carrying their Elemental Weapons. \"There\'s no point in fighting what is meant to be.\"

\"Don\'t you mean\'s \'s Will?\" Gryps\' bitter voice rang out in the empty hallway, eyes closed, dancer\'s body leaning up against the rough stone wall. The feminine boy had already produced twin sheaths from somewhere, and had them strapped to his long thighs to house the two long thin daggers that were now his. \"Are you really comfortable, Lympha, dancing like puppets as the Child of Soul plays his lute? To use his tune to find your rhythm and step?\" Gryps smirked resentfully. \"But why shouldn\'t we? He is our God…\"

The youngest of the four suddenly turned and ran, his footsteps loosing their natural silence and echoing loudly on the stone floor with each desperate step.

Immediately Draco made to follow Chima, eyes frowning in concern. Ari\'s hand snaked out and grasped his arm, giving him a cool smile. \"He already knows. He knew from the very beginning. Before any of us.\"

Draco closed his eyes, halting his body and listening to Chima\'s fading footsteps.

\"Well, let\'s go and tell our dear depressed Casi about the good news, shall we? Her beloved Brother is up and molesting the Little Bird again!\" Ari said cheerfully, and taking Gryps by the hand, led the way.



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The flames of the candles flickered and jump in the unseen air currents. Bright little flames, burning in the dark. They gave off such a soft warm glow, inviting anyone to touch its hot little heart. Their light illuminated the coils of silver chain as they rested dormant and unused next to the bed posts, the movement of the flames giving the illusion that they were great silver snakes, posing to strike.

Why candles. Why the silver candelabra with its five branches deeply engraved so parts of it were almost black.

They didn\'t remind him of those dark cramped rooms… The warm little flames didn\'t resemble at all the harsh fluorescent lights of the orphanage. Yet… He was thinking about those tiny hard beds and the hopelessnof tof those times. Drowning in memories… Willingly floundering in them… As if he believed he deserved any and every harsh word or blow dealt to him.

\"I hated everyone…\" Phoenix whispered. He could feel the cold press of the inverted cross against his chest, the cool silk sheets slide against his bare skin. Sensualist… That was what he was, had always been. Only natural, if denied so many things for so many years.

The boy closed his eyes against the warm glowing flames, still seeing their little hypnotising dance against his eye lids. He shifted against the black sheets again, moving his long bare legs for the sake of feeling the coolness tingle against his warm skin. It felt nice to be clean, to not be caked in one\'s own blood and sweat.

\"But most of all, I hated myself. I hated knowing that the names they called me had some truth. Hated knowing they were right to warn each other to stay away from me… The Fire Demon who delighted in burning his loving parents alive… I didn\'t believe I had the right to live.\" No tears. Not even any real emotion in his voice. It just… sounded dead.

Aether\'s weight settled onto the bed, moving it in a rolling motion before all became still once more.

\"No one can live like that. Thinking that…\" Phoenix\'s empty whisper continued. \"I was five years old. And I can remember thinking clearly that I wanted to die… No one treated me with any kindness. No one would befriend me. I wanted to die.\" The dull red eyes opened, lids at half mast.

Why was Aether just sitting there, staring at him with that piercing amethyst gaze…? Phoenix turned his head a little, rubbing his cheek against the pillow, smiling faintly. It didn\'t matter…

\"No one could live like that…\" Phoenix repeated, closing his eyes once again. \"So I didn\'t. Somewhere amongst all the voices that whispered to me came another. One that hated and blamed everyone else. One that deluded me into thinking it was all of them that were wrong, and that I did not have this demonic bird of fire inside of me that burnt my parents to death.

\"I began to become violent. I lashed out at any and every one that tried to approach me. I began to swear a lot, and to make mischief even more so. I think I did it because I could then fool myself into believing they all hated and feared me because of my behaviour and attitude… It became a cycle. I hated them for imposing their punishments and rules on me, and then lashed out more, only to receive harsher rewards for my troubles. It fed my hate for them. It ate away everything else. And before a year had passed, I believed that delusion totally…\"

Phoenix\'s silent bitter laughter rocked the bed, his fingers curling around the sheets. \"But you know what…?\" he whispered in a soft voice that was devoid of malice. \"You destroyed that delusion. You knew and you purposely destroyed it… I hate you. I hate you so fucking much right now that I would pick up that accursed sword and run you through with it if I wasn\'t so fucked up hating myself.\"

Gentle fingers ran along the stitched wounds. The same fingers that had only several hours ago dig into his open flesh. They traced the slight folds in the skin, down one wound and then up the other, moving lightly over the clear stitches.

\"I\'ve told you… I don\'t mind if you hate me. I\'m satisfied with this.\" The older boy shifted on their bed, lowering himself to lay his head on Phoenix\'s scarred back. \"Hate yourself. Hate everyone. Believe that you have no right to exist… And live only for me…\" he said quietly, pressing a kiss against the sealed wound.

A shudder ran up Phoenix\'s spine, followed by the shallowest of sighs. With it, all the lingering will to fight was breathed out of the boy\'s body. He was so ti So So tired of trying to be strong, trying to believe in blatant lies about himself. Aether was right when he spoke those words so long ago. It was easier to accept than to fight.

He had come to Genesis to make a clean start… One that wasn\'t stained by his past. Yet here it had caught up with him, smothered him. The phoenix inside of him was burning brightly, demanding to shine in destructive glory.

Don\'t ask why. He didn\'t want to think. He didn\'t want to be bothered by any of this anymore. It was so much easier just to feel the kisses Aether laid upon his back… The one person who knew everything and still wanted him.

Don\'t ask why. Just feel. And don\'t ask why.

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