Killing You Softly

Sorry this chapter is so short. I\'ve been working on another story. I should have the next chapter out within the next couple of days. Thanks for reading and hopefully reviewing.
Eve: Hi. Yep this is my story. I found it interesting that you recognized the style of writing. I\'m that transparent huh. Hopefully, I\'ll be able to right in different formats as I become accustomed to writing better stories. Thanks for taking the time a reading this one.

DrkDreamer: Thanks for reading this story. When I started writing this story, I had just an idea and went with it. I think if I actually took more time with it, it could actually get better. Thanks again.


chapter 4

Brian paced the enormous living room of Tristan\'s mansion, frantically awaiting his boyfriend\'s arrival. He apprehensively rubbed his hands together while standing in the large picture window and then wandered absentmindedly toward the plush sofa, sitting on it. The blond stood up again and walked the length of the room. \"Where is he?\" he bristled out loud, repeating the statement over and over again. The time ticked abstrusely by and Brian glanced at the large antique grandfather clock reading the face. \"11:00. He should\'ve been here hours ago.\"

The fretting man sat down and then stood up, \"Damn him. He\'s probably run off with that fucking Summers asshole.\" The dirty blond ran his fingers anxiously through his hair and then inattentively stuck it in his pants pocket. His hand brushed against a small plastic object nestled in the corner of the material, causing the man to smile. The cocaine. It hadn\'t been used. It the mitts of the commotion across the hallway, he and Tristan never got to actually taking the drug. He\'d remedy that. It was sure to calm his anxiety that hindered his thought process. The anxious man rested his body back down on the regal couch and reached underneath it, removing his favorite cutting glass. Brian set the glass down on the coffee table and quickly emptied the bags contents. He patted his body instinctively searching of something to cut the powder. When he found nothing usable, he sighed and examined the surrounding area. The producer abruptly stood up unconsciously wiping his sweaty palms on his thighs and moved toward the living room door. He attentively gazed back at the enticing uncut powder and was suddenly hit with a revelation. The blond covered his mouth and gasped.

\"Tristan didn\'t do any.\" Brian mumbled into his hand and grabbed a handful of his hair, \"None, for three days now. This isn\'t good. Not good at all.\" He pulled at his tresses, \"I won\'t lose him. I need something stronger. Something he can\'t say no to.\" His eyes opened wide when the answer dawned on him. The blond turned his attention to finding the telephone and dialing a friend\'s number. He was sure what his buddy had to offer would do the trick, and allow him to keep Tristan with him forever. It would be risky, but having Tristan, his body, was well worth it. \"You won\'t win Mikael, even if it kills us all.\"

**

Mikael cautiously opened the bathroom door and peered down the hallway. He had finished cleaning the majority of his \'accident\' and now somehow needed to make it back inside the office where the band had met. The younger singer slipped his conduit of salvation into his pants pocket as he peered through the newly formed crack. The blond was astonished when he realized the dimly lit aisle way and the eerie quiet mocking him. He took a hesitant step out into the corridor and turned facing the unoccupied room when he finally maneuvered himself from its boundaries. He seized the door handle in his grip, placed his free hand on the wooden door and gently latched the door shut behind him. Mikael peered over both shoulders drinking in the silence of the building and softly sighing when he looked down at his watch. He had never actually passed out before. Since he had started nearly six months ago, he had never bleed dizzy and it had scared him. He closed his eyes, looking upward and silently prayed he wouldn\'t ever have experience it again.

Mikael made his descent down the lonely hallway and approached the office he had taken the scissors from. He absentmindedly reached behind him and felt the cold stainless steel object in his back pocket. Walking into the darken room, he navigated his way toward the desk. The blond was startled when he heard a soft moan radiate from the couch. He slowly turned around and faced the piece of furniture and let out a small gasp.

\"Tristan?\" he whispered, transfixed by the shallow rise and fall of his ex-lover\'s chest. Mikael moved gently across the small interior finding himself next to the sleeping form. The blond fell to his knees and watched.

The dark haired man\'s left arm was carelessly thrown over his eyes, palm side up and the other rested uncomfortably across his lean stomach. One leg was bent slightly and hung precariously over the edge of the couch while the other remained confined, pinched between the cushions and the back. Tristan\'s mouth lay partially opened, invitingly as he moaned. Mikael watched as Tristan rippled his body in a liquid movement revealing a thin sliver of tawny skin of stomach to the blonde\'s feasting eyes. The slender man\'s hand scraped unconsciously across his abdomen and then unexpectedly grasped his shirt firmly. His head rolled forcefully to the side, displaying his long elegant lashes and the pensive look forming on his face. Mikael leaned closer, raising a shaking hand toward Tristan\'s exposed cheek. He sharply drew it back when the older man forced his bottom lip between angry teeth; eyes squeezed tight, water escaping from their corners.
He\'s dreaming, Mikael thought again reaching his hand out toward the dark haired man. The cold surface of the blonde\'s hand cupping Tristan\'s cheek startled the man out of his restless slumber. He jerked up, eyes batting rapidly shoeing away the tears.

\"Were you dreaming?\" the blond asked softly. Tristan stared. Mikael tilted his head and peered into brilliant blue eyes. \"Baby, were you dreaming?\"

Tristan leaned into Mikael\'s comforting palm and sighed. \"Yes,\" he answered, voice cracking. The emerald eyed bass player continued gazing at the singer, unbelieving. He blinked his eyes again. \"Is it you?\" he spoke softly fluttering his lashes, \"or am I still dreaming?\"

The blond moved closer, resting an arm above Tristan\'s head while the other brushed lightly over the other\'s cheek. Mikael\'s eyes searched Tristan\'s face. \"It\'s me,\" his voice dancing quietly over the distance between them. Mikael watched as the older man closed his eyes and swallowed deeply while Mikael caressed his fingertips down the smooth surface of Tristan\'s neck and dipping into the hallow.

\"Mikael,\" Tristan said breathless. His eyes opened meeting his ex lover\'s. The smaller man reached his hand toward Mikael\'s face and rested his fingers on the large menacing cut. \"Sugah,\" he whimpered as his hand flowed over Mikael\'s soft skin, remembering the feel. \"Mikael,\" Tristan sighed contentedly.

The young singer closed his eyes, \"Tristan,\" his voice whispered, laced with unbridled emotion. Mikael tenderly ensnared Tristan\'s wondering hand and pressed the palm to his lips. He rubbed his uninjured cheek into the wet flesh, nuzzled it, inhaling it. The blond gazed down at Tristan and kissed the palm again. He pulled the lying man up gently, trailing smaller kisses down the wrist and forearm. The blond ignored the angry red ring that encircled the thin delicate wrist and continued assailing the smaller man. Mikael stopped placing his lips on Tristan\'s arm when he reached the elbow, grateful there were no signs of needle marks. He looked up gracefully into sullen eyes and he smiled awkwardly. The blond, without a word passing, wrapped his physically strong, but emotionally weak arms around Tristan and pressed him tight.

Tristan meekly stroked Mikael\'s back, drawing intricate patterns on the long sleeve shirt, lost in the feel of his ex-lover. He sighed, knowing this feeling wouldn\'t last, he absorbed as much as he could, as much as he body would allow.

\"You\'re still here,\" Mikael whispered into Tristan\'s chest.

Tristan\'s hand smoothed over Mikael head, \"Why wouldn\'t I be?\"

\"Cuz…cuz of what happened.\"

\"Mikael,\" the black haired man sat up and helped Mikael move onto the couch with him. Tristan folded his legs underneath him and strongly grasped Mikael\'s hands. \"I told you we\'d talk. I told you we\'d talk after the meeting, but you ran away. I didn\'t know what to do, so I stayed here. Where you last remembered me being.\" He tilted his head sideways and pierced Mikael with an emotional gaze. \"I prayed you\'d come back, so we could talk.\"

Mikael looked away gathering his newly found emotional strength. \"We\'re just friends. Why would you wait this long,\" he looked back, \"for me?\"

Tristan swallowed hard and blinked back tears. \"I\'m sorry for what Brian did. He had no right to touch you.\"

Mikael shrugged his shoulders and moved his gaze to the floor, realizing Tristan had changed the subject. He felt Tristan\'s slender fingers slip under his shirtsleeve and caress the skin there. Mikael slightly shocked by the tender gesture, jerked his hands free and tucked them around his torso and under his arms. \"Forget it,\" he huffed.

Tristan nodded and reached for the singer\'s chin. He lifted the blonde\'s gaze with three gentle fingers and forced Mikael\'s eyes on him. \"We\'re friends Mikael.\" He leaned his body forward pushing Mikael onto his back. Tristan helped guide the younger man\'s legs into a more comfortable position and then straddled them. The bass player pressed himself against Mikael\'s confused frame and laid his head on the blonde\'s chest. Tristan absentmindedly drew circles around the younger man\'s nipple and smoothed his cheek over it.

Mikael flinched, breath hitched as Tristan\'s weight pressed against his fresh cuts.
Tristan startled by his friends actions, sat up quickly. \"I\'m sorry. Were you uncomfortable? Did I hurt you?\"

The younger singer turned away, biting his nails. \"I thought we were just friends.\"

\"Mikael. I can still hug you and comfort you. I don\'t have to be your boyfriend to do that, do I?\"

Mikael\'s body trembled and Tristan sighed. \"Whatever,\" the blond mumbled, trying to be strong. He stared sullenly at Tristan and modestly ran a hand up and down the dark haired man\'s thigh.

\"Let\'s talk Baby. Tell me what\'s going on in that pretty little head of yours.\" Tristan looked sternly at Mikael and added softly, \"And don\'t tell me we\'re just friends cuz it doesn\'t change the fact that you are gorgeous.\"

Mikael turned his azures away and internally flinched at his ex-lover\'s words. If only you could see all of me. I wouldn\'t be so pretty. \"I… I just want to try again. I… I thought maybe you would too.\" The blond man wiped a careless hand over his eyes, avoiding Tristan\'s gaze.

The older man cupped the side of Mikael\'s face forcing the other man to meet his sorrowful stare. \"It\'s too late for that. I\'m with someone else now, Mikael.\"

The younger singer suddenly sat straighter, \"He isn\'t good for you,\" Mikael shouted, waving a hand in front of him.

Tristan sat back on Mikael\'s legs. \"What and you are? I don\'t want to be with someone who uses people, who throws everything away for a chance at success.\"

\"But I…\"

\"I know what happened, Mikael. I know that Silveo\'s set the whole thing up,\" he started shaking. \"I know that you were told to break up with me. I\'m happy to know that it wasn\'t your decision, but you still did it. You were the one in the end who did it, and you fucking broke me Mikael.\" He balled his fist up and struck Mikael\'s chest, the blond hissed and fought against the shooting pain radiating through his body. He bit his lip and continued listening to his ex-lover\'s pain. \"I couldn\'t eat,\" he paused composing his thoughts. \"I couldn\'t sleep. I couldn\'t do a fucking thing. I was lost.\" The bass player shook his head from side to side, \"So fucking lost. I had nowhere to go.\"

\"I tried explaining,\" Mikael whispered. His face washed in agony as he stared at Tristan. \"I fucking wrote you nearly everyday,\" the blond screamed. \"You ignored them. You never wrote back. Did you even read them?\"

\"No.\" Tristan kept his knowledge of the letters a secret from Mikael. He wanted to read them before really making a final decision about their relationship, but his emotions were to raw. He needed to wait.

The blond stared wide-eyed at Tristan, his bottom lip trembling. \"I understand,\" Mikael tore his gaze away. \"Get the fuck off me.\"

\"Mikael.\"

He glared at his ex boyfriend. \"I said, get the fuck off me.\"

Tristan slowly removed his slender frame from Mikael and sat beside the young man. His own body was trembling uncontrollably. He grasped Mikael\'s hand. The blond pulled it away. \"Mikael?\"

\"It\'s time for you to go home, Tristan. I\'m sure Brian has a little something something for you to take the edge off.\" Mikael curled into a ball, \"At least I when we were together you never did that shit,\" he whispered, \"at least I never made you take up drugs.\"

Tristan placed a tender hand on Mikael\'s hip and leaned over him, speaking into his ear. \"Yes you have Mikael. Why do you think I use them?\" The bassist moved his hand up and down the younger man\'s side in a comforting gesture. \"Using is the only thing that makes me forget, makes me stronger. I couldn\'t make it without you. That\'s when Brian came along. He helped me get back on my feet. Brian made me realize that I could make it without you.\"

\"But… can you?\" Mikael soulful glare penetrated Tristan\'s heart causing the slender man to look away. The blond continued in a whispery voice, \"I mean now you can\'t make it without the cocaine. How is that better for you?\" The blond paused, poising himself and then continued in a stronger tone. \"If Brian is so fucking high and mighty, the savior of all saviors than why are you still using?\" Mikael grabbed Tristan\'s hand and held onto him while rolling over onto his back. \"Why?\" he whispered.

\"Because it still hurts.\"

\"Yeah,\" Mikael whimpered, \"same here.\" The younger man let go of the shaking hand and squeezed his eyes shut as the tears flooded them. He turned his weary body onto his side toward his one time lover. He whispered, \"I\'m sorry. I\'m sorry for everything.\" Mikael wrapped his arms around Tristan\'s neck and drew him into a hug. \"Please,\" he softly spoke, \"please stop killing yourself. I\'m not worth it.\"

Tristan pulled way from Mikael\'s embrace and cupped the side of his face. \"It\'s the only thing that keeps me from missing you.\" He rubbed his thumb under Mikael\'s eyes, gathering the wetness. \"I know we can\'t be together but I still want to be your friend, I still want to be close to you.\"
\"Why?\" the blond fell back from Tristan. \"Why keep reminding yourself of what still might be?\"
\"Because it\'s a step in the right direction.\"

\"But, it\'ll only hurt more.\"

\"So, you don\'t want to be friends. Is that what you\'re trying to say?\"

Mikael shook his head slowly. \"No, I want to be friends. I know that I can\'t win you back right away, that I\'ll have to work on it. Its gonna hurt seeing you with Brian and stoned all the time, cuz you don\'t need that shit.\"

\"I\'ll tell you what. I\'ll try quitting as a first step to renewing our friendship.\" Tristan smiled and then suddenly became serious again. \"How does that sound?\"

\"Pretty fucking hard.\"

\"You\'ll help me right, sugah? You\'ll help me get through this, right?\"

Mikael sighed upon hearing his pet name, closing his eyes. \"That\'s what friends are for, right?\" he answered back.

\"Mikael,\" he cupped his friend\'s face.

\"Yeah,\" he said softly, eyes hopeful.

\"If you\'re gonna help me, then I\'m gonna help you.\"

\"What do you mean?\" Mikael unconsciously wrapped his arms around his torso.

\"I don\'t know what\'s going on with you, but you\'ve gotta promise to stop. The guys told me what happened the other day and I want for you as a first step, to stop whatever it is.\"

\"What do you mean?\" the blond asked again, staring at the ceiling.

\"Chris told me how you acted toward them the other day at your house. He said you were rubbing your arm and when he asked you about it, you flipped out on them.\" The bass player scooted closer to his friend\'s taut body. Mikael flinched. The Tristan leaned into his ex-lover\'s body, \"I can feel it,\" he whispered.

Mikael pulled his face away and rolled again onto his back, \"Can feel what?\"

\"I can feel you get tight, get defensive.\"

\"So, maybe I don\'t like what your saying.\"

\"Maybe I didn\'t like what you said, but I listened and I\'m willing to try for you.\"
Mikael grabbed Tristan\'s wrists and pulled the smaller man on top of his chest. \"You should do it for yourself,\" he murmured into Tristan\'s temple, brushing it with his lips.

\"Mikael.\" The willowy man haphazardly struggled within Mikael\'s loose grasp. \"I\'ll try.\"

\"I\'ll try,\" he whimpered, \"for you, I\'ll try.\"

\"Thank you Mikael. I think this is a good plan for us. Don\'t you think?\"

\"Are you happy?\" Mikael asked suddenly in a quiet voice.

\"What? With Brian?\" Tristan looked away contemplating his answer. He shrugged instead.

Mikael tipped his head up and stared hauntingly. \"Are you happy now?\" he repeated.
Tristan removed Mikael\'s hands and stood up. He turned away and began exiting the room.
\"Tristan?\" Mikael nearly screamed. \"Answer me, please.\"

Tristan peered over his slumped shoulder, biting his bottom lip. They\'re eyes met, \"Not since you left me,\" he finally answered and continued through the door, leaving Mikael broken behind him