Noticed

“Oh, I don’t know if I’m up for dinner, actually,” Kirsten wouldn’t meet Patch’s eyes as she searched her brain for an excuse. “Things have been so busy lately…”

“Midterms are officially over,” Patch reminded Kirsten gently but firmly. After his conversation with Nina earlier that week, he had decided to pay more attention to Kirsten’s behavior. To his dismay, Nina had been completely right – Kirsten was being withdrawn, evasive and introverted. So now, he just wanted to see if he could help her. Hating himself for having to turn to the tactic of guilting her, Patch wished he could find another way to reach Kirsten. But he couldn’t think of one at the moment.

“I mean, if you don’t want to hang out with me, I understand,” Patch let his voice drop, feeling deceptive and in the wrong. “Just because we were neighbors in Berkeley doesn’t mean we have to pretend we’re friends here at school-”

“But we are friends,” Kirsten quickly looked up at Patch with concern. “God, if I made you think that I don’t want to be friends with you, I’m so sorry. You are a really important person to me…”

The shame Patch felt for deceiving Kirsten into feeling guilty only doubled when he looked at her. She had once again averted her eyes, looking blankly at the overfilled bookshelf next to her bed instead. Patch was sitting on Nina’s bed, watching the way the light from the setting sun came in streaks through the window of the dorm room and fell on Kirsten’s cheek.

Kirsten was wearing no makeup. Her cheeks were the naturally soft peach color they had been since she was five, and golden highlights could be seen though her long wavy hair. Even without her looking at him, Patch could also see how brightly her beautiful blue eyes shined as she thought about what he had said. Sometimes, it took him by surprise just how gorgeous he thought she was.

“Please don’t feel bad,” Patch’s guilt was too much for him. “You’ve always been a good friend to me, I swear.” As Kirsten’s eyes moved back to meet his questioningly, Patch felt his cheeks heating with blush. “I’m just… I’m worried about you, Kirsten,” he said honestly. “You’ve seem withdrawn and sad lately, and I thought taking you to dinner might help you feel better.” While not the most eloquent or driven statement ever made, Patch felt much better just going with the truth.

And for Kirsten, this seemed to work. “Thank you for being so concerned about me,” Kirsten gave Patch a small smile. “I guess I haven’t been too happy lately, and it would be good to talk to a trusted friend. But I want to pay, okay? If I’m going to use you like a therapist, you should at least get a burrito out of the deal.”

Grinning as he and Kirsten both stood up, Patch nodded in acceptance. “That works,” he told her as he put his arm around her shoulder in a friendly squeeze. “However, if you’re paying, maybe we could go out for something more expensive than Mexican?”

Smirking, Kirsten leaned into Patch’s embrace but said nothing. The past couple weeks had been rough for her, and she wasn’t even sure exactly why. But having good friends around to listen to you could never really be a bad thing, right?

-----

“I’m still confused,” Patch tried not to sound as annoyed as he felt. He was sitting across from Kirsten in a booth at a Tex-Mex restaurant just off campus. “You’re not really explaining anything. You said you liked this guy,” he paused, trying to ignore the nausea in his stomach. “And sometimes he acts like he likes you and sometimes he doesn’t. Is that it?”

Biting her lip, Kirsten looked down at the burrito she had taken exactly one bite of. While the concept of having someone to talk to about how sad and confused she had been recently had seemed good back at the dorm, as soon as she started talking to Patch she realized she had to hold back a bunch of pertinent details of her relationship with Derek – if you could even call it a relationship.

“This was a bad idea,” Kirsten began, and looked up into Patch’s questioning eyes. Biting back her guilt, she continued. “Patch, I do want to be friends with you, but this is obviously not one of those things we can talk about. So can’t we focus on something else?” she pleaded with him, hoping to find someone to salvage the evening – and their friendship.

Taking a big swig of his soda, Patch tried to control his frustration. “No, friends should be able to talk about everything-” he began, but Kirsten cut him off.

“Really?” Kirsten sounded a bit annoyed suddenly, taking Patch by surprise. “ALL friends should be able to talk about EVERYTHING?” she asked.

“Well, yeah…” Patch looked at Kirsten with confusion and chewed on his straw.

“So you won’t mind,” Kirsten leaned back in her seat and looked directly at Patch. “You won’t mind if I talk about my sex life?”

Choking on his soda, Patch looked away from Kirsten before being able to see the regret that immediately had formed in her eyes. She hadn’t meant to hurt Patch; Kirsten was just so annoyed with life. She felt like everyone – Nina, Patch, even Lianna – everyone thought it would be best for her to share every intimate detail of her life with them, but none of them REALLY wanted to hear it.

“Of course you can talk about your… your, um, sex life,” Patch’s cheeks were burning bright red as he pushed the rest of his dinner away from him. This was not at all how he wanted this evening to go. He wanted to be there for Kirsten, to help her through her rough times, to make her see how great she was, possibly even to help her fall in love with him…

“I’m so sorry, Patch,” Kirsten’s voice was sincere as she reached across the table to grab his hand. Patch couldn’t meet her eyes, so instead he looked at her hand, holding his. He was surprised to see how short her nails were, obviously chewed down from nervousness and anxiety. “That was so messed up of me-”

Squeezing her hand, Patch finally met Kirsten’s eyes. “No, it wasn’t,” he said in a soft even voice, realizing that if he truly cared about Kirsten, he would be there for her in any way she needed him – even if that way made him uncomfortable. “You can talk to me about anything, I promise. I’ve known you most of your life, and I’m one of the only people on this campus lucky enough to know already how amazing you are. I am just glad to have you in my life at all.”

Tears were stinging Kirsten’s eyes, blurring her vision. “What is wrong with me?” she whispered softly to Patch. “I have such great people in my life; everything with school is going so well; why am I acting like such a brat just because some guy doesn’t like me?”

“Come here,” Patch quickly rose from his seat and pulled Kirsten from her sitting position. He held her in his arms for a moment, savoring how great it felt to have her close and then chastising himself for reveling in her sadness. “Let’s get out of here,” he told Kirsten, leading her towards the exit. “I know a great place where we can go and talk in private.”

-----

“This place is unbelievable,” Kirsten’s voice was hushed as she looked around the darkened gallery that Patch had brought her to. “Won’t we get in trouble for being here, though?” she asked nervously.

Shaking his head, Patch led Kirsten through one room filled with sculptures into another room filled with canvases. “Did you think I stole the keys?” he asked her with a grin. “No, this is the graduate studies arts studio, but one of my professors gave me a key in case I ever need some place to come and paint, since I live in the dorms.”

Walking around the room, Kirsten took in all of the pieces around her. Some were abstract paintings, not really her cup of tea. Others were still-lives, which also seemed a bit boring. But in one corner were a group of three paintings that caught her eye. They were all obviously by the same artist, and all were in progress. However, despite the fact that not one was more than half-finished, they all struck her as passionate and personal.

“These are wonderful,” Kirsten motioned towards the paintings.

“Oh, I think those are still being worked on,” Patch replied, not looking at the paintings for more than a few seconds. “You should look at some of the other, more finished works. Like these,” he motioned hopefully at a couple canvases.

But Kirsten didn’t care that the pieces she was looking at weren’t finished. There was something about them so intimate and raw. She stepped closer to look at one, a portrait, and swallowed hard. “Wait, that looks like…”

“You,” Patch replied softly, his cheeks flushing. “It’s called ‘Kirsten, Age Five.’”

Trying to catch her breath, Kirsten looked at the oil painting. She knew the picture from which Patch had painted it; it was from her fifth birthday party, and her mother kept it in a frame on the mantle in the living room. “Did you have my mom send a copy of the picture to you?” Kirsten asked Patch in wonderment.

“No,” Patch tried to keep his voice steady and used all the strength in his body to continue holding eye contact with Kirsten. “No, I just did that from memory. But I didn’t intend for you to see it. I actually forgot that it was still here in the studio…”

Staring at the canvas for another few seconds, Kirsten took a deep breath and let it out. “Well, I’d love to see it when it’s finished,” she said softly. “Would you like to show me the rest of the studio?”

Unsure how to take Kirsten’s reaction, Patch just nodded. “There is some great photography work in the other room,” he said softly, still annoyed with himself for forgetting that the painting was in the studio. “Plus, I know where the grad students hide their wine. It’s cheap, but it’ll do the trick. After all, I brought you here so we could talk.”

“Thank you,” Kirsten looked with admiration and trust towards Patch. “I mean that. Thank you, Patch.”

-----

Patch woke up about four am, his head pounding a little. Kirsten was curled up next to him on the couch in the lounge of the studio, her head on his chest and her hair going everywhere. They had two empty bottles of red wine beside the couch, and Patch bit his lip as he thought about the night before.

It took a couple hours and a lot of alcohol, but Kirsten had finally opened up to Patch. She had told him everything – some more about her desires to be noticed, about her inexperience with guys, about Derek. While it was hard to hear, Patch had pushed for Kirsten to continue each time she faltered. After all, that’s what friends did, right?

“Hey, Kirsten,” Patch nudged her gently, hating that he had to wake her and ultimately disentangle himself from her on the couch. However, students were likely to come to the studio in the morning to do work, and he knew they didn’t need to be caught drinking underage on campus. “Kirsten, you have to wake up.”

Blinking a few times, Kirsten looked around in confusion. She had no idea where she was until she looked up and saw Patch’s kind hazel eyes. “Hey,” she said softly, raising herself to a seated position and stretching before taking her head in her hands. “Oh, ow. You weren’t kidding – that was cheap wine.”

Chuckling softly, Patch nodded. “Yeah,” he said. “And unfortunately, it’s time for both of us to go back to our dorms, before we get caught here.”

Pressing her palms to her eyes, Kirsten yawned before replying. “Thank you so much for last night, Patch,” she said softly, her voice still slightly slurred from the wine. “You are such an amazing friend… such a great guy.”

“That’s me,” Patch immediately felt uncomfortable, aware that Kirsten was still a bit drunk. Rising from the couch, he helped her up and picked up the wine bottles, hiding them and promising himself that he would discard of them properly on Monday.

Walking through the gallery towards the exit, Kirsten paused at Patch’s painting of her once more. “You’re really talented,” she said softly, looking over at a blushing Patch. “Really, even before I realized these were your paintings, I thought they were the best here. And you’re still an undergrad.”

“Thanks, Kirsten,” Patch replied sincerely, putting his arm around her shoulder and leading her out of the building. The walked in silence through the darkened campus until they reached Kirsten’s dorm.

“Thank you so much for tonight,” Kirsten said sincerely to Patch, looking up at him with tired eyes. “You were such a great friend to go through all that crap with me.”

“I always want to be your friend,” Patch replied sincerely, pulling Kirsten into a hug. “And if Derek Tarner doesn’t see what a beautiful, sexy, intelligent, fun, amazing person you are… it’s his loss.”

Pulling back, Kirsten’s eyes were glassed over in tears. “I don’t deserve you as a friend,” she told Patch sadly.

“No,” Patch replied immediately, eliciting a small grin from Kirsten. “Luckily for you, I want to be your friend whether or not you deserve it.”

“Goodnight, Patch,” Kirsten said sadly, turning and waving.

“Goodnight, Kirsten,” Patch replied, heading back to his own dorm to lay in his bed and think about how the evening with Kirsten had not turned out at all like he had hoped it would.

-----

As quietly as she could, Kirsten put her key in the lock of her dorm and slowly opened the door, creeping into the darkened room in the hopes of not waking Nina. Her roommate, however, was already awake and immediately turned on the light on the bedside table. “Where have you been?” Nina leaned up in bed, looking both concerned and annoyed. “Please tell me you weren’t with Derek tonight…”

Sitting down on her bed, Kirsten sighed as she kicked off her shoes and removed her jeans, sliding under the covers in her t-shirt and underwear. “No, I wasn’t,” she replied softly, her words still slightly slurred. “So you don’t have to worry.”

Looking over at the other bed, Nina furrowed her eyebrows as she watched her roommate close her eyes. “Then where have you been until four in the morning?” she asked, still sounding skeptical.

“Geez, Mom,” Kirsten replied with annoyance. “I swear, me and Tiffany were just at the library. We didn’t go to the party with the football team.”

“Funny,” Nina replied dryly. “And are you drunk?”

Opening her eyes just in order to roll them, Kirsten looked at Nina. “Yes, I’m a little drunk, Nina,” she said resignedly. “I was hanging out with Patch, and we fell asleep while we were talking.”

Raising her eyebrows and smirking immediately, Nina looked much happier with this turn of events. “You got drunk and fell asleep with Patch?” she asked, not hiding the excitement in her voice. “Did anything happen between you two?”

“No,” Kirsten grinned a little with embarrassment. “Unless you count me telling him everything about Derek.”

“You didn’t,” Nina replied in shock. While she liked that Kirsten had spent time with Patch, and even though Nina had actually approached Patch to talk to Kirsten, she hadn’t expected Kirsten to tell him about Derek. She had actually hoped it might push Patch and Kirsten together instead. “You didn’t tell him everything, did you?”

Biting her lip, Kirsten felt her cheeks heating. “Well, not in detail,” she replied, looking up at the ceiling. “But the basics, the main points. He definitely knows what’s happened up to now.”

“Up to now?” Nina sounded disappointed. “You sound like you plan on continuing to see Derek.”

Rolling over towards the wall, Kirsten didn’t want to let Nina see her eyes fill with tears. “Well, it’s not like Derek’s knocking himself out trying to hook up with me,” she said in a soft voice. “You probably don’t have anything to worry about. He’s probably already moved on to some other girl, someone who’s not frigid and immature.”

”You’re not frigid OR immature,” Nina replied in annoyance, but her voice also betrayed her obvious distress. “If Derek doesn’t see how great you are-”

“I appreciate your concern, Nina,” Kirsten interrupted, still not turning over. “But I’ve heard this speech before, remember? If Derek doesn’t see how great I am, if he pushes me to do things I’m not ready to do, if he moves on to another girl, it’s his loss. Really, I appreciate how much you seem to think of me, but unfortunately, the only person whose opinion really matters right now seems to have no interest in me at all.”

“Unless it’s to show up drunk at midnight and make out with you, or use you at some party where no other girl is willing to please him,” Nina replied coldly, obviously hurt by what Kirsten had just said. “He treats you like a consolation prize, Kirsten. It’s despicable. And letting him do it, well… it just makes you kind of pathetic.”

Feeling stung, Kirsten felt a tear escape her eye and spill over her cheek onto her pillow. “Thanks, Nina,” she said softly. “That’s really what I needed to hear.”

Biting her lip, Nina felt chastised, but didn’t respond. While she didn’t like hurting Kirsten’s feelings, she was beginning to feel at the end of her rope. After all, Kirsten just didn’t seem to get that the way Derek was treating her was totally uncool. She also didn’t get that there was a sweet, funny, goofy, adorable guy who would treat her like a princess if she would just give him the time of day. Glancing over at Kirsten once more, Nina could tell that her shoulders were shaking slightly and that she was crying silently. Without another word, Nina leaned over and turned off the light.

-----

“Excellent work, Miss Long,” Dr. Houston smiled at Kirsten as he handed her paper back to her in class towards the end of the following week. “You were my only A this time around. And could you give this to Nina for me? She emailed me to let me know she wasn’t feeling well and asked that I give you her paper. Not quite as good as yours, but still impressive. You can tell her I said that.”

“I will. And thank you,” Kirsten’s cheeks flushed as she took the paper and headed out of the lecture hall. Biting her cheek, she looked at the front page of her paper, where Dr. Houston had written ‘Better than a lot of the scientific works that get published in journals!’

“So you got the only A in class,” Derek’s smooth, deep voice came from behind Kirsten, making her stop in her tracks. After her night talking to Patch, Kirsten and Nina had made up, but things were still uncomfortable between them. However, as she hadn’t seen or spoken to Derek in that time, things were finally starting to thaw a little. But despite the fact that over the past few days, she had started to wonder if Nina was right about how Derek treated her, just hearing his voice made her forget all of that.

“I guess so,” Kirsten turned around and swallowed hard as she looked up into Derek’s gray eyes. He had a cocky grin on his face and locked his gaze wither her. “So, how’d you do?” Kirsten finally forced out.

Turning the paper in his hand around, Derek showed Kirsten the B- written on the front. “Not up to your genius level,” he shrugged unselfconsciously. “But not bad for a paper I wrote in an hour.”

“No, that’s not bad at all-” Kirsten began replying, but was cut short when Derek grabbed her wrist and pulled her towards an alcove, out of the view of the rest of the hallway. Looking up at him, as he towered over Kirsten and touched her face softly, she swallowed hard. “It took me four or five hours to write the paper-” she continued, her heart pounding in her chest.

“I don’t really want to talk about the paper anymore,” Derek cut of Kirsten with a grin, grazing her chin with his fingertips and tilting her head up a little more. Without another word, his mouth took Kirsten’s. His kiss was warm and moist, his lips soft but strong against Kirsten’s. His hand slid into the hair at the nape of her neck as his tongue slid into her mouth, deepening the kiss and causing Kirsten to release a soft moan of pleasure.

Despite everything she had thought about and talked about over the past few weeks, whenever Kirsten was this close to Derek, she couldn’t think of anything but how good it felt to be near him. He smelled of soap and just a dash of expensive cologne; his shoulder was strong and muscular under Kirsten’s small hand; and his kiss was perfect, confident and sexy, like him.

“Let’s hang out tonight,” Derek pulled back from the kiss and looked at Kirsten. “Just the two of us.”

“I don’t know,” Kirsten tried to find her strength – to remember all the things she had talked to Nina and Patch about regarding Derek. Additionally, she was afraid of what being alone with Derek might entail…

“Come on, Kirsten,” Derek’s voice was low and husky as he grazed his lips over hers gently. “I’ve never gotten to take you out on a real date.”

“You want to take me out on a date?” Kirsten replied in surprise. “Like, out out?” she tried to clarify, her cheeks heating with embarrassment over how excited her voice sounded at the prospect of going out on a real date with Derek.

”Sure,” Derek replied with a grin. “What did you think, I was asking you over to my place to jump you?”

“Oh, I, um…” Kirsten’s cheeks were crimson now.

“Because if that’s what you’d prefer,” Derek’s eyes flashed with amusement. “I mean, I wanted to take you to a nice dinner and maybe dancing, but if you just want to use my body for your own carnal pleasure-”

“Dinner sounds nice,” Kirsten forced herself to interrupt Derek, suddenly feeling more embarrassed than she thought was humanly possible. Only Derek could make her this self-conscious, and while she knew that probably wasn’t the healthiest thing, she also knew it was one of the (many) things that made her so attracted to him. “Um, I mean, a date, dinner, dancing… it all sounds great.”

“Okay,” Derek replied, pulling back from Kirsten a bit and smiling at her. “If that’s what you want. I’ll drop by your dorm around seven, okay?”

“Okay,” Kirsten answered, but Derek had already turned and headed into the hallway. She waited in the alcove for a moment, trying to catch her breath and slow down her heart rate. That was hard to do, though, with the scent of Derek still lingering around her and the taste of his kiss still fresh on her lips.

“Maybe I was just being too sensitive,” Kirsten suddenly felt her heart soar a little with hope. “Maybe Derek just does things differently – but maybe he really likes me. I mean, if he wants to take me out on a date…”

With her cheeks still pink and a small smile on her face, Kirsten started heading towards her next class. She quickly decided she wasn’t going to tell anyone about the date, since she was so happy, she didn’t want anyone to ruin it for her.

-----

“I hope you feel better,” Kirsten told Nina around 6:30 that evening.

“I hope I die,” Nina replied in a congested, nasally tone before coughing hard. “Have fun at your study group.”

“I will,” Kirsten hurriedly replied, grabbing her backpack and waving. After closing the door, she headed towards the bathrooms, where she quickly changed into the little black dress she had in her backpack, let down her hair from its ponytail and applied a little mascara and lip gloss. By 6:50, she had stuffed her backpack behind the couch in the lounge and was sitting on the front steps of the dormitory.

This time, Derek was right on time. “You look nice,” he said \with a smile as he approached Kirsten. “Your body looks killer in that dress.”

“Thank you,” Kirsten blushed as she rose, and more so when Derek leaned over to kiss her cheek.

“Well, my car’s parked in the lot by the library,” Derek indicated towards the path they should head down. “Are you ready for a night you won’t forget?”

Feeling her stomach tremble a little at the flirty, suggestive tone of Derek’s voice, Kirsten just nodded. Falling in step with him, she bit her lip and prayed that tonight would be fun and exciting, but not uncomfortable. Looking up at Derek as he reached for her hand, Kirsten then just let her mind blank as the thrill built up inside her and smiled widely at him.

-----