Nymphaea

Chapter 39: Accepting the inevitable

Stephen got off the plane early in the morning, five days after he had received Ayve’s e-mail. Luckily, he’d kept the ability to sleep during flights from his time as snooker professional, so he was relatively rested.

Stephen had made a deal with Lissy. It was about a week until her winter holidays would start, he was free for that period. Then the two of them would spend the ten days travelling together.

It was a sunny day; Stephen enjoyed the warmth and light that flooded through the glass walls of the airport hall as he retrieved his luggage. He put away his mantle and instead pulled out his sunglasses, smirking to himself in appreciation of the absurdity of that.

Since it was early in the day, Stephen chose to give the taxi-driver the address to Ayve’s clinic instead of asking about a good hotel.

*

“I have the first job interviews today,” Alannah said during breakfast.

They were sitting outside on the terrace in the sun, Ayve dressed heavier than the weather asked for – that had been the condition the nurse had set. He found this fussing over him totally unnecessary – after all, he had been fine (in such weather) until the doctor had asserted that he was ill. Even more ridiculous was the way the nurse treated him: as if he were one of the stubborn patients who out of ignorance were likely to disregard the doctor’s instructions. He regarded himself as way too rational to do something like that. Pheus had snorted at that remark (of course Ayve had only made it after the nurse had gone; otherwise it would have underpinned her claim, he’d been aware of that).

Steep rise, from CD saleswoman to manager of a grand survey…, Ayve remarked mockingly in answer to Alannah’s plans for the day.

Alannah swung her hair back in a fake demonstration of pride and pushed her nose high up in the air already failing to wipe the grin out of her face. “I don’t think I’m the principal manager. That’s Ley,” she corrected him. “I’m merely responsible for the staff.” She grinned still and shoved some scrambled egg into her mouth. “How much do you pay, anyway?” she fired back.

We’re a family business, remember? Your reward is a warm bed and breakfast each morning.

“Tight-arse,” Alannah retorted in mock indignation.

Pheus looked up from behind his newspaper with raised eyebrows, letting his eyes drift from Alannah to Ayve, where it lingered. Alannah went red, suddenly realising what she’d said and that the men she was sitting at the breakfast table with probably had much more experience with the topic than she ever would.

Please lift your reading material again and place your gaze there, Ayve called on Pheus. He could just see the malicious smirk spreading over the other man’s face before he did as he’d been asked.

“Well, I’ll be going then,” Alannah announced after she’d stopped giggling and emptied her cup. She rose from her seat. “Behave yourselves.”

Ayve got up, too, and approached her. What are you insinuating? He looked at her imploringly and pulled her into an embrace.

She shrugged, placing her arms on his shoulders. “One never knows what you are up to, secretive person that you are,” she flirted with him.

Ayve felt the sudden urge to kiss her. He bent down, closed his eyes and sucked on her lips, then penetrated her mouth. In the back of his mind, he knew it was a reaction to the intimation about his sexual preferences, that his hormones told him to show her that there was no reason to doubt him, but it didn’t matter what prompted his action, did it? What counted was that Alannah left with the brightest smile that he had yet seen on her.

Ayve threw a side glance at Pheus and then went inside to put away the blanket that had been spread over his lap. He needed a moment to himself; Pheus’ presence disturbed him somehow.

He heard the rustling of a newspaper being put down, the scraping of a chair being pushed back, and then felt Pheus’ stare on his back as Pheus stood in the French window.

“You’re afraid that the fragile frame of your private life will collapse like a house of cards, aren’t you? That she won’t be able to deal with your affinity to men…”

Ayve remained silent, brooding.

“Are you aware that blondie’s on his way to this place?”

Ayve turned slowly around to face Pheus. He sought confirmation. Yes, he saw Stephen sitting in a cab to the clinic. He looked down and chewed on his lip.

Stephen stepped out of the car while the driver unloaded his bag from the trunk. A young, nice looking lady with long red hair approached them.

“You wouldn’t be free, now, would you?” she addressed the driver, who just shut the trunk.

“Oh, yes, lady, I would,” he answered, taking Stephen’s pay.

Stephen seized his bag, nodded smiling to the woman, and went up the path to what looked like the main building on the grounds. Behind him the car doors clicked and the cab took off.

The lady at the reception sent him to one of the side buildings where a nurse showed him to Ayve’s room. He knocked, apprehensive about what would await him.

The door was opened – by Ayve. Stephen smiled, assuaged. “Hello,” he greeted his lover. He wanted to bend forward and steal a kiss but Ayve stepped back to let him enter. In the far right corner of the room, the sunlight fell in through an open window that seemed to lead out onto a terrace. Stephen saw an empty chair and the edge of a table. Yet the rustling of a newspaper told him that there was a second person.

Stephen looked enquiringly at Ayve. Ayve’s controlled facial expression told him he was right in assuming that this other person was the one he’d rather not face.

Although Ayve had to be aware of his sentiments, he led the wait to the window and stepped outside.

Stephen followed him reluctantly.

He breathed through deeply, calling into his mind that Ayve was here and that nothing was going to happen. If that guy had really considered attacking him again, he would have done it already. After all, he had encountered him on several occasions since their first ‘meeting’.

There he sat, fittingly dressed in black, wearing sunglasses just like him, hair strictly tied back, not showing a reaction but instead looking seemingly bored at the paper in his hands. The worst was that Stephen had to acknowledge that he probably was an attractive man. He had noticed that before, but he had not known what this man was capable of then.

Ayve was pouring coffee.

Stephen was still standing inside.

Suddenly, Pheus sighed audibly, folded the newspaper up, and put it aside. “I’ll go for a long walk then,” he said, with the creepiest voice Stephen had ever heard, and rose from his seat. His gaze touched upon Stephen just for the fraction of an instant, before he nodded towards Ayve and walked away over the lawn.

Come, sit down, Ayve asked Stephen and nodded towards the seat to his left, opposite the place Pheus had occupied where a fresh cup of coffee waited for him.

Stephen slowly followed the invitation. “Did you send him away?”

Ayve shook his head. He went of his own accord.

Stephen still looked in the direction where Pheus had disappeared. Then he returned his attention to the table. There were three used plate settings. In fact, someone seemed to have breakfasted at the place where he was sitting; the plate had only been pushed aside to make room for his cup.

“You’re three?” he put his observation into words.

Ayve felt evidently as awkward in this situation as he did. Alannah is here as well. You saw her when you arrived. He lifted his gaze and let it wander over Stephen.

“The one that took my cab?”

Ayve nodded. He touched Stephen’s hand that was placed on the armrest of his lawn chair. Since Stephen did not withdraw it, Ayve covered it with his own hand. That was a little consoling.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

I didn’t think about it. I didn’t invite her; she decided to come just like you did. The two of us never talked about when I’m doing what with Alannah – it just didn’t cross my mind to tell you she was here.

Stephen nodded in acceptance of the explanation.

They sat in silence for a while.

Do you already have a hotel room? Ayve asked.

“No, not yet.”

They have a few guest apartments and from what I’ve heard also a small bed and breakfast for visitors here. Maybe something’s free.

Stephen nodded.

“I intended to stay for a few days. Will he be around all the time?”

Ayve sighed. I can hardly send him away. After all, he’s here because I expressly asked him to be. He leaned towards Stephen and locked eyes with him. Perhaps you can use the opportunity to learn to tolerate his presence? I know that’s asking a lot of you, but it would mean just as much to me.

Now it was Stephen’s turn to sigh. “How’s he going to deal with my presence?”

I guess just like he has done today: he’ll avoid communication, ignore you more or less.

Stephen contemplated and then pressed Ayve’s hand. “I’ll try. You can guarantee me that he won’t touch me?”

Stephen saw Ayve’s mind work. Ayve set his jaw and nodded. His hand was lifted and moved through Stephen’s hair in an affectionate way.

I’m unfortunately not allowed to leave the room… strictly speaking, I’m not even supposed to be sitting out here without a blanket…, Ayve changed the topic. Care for a game of chess?

“Will I stand a chance against you?” Stephen viewed Ayve sceptically.

His lover shrugged. I’ve been losing all the time lately.

Ayve won the game.

Around midday, Stephen went to secure himself a room. He wondered how the following days would look like. If Ayve was bound to stay in bed, there wasn’t much they could do since he was not meant to participate in any physically strenuous activities. Additionally, Stephen had a feeling Pheus would not fancy promenades every day.

When he returned to Ayve’s room in the afternoon, Stephen had made up his mind that he would spend time with other activities and would visit Ayve only a few hours each day. Ayve could not expect from him to remain in this awkward situation all the time. Stephen was close to regretting having come here in the first place, but he had made that decision in the full knowledge of what awaited him.

Upon entering the room, Stephen immediately noticed that Pheus had returned. He sat at the table in the left half of the room in front of a notebook, a steaming cup next to it. His back was turned to Stephen.

“Some people knock as token of their good manners,” he murmured without turning.

You’re surely not one of them, Ayve countered from his bed, mockingly, before Stephen could show any reaction.

Pheus waved his remark aside.

Ayve turned to Stephen. Come in.

As Stephen passed Pheus on his way to Ayve’s bedside, he thought he saw the last remnants of a lingering smirk. Had Pheus found Ayve’s joke at his expense funny?

Despite Stephen’s uneasiness in the other man’s presence, he sat down beside Ayve who offered him a cup of tea. He somehow managed to ignore the third person in the room – perhaps because Ayve had reined Pheus in at the first opportunity - and they talked about several things, Stephen’s job perspectives and his holiday trip with Lissy among them.

Two hours later, Pheus suddenly raised his voice again. “Alannah has just taken a cab back to the clinic.” He looked straight at Ayve, oblivious of Stephen’s existence.

Ayve glanced over to Stephen. Then he turned his head away and frowned. He massaged his face.

“You haven’t told her yet,” Stephen read from Ayve’s behaviour.

No, I haven’t.

“So, what now?”

Ayve exhaled deeply. Please go.

Something cold invaded Stephen’s veins. “Pardon?”

Ayve looked at him apologetically. I don’t want her to walk into things like this. Not in her state.

“Her state? She’s pregnant already?”

Ayve nodded.

Stephen’s heart beat faster. He got up. “Fine.”

It was not fine, it was the farthest away from fine he could imagine, but Stephen just wanted to get out at the moment. He needed to cool down, to clear his mind, before he could arrange his thoughts.

Pheus worked at his PC as if he had not noticed anything as Stephen passed him.

Stephen walked down the corridor filled with a mixture of rage, disappointment and humiliation. Was he something like a mistress, a fancy boy, now? Ayve had promised him that he’d never be in this position; that he would play with open cards. And now this!

How much more was Stephen supposed to take? He was the one who had fought for years until Ayve had finally agreed to enter a serious relationship with him, he was the one who had patiently waited until Ayve felt ready to tell him his secrets and who had hardly ever flinched because of what Ayve had told him then, and now Ayve expected him to step aside quietly and watch him found a family with someone else? Stephen had even been willing to accept this whole, complicated situation but only if it was clearly set that he was the person at Ayve’s side and no one else.

He left the building, striding over the lawn towards a few tall trees, underneath which he sank down.

Had he been so foolish? Hadn’t it been apparent that this was going to happen? After all, what kind of woman would freely share her lover with another man? Hardly any woman Ayve would deem worthy of raising his child.

Stephen fought back tears, sitting with folded arms, looking about to make sure he was unwatched.

How much longer was it reasonable to wait? Had all this ever been reasonable or had Stephen not fooled himself? If Stephen considered Ayve leaving his feelings behind for a moment, he had to admit that Ayve was not the man he had fallen in love with originally. The man Stephen believed to lay eyes on first was strong and determined. This Ayve knew what he wanted, knew who he was, and would never make any detours to reach his goal.

The man he had gotten to know was very different. Ayve seemed shaken, uncertain what was the right thing to do.

Stephen still had strong feelings for him. Yet, was this truly what Stephen wanted? It seemed unlikely their relationship would leave the ‘sitting at home and waiting for Ayve to call and tell me where and when our monthly meeting will take place’ -mode anytime soon. He was sick of it. Stephen had dreamed of something else. He had wanted a partner he could come home to in the evening; that was there for him when he needed it. He missed that feeling with Ayve.

***

Please leave a review, there is just one chapter left!