Only the Heart Knows Why, Quax's Days

Only the Heart Knows Why, Quax\'s Days

Four: Dare to Be



It was another long night. I managed to keep my father convinced that I wasn\'t being a complete derelict by spending the evening working on my homework. It was rather uneventful, but when I got home from work I went straight to sleep and woke up at the same time as Yesterday so I could leave for class early again.



Nothing happened on the walk, but when I reached the school grounds, I sighed and looked up and saw Hika and Bianca playing some music from a portable music player. It wasn\'t a very good song, but I loved the beat, so I ran over to them and started dancing in front of them. They both started laughing while watching me and I smiled a lot. I bounced around, kicking high and probably giving anyone a view up the skirt I had on, and everyone watching had a great time. So did I.



Then the song stopped and for the first time since coming to the school, I was the center of attention, and everyone was smiling instead of staring. It was a great feeling, and when I finally had to go in to class, I left the group with Hika and Bianca and walked over to the main entrance. We were all smiles and jokes, but I looked up just in time to see Kanau smoking a cigarette, and a teacher approaching him. He had a look of total rebellion on him as he took a last drag from his cigarette and threw it on the ground, but I still can\'t help but be concerned over how alone he looks.



"I\'ll see you guys at lunch," I tell Hika and Bianca, and just as the bell rings I step up beside Kanau.



"Are you okay?" I ask him as he eyes me suspiciously. I don\'t even try to hide the look of concern I know I\'m exhibiting.



"I\'m fine," he mutters without even turning to me.



"But, you don\'t seem fine." I step after him and reach out for his shoulder, but before I get close enough, he turns around and glares at me. If looks could, I would have died just then, and I have to look away for sudden, inexplicable fear of my brain exploding. Just mind your own fucking business," he growls, making me miss a step, but I hurry to try to catch up to him.



Before I reach him, though, he stops and turns to me. "Don\'t try anything with me. I\'ll break your neck if you do." I nodded to him and he turned and walked ahead. I just hung my head and followed him. He seems to hate me, and I\'d never felt worse. Those beautiful eyes kept looking at me in anger now. That hurts more than anything else.



When we finally reached class, we took our normal seats. I tried to focus on the notes, though, but I couldn\'t get what happened earlier out of my head. Every couple of seconds I was staring at the back of his head. He glanced back at me eventually, then moments later handed a sheet of paper back to me, I looked over it, expecting to see some kind of note, but finding a short poem instead.



Can you not just read my lips?

There\'s no secret on my finger tips

Just sit there and calm the fuck down

And for fucks sake, stop bouncing around



I\'ve already got a man, understand?

He\'s got a cock that actually fits in my hand

And he\'s no panty wearing, pussy wannabe

He s one to be proud of being with me



So don\'t tout your pious attitude

I don\'t want it, it\'s just fucking rude

Pleasantly dreaming that you\'d die

I hate you, good bye



... Is that how he really feels about me? I felt my eyes welling up, so I wiped them on the back of my hand and looked down. I saw a smearing of make up on my hand. I blinked away the tears and threw down the poem. I couldn\'t stay. I jumped to my feet and ran out of class.



In the hall I headed towards the bathroom, but instead I ran into Hika and Bianca. I later found out their class finished early, so they were happy to see me. I smiled weakly at them and asked if they wouldn\'t mind waiting while I went to the bathroom. They said they\'d wait, so I quickly went to the bathroom and went straight to the mirror.



I\'d smeared the makeup along the bottom, and the deep purplish-blue was clearly visible. I sighed and did my best to even it out before heading back out to the girls. We all smiled and agreed to head outside until our next classes started.



It was a bright, cheery morning and the birds were out and chirping. The sun beating caringly onto our shoulders and we sat under a tree. They asked why I wasn\'t in class and I hung my head and told them about what happened since I left them after class, all the way up to the poem. I didn\'t mention that part of the reason I left was because of my eye, but they didn\'t need to know that little bit of information.



"Is that the poem there then?" Hika asked, pointing to the sheet of paper still clutched in my hand. I guess I hadn\'t thrown it away after all.



"Yeah," I say, shrugging and setting it down beside me.



"Can I read it?" she asked, so I handed it over and Bianaca leaned over so they could both read it. Their eyes popped a little as they looked over it, and afterwards, Bianca dropped the paper to the ground. "Are you okay?" Hika asked softl, lightly touching my hand. The looked concerned and Bianca clenched her fist, glaring off in space.



"That guy\'s become a real jerk lately," she said, clenching her teeth and slamming her fist in the ground. I grinned nervously, noting how she could be kind of scary sometimes.



"Maybe I should talk to him," said Hika, looking over at the building, then down at the poem again, "you were just concerned about him, and that poem is really harsh."



I shook my head at them. "I appreciate it," I said, "but I think he\'s just stressed or something. He seems to be smoking a lot."



Hika smiled at me lightly, and I knew she understood. "I understand," she said with a small smile, "but if you ever wanna talk about it, we\'re always here to talk to, alright?"



I felt my mouth turn up into a smile as I looked down. My cheeks were blushing a little. "Thanks, Hika," I said, then nodded to Bianca, "and you, Blackie."



Bianca\'s expression changed suddenly, from the strong but caring expression, to sending me the meanest glare I have ever seen. "What did you call me?" she said threateningly as she clenched her fist and shook it at me.



"I just called you Blackie; y\'know, \'cause everyone else calls you-"



A loud \'thwack\' echoed around, and me face sched. She slapped me! I felt a stinging in my eye and it started to weep lightly. "Ah, fuck, that really hurts," I said, holding my sleeve to my eye. I had to old it carefully, though, since it was my swollen eye.



Bianca looked down at her hand and rubbed her fingers together. She looked up at me questioningly and smelt her fingers. "Are you wearing makeup?" she asked me, which brought Hika\'s attention to what we were doing. She\'d been just staring off into space.



"Uh... N-no?" I stammered timidly, trying to make my hand covering my eye seem casual or, you know, still from the slap.



Hika leaned forward slowly and put her hand over mine. "Quax, show us what you\'re hiding." I looked between them both, seeing they now looked even more concerned than before. I bet they probably had a good idea what it was, too. So, I heaved a sigh and lightly whiped away the rest of the makeup on my eye with my sleeve.



They both leaned forward and got a closer look, then they nodded. I guess these kinds of things are common around here, so I relax into it lightly. Hika put her hand on my shoulder and I twitched in pain, but she said nothing. I guess she dismissed it as a reaction to touch. "Who did this to you?" she asked.



"My Dad," I told them, and their jaws dropped in disbelief.



Bianca leaned close to my face. "He didn\'t hit you, did he?" she asked, her face looking really intense.



"Of course he didn\'t," I lied, grinning nervously a lot, "I just walked into his elbow with my eye the other night. You know me, mister clumsy, always dropping things everywhere."



They both watched me for a while, then broke their gaze to look at each other, then right back to me again. "Want me to cover it up again?" Hika asked.



I nodded my reply and she took some makeup from her purse and lighty covered my eye until it was invisible again. I checked it out in her little mirror, and noticed how it was better than anything I could do. I\'ll have to ask her for tips later. Still, I was just about to steer the conversation off in another direction when the bell for next classes rang. I was still going through my phases of not wanting to miss any classes yet, and find my own way, so I jumped up and ran off, throwing back some hasty goodbyes.



The crowds were already thick, with people pushing all over the place to get to their classes. I jumped nimbly about between people until right where I needed to go, there seemed to be a crowd. I pushed through to the center of the group and stopped immediately. Kanau was on the ground, and he was unconscious.