Do I Really Want You?

All right so here is the next chapter. Yay!!! In this one were back with Sonia. I think I might make the order two of Sonia's point of veiws and one of Derrick's, or I might switch that up and have two Derrick's and One Sonia's depending on how the story feels at the moment. Also I really like the thought of symbolim in stories and such and I put that in here this time. You will know when you see it, and it is suppose to be slightly vague so if you don't understand it ask and I will try to explain it. I suggest reading it a few times first though. Also Rate and Review!!!! Because I do read them and I like feedback.





Sonia’s point of view


I was sitting on the bed in my room waiting for Katrina to wake up. I was pouting and mopping about. I was a little disappointed in my reaction towards Derrick this afternoon. But at least it had been in my head and I hadn’t said anything rude to Chelsea. I stared at the slightly retreating sunset and was calmed by the beauty of it only for the moment before sighing for like the hundredth time. I felt betrayed and a little hurt. He had told me one thing and went and did another.

I knew it was too good to be true. I knew it; he had probably gone back to all of his friends and laughed at what we talked about earlier today. He had probably lied to me then to. He probably couldn’t even read minds. He probably had overheard one of Katrina and I’s conversations somehow. I was stewing in a pool of my own self pity and that was aggravating me as well. That stupid jerk. I knew it. He had just been stringing me along. He was probably cheating on Chelsea with me in a nonexistent sort of way, just on a whim. Or maybe it was a bet; I bet it was like in one of those stupid movies where guys make a bet to turn a nerdy girl into a smoking hot one.

He had said he loved me and that’s what hurt the most. It was hard enough for me to even accept that he wanted to talk to me let alone touch me and then he said he loved me to. I can remember almost feeling like I was dying from happiness. But now that pretty little picture I had started creating in my mind was crumbling and shattering into a thousands and millions of little pieces that flew into my eye and was making me want to cry.

I think I was honestly feeling foolish. Like I had been made a fool of. I knew I should have trusted my instincts when I felt like something weird was going on. But it was like for one long shining moment I felt like I was finally going to get something that I really wanted and pinned after for so long. I wouldn’t have to share it either. I mean with my brothers I had to share everything because I was smack dab in the middle of the two of them. But to have a boyfriend meant I didn’t have to share him in a way. Like If I didn’t want my brother’s around him, I could enforce that or even having my parents meet him. Although I wouldn’t do that. And I never got to have anything really for myself. And then they were always trying to get me to fight with them over something, but for Derrick it had seemed like I wouldn’t have to fight for it. I know it’s lazy but it was going so well I thought this might be the one thing that was handed to me in life.

Why would he make me say that I loved him and then respond to it as if he wasn’t still with someone else? He was making me into the other women. I felt a rush of emotions overcome me. I buried my head in my hands for a second before grabbing a bottle of water and drinking from it. Well now I could keep up with my resolve now. I would never want to touch him again now that he had made a fool of me. At least Katrina was the only one I had told. And she wouldn’t spread something like this around.



We were at dinner now and Katrina was actually awake for this one. After my huffiness at the snorkeling place Katrina took me out to lunch and let me mop while she took a nap. I almost had to drag her to dinner now though. She was hard to wake up always. Before we had left for dinner I explained to her what was wrong. She had listened to me and was now thinking as we walked.

“So basically, you feel a little played,” She asked.

“Yeah, he told me that they were done broken up,” I replied. “But you saw them today, all hugged up and holding hands . . . who does that if there broken up . . .unless you’re like really close friends I guess.”

I thought about this for a moment. They could have been just friends but the smile she had given him didn’t look like just a friend type of smile. It looked like she was still in love with him, if they had even gotten that far. And then he smiled back . . . ok I couldn’t control a smile, but his smile didn’t signal any dislike towards her at all. Or any uncomfortable body gestures at having to hold your use to be girlfriends hand so intimately.

“But he was staring at you when they first walked over,” Katrina replied. “And he didn’t look all that happy to me when he smiled at her.”

“What does it matter if someone stares what does that prove,” I asked as we took our seats and lowered our voices. “Look at me.”

“Oh come on, are you going to let a little PDA set you back, buck up Sony,” She said. “Maybe he’s trying to keep the peace, maybe she’s not as nice and sweet as she seems.”

“But if there broken up, what does it matter, he should be a free man right,” I asked. “What control does she have over him if there done?”

“Oh, Sony, as mature as you are your still so naïve,” Katrina sighed. “Sometimes when you break up it’s easy to let go of the other person, but sometimes it’s not.”

“Which means?”

“If your use to doing things one way for so long, it’s hard to remember, how to not do them in that way,” Katrina started. “When you have a boyfriend or girlfriend for a few years and then suddenly you break up, it’s hard to remember that you don’t have to do stuff with the person anymore, especially if you’re a girl.”

“So you’re saying I should disregard the fact that he lied to me because it’s hard for him to remember how to be an independent person,” I asked,

“Not when you say it so nastily,” She said. “All I’m saying is maybe he’s trying to be nice to Chelsea because it’s hard for her to adjust, maybe for him to although he does like you as well.”

I rolled that around in my head noticing the other people finally coming in. When it was put that way it was easier to let go of some my feelings of foolishness. I mean it was a very valid point, but it could be said for almost everything. If you lost a grandfather or uncle or aunt or even a dog, you could feel that way. But Chelsea did seem like the type to find it hard to let go. When we were younger she was almost as quiet as I was, almost and quiet people seem to hold things inside more and cling to them harder them a little tighter than others.

“OK, I will agree that you make a very valid point,” I said. “But that doesn’t change the fact that I feel like something is going on.”

“Well of course something’s going on, there always is in a break up,” Katrina said. “I should know I been through many of them.”

“You are right about that,” I mumbled. “All right I won’t hold a grudge and I’ll try and forgive him if we talk again, but I will not forget this and I’m still mad.”

“Of course you won’t forget I don’t expect you to, but your grudge holding is another thing.”

“I know,” I sighed.

I looked around and finally noticed that our table was filling up and I resisted talking about Derrick and Chelsea anymore. I also resisted thinking about him to which was hard. Katrina acted as our spokesperson talking and greeting people while I threw out an occasional smile or so. I just wanted dinner to be over. I hated group dinners if I didn’t really like and know everybody. Katrina as usual would try and interject me into a conversation to get me speaking and I would oblige but only a little.

I would smile to myself as I turned away. Katrina really was determined to make me more social it was like her mission in life to get me as peppy and happy as she was. I let her keep coercing me into things because I actually found that they were fun they way she introduced them to me. The teacher walked into the room finally and I sat up a little straighter and tried to fix my face into something a little friendlier. Katrina nudged me as well, and I looked up at her.

“What,” I asked.

She pointed a little to my right and I turned to see, Derrick pulling the seat out right next to me. I nearly jumped out of my seat, but Katrina held me down by the shoulder; before I could really move. What the hell was she thinking? Why was he sitting next to me? He never sat next to me ever. Even when he was teasing me he had kept his distance. I tried not to freak out to much but I was tense and my legs wanted to move. It was instinct I wanted to run away. I spared a very subtle glance to my right to see that he was in his seat comfortable with, Chelsea on his right with me on his left and the rest of his friends either sitting across the table from them or right next to him. This sucked. Wait, wait, he could read my mind with his stupid esp. ah; crap he could probably hear that to. Ok calm down, stop thinking so much.

It was harder said than done. And all the while I knew he could tell what was going through my brain. But hadn’t I thrown out his mind reading skill, as him somehow magically knowing what I was thinking? Damn it, I knew I was only trying to make myself feel better. The things he had told me were things that you definitely couldn’t figure out by listening in on a conversation. I sighed and just turned towards Katrina at least I didn’t have to look at him. With Chelsea hanging off of him.

“Calm down, Sony,” Katrina said softly removing her hand. “It’s not that big of a deal.”

“I know,” I whispered back. “I just need a moment.”

She nodded and then looked at me softly with her sisterly eyes. I think she truly thought she was my sister sometimes. Not that I mind, but she was protective of me, although it didn’t always seem like it.

“All right is everyone here?” Our teacher asked.

“Yes,” We all mumbled subdue.

Tonight was to be grouping dinner night and then some other evening here would be luau night, of course. I looked around and noticed a few of the chaperones interspersed among us. My mind drifted off to wondering how the kids of this chaperones felt having their mom or dad come with them on vacation. Because most of us were either 18 or 19 no one was younger then that so that must have been awkward. I looked back down at my empty plate and sighed. I almost wished we didn’t have to go through with this. It was weird. I took a deep breath and then tried speaking normally.

“So what do you think were having for dinner,” I asked.

“Oh, I don’t know it’s probably nothing to fancy they have to save that for the Luau night,” Katrina said smiling encouragingly.

“Yeah, that would make sense,” I said thoughtfully.

And we continued in this manner. I grew less tense by the evening which was a good thing. I was able to enjoy it rather than be nervous. Why was I even nervous I had done nothing wrong? The food was going to be brought to us. I was kind of hoping it would be buffet style. Not because I wasn’t ready to talk to Derrick just yet, but because I rather serve myself. I would be at the mercy of the cooks. I slumped in my seat and glanced at him again. He was turned away from me facing, toward Bobby.

I took this time to lose some of the tenseness in my body. I had to relax, I knew how to hide my reactions, and I just had to remember how. Katrina turned from me now finding that I was not going to do anything rash and started talking across the table.

“Ah, I see you all sat by your usual parties,” The teacher said thoughtfully. “Well that will change; I want you each to turn to someone you don’t talk to often meaning your classmate on your other side or maybe even across from you and get to know them a little better.”

I almost wanted to glare at our teacher, what an asshole. Now dinner was going to be even more awkward than usual. I balled my hands into fists under the table and tried to still the steam coming from my ears.

“You all hurry up turn to your neighbor,” The teacher continued. “Dinner will be coming to us shortly, so go on you might as well get use to it, I’ll be splitting you all up a lot these two weeks.”

I inhaled deeply and turned slowly to look at Derrick. He looked back at me, and we were silent for a few moments. It was weird and I didn’t want to do this. He cleared his throat opening his mouth to try and say something and then closing it looking at me thoughtfully. I swallowed a few times, and ended up, landing in the same position as him. Mouth closed staring at my hands thoughtfully.

“Well, um, how has your evening been,” He asked softly.

“Fine,” I replied. “And you?”

I was trying hard to keep my annoyance out of my voice. He knew how my evening had gone; he could read minds couldn’t he. He knew what was going on inside of mine. I tried to reign in my annoyance but it was like once I was feeling a mood I was stuck in it. I wrung my hands against my lap to distract me from how awkward we were.

“I’ve been ok,” He replied looking up at me. “A little misunderstood, but ok overall.”

I knew what he was trying to do signal me with his words. But what was there to misunderstand about them kissing and still hugging on each other in public right in front of me. After he said that he loved me. God, I was starting to feel like those crazy women who obsessed over every little word a man had said to them. But I wasn’t a very secure person and being made into the fool did not help this in any way.

“Oh, if you don’t mind me asking, how have you been misunderstood,” I asked looking off to the side. “I mean you seem like a pretty simple person to get.”

Simply trying to play people. I bristled inside and it was hard to keep my claws down. I was sitting at a table with my peers in a hotel. I needed to calm down. Or at least remain a little more civil to him. I pushed back a few of my braids and then looked at him again.

“It wasn’t anything big, but still it was taken the wrong way,” He said. “A little bird seemed to think I was stealing from her nest, right outside my hotel room window, not my fault I get hot easily.”

“T-that, um, doesn’t seem to make a lot of sense, how did your being too hot make her think you were stealing,” I asked.

I seemed to not have given him enough credit for his subtly and cleverness. I never thought he was stupid but I had to admit he was going about this in a completely sneaky and brilliant way.

“She thought that because I was near it I want them, her eggs mind you, but I didn’t obviously,” He said. “I liked looking at them up close and personal but I wouldn’t feel right taking them from their home.”

“Hmmm, I guess that makes sense,” I mumbled.

I felt his hand searching for mine, and he took it between his under the table. I was very tempted to jerk my hand away. Just because it made sense didn’t mean I agreed with it. But he held on tight, even when my fingers clenched around his. I also had to grudgingly admit that I like him holding my hand in front of all of these people, although they couldn’t exactly see us.

“What’s more is that if she could have understood me she wasn’t giving me the chance to explain myself,” He said softly, eyes looking up at me. “Maybe there was more to the story then she knew.”

“Well maybe you shouldn’t have been near the window after you opened it, if you didn’t want her to misunderstand,” I said sharply. “How was the bird supposed to know, what was going on if she had been told a totally different thing from what she was seeing?”

I pulled my hand from his annoyed still. So it was my fault he was misunderstood. And it was my fault that my eyes happen to not work and I saw them all hugged up on each other kissing. Just like a man and a jerk to blame his mistakes on the other person. I didn’t even try and limit my thoughts, and I knew he could hear them. And that was his own fault for being so in love with what was going on in my head. I wasn’t going to become shy in my own mind for anybody. He had probably lied about that to the big lair.

“Sonia . . .” He began.

“Other than that how was your day,” I said forcefully careful to remember to keep my voice down.

He frowned and I paid no mind to it. I felt like he was getting angry at me or at least annoyed. Most likely for me doubting him and talking about him in my head like I was. But wouldn’t anyone else feel the same way? Wasn’t this a valid reaction? I wouldn’t say normal, but reasonable would work.

“Oh, nothing much, after that, and you?” He asked some attitude in his voice.

“I just went snorkeling, and that’s about it,” I replied. “It was ok but not as eventful as your day seemed to be.”

I could feel him bristling at that comment, and it gave me some pleasure to see that he was becoming as frustrated as I was. Good, now that my bruised and battered ego was getting soothed, his was getting the beating it deserved. I could almost hear him demanding me to look at him or listen to him but I wasn’t even going to dignify that with a response. I was angry and still a little mad at him, so let me work through my emotions in my own way. I wasn’t going to forget this; it could be like a sign or something.

“A sign for what,” He whispered angrily.

I jumped a bit, looking at him them. I had forgotten he was most likely listening into me. But I hadn’t thought he was following my words so closely. He looked calm on the outside but his eyes were telling a different story. They looked cold, and indifferent. But after looking at them I could tell there was fire burning behind them. It didn’t scare me but surprise me it did. But he wasn’t going to outdo me in this little game he wanted to play.

‘That maybe you’re just a lying play boy trying to use me just for kicks,’ I thought in reply.

It was like the temperature rose even hotter at that, and our hotel had air conditioning.

“All right, dinner every one turn around and sit right so our servers can get things rolling.”

I turned quickly and stared at my plate. I didn’t feel like I had said anything wrong or out of line, but I was a little worried now. He was still fuming beside me but he was acting as if nothing was wrong. Talking to his friends and Chelsea as if we hadn’t just been arguing in our silent way. I ignored it and him and face Katrina again.

“So,” She whispered, “how was your little chat.”

“It was fine, I tell you about it later” I replied.

“I can’t wait,” She said with a wink completely missing the awkward tension that had sprung up.

I took a breath again trying to clear my mind so I could focus on eating. I was hungry now. I also wanted to be alone. I felt like people were staring at me. I looked up for a moment and found no one looking at me. There goes my over reactive imagination again.



I was so full; the food had been great, it was almost a standard buffet meal but better with a bit of Hawaiian dishes thrown in. It was a little overwhelming actually because I didn’t like change and trying all of these new recipes and flavors was not as exciting as it should have been. But still I had liked it so that probably meant I need to learn how to accept new things a little better. I was laying in my bed, just drawing circles over my bed, sheet as I thought of how this evening had played out.

After the meal was finished we all excused ourselves, I stood up quickly intending to escape, which I had in a way. Chelsea was sticking to Derrick like glue, and he wouldn’t approach me with her right beside him. I had figured that much out about him all ready. He liked to handle things in private. I surrounded myself with the rest of my classmates as I made an escape from the room. But I lost Katrina in the confusion. Which is actually a pretty tough thing to do, she was crazy tall, and I should have seen her dark hair sticking out from the rest.
I sighed, waiting outside of the door for her. This was going to set back my escape plans a lot. I crossed my arms and leaned against the wall. Goodness, Katrina what could she have been doing.

“Hey, Sonia why are you just standing here,” Jake asked.

He was one of the guys from our group obviously. One of the self named class clowns, I gave him a small smile and stood up straight.

“I was waiting for Trina, I lost her in the crowd,” I said. “Did you see her?”

“Yeah, she came this way, and was heading towards the lobby,” He replied standing next to me.

“Why would she be heading towards the lobby,” I asked aloud, it had been more for myself then him.

“I wouldn’t know, hey, do you two have anything planned tomorrow,” He asked.

“Not exactly today was her day to drag me all around as much as she wanted,” I said, and then felt my phone vibrating.

“So do you think if I invited her to hang out with me that she’d go,” He asked eagerly.

“Your still on that are you,” I said while picking up my phone. “It couldn’t hurt to try I’m sure she’s forgiven you for pouring soda down her dress and then groping her to clean it.”

“Ah, come on you know it was an accident and besides why pass up a chance for a free feel,” He said waggling his eyebrows at me.

I rolled my eyes and looked at my phone it was a text message.

“Sony, don’t wait up for me I just saw some of my earlier boy toys from yesterday and they’re taking me out to see the town, you’re always welcome to come with me we haven’t walked very far yet?”

“That girl,” I sighed.

At least it hadn’t of said something like I’m going to get a quickie or something along those lines. And at least she had tried to include me in her fun but I’d rather not. But I was a little worried about her going off by herself.

“Are you by you self,” I texted back.

“Is that her,” Jake asked.

“Yeah, she’s with some of the locals she met, there taking her around town,” I said, excluding the fact that they were boys.

“Oh, do you think she’d mind if I came,” He asked.

Of course she’d mind you dumbass, I said into my head. Katrina wasn’t a grudge holder but she really hadn’t appreciated his groping session of her. I mean she shouldn’t complain she did it to me all of the time. But it would leave her with someone familiar and I was not willing to go.

“I can ask her.”

I sent her the text and at first she was a little pissed, but once I got it through her thick head that she was basically going off with complete stranger’s she caved and I told him where she was. He thanked me and went running off like a happy little school boy. He was probably going to get his heart broken the fool. I could tell he really liked her, a lot but he was immature and his excitement kind of got the best of him. And also his enthusiasm, I knew he hadn’t meant to really grope her as he had done but once his hands were there his eyes were lighting up in opportunity.

I sighed shaking my head. I suddenly remembered that I was out in the open defenseless and I looked around me. There was a woman heading towards the lobby a couple of men heading into the elevator. Nothing suspicious. I guess Derrick had left to angry with me, to stay and try and ambush me. Well good, I didn’t want to talk to him either. I grumbled to myself slipping my phone back into the pocket of my shorts and waiting near the elevator. I was too lazy to walk up the stairs again. And something in the back of my head told me he would be there to corner me again if I had been wrong about him wanting to see me.

I tapped my foot impatiently. Maybe I was being to hard on him. I mean what if Katrina was right and he was just trying to pacify Chelsea. But did that make it right that he would go so far as to kiss her or hold her hand or even sleep with her. Ok, holding hands was innocent enough but kissing wasn’t as innocent as it seemed to be. I was learning that from experience. Should I even be justifying the fact that I clearly saw him with another woman, and he had told me something completely different? This is why relationships suck. I was prepared to just imagine things about him in my head and then he had to go and make it real, into a reality for me and now I really didn’t know what to do.

I could ask Katrina but no offense to her but she wasn’t any good at relationships either. And she had had plenty of boyfriends. The problem she had was that she was too nice and forgiving. I mean go ahead and forgive someone if you want but don’t let them run all over you. Was that what I was going to let happen to me? I did not want that to happen. Deep inside I was terrified of becoming the type of women who settled and was a damn scratching post for the guy she was with. I didn’t want to be taken advantage of. I wanted in my own naïve way a fairy tell romance that wouldn’t leave me a shattered and broken mess.

I shook my head, I need to calm down. It’s not like what we had going together could really be classified as a relationship. It was more like a minor tryst that just seemed to happen in our lives by chance. That was totally not right at all but it made me stop with the deep analyzing thing that I seemed to do. The doors of the elevator opened and then closed. I leaned back against the far wall still lost in thought. I wondered How Chelsea did feel then. Was she like Katrina said, “A person hard to let go of the past, or was there something more there, that maybe even Derrick had missed with his mind reading?

“I thought I told you, you’re very defenseless when you’re thinking.”