What if?

A/N: okay, finally an update :) Thanks for the lovely reviews!

And once again, if anyone wants update notifications, go to my homepage (link in my author panel) and join my mailing list :)

Teeta; yes, this is what Michael did deserve, good and gentle first time, I’m glad you liked :)
Laaerie; thank you so much for betaing this chapter! *hugs*
Romanticfae; I’m glad you like and hopefully you continue to like!
Tsunami-kun: yes, Ricky will always be a bastard, that never changes. =/
Midnighteyes; hope you like this chapter sweetheart, update yours too ;)
Pikkuprinssi; Thank you for the compliment, aw, making me blush. Vodka and Joni, hehe, yup, I’ve had lots of fun whit them and, hm, I try to update that story too as soon as I can. ^__^
Mathea: sorry for taking so long, here it finally is!

BETAD by; Laaerie

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Chapter 4.

Michael didn’t hear the cruel comments, he didn’t care about the taunting, the whispers, going to school on Monday he walked with his head held high, with a smile on his lips. He remembered, the softness of Tony’s hands on his body, the warmth of his mouth, the taste of his lips, how gentle, how loving… How Tony had looked at him that morning, how he had worshiped him with words and touches… the third time…
“You’re intoxicating, Michael...”
Michael came to his locker, closing his eyes, hearing Tony’s voice in the back of his mind. “Beautiful, perfect… your body is heavenly…” He could feel a hint of blush rising to his cheeks. It had been everything he had ever dreamt of.
He had felt sore all Sunday, but he hadn’t mind, instead… He had loved the feeling because it made him feel closer to Tony even though he was away.
“Hi,” Michael turned to the familiar voice and smiled when he saw his boyfriend, he wanted to reach out and touch him, kiss him, but…
“Hey.” He spoke instead, holding his books up against his chest, closing his locker.
Tony looked at him intensely, his urge to touch him… He had to fight with his rebelling hands, one had already reached up, brushed Michael’s cheek softly, before remembering where they were, he lowered his hand quickly.
“What are you doing after school?” Tony asked, his gesture hadn’t gone unnoticed by Michael who’s smile turned to a grin.
“I have a dance practise, remember?” he told him, “why?”
“Well, you know why,” Tony raised his eyebrow, then quickly looked around, he leaned back from Michael, straightened himself up. Michael also picked up from this, of course Tony wouldn’t want to seem as if…
“I have no idea Tony, did you want to meet with me?” He asked already walking towards where his first class would be held, Tony followed him.
“Well, yes, after your dance practise…”
“I might feel tired,” Michael interrupted him, teasing Tony deliberately.
“You could come to Will’s after…” Tony suggested quietly. Michael glanced at him, “To sleep there,” Tony continued, wanting to hit himself for sounding so desperate.

“Wouldn’t your brother mind?”
“No, he’s fine with it… so, will you?” He asked.
“Alright Tony, I’ll see you then and…”
“Will would come to pick you up from your practise…” Michael almost laughed,
“You have everything planned, I see,” he grinned, the bell rang. “Well, you can tell your brother that he can pick me up at 8pm. See you at lunch!” And with that Michael was gone. Tony sighed, again looking around before hurrying toward his classroom.


**^^**^^**^^***

“I’m going to Will’s after dance practise, I’m spending the night there,” Michael told his mother, who was preparing dinner in the kitchen.
“Again?” She asked, looking at her son, stirring the soup on the stove.
“Yes,” Michael nodded going to the fridge to get a snack.
“The soup will be ready soon Michael,” She told him, “and I’ll be taking you to the practise so you won’t have to leave so early.” Michael looked at her, took a juice can from the fridge and poured himself a glass.
“You are?”
“Hm, yes, I-“ She looked at him worriedly, “Is there something…” She hesitated, “something you’d like to tell me?” Michael sat in front of the table, taking a sip of his juice.
“Like what?” He pretended oblivious.
“D-do you have …a boyfriend?” She asked carefully, “Is it William?” Michael began to laugh, he couldn’t help it, maybe it was her voice, maybe the look on her face, maybe because she thought he was dating William, there was nothing wrong with William, but as the older brother of Tony… Finally he was able to control himself he gave his mother an apologetic look for laughing.
“I-I do have a boyfriend, but…it’s not Will,” He shook his head softly, “It’s… Tony actually,” He could see that she was surprised.
“O-oh… Tony? But… didn’t he…have a girlfriend?” She frowned.
“If you haven’t forgotten, just some months back, I had a girlfriend as well…” Michael started slowly. She nodded, still part of her was wishing that Michael would have stayed with Jenny that he would be… She had stayed quiet for too long, she realised, Michael was looking at her expectantly.

“I love him, I was hoping that you’d…” Michael started, wondering what it was that he had hoped, that she’d be happy? That she would…
“Tony is a good boy, I suppose…” She looked at him, “if you have to have a boyfriend, it’s…at least it’s better that it’s him, than someone else,” She gave a slight nod. So it wasn’t the most smoothest way she could have said it, but Michael smiled anyway.

“But Michael…” Again she was looking at him, this was the hard part, she washed her hands, leaving the soup for a while to cook, walked over to the table and sat down. She crossed her hands, sighed. “This is difficult for me,” She confessed looking at him intensely, she reached out and touched his cheek, “be sure that I do love you,” Michael placed his hand on hers, smiling, feeling slightly emotional, those words meant a lot to him, he had missed her saying that and now…
“I love you too, mom,” She smiled back, tears in her eyes, giving a slight nod, before lowering her hand back on the table.
“So, have you… been intimate? I mean… with Tony…” She asked, “D-do you…”
“Do we sleep together?” Michael asked carefully, she gave a somewhat nervous nod.
“W-we have,” he decided to confess and when he saw the look on her face he decided to quickly continue, “I am being careful mom, we both are and… Tony’s family doesn’t know about us, no one does, only Will and now you and… I’d appreciate it, if you didn’t tell anyone either,” She stood up, returning to stir the soup again, she was silent.

“Mom?” Michael asked carefully, she looked at him.
“I’m trying sweetheart, I’m trying to accept this, it’s just…”
“Difficult,” Michael nodded, “I’m trying as well, mom, to see where you and dad are coming from, I’m… trying to see this from your point of view, but I…” He sighed, the truth was that he couldn’t understand what was the big deal about it, it was his own business, no one should be bothered with who he wanted to kiss and share his bed with, it wasn’t hurting anyone, so what was so bad with it? He hoped that one day, Tony wouldn’t be bothered about it either, that one day they could walk hand in hand in public, that he could tell everyone who his boyfriend was. The ways of the world frustrated him.
“Just be careful, I’m happy that you aren’t seeing that man anymore, I’m happy that it’s Tony. I want to keep you safe and that’s part of the reason that… It’s easier with girls you see, men can be so brutal and…”
“Mom,” Michael stopped her, stood up and walked close, “I’ll be fine, really, I’m happy now and I’ll be safe. I promise.” He kissed her forehead gently.

“Honey, I’m home!” His fathers voice echoed from the hall, and soon enough the man appeared to the doorway.
“Supper is ready Henry,“ Evelyn smiled.
“Hi dad.” Michael greeted him carefully, he still felt edgy around him, not entirely sure what was going on in his fathers mind. He wasn’t as warm and welcoming as before his reveal, but neither was he as harsh as he had been when he had found out, it was like he was lingering somewhere between, unsure how to behave around him.
“How was school Michael?” He finally asked, sitting down in front of the table. Michael set the plates and the glasses, taking things out of the fridge.
“It was fine,”
“Got homework?”
“Little, but I did itm already,”
“Good, good,” he nodded, “school is important,” Michael smiled a little, his dad wasn’t looking at him, but at least he was talking and asking things. It was getting better, it would get better.


**^^**^^**^**

“Dana has injured her leg, we’ll have a new teacher,” Rachel, Michael’s dance partner, whispered to him at the beginning of the practise, while they were still waiting for the teacher to show up.
“Really?” Michael stretched his legs, warming up his muscles.
“From what I’ve heard of, he’s quite handsome, young, only 25 and… he’s from Brazil…” She grinned at him, keeping her voice low.
“Is there any reason why you are looking at me like that while you’re telling this?” Michael raised his eyebrow.
“Well… you’re gay, he’s….”

“Alright, people,” A deep masculine voice echoed, steps neared the front, Michael raised his head up, catching with the man’s eyes, deep brown eyes, darker than his own and, the man smiled at him, black, wavy hair, framing his handsome face, brownish skin, tall… Michael had to look away first, the man walked in front of the room, placing down the music box he had been carrying.

“As you might have heard,” he started looking around the teens in the room, his gaze stopping on Michael, he smiled, confident, well posed, “I am to be your new dance teacher, rest assured Dana is fine, she will be fine, the injure in her leg will heal with time.”

There were some whispers, restlessness and small giggles from the girls, but as soon as the man once again opened his mouth to speak, everyone went silent.
“My name is Valecio,” he started, “I come from Brazil, I’m 25 years old and been living in England for 5 years, I first came to London and…” again he smiled, “came here only after I heard from Dana’s accident. I’ve been dancing my whole life, I have taught before in London and you are all in good hands… Now, I’ll call out names and try to learn all of them the best I can.”

**^^**^^**^^**^^**


After class Michael felt slightly dizzy, Valecio was a great teacher, better than Dana had been, and everyone, except some boys who only seemed to be jealous, agreed with him. Valecio must have know about his own charms, how his touch could make any girl moon for him, the dreamy look in their eyes, everyone hoping that… Michael shook his head with a small smile on his lips when he remembered how Valecio had looked at him, when he remembered the feel of his hands on his hips when he, to his own words, wanted to guide him to a better move, a little trick, he had said, grinned, and… The man had definitely been flirting with him, Michael understood now what Rachel had been trying to say.

It was somewhat unnerving, and also… he couldn’t say that he wasn’t the least bit intrigued, the man was… fascinating, his voice, his moves, his charm… But Michael composed himself well; he was not going to allow the man’s charms to lure him. He had Tony, he was in love with Tony and needed no one else. But there was no harm in looking.


William was early, it seemed that the older boy had set himself to make sure that Michael would be safe. Michael felt comfortable with him, before he had been Tony’s older brother, now he was beginning to feel more like a friend. It felt great to have someone who was supporting of his and Tony’s relationship, much like his grandmother Isabella would have been. He still felt sad when thinking about her, he would have wanted her to know, but maybe she did? Maybe she was watching over him somewhere?


Tony was eager to greet him, but his hesitation in front of his older brother was clear, he didn’t kiss Michael, not before Will had disappeared into the bathroom.
“How was practise?” He asked, leading Michael to the kitchen, “and are you hungry?”
“Practise was good and yes for the hungry part,” Michael smiled watching as Tony moved in the kitchen.
“Alright, are sandwiches OK, yes?”
“Yes, thank you.”

“Actually, we have a new teacher,” Michael continued then.
“Oh?” Tony raised his eyebrow in question, looking at him.
“Yes, he comes from Brazil, he’s 25 and…”
“He?” Tony interrupted, placing a glass of milk in front of him. Michael grinned, the tone of Tony’s voice hadn’t gone unnoticed.
“Yes, a he,” He nodded, “Valecio.”
“Valecio? What kind of name is that?” Tony humphed.
“Er, it’s a Latin name, Spanish, Portuguese…Remember, he’s from Brazil?” Tony brought him the sandwiches and sat down, looking at him closely.
“Don’t you grin at me like that,” he said,
“Like what?” Michael asked innocently.
“Well, like that,” Tony pointed at his face, “So was he any good or what?”
“Hm, yes, better than Dana actually,” Michael glanced at him, trying to hold back his grin and took a bite of his sandwich.
“And you can tell so fast? After only two hours, the man is suddenly a genius?”
“My, my, Tony, you’re jealous,” Michael laughed. “I said nothing about him being a genius.”
“I’m not jealous, so not jealous!” Tony tried to assure, “I’m just merely…hm… surprised?… and hm… suggesting that… maybe, you should be careful,” He nodded, as if pleased with his own answer.
“Careful? Why on earth should I be careful?”
“Well, the man is obviously gay,” Tony pointed out, Michael was silent for a while, his lips twisting up in a smile, holding back a laughter.
“Oh, he is, is he? And how, may I ask, did you discover this?”
“Well, look at his name for example and he teaches dancing and… uh, “hi I’m Valecio and I teach dancing?” ” At this point Michael began to laugh, till the point he couldn’t almost breath and Tony stared at him as if he had gone mad.

William walked in the room, a puzzled look in his eyes.
“Er, what’s so funny?” He asked, looking back and forth between his brother, who didn’t seem amused and Michael, who was almost falling off from the chair that he was sitting on.
“Well ask him,” Tony pointed at his boyfriend. Michael tried to calm down, wiping tears from his eyes.
“Tony is jealous, it’s funny.” He explained.
“I’m not jealous!” The other almost shrieked.
“Yes, you are.” Michael nodded and took another bite of his sandwich.
“Am not,”
“Are too.”
“Am not…
“Are too,”
“Okay boys, you’re giving me a headache,” William interrupted, “don’t know where this is coming from but I bet Michael is right. There, now that’s settled. Although, why are you jealous, Tony?”
“Because I have a new dance teacher, who’s name is is Valecio, and apparently that alone means that he’s gay.” Michael told him before Tony could. William looked at him with curiosity.
“Well, is he?”
“What?” Michael hadn’t seen that one coming.
“Is he gay?” William asked, they were both looking at him.
“How should I know! It’s not like I asked,” Michael shrugged his shoulders, trying to seem as if he really didn't know, when he did.
“Uh oh, he’s gay. Yup, I can see it from your face,” William grinned, “the man is all gay for you Michael. Sorry Tony, better keep an eye on this one,” Michael opened his mouth,
“H-how…I – he is not gay for me,” he looked at Tony, “is not,” he tried to convince him. Tony folded his arms over his chest.
“That man is trouble,” he muttered, “be careful,”
“you don’t even know him!” Michael rolled his eyes, “so how can you say he’s trouble?”
“Knowing you he just is,” Tony nodded thoughtfully.
“That makes no sense,”
“Whatever, I’m still keeping an eye over you,”
“William, tell your brother that he should-“ Michael started.
“Better watch over him good, because otherwise I will,” William nodded to Tony.
“Oh for god’s sake I’m not completely helpless you know, I know how to …’watch for myself’” Michael told the two sounding just as annoyed as he felt. William smiled, walked closer and patted his head.
“There, there, life is though… and you should know us McDonnell's already, just get used to it.” He grinned and walked away. Michael was lost with words.

**^^**^^**^^**

“Was he handsome?” Tony asked when they were laying on the bed that night.
“Who?”
“This Valerio or what ever.”
“Valecio,” Michael corrected smiling softly as he turned to lay on his side, looking at Tony, “he is handsome,” he told honestly, touching Tony’s face, “But if this is a careful way for you to ask if I’m interested of him, then no,” he shook his head, “You know, I find you rather handsome, you’re more handsome than he,” Michael whispered kissing his nose.
“Don’t lie,” Tony grinned taking his hand in his.
“It’s not a lie,” Michael told him and saw how Tony rolled his eyes to that, “You are, and don’t you ever question my eyesight, or my taste in men, okay? I find you very attractive indeed.” Michael kissed his jawline, his forehead, nose and cheeks and finally his lips. Tony’s hand went to his hair, moving slowly to his face and when Michael moved his head up, Tony looked at him closely, touching his full lips with his thumb, running his finger on the side of his nose, his forehead, sliding back to his cheek. “Your beauty frightens me sometimes,” Tony whispered, blushing slightly with his words that now seemed so corny and… Michael kissed him deeply, moving on top of him.
“I wish you wouldn’t be scared…” he whispered, “I wish, what I would like…” he took his hand, “is to tell others just how much you mean to me and call you my boyfriend in front of them.” Tony sighed.
“I’m sorry, it’s just…”
“Too early?”
“Yes, I’m… I’m not ready to tell everyone and so far, this works like this, doesn’t it? Besides, it’s exciting, our own little secret,” Tony smiled, kissing him again. And though Michael had many questions about the matter he decided to stay silent, not wanting to pressure him. Tony watched his face,
“Maybe one day though,” he whispered, moving his hand under the cover, on Michael’s butt, giving it a squeeze. “You know, Will said he’d be sleeping with ear plugs on.” He continued with a grin.
“Oh, did he now? And?”
“Oh, you know, you must feel it, you evil teaser,” Michael looked at him thoughtfully, almost as if thinking something very deeply, then, finally he brought his lips against Tony’s.
“This what you mean…” he whispered between the kisses as he moved his legs on each sides of Tony’s hip, he moved, pressing himself against him, feeling his hardness that made him feel hot all over, that made the blood run down fast, until he matched his friend, his lover.


Tony used some lotion, Michael wasn’t even sure where he had gotten it, maybe it had been close all along, maybe… Tony had planned it all along, he couldn’t blame him.
“I want inside of you,” were his huskily spoken words, and Michael smiled down on him, nodded, sure that he would give Tony anything and everything he would ask and maybe one day he would have him for real, not only in secret.

Naked, he tried to lower himself down on the hard shaft, the pain stopped him, only the tip was in and… Michael bit his lip, close his eyes, took a deep breath, assuring himself that he could do this, that after awhile it would feel amazing, Tony’s arms soothed him, stroking his hips gently. Michael moved down more, taking the whole length deep within him, panting quietly as he tried to get used to it, some day it would be easier, someday he’d learn to relax his body to it, he thought to himself, leaning down and capturing Tony’s lips. He began to move, slowly. He thought about dancing, how he would move his hips and decided to do that now, moving his hips, rolling. Tony’s hands tightened around him, almost bruising as the other boy tried to will himself to stay quiet, which wasn’t easy, not when there was such a pleasure surrounding him.

Tony trusted up, couldn’t help but to move with him, deeper, deeper to that warmth. Heaven. He still couldn’t quite believe that it was Michael in his arms, and he looked at the other in amazement, he knew the other, how familiar he was and yet so… exciting, this new side of him… looking at him through different eyes, lustfully… Michael’s body was a piece of art, the way he moved… Tony couldn’t hold it back, not for long, he came inside of him, holding the other’s body close, closing his eyes in bliss. They stayed that way for awhile, Tony still inside his friend’s body.

“Michael, I forgot the condom,” Tony whispered after awhile,
“I noticed,” Michael whispered back, smiled and kissed him, “I trust you Tony,”
“And you should, rest assured that I am healthy,”
“I know that but… I do want to wash myself and, so should you,” Michael moved up carefully, already feeling the cum leaking down on his legs. Tony took his hand, smiled.
“Alright, lets get to the shower,”


**^^**^^**^^**^^**^^**^^**

The taunting didn’t stop at school, some had stopped caring, but some, mainly Tom, Mark and Sean kept it on strong. Michael didn’t have the energy or the will to care so much about it, but he noticed that Tony did care, that Tony was agitated and annoyed by it. Especially when they dragged Tony into their comments, calling Michael his boyfriend, asking how the sex was, who fucked who, had Tony let Michael do his ass.

Tony always got mad and Michael stood by his side, trying to calm him.
“You are my boyfriend,” he sometimes whispered, “is it really that bad, are you that ashamed of it?”
“You don’t understand,” was Tony’s comment and often he walked away. Michael felt hurt, of course he understood! He went through it everyday… But when they were alone, Tony was as sweet as always, never really wanting to talk about what went on at school.

But Michael also noticed that after a difficult day at school, if they had sex, it was lots less sweet than usually, it was… fucking, those times Tony always took him from behind and Michael couldn’t help but to wonder…Tony seemed to have the need to be the man, he needed to be the stronger and…But Michael didn’t want to really think about it further, he loved Tony, Tony loved him, but he only had some issues with coming out from the closet. It wasn’t easy, he knew it wasn’t.


At early December, was Greg’s birthday, to which Michael was also invited.

Tony told him to come over at Will’s before they would leave, he said he wanted to take couple of beer’s first with him and had also asked him to come over that night, spend the night there. Michael knew why, Tony always got horny when drinking, it amused him, but he most definitely couldn’t complain, he wanted it just as much. He dreamt of the possibility that Tony could perhaps, finally show others that they were a couple? But he knew, deep down, that it would remain as a dream. But he still kept on hoping; one day.


Finally he arrived to the place, and rang the doorbell, already hearing the music from inside.
Tony opened the door for him, smiling.
“Hi Mikey, come in, come in,” There were others, Michael thought to himself, looking at the beer can in Tony’s hand, then he heard the voices.
“I suggested that they’d come here first, Matt and Julie, and oh! Julie’s friend Fiona, she’s fun, I’m sure you’ll like them.” Tony told him in the hall, “she goes to another school,” he continued, as Michael was taking his coat off.
“Oh,” Michael hadn’t expected there to be others, why hadn’t Tony told him before? he wondered, but Tony had already walked into the living room and Michael silently followed.

“Hi Michael,” Matt’s girlfriend Julie greeted him with a smile.
“I’m glad you decided to join us,” it was Matt who spoke,
“Hi, yes, I’m glad I was invited,” Michael grinned, looking slowly at the other girl who he hadn’t seen before.
“Oh this is my friend, Fiona, she doesn’t go the same school with us,” Julie explained, the girl smiled.
“Nice to meet with you then,” Michael smiled back at her.
“Likewise,” She nodded, Tony sat beside her on the couch, immediately gaining her attention. The two started talking, as Matt and Julie… well, the two were snuggling close, attention in each others. Michael felt weird and out of place, slowly he sat down on the armchair.

William emerged from his bedroom, dressed in his finest,
“ah Michael, I thought I heard your voice,” he grinned, then glanced at his younger brother, everyone else had a drink in their hands, but Michael.
“Fancy a beer?” he asked then,
“Yes, please,”
“Oh, and you asked about that CD?” Michael looked at him with puzzled expression, what CD? “I have it in the kitchen,” William continued.
“Oh, the CD, right;” Michael stood up and followed him.

When in the kitchen William took two beers from the fridge and handed the other to him after opening.
“There’s no CD,” he confessed, Michael smiled faintly,
“I guessed as much,” he took a sip, William leaned against the counter, looking at him, laughter sprung from the living room, he shook his head,
“You know Tony,” William started, “he-“
“Yes, I know him and he’s changed, but so have I and… it was to be expected.” Michael nodded slowly. “He’s just having fun,”
“Ignoring you,” William stated, looking worriedly at the younger, who laughed somewhat darkly,
“Yes,” Michael looked at the bottle in his hands and then back at William, “he never ignored me before, not before when, when we were just friends…”
“Tony is a blind idiot sometimes and this is hard for him,” Michael nodded and looked at him.
“I know that as well, sometimes I wonder if he thinks that it’s easy for me?”
“I’m sorry,”
“Don’t be, not your fault” Michael smiled, shook his head, a moment of silence.

“How long have they been here?” Michael asked then, “I know I sound jealous, but I didn’t expect… he didn’t tell me…” William looked at him quietly, before speaking.
“They came here about an hour ago… and Michael, I don’t blame you, I’ve tried to talk with him about your relationship, but…”
“It’s alright,” Michael looked at the other, “Hey, you look like you have some place to go, so go, have fun,” Michael grinned then.
“But you…” Michael raised his hands to stop him.
“Too much teen trouble is enough for one night, even for you. So go, have adult fun and…hm, that sounded somehow kinky, didn’t it?” He laughed, Will joined his laughter, walked over to him and ruffled his hair.
“Tony is a blind arse, he really is,” He whispered, leaned closer and gave him a quick kiss on his lips. “I couldn’t resist myself, try to have fun at the party,” William smiled, and with a quick bye he was gone, leaving stunned Michael behind. Slowly he brought his hand to touch his lips that William had kissed. He hadn’t seen that one coming, he shook his head and smiled, deciding to return into the living room.

If Tony expected him to stay as a silent wall flower, he was wrong, big time. He sat down,
“So Fiona, where are you studying?” He asked, the girl turned her head, smiled, and they began their conversation.

**^^**^^**^^**^^**

Tony wasn’t sure what to do, he wasn’t sure what he wanted. When he looked at Michael, into those deep brown eyes he felt more than he had ever felt for anyone, but… He didn’t want to be gay, he wasn’t, he just… loved Michael, the sex was amazing and he was his best friend, they had fun together, it would have been perfect if Michael… if he was a she… or if… if people didn’t care.

Tony cared. He needed time, he just couldn’t come out like Michael had, what would his parents say? They might have nothing against Michael and the fact that he was gay, but… they thought it was just friendship, and Michael wasn’t their child. Everyone would be shocked… Tony thought about moving in with Michael, thought about the whole world knowing what they were and it frightened him. He didn’t know how to be with Michael as a couple with others and on the other hand he didn’t want to let go either. He loved him, but he wanted to keep it as a secret, surely Michael could understand his reasons?

Had they gone to the party together, without the others, then Tony wouldn’t hear the end of it. With Julie’s friend Fiona, perhaps if he would stay close to her, talk to her, people would stop suggesting that he was together with Michael. To him the idea seemed perfect, of course Michael would understand. They had talked and Michael had told him that he understood that this wasn’t easy for him and that he was ready to give him time. This is how he reasoned to himself when they arrived to the party and when he joined Fiona for a smoke outside, while leaving Michael in.

Michael felt as an outsider, this world, laughing people, careless chatting it had used to be his. So much had changed. He had used to be the center of attention and now… He walked in the house, listening, looking around, some looked at him, but the greetings he got were so quiet. And Tony… he had said he’d go for a quick smoke with Fiona, but… he seemed to have forgotten his way back in.
“Michael,” soft voice spoke, making him turn.
“Jenny,” he smiled.
“I’m glad you came,” she smiled.
“Are you?” Michael didn’t know what else to say,
“yes,” she nodded and looked around, “all these same people, all these same topics, I-“ She shook her head and smiled, “I’ve missed you, I mean, of course I see you at school everyday, but I’ve missed you here, you know?” she laughed quietly, “am I making any sense?”
“Yes, I think you are, missed you as well,” Michael told her, “missed you as a friend, missed the time hanging out with you,”
“Then we should do that sometime, hang out, catch a movie or something,”
“I’d like that,”
“good, so as for not leaving it just something we always talk about, but never do, how about next week?” She suggested, Michael grinned.
“I’m free, next Saturday?” He asked and she gave him a nod and a smile.
“Next Saturday,” she agreed, but then her friends called her, “I’ll catch with you later, okay?” she asked before leaving,
“Definitely,”

He was alone again, walked to the living room where Tony was, chatting with Fiona. Michael rolled his eyes, sighing. He got himself a drink and took his jacket before going outside to the porch. He gazed at the night sky, wondering if Tony would ever change, if he would ever truly be ready. He wondered.
“Mikey, aw, all alone, did your boyfriend ditch you,”
“Grow older Sean,” Michael bit back, not looking at him. He heard him stepping closer.
“Always with the attitude,” Sean’s voice sneered, “he doesn’t love you, he doesn’t care, he only likes to fuck you…” Michael couldn’t hide the surprise from his face, “I’m not blind, I know the secret between you two and right now, I see it from your eyes,”
“You know nothing Sean, now please, I have no desire to talk with you, so go.” Sean however leaned closer, got a strong hold of his arm, so strong it stopped him, froze him almost.
“How very convenient it is to Tony, to have you to warm his bed when it suits him, while in search for a nice, pretty girlfriend.” Sean’s lips close to his ear, his body, pressing against his.
“Let go Sean, let go of my arm,” Michael hissed trying to pull free.
“I can offer you the same deal Michael, I know you’d like it.” Sean tried to kiss him, Michael kicked his knee, getting himself free and quickly escaped back inside, he was feeling upset, nervous, agitated. In the living room, Tony was still with Fiona, laughing his heart out at something she had said.

Michael looked at him and then seeing Greg, walked over to him.
“Greg, I’m glad you invited me, thank you and I hope you have a nice party, but I’m afraid I must leave.” He hurriedly explained.
“Really? Why?”
“I’m not feeling all that well, I- it’s better for me to leave,”
“Well alright, see you on Monday then, take care,”
“Thank you, bye and again; happy birthday.” Michael gave a quick glance at Tony who was looking back in surprise. Without explaining himself further, Michael walked out.

It was cold, he hadn’t even thought about how to get home, he’d have to walk, and it was almost 7 km, he didn’t care. Maybe Sean was right? Maybe this was just a passing thing to Tony, he’d find himself some nice, pretty girl and he only would end up getting his heart broken. It hurt already, he felt like a fool and he wanted, wanted to run home to his grandmother. Maybe he should leave to some place else and maybe… It was beginning to snow, why was Tony so blind! Why didn’t he see what this was doing to him! Why did he…
“Michael!” It was his voice, Michael didn’t want to stop, afraid that if he did, his hurt would be clear and he didn’t want to be this weak. “Michael! Please wait! Stop!”

Michael did, but didn’t turn, Tony ran by his side, touched his shoulder.
“Why did you run off like that?” He asked softly.
“I didn’t run off,”
“Yes, you did, without saying one word to me!” Tony made him turn, to look at him.
“It didn’t seem that you would miss me,” Michael brought his chin up.
“Oh come on, don’t be like that, don’t… you’re acting like some woman,” Tony lowered his hand down.
“Oh that’s rich, coming from you!” Michael almost shouted. “You’re the one who’s treating me as such!” Tony opened his mouth.
“No I’m not,”
“Alright, so I am upset. I’m upset that my-“ Michael stopped in mid sentence. “What is that you are to me? I don’t know what to call you Tony, are you my boyfriend? Are you my friend who has sex with me? I don’t know!”
“I’m Tony, you can call me Tony,” he spoke, slightly irritated.
“Tony.” Michael repeated dryly. “Right then, Tony, why don’t you go back inside, enjoy the party. I’m going home and I’ll see you Monday.” He already turned to leave.
“Wait!” Michael froze, looking at the snow that fell softly on the ground. “wait,” Tony repeated more softly. “I’m sorry if I hurt you, it wasn’t my intention, it’s just…”
“Difficult,” Michael finished for him, “yes, I know, you’ve said it before,” he sounded tired. Tony walked closer, wrapped his arms around him from behind.
“I love you, you know that,” he whispered, Michael close his eyes, “I’m just not ready for it, but I don’t want to loose you, don’t walk away Michael, please. Please, give me time, just a little more time.” Michael swallowed hard, opened his eyes again.
“I love you Tony,” he whispered, “and you’re not making this easy for me either,”
“I know and I’m sorry, I don’t want to hurt you, trust me,” Michael turned around slowly, looking into Tony’s eyes.
“You should get back to the party, they’re soon going to miss you, and… you can call me tomorrow.” Tony shook his head at this.
“No, I’m going with you, we’re going to spend the night at Will’s, remember?”
“Aren’t you worried what they’ll think when you’re leaving with me?”
“I told them I wanted to make sure you get home safe,” Tony whispered, “said that you were looking kind of pale and…” Tony bit his lip. “I’m sorry for the way I’ve been acting,”
Michael gave him a small smile and nodded.
“Lets go to Will’s, I’m freezing,” He whispered.
“Alright,” Tony smiled, “lets go,” he said and after quickly looking around and seeing no one in sight, he leaned in closer and gently kissed his friend, squeezing his hand. “I never meant to hurt you, remember that, okay?”
“I know Tony, I understand, I- I’ll wait,” Michael promised. Their first fight was over and Michael could only hope that with time, things would get easier.




TBC.